by Melody Anne
Something is going to happen — and it will happen soon.
A driver is in front of a large black SUV, a different one from what he had driven earlier. I am glad to have a chaperone, knowing my inhibitions are lowering by the minute.
The driver, Paul, the same man who took me to the airport, smiles, and I greet him. He holds open the back door and I slide in. I’m full of nerves as Kaden moves in beside me, sitting close. I notice there’s privacy glass between us and the driver. My stomach flutters. There goes my chaperone.
“Look at me,” Kaden demands.
I move in slow motion as I turn my head and do what he huskily demands. Our eyes meet and hold. My breathing deepens and his scent envelopes me. I squeeze my legs together, the pressure unbearable. I feel all of this from nothing more than a kiss on the fingers and a few words. But I know the power of his touch, know what it does to me.
“Are you done fighting this?” he asks.
I’m silent as I try to work through the jumble of thoughts in my head. I sigh.
“This isn’t a work event, is it?” I ask.
“Yes, it is,” he tells me. “But I won’t lie. I want you on my arm.”
“It doesn’t matter if I’m married.” The words are a statement.
“You wouldn’t be here with me if it mattered,” he told me.
He was right. I wouldn’t be here with him. I wouldn’t desire him. My husband left me long ago, as I left him. We’d broken our vows. It was breaking my heart to realize this.
I nodded.
Kaden doesn’t ask this time. One moment we’re separated, and the next he pulls me over him, sitting me on his lap as he closes the space between us, taking my lips in a desperate kiss.
I don’t even pretend it isn’t what I want. I grab ahold of him, my hands wrapping around his massive shoulders. I hold on tight as he ravishes my mouth and his hands travel down my body.
The skirt of my dress hikes up as he caresses my bare thighs, and then he shifts me so I straddle him. My knees are spread wide as I press forward, feeling the power of his hardness push against my damp panties.
My tongue tangles with his. I can’t get close enough, can’t feel enough. I want him fiercely and I’m not capable of only waiting anymore. Trying to deny myself has been torture. He’s beautiful and desirable and he wants me. He makes me feel like I’m special and needed, like I’m the only person he sees.
I want to reach between our bodies, want to feel the power of his erection, want to feel if he fits in my hand. I want to take him and guide him inside me. I’ve lost all interest in this dinner we’re on our way to. I’ve made my decision, and all I want is to get naked with this man.
I reach for his pants, losing my mind in my desire to have him. His fingers slide beneath the elastic of my panties, and he groans when he slips them over my wet flesh. I’m more than ready for him.
The car stops.
It takes a moment for me to realize the front door has closed with a gentle finality. The driver is coming around. I lean back, mortified.
We gaze at each other. Kaden’s face fills with pained passion. I’m sure mine looks exactly the same. Neither of us says a word. I don’t know what we’ll do next.
I watch as a shutter comes over Kaden’s eyes. I watch him pull away from me. I’m hurt. I shrink a bit inside. I don’t understand what’s happening. I’ve finally decided to give myself to him . . . and now he’s pulling away from me.
Has it all been nothing more than a game? Has he just wanted my surrender only to throw me away once he has it?
“I’m sorry. This shouldn’t have happened here. I don’t have sex in cars. I certainly don’t do it when I have to appear in front of clients. If I could skip this dinner and take you home, I would.”
His words are so cold and clinical. Have I just been used and put back in place? This night was so wonderful a few moments before and is now utterly devastating. I want to run.
But I won’t. I committed to coming here with him. I’m not going to show him how much his coldness hurts me. He seems to be two different men — the one pursuing me, and the cold man the rest of the world sees.
He unlocks the door, and it immediately opens. He steps out and holds a hand to help me. I brush it off. I’ll be professional, but I’ll do it on my own. I don’t need him. I’m through being rejected.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Then
My trip with my father had eased so much grief within me. Of course it had. Coming home was the easiest thing to do. My dad made the world a better place even if I sometimes forgot that when I didn’t see him for a while.
I tried calling Mason several times, but he didn’t answer. I tried assuring myself it was because he was busy. But how hard was it to answer a phone? How busy could a person be?
I arrived home Sunday night a little before six. That gave me plenty of time to spend an evening with my husband. I walked in the door, disappointed when I found the house empty.
I wandered the rooms of a home I’d once loved so much. There was an emptiness in me I couldn’t explain. I looked at the house through new eyes. None of it felt like mine. I didn’t feel joy as I stopped in front of a shelf that held random knickknacks.
I picked up a glass figurine and studied it. Why did I have this stuff? There was so much clutter, so many things that didn’t matter. I turned, seeing the decorations, the furniture, the colors, the . . . mayhem.
What had I chosen in this place? What made any of it feel like mine?
I was frightened to realize I could walk away from it all without a care. I didn’t feel connected to it — to any of it. Maybe my dad had been right all along. Maybe it truly didn’t matter.
I’d worked since I was young, and I’d always appreciated having a job. Earning a paycheck gave me a freedom I hadn’t felt as a child. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to not have that independence.
