by Cherry Kay
She had just gotten back from doing groceries on a cold afternoon, when she heard an irate voice, an American, no doubt, arguing with the apartment staff and security guard. The staff was doing their best to placate the man, while the visitor demanded to be escorted to the same floor she was in.
The hair on Iesha’s neck stood up, realizing the owner of that voice. It can’t be. Why is he here? Why is Terrence here? She quickly walked the opposite direction, back toward the entrance, and then he spotted her.
“Iesha? Iesha!” his voice rang out in the middle of the lobby. “Iesha!”
She wanted to break into a run, leaving all her groceries on the pavement, just so she could escape from him. She took a deep breath, knowing that if she ran, she would make a scene, and it was something she hated more than anything.
Damn it, she thought. She spun around slowly, barely making it out of the entrance. She wanted to say something, but she froze.
“Terrence,” she said, finally, in a hollow voice.
“Iesha,” he gasped out.
“Why are you here?” she asked him.
“I wanted to see you for so long. I asked around. I begged to see you. I begged your parents to see you, and they said they didn’t know where you were exactly, except that you were on vacation.”
“But you know where I am?” Stalker!
“It took me months,” he said, almost gasping for breath. “Can we talk?”
“You came here, all the way from California, to ask me if I want to talk to you?” she scorned,
“Please.”
There was something about him begging that made her relent. Was he manipulating her again? “Wait here. I’ll just put down my groceries.”
And wait he did. She took her time going up to the apartment, making sure that security would stop him in the event that he caused a scene once more. As she placed the vegetables and meats in the fridge, her mind began to churn. Why? Why is he here? To talk is such a vague reason. He had been that desperate to see her. Shouldn’t she feel elated? Except, what she felt was annoyed, and on guard.
Thirty minutes later, she found him, standing by a concrete column just outside of the unit. She nodded at him. “Where do you want to talk?”
“Somewhere quiet.”
She pointed to a row of restaurants by the beach across from them. “Somewhere over there.”
He followed her, saying nothing, afraid to almost. She picked a small café, an empty one, taking a seat in the far corner, and he followed suit.
“What’s this about, really?” she asked him as soon as he sat down.
“I’ve missed you,” he said all of a sudden.
“You miss me,” she repeated blankly. “I’m sure you still have pictures of me, unless they’re all gone now.”
“I still have them. I still have a lot of them.”
“Look,” she said, “I don’t have a lot of time.”
“You’re here on vacation, what makes you think you don’t have time?”
“I’m here for work.”
He looked at her, confused. “Is this why you left your shop?”
“Have you been harassing my mother?”
He fervently shook his head. “God no,” he insisted. “I did ask about you, where you were.”
Iesha found it difficult to keep a straight face. She wanted to be cruel. She wanted to be harsh. She wanted to tell him to leave. She had every right to want that, but she couldn’t imagine causing a scene, even if no one knew her here.
“How did you find me?”
“Society magazine. You wore a ball gown, and you looked really nice,” he said earnestly.
Society magazine? This was Spain, for crying out loud. How did it get to America? Apparently, he saw the confusion in her eyes, and he told her it was merely by chance, and that he took it as a sign.
“You took that as a sign?” she was flabbergasted. “You aren’t that kind of person, Ter.”
“I wasn’t. I didn’t think I was capable of it,” he replied.
“How many months is she along?” she asked him, every word dripping with acid.
“We aren’t together.”
“For a night or two, you probably were.”
“Iesha, you don’t know the whole story.”
“I don’t have to,” she said, wishing she hadn’t given him the time of the day, wishing she had just ignored him and called security instead.
“But you have to know why.”
“Do I have to know why you cheated on me just months before our wedding? We planned that together, and during that, you found the time to sleep with someone else?” she found herself drinking the glass of wine quickly, and she saw him do the same.
“It was… it was a mistake.”
“That’s what you told me after the engagement party.”
“You didn’t hear everything.”
“Like I said I don’t have to. This whole talk is going around in circles.”
“I can’t live without you, Iesha,” he finally admitted, sounding like a broken man. “Every day, every day has been filled with regret and hatred for myself. You didn’t deserve that, and I want to give you the happiness you deserve.”
“I’m already happy here, Terrence,” she said, looking at him, wondering why she had spent all those years loving a man who had been self-centered. Her ego had played the part, she knew.
“With him?” his tone suddenly changed, and she could see a flicker of anger in his eyes.
She disliked his temper, and there was little she could do to calm him down before once he started raving about certain things.
“Shouldn’t you be running your firm?” she said quickly. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Dad’s managing it well without me. I’m here because I wanted to see you, to talk to you.”
“I think you got what you bargained for already,” she told him. “Enough is enough, Terrence. Get some rest.”
“I’m not leaving this place until you come back.”
“Are you kidding me? Who’s going to take care of your baby?”
“I have a lawyer who can handle it. I’m drawing up an agreement, child support and all. I don’t even have to see the kid.”
“Who was she?” Iesha suddenly asked, dying to know.
