Jared reached over and pecked his mom on the cheek. “I can always count on you to have a pie for me when I come home.” He held the back door for her, then walked with his dad to the garage.
“Tell me, son, what’s on your mind. While I know your mother’s cooking is a great enticement, I also know how precious a minister’s time can be. Are you having to take on an extra job to support yourself?”
“It’s not like that.” Jared attempted to ease his dad’s mind. “This friend of mine, her father died, and she needed someone to help with the hay crop.”
“She?” His dad’s brow curved with reservation.
Jared’s ears burned as though he’d been caught in a lie. “She’s a young woman, raising her two siblings by herself.”
“I’m sorry to hear about her loss. Does she attend your church? Is that how you met her?”
“Not exactly.”
“I see.” His dad hovered over his new tiller and brushed a speck of oil from the bright red paint. “Does she go to church?”
Jared jammed his hands in his pockets. “She’s been a few times, but she’s had a lot of roadblocks to her faith.”
“Okay, so you’re helping a single gal who’s struggling with her faith, and you want advice from your old man.” He revealed the barest hint of a grin. “If you want my help, you’re going to have to offer more than that.”
Not eager to admit the problems he’d made for himself, Jared tamped down his pride. “Natalie Adams is a strong and intelligent woman, and the more I’m around her, the more time I want to spend with her. Working on her ranch this past month has brought back a ton of memories. It has me wondering if I made the right choice in becoming a minister or whether I should have stuck it out and tried to work my way into farming.” He stared at the rear-tine tiller as though their conversation centered on it. “Right now, I’m confused about a lot of things.”
His dad scratched his chin. “This girl, you really like her?”
Jared smiled as an image formed in his mind of Natalie standing on the riverbank with her hair floating long and free. “She’s a remarkable woman. She’s been through so much, but she always perseveres. I doubt I could have carried her load for as long. Her determination and courage seem to drive her forward. What amazes me is that through all her troubles, she somehow managed to win first runner up for Miss Rodeo America.”
“That’s quite an accomplishment for a young lady. His dad’s eyes perked with interest. “Your friend sounds like a fascinating person—one I’d like to meet someday.”
Jared raked his fingers through his hair. “But that’s just it. How will I know if Natalie is the woman I’m meant to be with? And, if she is the one God has chosen for me, how will I be both a rancher and a pastor? You and Mom moved to half a dozen churches before you settled here.”
“Whoa down, son. These are some mighty big steps you’re talking about.”
Jared took a breath to settle himself. “I just want to be sure that Natalie and I aren’t setting ourselves up for disappointment. Or should I put some space between us and give my full concentration to the church for awhile?” He gripped the handlebars of the tiller. “When I went through seminary, I never questioned whether I would fall in love and marry. I assumed it would happen—expected it to. But I never counted on such an unexpected twist. To fall in love with someone who isn’t a member of the church, and who comes with all this extra baggage.”
His dad crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. “You mean more baggage than what you’ve already expressed?”
The garage had turned into a sweltering sauna. “Natalie has a fifteen-year-old sister who has a few problems, and her little brother misses his dad something terrible. Then there’s her stepmom who reappeared recently. They thought Libby was dead, but now she wants to be a part of their life. It’s complicated.”
“Life is filled with complications.” His dad turned the key on the tiller, and it rumbled to a steady rhythm. “Take your mother for example. She didn’t think we needed such a big tiller and fought me tooth and nail about buying it. But this little darling has an eight horsepower engine and works the ground so fine and soft, a weed won’t dare grow in her garden.”
After a few minutes, he shut down the motor and patted the machine with satisfaction. “When your mother and I married before seminary, we both understood what we were getting into. We knew we wouldn’t always agree, but we also knew God was great enough to handle any problem we would give him. Not all relationships are so easy, though. Your first obstacle seems to be Natalie’s faith. Until you get over that hurdle, there doesn’t seem to be much future for the two of you.
“Unless, of course, you decide Natalie is more important to you than the ministry. And even then, a marriage between a nonbe-liever and one who is faithful is extremely difficult.” He moved to Jared’s side and squeezed his shoulder. “Maybe you need to step back and look at things from a different view—see if your feelings are as strong when you get away from this gal and her family. Determine how you would feel if Natalie was no longer in your life.”
“You’re disappointed that I’ve allowed this to happen?”
His dad shook his head. “No, son, in all my years as a pastor I’ve witnessed marriages between total opposites that seemed doomed from the very beginning but turned into beautiful, lasting relationships. What’s important is that you set God as the foundation for your marriage, and when you do that, everything else will fall into place.”
Jared gripped the handlebars tighter. “I know you’re right. Maybe I just need to put some space between us.” The thought of walking away from Natalie and her family nearly tore his heart from his chest.
His dad sat on a nearby work stool. “Want to talk about the other thing that’s bothering you? About your granddad?”
“How’d you know?”
“Let’s just say the troubles we had back then have been on my mind a lot lately. I’m guessing God’s been working on both of us.”
