by A. G. Henley
The Sisters bang their cups again, satisfied with this ending. But I’m not finished.
“The women were now the fire starters. Far away from the men, they made their homes and used the fire to cook and keep themselves and their children warm. But when visitors happened into their village, they did not share the fire with them. They worried its power would be stolen. Over time, hoarding the fire was all they could think of; protecting it all they knew how to do. Eventually, in a fit of jealous suspicion, they doused all the flames so no one, man or woman, could ever steal it again.”
I pause and bite my lip, hoping my message might be getting through.
“The women could have shared the fire with others, allowing its warmth and light to spread across the forest for all to enjoy. But they did not. They chose to huddle in the dark and the cold, muttering over their cold cook pots and cursing the black night. They ignored the lessons of their past, and, in doing so, lost the very treasure they sought to keep.”
My hands clenched tightly in front of me, I wait for their reaction. Did I go too far? Touch too close to home? There’s only silence at first, but then the pounding and clapping starts, as enthusiastic as ever.
“Thank you, Initiate,” Adar says, sounding as if she’s dismissing me.
I smile. “Thank you for allowing me to tell my stories. And for taking us in, so we can be near our daughters. I didn’t expect to be so well fed and kindly treated.” I pause.” “Nuria mentioned today that she needs more hoof-root. To show my appreciation, I’d like to help find it in the forest.”
Silence again. I imagine Adar and the others examining my words for signs of dishonesty.
“How would you look for it?” Golnar asks.
“I have a better sense of smell than most. You’ll have noticed that hoof-root has a strong scent?”
Strong is an understatement. If we hurt ourselves playing as children, Marj would pack handfuls of the stuff around our wrists or ankles or whatever. We hated it because it smelled like, well, feet. Reeking ones. The odor is pretty hard to miss.
“Of course,” she growls.
“I can find it,” I say.
“I don’t like it, Adar.” Golnar keeps her voice low, but I pick up her words just fine. “The Initiates should stay inside the walls until we are sure they can be trusted.”
“She wants to be of service, Golnar,” Alev says. “Is that not what we try to shape and encourage in the Initiates? Isn’t that what we want for the future of the Cloister? This one was willing to risk her safety, even her life, for Fia. She has proven herself.”
“Don’t start with your talk of the future,” Golnar says. “The word rubs my ears raw.”
“We must all have our eyes and ears on the future. It belongs to our daughters. But with our outdated ideas about—”
“Enough.” Adar says, as if this is an argument she’s heard many times before and would be pleased to never hear again. “Take the Initiate to gather in the forest tomorrow, Grimma. Take them all.”
Golnar protests, but Adar interrupts.
“The girl is Sightless,” the leader says. “What harm can she do?”
I keep my face blank as I run my hand back along the wall to our table. She’ll find out.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I’m lying awake a few hours later, bursting with nervous energy.
Will one of the men be nearby? How will we get away from the Sisters to talk to him? Once the men are warned, how long will we have before the boys are traded? And then what? How will we break out of here? A dust storm of unanswerable questions spins through my brain, leaving only a fine layer of doubt in their wake.
I’m not the only one who can’t sleep. Near midnight, I’d guess, Kai gets out of bed and walks into the front room, her footsteps heavier and more deliberate than Amarina or Frost’s. I figure she’s getting a drink of water or something, but she passes right through the other room and out the front door, closing it with a soft click.
She could want some air.
Or she could be going somewhere.
I slide out of bed, pulling my blanket around me against the chill. Tiptoeing from the bedroom into the front room isn’t that simple when you’ve barely had a chance to memorize a floor plan. I jam my big toe into something solid and have to bite down on a squeak of pain.
When I reach the dark, drafty front room, I hesitate. Should I follow her outside? That guard was watching our quarters closely this afternoon; one is bound to see Kai now. She’s going to get us in a lot of trouble if she’s caught, and I’ll only make it worse if I go out, too. Grimma made it clear with the hard labor that a transgression by one of us will result in punishment for all. I should stay put, but… I’m burning with curiosity. Somehow, I don’t think Kai’s taking the air in the middle of the night. She’s up to something.