I liked being married. I’d built a life with Mason, and when we’d said our vows I’d thought that meant forever. What I’d come to realize over the years was you do mean those vows, you do give your heart to that person — but sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes people get in the way. Sometimes love fades.
I wasn’t sure if Mason had stopped loving me before I’d stopped loving him. I wasn’t sure if it was a mutual thing, or if we’d just grown apart. I wasn’t sure if our relationship was fixable.
I moved into our bedroom and ran my hand along the bed we’d shared for ten years. I had no idea where he was. He hadn’t gone to the coast with me because he’d said he was behind on work. But he wasn’t in the house. Where was he? I didn’t know. I could try calling him again, but he hadn’t answered all weekend. What did that mean? I shook my head. I didn’t know.
I was starting my new job the next day and I’d been gone for five days. I had things to do. I couldn’t stand around wondering what was to come. I’d figure all of that out. Having tasks to accomplish helped settle me.
First and foremost I needed to get laundry done. I unloaded my bag and carried the basket into the laundry room. I found Mason’s shirt at the bottom of the basket. An unfamiliar scent made me pause. I held his shirt over the washer, unable to drop it in. I stood with it clutched in my fingers for a long time. Then I held it out, examining it. I brought it to my face and inhaled.
I could smell his sweet, spicy scent. But I could also smell perfume. It wasn’t mine. I walked with it into the bathroom I shared with my husband and smelled each bottle of perfume I had lined up on a shelf, then smelled his shirt. It definitely wasn’t my perfume.
Did that mean anything?
I wasn’t sure. I felt numb, just as I had when Audrey told me about him going into an apartment complex with another woman. I wasn’t angry, wasn’t sad, wasn’t . . . anything.
I turned back toward the laundry room and tossed his shirt into t
he washer. I then moved about the rest of the house and did what needed to be done. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with my husband. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with me.
I knew something was coming. I just wasn’t sure it was going to change the rest of my life. Maybe in the end a change was what we both needed. Maybe we’d been standing still for a very long time and it had taken a storm to push us out of our comfort zone.
The next day my world would change, but I had no idea that was coming. The next day Mason’s world would change, too. Later I might wonder if he’d been aware of the shift, if he’d known exactly what had been coming.
Neither of us were evil people. We were human. We were complicated. We made mistakes. Did that mean either of us should have been damned? No. What did it mean then? That, I honestly didn’t know then, and I still don’t know now.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Now
As soon as Kaden and I walk into the large hotel, I wonder what sort of dinner he’s taken me to. I haven’t been at this fancy downtown historical hotel before. We are led into a back room where a banquet is set up, a band is playing, and at least a couple hundred people are milling around.
“I thought this was a dinner,” I whisper, feeling unsure of myself. I don’t like being insecure. He should have given me more information.
“It is a dinner. A client we did an excellent job for has a new project. This is the kickoff party for it. They asked me to say a few words.” Kaden acts as if it’s no big deal. There are too many people around to get into an argument with him. I’m just feeling vulnerable from his rejection in the car. I try to tell myself this, try to not let it bother me. I’m sure there’s an honest explanation. I’m normally rational, to a point, at least. But it seems I can’t be that way when it comes to Kaden.
Someone calls his name and I’m relieved when his attention turns away from me. I need a few moments to clear my head, try to figure out what happened in the car, what’s happening between the two of us. A public forum isn’t the place for that.
Servers walk around with wine, champagne, and appetizers. There’s a bar set up with mixed drinks and a beautiful table of exotic and delicious dishes. I have no appetite at the moment.
I grab a glass of white wine and look through the room, hoping there’s someone I recognize. Audrey steps out of a circle of people and smiles at me in surprise. She comes right up and snatches my glass, taking a large swig.
“Am I glad to see you!” she exclaims. “I don’t know how I got dragged here, but it’s been incredibly boring so far.” She finishes off my glass then grabs a passing waiter and takes two more, handing one to me.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
She waved a hand. “You know my godparents and all the crap they’re involved with. My honorary mother guilted me into coming. She’s still hoping I’ll find focus in life, maybe join the corporate world. I’d rather walk over hot coals in the desert than put on a suit every day and sit at a desk.”
Audrey is wearing a stunning black gown that has zero back to it and a slit clear up her leg. She’s beautiful, of course, but she carries an effortless grace about her that makes her even more stunning. It truly doesn’t matter what she wears. Large diamond earrings that probably cost more than I make in a year hang from her ears. She doesn’t wear things like that because she’s extravagant or showing the world what she has; it’s simply because she grew up in a world of wealth and it’s secondary to her.
“You look stunning by the way. Sorry. It’s the first thing I should have said to you,” Audrey tells me. “Was that Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome I saw you walking in with?”
There’s no judgment in her tone, only curiosity.
“He told me it was a work dinner,” I mutter. I finish my glass of wine before she does and am grateful the servers are out in force. I set my empty glass on a tray and grab another. I should slow down, put some food in me, but two glasses in a row calm my nerves without sending me over the deep end.