Jared shook his head, recalling the day his granddad informed everyone what his intentions were. The man had lived a long, full life but in the end developed lung cancer. A month or so before his death, he gathered the entire family in his living room. He sat up in his chair braced by a walker, and with a voice so clear and gruff Jared could still hear it to this day, said, “I’ve decided to give the farm to Jimmy.”
The entire room rang with silence, and Jared felt the weight of burning coals heaped on his heart.
“Do you regret arguing with Granddad that night?”
His father winced. “You knew?”
Jared nodded. At the time, Jared had been honored that his dad would stand up for him, but also ashamed that he’d argue with a dying man. “I wish things could have been different in the end. I loved that man so much.”
“He loved you too.”
Jared wished he’d told his granddad instead of walking away with a bruised ego, thinking the old man had abandoned him. “Do you suppose Granddad deprived me of the farm for a reason?”
His dad braced his hands on his knees. “There was a lot going on back then that you weren’t aware of. Your Uncle Jimmy had a mountain of debt and nothing to show for it. My brother needed help. While I’m sure Granddad struggled with his decision, he couldn’t abandon his oldest son. What he did gave Jimmy hope for his future.” He shifted his position on the stool and seemed to weigh his next words. “Tell me this. Do you enjoy being a pastor?”
Jared considered the time he’d spent with his new congregation counseling, guiding, and teaching them. “I like the challenge and sense God’s hand on my work. But I can’t deny the satisfaction I receive in the hard physical labor of working the land.”
His dad nodded as though he understood completely. “I can tell you this, son, and maybe it’ll help. I’ve known pastors who have stayed at their home parish all their lives,” he said. “They’ve worked farms and held outside jobs, called to do that work as much as they were called to min
ister. A man has to be willing to listen to God’s call and follow wherever it leads him. And that’s a lesson for all believers—not just the clergy.”
FORTY-FIVE
“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE RUNNING HER OFF,” CHELSEY SHRIEKED AT Natalie from across the kitchen. “I don’t know why I even try talking to you. You’ve been against Mom ever since she arrived. You don’t want her here, and you don’t want me here either.”
Natalie tossed the dishtowel on the table. “That’s not true, Chels. Don’t you see, she’s trying to buy your love? New clothes, boots, a brand new horse that she has no business buying—and we still don’t know where she gets her money.”
Her sister shook her head in disbelief. “No, Nat, you’re just jealous that Mom came back. You’re jealous that Dillon and I want her to stay, and because you don’t get to be our mom any longer.” The girl stormed out of the kitchen.
Natalie forced back searing tears and pursued her up the living room stairs. “You don’t mean that, Chels. How can you even think it after all we’ve been through? I nursed you through colds and flus, and the chickenpox, took you to ballgames and band concerts.”
She reached the top of the stairs and trailed Chelsey into her bedroom. “For Pete’s sakes, last summer I helped you pass your driver’s permit test. How can you believe I don’t care about you?”
Her sister jammed another pair of jeans into an already full suitcase. “You brought it on yourself, blaming Mom for stealing Dad’s money. That was just cruel, Nat. I can’t stand by you after that.”
Natalie pressed her hand against her temple, her head pounding. “I caught Libby putting money in her pocket. You can’t fight the facts.”
“She didn’t know the envelope held money,” Chelsey defended.
“Yeah right, and I was born yesterday.”
“I’ve had it with your accusations.” Chelsey shook her head with bitter resentment and zipped the suitcase closed. “Mom’s moving to town, and I’m going with her. Dillon can come too, if he wants.”
Her sister’s words knocked the air out of her, and Natalie sunk into a chair. “You can’t leave. I’m your legal guardian.”
“I guess we’ll have to see about that, won’t we?”
“You can’t just leave when things get tough. That’s Libby’s way. She left when you were a toddler and now she’s leaving again. Don’t be like her. The only way to get through this is for you to stay and work it out.”
“No, Nat. I’m not going to sit back and watch you do this to her.” Chelsey lugged her suitcases to the bedroom door then paused. “Libby’s changed—she’s not the same as she was back then. If you won’t allow her to stay, I’m not going to stay either.” Her sister raged down the steps with her heavy bags thumping behind.
Natalie fought the urge to go after her. There was no pleading with the girl. Her sister was past the point of listening to reason. When the back door slammed shut, Natalie returned to the kitchen and peered out the curtained window to see Chelsey loading her suitcases in the back of Libby’s car.
Minutes later, Libby passed by the counter with her luggage, playing the part of victim quite well. “I never meant to cause such a fuss between you and the kids. I’m sorry it’s come to this—that you feel you can’t trust me.”
She stopped in the doorway and faced Natalie with a puckered brow. “I’ll try to talk Chelsey into calling you later, once she cools down. I know you love her.”
Her spirit too fragile, Natalie refused to answer and watched as the yellow sedan disappeared down the lane. She crumpled into a kitchen chair. How had things gotten so complicated? She’d begun this journey hoping to get through their father’s death and forge a family bond, but somewhere along the way, she’d managed to sever nearly every strand she’d built. The agony inside threatened to pull her apart, piece by piece.