I hurry to the front door and put my hand against it. It shifts a bit; it’s not quite closed. There’s a tiny gap, about the width of my pinky finger, wide enough that the glow of the Eternal Flames outside illuminates the crack. I press my ear to it.
The rain has moved on. It pattered on the roof for a while as I lay in bed, until just like that, it stopped. Musical streams of water now run from the roof of our quarters, splattering on the already-wet ground. A few crickets chant hypnotically. I’m about to ease the door open, when the little insects stop as if on cue.
“Where do you think you’re going?” a woman says.
I freeze.
“I was told to come outside.”
Kai keeps her voice down, but she sounds only a few paces away, probably standing on the sheltered stone porch in front of our quarters where I stood earlier. She was so silent; I didn’t realize she was there.
“I’ve asked to speak with this Initiate,” a third voice says. “You’re dismissed. I will stand guard tonight.”
It’s Alev. I stay where I am, my ear against the crack, but I let my hand drop from the door. I don’t want it to shut while I’m trying to eavesdrop.
“Come walk with me, Kaiya,” Alev says after the footfalls of the guard fade away.
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Kai says. “If you want to kill me, you’ll have to do it right here.”
My blood turns cold as cave water. Why would Kai think Alev wants to kill her?
Alev sighs. “If I wanted you dead, I would order someone to kill you. Nothing would be simpler. I want to speak with you.” She pauses. “Only now that you are here, I… I don’t know what to say.”
In general, the Sisters don’t hesitate when they speak. They rarely sound uncertain or irresolute. Alev’s voice has all of those qualities now.
“Then I’m going back to bed.”
Kai’s feet slide against the stone porch, coming back toward the door. I prepare to scurry away.
“Wait,” Alev says, her voice moving closer. “Why are you here, Kaiya? Why on earth did you return to the Cloister?”
“I missed you.”
Sarcasm is thick in Kai’s voice, but Alev overlooks it. Humor in general doesn’t seem to be the Sisters’ strong suit.
“How can I believe that? You were desperate to leave, to return home with your father. And you succeeded, didn’t you?”
“I went home.” When Kai speaks again, her words rush out like the flapping wings of bats long trapped in a cave. “He died in the forest, not far from the Restless. I… I buried him there. It took me a day to dig a hole deep enough. I was only a girl, but I had to run from the ants, from the runa. And I had to do it all, and everything since then, without him.”
Pain, anger, and something heartrendingly sad simmer in Kai’s voice. So Alev recognized Kaiya from before. Did Kai’s father come after her when she was Gathered? If he died, the trauma she experienced by being Gathered must have been compounded. This new piece of information about her sends shockwaves of understanding through me.
“I see,” Alev says quietly. “I had no way to know. I am very sorry.”
She sounds s
incere. In fact, she sounds like the news hit her harder than it should. She couldn’t have known Kai’s father… could she? Surely, she only feels compassion for Kai’s loss. She seems like a decent person, one who would care.
They’re quiet for a minute. The wound in my neck screams from keeping my head turned for so long, but I don’t dare move a muscle.
“Kaiya, I have never forgiven myself for bringing you to the Cloister against your will. I’ve never taken part in another Gathering… because of you,” Alev says.
Kai’s breathing quickens; she’s almost panting. But she doesn’t speak.
“I have tried to persuade Adar to stop the Gatherings,” Alev adds. “There are fewer now. I’ve done what I can. Until my Sisters returned to the Cloister with the Gathered children, I didn’t know they had gone to your village again. I truly wish they hadn’t.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Kai asks. “Do you want thanks? Praise? Forgiveness? Do you want to be friends? It’s because of you that my father is dead. That I’ve felt shunned and hated my whole life. What do you want from me now?”
