by Melody Anne
“What if I run away now?” I asked, a hitch to my voice.
My dad chuckled. “You are my only priority in life. If you want to run, I’ll drive the getaway car,” he assured me. “But I think I raised you well enough to not hurt another person like that. So if you don’t want to get married today, tell Mason you’ve changed your mind. I hope you wouldn’t leave him standing at the head of that aisle all alone.”
There was no chastisement in my father’s voice. I hugged him more tightly. Why did I need to get married when I already had such a wonderful man in my life? Slowly I let him go and took a step back.
“I love you so much, Dad. I don’t think another man could ever compare to you. I’m sorry I didn’t always see how special you are,” I told him.
A single tear slipped from his eye and he turned and coughed as he tried to discreetly wipe it away. The gesture made me smile. He was composed when he looked back at me.
“I’d give my life for you, Miranda. You’re my little girl,” he told me.
We were silent for several moments, both us thinking back through the years. I was nineteen years old and starting a brand new journey. My dad had already given me my foundation, now it was up to me to figure out how to be an adult.
“I do want to marry Mason. We might still have some growing up to do, and it might not always be the easiest of journeys, but I love him with all my heart.”
“Then I’ll be at the beginning of that aisle to walk you to him. If that preacher asks who gives this woman away, I’m likely going to punch him, though. I’d never give away my most precious gift in life. I will share you with Mason, and I will share you with the world, but never will I give you away,” he warned.
His words filled my heart with so much joy I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded. My dad hugged me again and I held on for a long time. I swore I heard him sniffle, but by the time he let me go his face was composed.
“I’ll get out of here so you can fix yourself up,” he told me.
My dad walked from the room and I was sad to see him go. I took a deep breath and waited for Cynthia to come back. Her gasp of horror at seeing me made a huge smile appear on my lips as I shrugged.
Nothing could upset me after that precious moment with my father. Nothing at all. My fears were gone.
Chapter Fourteen
Now
I’ve been at my new job for a week without any further problems. I haven’t see Kaden again. This is a good thing; it’s for the best. If I’m attracted to him, the smartest thing I can do is stay far away. It might be the coward’s way, but whatever works, works, and I’m okay with calling myself a chicken.
My marriage may not be perfect, but I’m committed to Mason and have vowed to love him through thick and thin, in good times and bad, in sickness and health. I may not remember making those promises as I don’t remember much about our actual ceremony, but I know the promises were in our vows. I need to honor those words — those promises.
Mason may be distant now, but he isn’t a bad man. He isn’t abusive, doesn’t treat me poorly, doesn’t put me down. He takes care of me, provides for us, and has a kind word to say to every stranger on the street. He’s a good man. Many women would be honored to have him for a husband. I shouldn’t look for faults. We can fix our marriage if we both try. But are we willing to try anymore? I shake my head at this thought.
We are part of a generation who doesn’t think much of others. It’s all about ourselves and our own needs, trying to get as much as we can for as little effort as possible. I don’t know if that is where we are heading, I only know I can’t give up this easily.
It’s four in the afternoon when my phone buzzes. Not a lot of calls come to my line. I’m the most junior associate and this means a lot of grunt work. I don’t mind at all. I like it in fact. It’s nice to be unseen as much as possible. I can go through my day, get my work done, and leave it all behind when I go home.
I loved that about most of my former jobs. I don’t want to work in a position that consumes me. I know some people live for their work, but work is just a way to earn a paycheck to me. I don’t want it to devour me whole. What will I have at the end of the day if I have nothing but my job?
Mason’s addicted to his work. He puts in eighty hours a week. He puts it above our relationship. He promised me many times he’d slow down, but he’s yet to make good on that promise. I vow I’ll never allow that to happen to me. If my life is so unfulfilled that all I have is work, I must be doing something wrong.
That’s a lesson I learned from my dad. He lives a simple life. And he’s happy. I love how happy he is. He doesn’t ask for much and doesn’t want much. There were times I hated that about him, but the older I get the more I realize he has had it right all along.
I pick up the phone and it’s Jenny. “Hi, Miranda. We have a late night meeting tonight, so plan on eating here,” she says, her voice cheery.
I groan inwardly. I was thinking about how nice it would be to escape from work on time and forget all about everything. And now I have my first late night. I really can’t complain. It isn’t as if they ask me to do this often.
“Okay, where are we meeting?” I ask. Why do they want me here? I haven’t been with them long enough to know anything, to contribute at a meeting. I’m more of a data entry person. Maybe this will change the longer I’m here, but for now I’m on my own a lot.
“It will be in the blue room,” she says.
I tell her I’ll be there and hang up. I turn to Betty, who’s been Mr. Alexander’s personal assistant for a long time. She worked for him when he was in Seattle then moved here with him.
“What do I need to take to the meeting?” I ask her.
“I think today is more for you to learn,” she explains. “We have these sessions a couple of times a month. Sometimes they go quickly, and sometimes they go pretty late. If it’s too late, Mr. Alexander will let us take a day off or work a half day. He’s more than a fair boss,” she assures me.