He cleared his throat and fell silent. A hot-headed lawyer was not good representation, she thought, and an absentee father and lawyer was someone she couldn’t see herself with, at least not anymore. She thought about all those times that she stood against the odds, against his detractors, against their detractors.
“It’s not important.”
“If you cheated on me with her, that’s important enough.”
“An intern,” he began, “but I don’t love her,” he quickly said.
“I guess you didn’t think of me while you were busy with her?” her voice cracked, and she fought hard to keep it under control. These were emotions she couldn’t keep. The fact that he was right in front of her, pleading with her…
“It was a mistake, and I’ m correcting that mistake now.”
“How can you? By coming here? Trying to convince me with your mad lawyering skills?” she found herself laughing, and it was an empty laugh.
“We don’t have to bother with her anymore.”
“But you’re going to be a father,” her voice faltered, unable to believe she was listening to this.
“The child will be well provided for,” he promised.
She shook her head. This wasn’t the kind of person she wanted in her life. This wasn’t the man she wanted to marry. “You came here for nothing, Ter.”
“I came here to convince you, to make you see, to make you see that we’re still meant to be together. Don’t you see, Iesha? This is just a little hiccup.”
Her eyes widened. He had lost his marbles, hadn’t he? He was in complete denial of what was happening, of what had happened, and he was in denial that she didn’t want him back, ever again.
“Why?” she
asked him, wanting to close this chapter of her life. She deserved happiness, and she didn’t care if Alex didn’t feel the same way. She just wanted to love passionately and enjoy her time in Barcelona.
“When I saw your photo, of you dancing with him, it further strengthened my resolve to have you back in my life, and it made me think. It made me think of why I did that to you, to us. I was wrong; it was never right to reason out that I felt we were drifting apart because of our different ambitions. We had a few drinks with associates after work, and the interns naturally tagged along, and it just happened. It was one time, and I regretted it immediately.”
“Once you sobered up?” she chimed in a quiet voice.
He nodded. “Yes. I was racked with guilt the whole time, and I kept thinking about how I betrayed your trust, and I wondered how I was going to fix things.”
“Things like that don’t need fixing. They need to be thrown. It’s beyond saving.”
“Would you agree I’m beyond saving?” he asked her.
“Don’t use your psychological tricks on me,” she told him. “I’m not stupid, nor am I that forgiving. You’re going back to California, and you’re going to be a good father to that kid.”
“So you love him,” his voice was flat, recognizing the determination in her.
She nodded, those words hurting her in the gut.
“Does he love you back?”
Ah, that question. And she didn’t care if Alex didn’t love her back. Whatever heartache was coming, she would live through it, like she had lived through Terrence and his betrayal. “I don’t know,” she told him, “but I don’t care if he doesn’t.”
“Why? Aren’t you afraid of—”
“Rejection? There are worse things than rejection.”
“But I’m here, and I love you.”
“I don’t feel the same way,” she uttered out, suddenly desperate to see Alex. “Should I be sorry?”
Terrence shook his head. “No. I know I deserve this, and I no longer deserve your trust. I was just hoping against hope that you would take me back, that we could be together again.”
“I hope you’ll be happy,” she said to him, almost feeling empathy. She didn’t want him unhappy now. Misery loved company, but she didn’t want his company; she didn’t need it.
“I still want that chance to make you happy. And you won’t regret it.”
Regret? It was a funny word. Everyone had regrets, although some were more pronounced than others. A chance to be happy? She had her chance, and Alex had his chance, and he’d blown it.
“You think it’s that easy? I don’t care if you flew six thousand miles to talk to me. It was over the moment you cheated.”
“You were always so forgiving. What happened?”
Was I always forgiving, she thought? “Don’t you dare use that against me! I did nothing but love you.”
“Sometimes, it didn’t seem like it.”
“Well, you should have asked. I would have answered you honestly if I didn’t,” she said, her face heating up. “Is that what prompted you to sleep with her?”
“The past is the past,” he said. “And you’re my present.”
“You’re still trying to convince me?” she laughed a hollow laugh. “Oh god, you’re still trying to convince me to get back with you. Present? Are you kidding me? I was never your present. Your present is that child she’s carrying—”
“I don’t want to be a part of her life. I don’t love her—”
“Yet, you wanted to sleep with her.”
“I said it was a mistake.”
“A costly mistake. You should know. You’re a lawyer.”
“Did I make you unhappy?” he asked her. “Have I ever made you feel unhappy?”
“You made me feel unwanted,” she admitted. “There were times you never focused on me. Everything was about you, and I could have left, but I stayed because I thought I loved you.”
“You thought?”
She shrugged. “Now that we’re here, now that it’s happened, I think you cheated on me for a reason. So I wouldn’t marry the wrong person. It hurt, damn it, but I’m glad you did that somehow. It saved me from a lifetime of being unsure, a lifetime of pain.”
“Like I said, I want to make it up to you. We’ve been together since college, Iesha. It’s not like you’ve never had any happy memories with me.”