“Nothing. Nothing.” Alev sounds agitated. “I promised myself and Mother Asis that if I saw you again, I would beg your forgiveness. I am sorry, Kaiya.”
“Fine,” Kai says. “I understand. Is that all, then?”
“No.” Alev’s voice hardens a touch. “I also want to know why you came back. Those children Gathered from your village could not be your own.”
“Two are my family. Do you think I’d let them stay in your hands if I could help it?”
Kora and Darel. I wasn’t really sure Kai cared that much about them; she didn’t talk about them on the journey here. But not everyone is as effusive as Calli or as demonstrative as Peree. I’ve been accused of hiding my own feelings from time to time. I thought Kai came with the search party to be near Peree, but maybe I underestimated her.
“The Fire Sisters and their daughters are my family. And I protect my family above all else.” Alev sounds grave. “I did not speak sooner, because I wasn’t sure it was you. You were so much younger then. But now that I know who you are, and where you’re from, I don’t believe you will join the Cloister for the children’s sake. Do you want revenge?”
The crickets stop again as if to listen to Kai’s response. I’m holding my own breath.
“What I want is to bring Frost and those children home. They don’t belong in the Cloister any more than I did.”
“I understand,” Alev says. “Only… there is nothing I can do. My Sisters believe Gathering is their birthright. They Gather for the Cloister, not for themselves.”
“They’re wrong,” Kai says. “Living here, becoming a Sister, it should be a choice. You know that, or you wouldn’t feel guilty about Gathering me.”
Alev doesn’t respond.
“Help us.” Kai’s voice is urgent.
“Or?” Alev asks.
“Or I’ll tell Adar and the other Sisters that you helped me escape years ago. There must have been questions about how one little girl could have scaled that wall all by herself. And the fact that you’re still alive means they never knew it was you. Or they couldn’t be sure.”
Escape? Alev Gathered Kai, and then helped her escape? Why? What changed her mind?
“You may tell them my secret, but they will never allow the girls to go. We need them.”
“Find a way to persuade them,” Kai says. “Or we will. And there’s a good chance it’ll be bloody.”
Kai’s feet move toward me again, only this time, they aren’t stopping. She’s coming inside. There’s no way I’ll make it into bed before she gets here. She’s going to know I heard every word.
I spring toward the chairs that sit in front of the fireplace and throw myself in one, barking my shin painfully in the meantime. My head droops like I’m asleep, which slings bolts of pain from the wound into my head and chest. I regulate my breathing and order my cantering heart to slow as Kai closes the door behind her and moves through the front room toward her bed.
I’m about to relax, but as she approaches the doorway between rooms, her footsteps stop. She sees me; she must. What will she do?
After a long moment, she keeps moving into the back room, and her pallet creaks as she lies down. I hear her shift around once or twice, and she’s still. I finally allow myself to breathe.
Maybe Kai knows I was listening, maybe she doesn’t. Maybe she doesn’t care. I don’t know.
I remain in the chair, huddled in my blanket, thinking about all I heard.
The conversation was like drilling a small hole in Kai’s previously impenetrable head. Thoughts, feelings, and experiences I would never guess she had poured out. I spend the rest of the night sifting through them, arranging them, trying to make sense of them.
She wouldn’t want my pity, but she has it. Who wouldn’t be angry, bitter, and mean after being kidnapped, having to bury her father alone, and then living with the sick ones for a time? It doesn’t explain why she directs that anger and scorn at me, but the feelings themselves are completely understandable. It sounded like her father came to the Cloister to rescue her. Does she blame herself for his death, like I blame myself for Eland’s? Is there more of a connection between us than I ever imagined?
Uncomfortable emotions well in me—at least when I feel them for Kai. Things like understanding. Compassion. Empathy. It was a lot easier to hate her.
