“That was relaxing, thank you for showing me.” Jake runs his hands through his hair to straighten it out.
Now it’s awkward.
He stands up and wanders over to another shelf where I have my movies. I take a gulp of water and I try to think of something to say to lighten the tension in the room.
“So what were you like as a kid?”
“Well, I was a shy kid. My brother Cooper used to pick on me a lot, but he never let anyone else touch me. He was very protective. He used to get so sick of me following him around, but he was my hero. He was so good at everything. I wanted to be just like him.”
“You were shy, really?”
“I was, could never talk to girls and it was hard making friends.”
This is interesting. I can see some of that shyness in him now that I think about it, but he’s so confident most of the time.
“To help, my dad enrolled me in martial arts classes and my mom encouraged me to participate in the school plays. I was terrified the first time I was on stage, but my mom was always there telling me how great I was. I kept at both all through school and by the time I hit high school, I split my time between marital arts and drama. I loved them both and both really helped my confidence. I ended up transferring to The School of the Arts for acting my sophomore year of high school, then continuing on to a drama school after graduation and the rest, as they say, is history.”
“Do you still practice martial arts?”
“Yeah, I do. It’s a great way to keep focused. Plus it keeps me in shape.”
“I see.” I want to ask him more about his childhood, his family, but I get sidetracked instead imagining Jake doing a high roundhouse kick. “You know, I used to take Karate for a while.”
“Really?”
“Yep. I could totally take you. I have a yellow belt you know,” I taunt.
Jake laughs. “Jen, I have a second degree black belt in Karate and a black belt in Aikido, but we can spar sometime if you like.”
“Whatever, showoff.”
“What is Fawlty Towers?”
Standing up with my hands on my hips, I chastise him. “Sacrilege, you have never seen Fawlty Towers? John Cleese is hilarious. Our TV was always tuned to PBS or BBC.”
Jake shrugs his shoulders. “Never heard of it.”
“Sit down and let me educate you then. We’ll watch one. They’re only like fifteen minutes each. You’ll see.” I really hope he thinks this is as funny as I do or I may not be able to be friends with him anymore.
We start to watch and I’m relieved Jake laughs along with me. I stop paying attention to him and enjoy the show.
The Germans is the best episode.
Laughing, I hear Jake laugh next to me.
This is the best part.
John Cleese is a genius.
I can’t help it. I’m laughing and crying at the same time, this is so ridiculously funny. I can’t control it and my stomach starts to hurt. Jake is laughing at me now instead of the show. I try to stop, but John Cleese keeps me going. Tears stream down my face and it’s getting hard to breathe.
Jake turns to me with a concerned look on his face. “Jen, are you all right?”
He looks scared and this makes me laugh harder. I point and crack up at him, almost falling off the sofa. He’s trying to be serious, but I can see that he wants to laugh too. Waving him off, I answer, “I’m fine.” Not sure if he understands what I just said, I try to breathe deeply to get myself under control. Jake looks a little more relaxed now that I have started to calm down and I’m finally able to articulate. “Sorry. That was so funny.”
“Yes, but I was worried about you there for a minute. I thought you were starting to go crazy, it was a little scary,” Jake says as he hands me a tissue from the box on the table.
I wipe my eyes. “Ugh, it’s so healthy to really laugh like that once in a while. It’s good for the soul. Don’t you ever laugh so hard you cry?”
“Not like that, I don’t think I have ever seen anyone laugh that hard.”
“Well, you are missing out. I get that from my dad. He will start to tell a story and all of a sudden he’s crying and laughing and even if the story isn’t that funny, you can’t help but laugh along.”
“Do you see him often?”
“Yes, I see him and my stepmom usually once a month. They live an hour and a half away. Do you see your parents often?”
“No, I lost them both a few years ago.”
Shoot. I didn’t know.
“Drunk driver.” His eyes immediately start to water and it makes me so angry.
“That is so terrible, Jake.”
“Yes. They were both too young. I was really angry for a long time.” He pauses takes a shaky breath and continues. “You know what is really sad though? The drunk driver that hit them was just a kid. He was only nineteen at the time of the accident. He had been drinking at a house party, like most of us did at that age, and got behind the wheel, thinking like any kid his age that nothing would happen. He wasn’t a bad kid, just should never have been driving. Now he has to live with killing two people for the rest of his life, not to mention all the consequences that came along with it. I can’t even imagine what the guilt must be like for him.”