“That’s true…” her voice faltered, remembering how he approached her, full of confidence, and his attractiveness had pulled her in like a moth to the flame. That damned smile, she thought. Six years, almost seven… how did it get to that? No matter how much she tried to understand things, she could never comprehend that one night stand. He was just tempted? Nah, he was weak, or he never really loved her—he had stopped loving her since then. He just couldn’t break up with her. Maybe he felt like he was in too deep?
“Why didn’t you cancel the wedding?” she asked him, “you knew that it would come out. You were hoping it wouldn’t?”
“I didn’t know she was pregnant. Like I said, it was a one-time thing.”
“And you’ve never had contact with her since?”
“Since that day?” he sighed. “I have. To settle things.”
“She just wants money?”
“Support, a lot of support.”
“The girl needs it. She’s how old again?”
“Twenty-one.”
“Barely,” Iesha said, her chest heaving up. “You barely made it out of a lawsuit. I’m sure you did your research on how old she was, right?”
He didn’t say anything at first, but then she saw him relent. “She was old enough. I wasn’t obsessed to know her, know about her. I didn’t do research, didn’t ask how old she was. We were stupid and drunk.”
“Funny how those two words go so well together, huh?”
“Jesus, Iesha,” he said, almost exasperated. “What do I have to do to get you back? Beg? I’m already begging. Kneel? I can kneel now, but I know you don’t like public displays of affection or guilt.”
“Glad you still remember.”
“Because we had happy times. And we can still have happy times,” he said, his hand hovering over hers. He quickly put it down, staring at it.
“You’re making things hard for yourself. Just go home and work things out with her, with your child. Is it a boy or a girl?”
“A girl,” he said nervously. “I feel like I’m being punished for it.”
“Because you’re going to have a daughter?” she looked incredulous. “You really are an asshole, after all.”
“I wanted to have kids with you.”
“You already have one coming.”
“It isn’t yours.”
“That doesn’t mean you should love the kid any less”
“I’m not leaving this place until you come back with me.”
“I’ll go on my own terms.” She was determined to go on her own terms. Alex had made her stay, but it didn’t mean his actions would make her leave. “You don’t own me.”
“We could own each other. We belong to each other.”
She shook her head. “I don’t care if I end up alone, Ter. I’m out to make my own story, and you should do the same.”
“Iesha,” he breathed out, “there’s no convincing you, is there?”
She shook her head again. “No.”
“I don’t think I can…” he looked at her, his eyes strangely red in the corners. “You’re the only one for me.”
“Then you shouldn’t have done that.”
“This is me at my lowest point, making amends.”
“I haven’t forgiven you, but it will come. I’ve moved on slowly from you, however painful,” she told him. “That’s how things are.”
She didn’t make mention of how disastrous things had been with Alex, but that was another part of her life, another chapter that she would keep.
“We make our own path, Iesha. It isn’t how things are.”
“Is that why you made a
path with her? What was her name again? Whatever, I don’t really want to know. I’ve got to get going. This conversation isn’t going to end if we’re together.”
She stood up, and Terrence’s hand shot out, holding onto her.
“Wait,” he said.
She struggled a little, trying to free herself from his grasp. “Let go.”
“I can’t.”
“I said I wouldn’t leave this place unless you came with me,” he told her. He was breathing in and out heavily.
She tried to pry herself loose, but his grip only tightened. “Terrence please, let go of me.”
“I’m not going to hurt you,” Terrence began.
“Let her go,” a voice said.
Iesha looked up, and she saw Alex.
Chapter14
“Let her go,” he had said to the guy holding onto Iesha’s wrist. Iesha stopped writhing against the man’s hold. So this must be Terrence, he thought. His eyes didn’t leave her wrist. His hand was still there, clearly unwilling to let go.
“Alex…” her voice faltered. There was a mixture of relief and concern on her face. She had a right to feel both. He was feeling murderous just seeing his hold on her, seeing how strained she was already.
Terrence looked at him for a moment, his eyes narrowing. “So you’re the Alex guy. Gonzalez, was it?”
“What’s it to you?” Alex said.
“Just asking. I see you’ve taken a liking to my fiancée.”
“Last time I heard, you cheated on her,” Alex replied. “So I guess you’re an ex-boyfriend now.”
Terrence smiled, slowly letting go of Iesha’s wrist. He looked at Iesha. “She and I were just having a talk, about the possibility of reconciliation.”
Iesha stepped back. “I think you should go back to your hotel now.”
It was clear the scenario made her feel uncomfortable. Alex forced himself to calm down, remembering how she didn’t like dramatic, over-the-top scenarios. “Iesha is right.”
“This conversation doesn’t include you, you know,” Terrence said to him.
“The conversation was over minutes ago,” Iesha told Terrence. “Now, if you two will excuse me.”
“I see she doesn’t even like you,” Terrence breathed out to Alex.
Alex looked at Iesha, and it was clear she wanted nothing more to do with him, but out of respect, she didn’t say anything.