“Tricky, tricky,” Audrey says with a chuckle. Then squeezes my arm. “Here he comes.”
I don’t have to turn to feel him standing here. He’s at my side, his hand going down my lower back. I look around, praying no one notices.
“I turned and you were gone.” The words come out like a chastisement; I don’t appreciate it, especially in front of my friend. She wasn’t shy and doesn’t abandon me. I shift so he isn’t touching me. I don’t need that image for the gossip columns.
“You remember Audrey?” I ask him, ignoring his statement about me running away.
“Yes, of course,” he says, holding out his hand. Audrey takes it, eyeing him up and down. I love the look she gives him, the one that tells him if he gets too out of line he’ll have to deal with her. She might be small, but she’s certainly a force to be reckoned with.
As I finish my second glass of wine, my nerves stop jumping. I certainly don’t want to rely on the soothing effects of alcohol but I won’t turn it down when I need a boost of courage.
“This is a work event. I prefer if you stay with me,” he says as he leans into me, his words meant for me only. I stiffen, losing the ease I felt only moments before.
“This seems to be more of a social event than work, although they can be one and the same. I’m not a woman who appreciates being controlled by your every whim. I won’t be your arm candy while you talk to people about things I don’t understand. Had you told me what this night was about, I’d be prepared and not feel so foolish.”
His eyes narrow. He isn’t used to anyone speaking to him like this. He’s the one pursuing me, the one who decided he wants me. This is who he gets.
“Why don’t I introduce you to our clients,” he says after a few tense seconds. Then he turns to Audrey, a polite but distant look resting on his features. “If you’ll excuse us.”
He doesn’t wait for her reply. I shift so his hand is no longer resting on my back, but I go with him. He walks across the room, confident in himself and his importance. It’s truly a different experience to be with him, knowing every person in this room wants his attention, if only for a brief moment.
I accept this is work, that this is another aspect of my job. Dell has a beautiful Latina woman at his side, her arm wrapped in his. He cleans up well. I smile and wave at him. He stuffs an appetizer in his mouth and waves back, not giving any vibe that he finds it weird I’m here with Kaden.
Audrey sails through the room, a smile on her lips, a willingness to listen to those who stop her. I wish I was with her. Though she comes from the same wealthy world as Kaden, I never feel out of place with her, never feel as if I’m an afterthought.
Dinner is announced and we take our seats. I’m delighted when Audrey slides in next to me. Kaden is on one side, Audrey on the other. It’d be perfect if Dell was at our table too. I’ve grown quite attached to him in the short amount of time I’ve worked for the corporation. I’d love to know his wife.
Several people go to the stage and talk about various business ventures. I’m becoming a part of this corporate world and I want to listen, want to learn more. But I’m almost sick with nerves, having a difficult time paying attention. I pick at my food and get as much bread in my alcohol-filled belly as possible. I don’t need to get sick.
When Kaden stands and walks to the stage, I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be his — truly be his without anything holding us back — to have every person in the room know he came in with me, not as a business associate, but as his girlfriend.
Audrey breaks away from the gentleman she was speaking to and smiles at me.
“Damn, Miranda, he truly is a fine man,” she whispers.
We stare as he walks, his stride purposeful, his composure unshakeable.
“Yeah, he really is,” I say. “But it doesn’t mean anything.” I’m still feeling dejected after he becam
e so cold in the back of his car.
“It means something, that’s for sure. It’s clear you’re having a rough time. You have to quit tearing yourself apart. You have to figure this out,” she tells me.
“Nothing should happen between us, but something is whether I like it or not,” I say.
She puts her hand over the top of mine, sympathy in her eyes. “Just remember you’re human, you’ll mess up in life. It doesn’t define you, nor does it erase everything that’s wonderful about you. It’s a privilege to know you, to be loved by you.”
I fight back emotion at the power of her words. “I’m so glad to have you in my life.”
“And I’m glad to have you,” she assures me. She squeezes my hand again.
People surround Kaden; he’s the last speaker for the night. Our dinner has come to its conclusion. There’s no more need to stay around. I don’t want an awkward ride home with him. I’d rather take an Uber.
“Are you ready to leave?” Audrey asks, obviously seeing distress in my face.
“Yeah, I really am.”
“Good, let’s go back to my place so there’s no chance of interruptions. You barely touched your dinner. We’ll order pizza, drink more wine, and watch a chick flick. There’s no reason to talk about things you don’t want to talk about.”
I smile at her, incredibly grateful. “That sounds like exactly what I need.” I don’t try to push my way through the throng of people vying for Kaden’s attention. Audrey and I collect our wraps and purses and walk from the building. We aren’t the first people to leave, though the party is still going strong. I relax as soon as I leave the building. I’m not going to attend work events like this anymore, not when I don’t know what’s happening with my life.
I thought I had made a decision when it comes to Kaden. I’m wrong. A cold affair isn’t something I can enter into lightly. Even if my marriage seems over, I can’t just have sex with someone. There has to be feelings there. I realize I do have feelings for Kaden. I think I’m also realizing, though, that he doesn’t have them for me.