And Alev. What about her? She sounded like she ultimately took steps to protect the child Kai once was. But that was then. Kai subtly threatened her, and I’ve learned enough about the Fire Sisters to know that won’t go over well.
Alev suspects we’re only here to rescue the children. Will she tell Adar everything, including the truth about her own history with Kai? Or will she keep her secrets? She could wait and see what we do, or she could go so far as to kill us. I have no doubt she has that power. Like she said herself, nothing would be simpler. Half of my attention lies outside, listening for guards coming to collect us.
It would be grand if Alev came through with some kind of escape plan, but we can’t wait on that. We need to do something now or risk losing the boys to the Colony. And I don’t trust any of the Sisters that much—even Grimma, who I’ve grown to like.
Kai and Alev have a history, one as convoluted and complicated as all of Kai’s relationships seem to be. Like the spider and the fly, they’re entangled in a dangerous web of secrets and lies with all of our lives hanging in the balance.
Chapter Twenty-Five
By the time morning breaks, I’m stiff, my hands and feet are freezing, and I’m ready to get on with this. I’ve decided I’ll talk to Kai, tell her I overheard her conversation with Alev, take my lumps if necessary. I can’t pretend not to know. Maybe this could shift things between us. It’s changing what I think about her already.
But I don’t get the chance. Grimma busts in with the sun, hustling us up and out. We dress, eat a quick breakfast, and walk down the steep hill to the gate. The Eternal Flames burn to our left; the smoke increasingly chokes me as we walk. Kai doesn’t speak at all to me, or much to the others, so I can’t tell how she might be feeling. So I concentrate on the task at hand: making some kind of contact with the men. If they’re out there, one of us will need to sneak away long enough to speak to them.
I do a quick count of voices as our party assembles at the Cloister wall: Grimma, five other Sisters, and the four of us. From the things they say, I gather two of the Sisters collect plants in the forest regularly and will be in charge of the day’s work. Maybe the extra three are guards. Best to assume that, anyway. With all their training, any of the Sisters could be.
Before we went to sleep last night, Amarina, Frost, Kai, and I agreed that if any of us are able to talk with the men, we’ll urge them to stop the Sisters from taking the boys to the Colony at all costs. As for our plan to get the children and ourselves out… we desperately need one. I still can’t think of a good way out of the Cloister that won�
�t invite a desperate fight with the Sisters. But we have to try something, for the boys’ sakes.
I haven’t had a chance to tell Amarina or Frost what I overhead last night, and anyway, I’m not sure I should until I speak to Kai. I grit my teeth. So many important conversations to be had and suddenly, so little time.
The gate screeches open, and Grimma leads us through. As the forest welcomes me into its scented, leafy arms, the ligature around my chest releases a little. I can breathe a bit deeper, my pulse slows, and tension melts from my body, leaving me focused. Whatever happens next, at least I’m outside of the Cloister, back home in the trees.
One of the Sisters divides us into three groups. Each party will hunt for a specific set of plants and edibles. That way, she explains, we don’t end up with only piles of mushrooms or basketfuls of wild spinach. Frost and I are paired together—with one of the guards.
After my smug little speech last night, I’m relieved to be familiar with the plants we’re supposed to search for: bitter lettuce, ramsons—odiferous wild garlic that’s supposedly a favorite of boar, and Nuria’s hoof-root. Between garlic and the foot smell, two of the three have a strong odor I can follow.
The guard follows Frost and me into the forest. The same forest we snuck through when we got here, looking for a way into the Cloister. The same wall with the damaged section we worked so hard to rebuild, only to have the sick ones tear it up again when they broke into the compound. I hear faint sounds of female voices coming from that direction, far down the wall. They must be back at the repairs again today with a new set of laborers.
I wonder… Would it be possible to get out through the damaged area? Or… for the men to get in? If we could create a diversion, something that takes the guards’ attention away from that part of the western wall, it might be possible to escape. I really need to talk to one of the men. Whether they can help or not, they need to know what’s going on with the children and us.