I decide to take my notebook and a pen. A lot of people will have their computers, preferring to type things out, but I take pretty good shorthand, and I don’t like to interrupt speakers with the sound of clicking keys. With too many computers in a room, the noise can be quite overwhelming.
I get to the blue room early; no one else is here. I glance at the clock and it says quarter till five. I thought others would stroll in. Maybe they’re taking a quick break before the long night begins. I don’t know where to sit so I walk over to the large windows and look out at the water.
I feel his presence before I hear him. I know he’s here. It’s Kaden. There’s a shift in the air, a static electricity only I can feel. A shiver runs through me; his eyes fix on me. I expected him to be the last person to enter the room.
With the amount of power the man exudes, he doesn’t need to put on shows, doesn’t need to exert his authority by making everyone stand until he sits, or play the games so many others play. His existence is enough to make people stand at attention.
“I’ve missed you this week,” he says, making my stomach tighten. I can’t look at him, but I don’t pretend to act surprised he’s here.
“You have no right missing me,” I reply. I won’t admit I’ve looked for him and missed seeing him as well. I can’t possibly miss him as I don’t know him, but I’ve looked up often, seeking him out.
“I told myself that for two days. I’ve never actively pursued a woman. No is no,” he admits. There’s hesitation in his voice. “But I can’t seem to get you out of my mind.” He seems angry about this. I can relate. I don’t want to think about him either, but it seems I do whether I want to or not.
“I’m going to have to leave this job, aren’t I?” I ask, feeling unbearable sadness at the thought. I can practically feel him stiffen beside me.
“I don’t want you to go,” he says. I can’t read his tone, c
an’t understand what he means as he says these words. This situation is so damn complicated. The best thing for both of us is for me to leave. It truly is. But I think we both know I’m not going anywhere. What I don’t understand is exactly what that means.
“I’m not going . . . not yet,” I finally say. His hot breath trails the back of my neck, and goosebumps pepper my skin. He leans closer; I can practically taste him.
We both hear voices nearing the door, and he takes a step back. I turn to see him, and he looks completely composed as a group of men and women step into the room.
“Hey, Mr. Alexander,” one of the young techs says as he moves to the table and flops down. He takes out his computer, flips it open, and looks at something, not waiting for a reply from his boss.
“Hello, Bill,” Kaden replies. He steps away from me, and I finally breathe easier.
Jenny comes in and shows me where I should sit. I clutch my notepad in my sweaty fingers and stare holes in the table. The meeting starts and I try to pay attention, but my mind’s replaying the short conversation with Kaden. My body relives how his hot breath felt cascading over my skin. My heart races.
I barely eat any of the delicious meal Kaden has provided. His team seems in great spirits, all of them eager to impress, ideas flying around the room as quickly as bullets. It’s obvious the people who work here love their jobs.
We finish about ten, and I look at my phone. There are no messages. Mason hasn’t even noticed I’m not home yet. My husband makes it far too easy for me to want to lean on another man.
It isn’t until I’m on the bus that the thought crosses my mind: maybe Mason wants me to leave him. Maybe he fell out of love with me many years ago but is too honorable to tell me. I wonder what he’ll say if I ask him.
When I step inside the house there’s no music playing, the lights are off. I make my way to the bedroom and find him tucked into bed, sound asleep, a peaceful expression on his face.
A bit of tenderness fills me. He’s worked+ day and night for weeks on end, and he’s finally crashed. It isn’t that he hasn’t noticed I’m not home; exhaustion has finally forced him to take a night off.
I strip and crawl into bed beside him. He turns in his sleep and I snuggle up to his back, comforted. This is my safe place. This is where I belong.
I fall asleep, and for the first time in over a week I don’t dream.
Chapter Fifteen
Then
My dad was right where he told me he’d be, and I gladly slid my arm into his as the music began inside the church. Cynthia had wanted a large venue for the wedding, saying she knew a lot of influential people and wasn’t going to leave anyone out.
I had put my foot down over that. I wanted to get married in the small white church on the edge of town where my parents had wed. She had told me it was bad luck to get married in the same place as them since that marriage ended in divorce.
I reminded her that their union created me, so the marriage wasn’t all bad. It was none of her business that I was conceived before my parents married. And while I hadn’t seen my mother since I was six years old, I didn’t care. I would always love her because she was my mom, and my father’s words earlier had opened my heart even more. Maybe I’d find her someday, maybe I’d try to get to know her, find out if she had a family, what she’d done for the past thirteen years. I was sure my father would support that.
“I better not look at you, Dad,” I whispered, my body trembling next to his. I was scared, but excited, too. Mason was on the other side of those large double doors. He was waiting for me.
“Did you get in trouble?” he asked.
“Yep, and I don’t care,” I said with a chuckle. It was just him and me again. Audrey had already walked down the aisle with Mason’s best friend, Tony. We were supposed to go, but I took a few more minutes.
“I don’t care either,” he told me, and we both chuckled. “You warned the preacher, right?”
“Yes, Dad, I did.”
“Good.”