Natalie buried her head in her hands and allowed the tears to fall. She wept for the family she’d tried to hold together, for letting down her dad and destroying all his hard work. And finally, she cried for herself…for losing the two people she cared about most in this world—her brother and sister, for surely it was only a matter of time before Dillon would follow in Chelsey’s footsteps.
Without them, it all seemed meaningless—and ironic.
All her life, Natalie had fought to escape the ties and responsibilities that held her, but in reality, those ties and responsibilities were what defined her. Natalie had raised those kids. She’d laughed with them in happy moments and dried their tears when they were sad. How could it all end so hopelessly? Her heart ached with bitterness, and when she could cry no more, a solemn gloom hung over her like a storm cloud.
She glanced out the window and realized darkness had fallen. Then she felt a small hand on her shoulder.
“I won’t leave you, Nat.”
She shifted her head to see Dillon standing behind her, his own eyes watery.
“How long have you been here?”
Her brother shrugged, and it was then she noticed he held a leather book in his hands. He laid it on the table before her and opened it to a page marked with a red satin ribbon.
“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” Dillon read the words Jared had repeated when he’d talked her down the windmill tower.
“Is this the Bible Jared gave you?”
At his nod, Natalie picked up the hair ribbon bookmark and broke down in tears. God had been with her all along. As a young girl when her mama died, through the years, and especially these past few months. She could no longer deny his existence or his care and felt his presence right now in this room.
For the next thirty minutes, she and Dillon read from the marked passages in Dillon’s Bible, and the longer they read, the more comfort Natalie drew from them. Afterwards, she and Dillon sat on the porch and watched the fireflies blink across the yard.
“Are you afraid, Dillon? Do you trust me enough to believe that I want what’s best for you and Chelsey? That I want us to be a family and that I’d never deliberately hurt either one of you?”
“I know you love us, Nat. Chelsey knows it too. She’s just being stupid right now.”
Natalie hugged him to her side. “Tomorrow we’ll visit Willard and see if he has any advice for solving this problem. Does that sound like a good idea?”
“What about Jared? He could help us.”
Natalie thought so too and couldn’t think of anyone she’d rather talk to about this than Jared. She decided to call him before she went to bed that night. Only he didn’t answer his phone.
FORTY-SIX
JARED STEPPED INTO HIS STUDY LATE THAT NIGHT AFTER RETURNING FROM his parents’ home. His answering machine flickered in the dim light. He pressed the button and listened to Natalie’s message, her words hushed and lethargic.
“Sorry I missed you. Just wanted to talk to you about something and hear your voice. Call me.”
Tempted to return her call right then, Jared recalled the talk with his dad about putting some distance between himself and Natalie. Though difficult, he resisted picking up the phone knowing the best things in life were often the hardest to do. Encouraged by this truth, he pulled a Bible from the desk. He leafed through the onionskin pages until he reached Psalms and began reading the words that quieted his mind and made his troubles seem small.
THE NEXT DAY, THE SUN SHONE HIGH OVERHEAD AS NATALIE TOOK A break from her ranch work. Having slept poorly the night before, she completed her chores with sluggish effort, her sister’s angry words never far from her mind.
“I’m going over to Willard’s for a while,” she called to Dillon when she’d come in from checking cattle.
He hurried to her side. “Can I ride with you? And Jessie too?”
Natalie agreed and opened the tailgate for Jessie to hop into the bed of the truck. Minutes later, she arrived at Willard’s and parked in front of his leather shop. Her brother and the
dog followed her in through the front door.
Willard stood at his workbench, repairing a pair of leather boots. “What did I do to deserve a visit from you this fine afternoon?” He grinned, and it took Natalie back to her childhood, of days spent watching this man craft treasures out of a piece of cowhide.
She sat on a wooden stool, and Dillon found a spot on the floor where he played with the border collie. “You might not think this is such a pleasant visit when I tell you why I’m here.”
Willard pulled up a chair and joined her, his attention complete. “What seems to be the trouble?”
Her bottom lip trembled despite her resolve to remain calm. “I tried to take over where Dad left off, but I’m afraid I’ve failed miserably.”
“I’m sure it’s not that bad.” His friendly eyes consoled her. “Tell me what’s going on that has you so upset.”
Natalie concentrated on the pile of mismatched boots lying on Willard’s floor, never able to understand his sense of order. “Chelsey and Libby moved out. They left last night.”
“I see.” Willard mumbled under his breath. “Where did they go?”
“They’re staying in town, in an apartment by the river.”
Willard shook his head and went back to his repair work. “Sometimes I think best when my hands are busy,” he said, but Natalie figured it had more to do with needing an outlet for his aggravation. “I warned you it was a bad idea to invite that woman into your home. Libby was nothing but trouble when you were little, and she’s not changed, no matter how much we wish it so.”
“Libby isn’t the only one to blame. I have to accept my share of the fault. I should have known better than to allow her so much freedom with the kids—especially Chelsey. I should have kept a closer watch.”
“We can only see what we want to see.” Willard tapped the boot’s black heel with a plastic mallet, wedging the sole from the upper leather. “Now that you understand the problem, what are you going to do about it?”
“That’s why I’m here.” Natalie drummed her fingers on the counter. “I need some advice. Should I go after Chelsey and insist she come home?”
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