It wasn’t often my father demanded anything, but I loved his reason for wanting to keep those words out of the ceremony. My heart soared knowing how special I was to him. I felt loved and cherished. I loved that he wasn’t willing to give me away.
“I’m ready.” I took a deep breath. My stomach fluttered. But it was so hard to step through those doors, odd really. It was simply the next step in an already great relationship.
My dad nodded at someone, and the doors parted. The music shifted and then we were moving forward. It was like I was walking on air as I clutched my father’s arm. I didn’t see the people, the flashes of cameras, or the beautiful decorations. All I saw was Mason standing there, looking at me as if I was the most beautiful creature to ever exist.
The last of my nerves vanished and I tried to move faster. My dad chuckled and held on tightly.
“No need to speed this up.” I ripped my gaze away from Mason and turned to smile at my dad.
“I don’t know why I was so afraid,” I whispered.
“Because you should never go lightly into a life-altering decision,” he whispered back.
Beautiful. His words had been perfect all day. He was perfect. I hoped Mason would be as wonderful a father. We stopped in front of the preacher, and he stepped down to address the crowd. He said words I don’t remember and then turned to my dad.
“Who . . .” My father’s look must have stopped him cold, because he looked at his notes and smiled before looking back at my father. “Thank you for raising such a beautiful daughter and for sharing her on this day,” the preacher finished.
My dad leaned over and kissed my cheek. He held my hand as if he wasn’t going to let go. Finally he turned to Mason. “I expect you to treat her right,” he said, his deep voice easily carrying through the church.
“I promise to always cherish her, Sir,” Mason said. I loved the respect he gave my father. It made me love him that much more.
My dad nodded and then let me go. He sat down in the front row as I stepped up to the sanctuary with Mason. The rest of the ceremony was a blur, as was the entire night.
We did all the traditional things: cut the cake, made toasts, had our first dance. It was beautiful. It truly was. In the end the decorations didn’t matter, the dress didn’t matter, and the many guests didn’t matter. What mattered was the first dance I shared with my father, the first kiss Mason and I shared as husband and wife, and the moment we left the reception to enter life as a married couple. Those were the things that mattered.
Those were the things I’d always remember no matter what happened.
Forever isn’t long enough when it’s right. And at that moment, it was exactly right. It felt as if it could never change. I’m utterly heartbroken when I realize it does change — that love doesn’t always last forever.
Chapter Sixteen
Now
A full month passes at my job and I love it more and more. The longer I’m there the more people trust me. It isn’t that they didn’t trust me in the beginning; it’s a tight-knit group and they want to make sure I’m not only sticking around, but that I’m responsible and capable before deciding to let me into their inner circle. I understand.
After a couple of weeks some of the girls invite me out for happy hour, and after another week they include me in the gossip chain. You truly know you’re a part of the office staff when they share all the office romance details with you.
Emmy in accounting is pregnant, but she doesn’t want anyone to know yet. She says she’ll be too heartbroken if anything happens and she has to tell everyone she lost the baby.
Jeff in marketing has been diagnosed with cancer and doesn’t want anyone to know because he chose to forgo treatment and doesn’t want everyone to suddenly think they’re doctors and give him advice.
Martha in HR is having an affair with Tina in marketing,
but neither of them are out of the closet and both of them are married to men.
There’s so much gossip going on at the proverbial water cooler, and it’s all pretty interesting even if I don’t know very many people at the offices. This is a twenty story building. That’s a lot of people to know. I’m beginning to. I’m also grateful I haven’t taken Kaden up on his offer of an affair. No matter how discreet he might think he is, I guarantee the entire office staff will not only know about it, but will be talking about it within a matter of hours.
Maybe the security crew gives out the information, or maybe there are secret spy cameras hidden around. I’m unsure what it is, but information is indeed getting leaked. I refuse to be a part of that.
Or at least I have good intentions of not getting involved. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to lose your senses and get caught up in the action.
It’s Friday night, and I had no time for a workout this morning. Working out is a great substitute for sex. The last time Mason and I had sex was two weeks ago, but it was brief, and afterward he rolled over and was asleep within seconds. I’m unsatisfied, and a showerhead can only go so far.
Running and weightlifting are my new obsessions. I’m left no choice but to buy new clothes because I’ve developed muscles in my arms and legs, and the waistline I’ve been so critical of is slimming. I feel better than I have since I was a teenager.
When I miss a day I’m frustrated, and my sexual desires seem to soar through the roof. I’m only twenty-nine, so I can’t be going through the nymphomania stage I hear all women go through. I’ve had sex regularly since I was sixteen years old, and now all of the sudden it’s being withheld from me — not intentionally I hope, but still being withheld.
I might actually burst if I don’t do something about it.
Kaden has been gone all week, so it’s safe to make a late night gym visit. We worked late tonight, and it’s six o’clock by the time I get to the gym. That’s fine because the regulars are gone. It’s only me and gym, which means I can hook my iPhone into the speaker system and rock away, not bothering with headphones. Hardly anyone works out on a Friday night. They’re too eager to get to their weekend activities, or go home and throw on a pair of sweats and a ratty T-shirt, whichever suits them.