Wow! Jake having compassion for the person who took away his parents is admirable. I’m completely awestruck right now.
“I’m sorry. It’s really hard to lose a parent, let alone both at the same time. I can’t even imagine.”
“I have my brother Cooper and his family now. Life is short. You have to make the most of the time you have, you know.”
“Is that why you do so many dangerous things; rock climbing, motorcycles, your own movie stunts? You seem like kind of an adrenaline junkie.”
“I guess those things make me feel exhilarated, more alive, but I’m careful. When I want to do something I always do my research ahead of time. I take my time learning everything I can about it and I plan. I’m a planner and a pretty cautious person. Once I’m prepared and have all the information, I make my move. I never jump into anything with both feet without knowing exactly what I’m doing.”
I take a breath and say, “My life must seem pretty boring to you?”
“No, not at all. More peaceful, I guess. I like that though.” Jake gives me a small smile and I smile back. “Is there anything you want to do that you haven’t?”
“Oh, lots of things. Let’s see…I always wanted to learn how to surf, but I’m scared of sharks and don’t want to be part of the food chain.”
Jake chuckles. “That’s too bad, surfing is an amazing sport. What else?”
“Well, sky diving sounds exhilarating, I just don’t know if I could actually jump.”
“Oh it’s fun. If you go up high enough, you can see the curve of the earth. You should try it.”
“Maybe someday,” I muse. “Travel more, definitely, I want to see everything. There are so many incredible places to see, cultures to experience, and I want to see as many as possible.”
“Jen, can I ask you a personal question?”
“Sure.”
“Do you want to stay here and work in the café forever?”
“I love the café,” I say defensively.
“I know, but it seems with all the hours you work you don’t have time for anything else.”
“I don’t want to work six days a week for the rest of my life, but it’s mine. The café is me.”
“Hey, don’t get me wrong, I think the café is great. But don’t give up on the other stuff. Life is short. You have to go out there and live it.”
I don’t really know what to say.
Maybe he’s right, but I love the café.
I can love it and love other things too, I guess.
Am I holding myself back?
I frown down at my hands as I digest what he said.
Jake stands up and looks at his watch. “It’s getting late. I better get going.”
He grabs his jacket off the
back of the sofa and I follow him to the front door.
“It was really good to see you, Jake. How long are you in town?”
“I leave tomorrow,” Jake says looking down at his shoes.
“Oh.” Suddenly my bare feet are really interesting too.
I don’t want him to go.
This was too good and too short and now he’s leaving.
Who knows when or if I will see him again?
Jake stands on the porch facing me in the doorway. When I look up, he takes a step toward me, puts his arms around my waist and pulls me gently to him, causing my arms to automatically come up around his neck so I can hug him back. His face is buried in my neck and mine is on his chest as I close my eyes to savor this moment.
Softly, against my neck Jake whispers, “It was really good to see you too, Jen.” He gives me a final squeeze, then his arms are gone. He walks down the steps and I miss him already. Getting on his bike, he looks back up at me as he starts the engine, nods, and my hand goes up in a wave as he pulls away from the curb.
“Bye, Jake,” I say as he drives away.
Chapter Nineteen
One is very crazy when in love. Sigmund Freud
November
It’s been a couple of months since Jake was here. We’ve talked on the phone and texted. He went to visit his brother and told me all about his nieces and the good time they had. He obviously adores them. I really enjoyed hearing about that. From what he has told me, it sounds like his brother is still his hero. Each time we talk, I learn a little more about him. We exchange funny stories about growing up and Jake is constantly teasing me about my clumsiness.
Last week, Jake and I had the most amazing night on the phone. We talked for hours, learning new things about each other. I smile as I remember one particularly awkward moment during our phone call…
“So…”
“So, I did play sports as a teenager. I played softball, basketball, volleyball, and pretty much anything the school offered. I was pretty athletic back then and basically a tomboy growing up.”
“You must have gotten hurt a lot,” Jake teases.
“Is that a crack about my clumsiness? No, I didn’t Mr. Smarty Pants. I’m not clumsy when I’m playing a sport, just when I do everything else.”
“Okay, how about kids, do you like kids? Do you want kids?” he asks.
“Oh yeah, I love kids. I would love to have kids. If I had my choice I would have three boys.”
“Why three boys?”
“Well, growing up as an only child, the house was always quiet. I used to love going to my friend’s house for dinner and sitting at the table with her and her three brothers. They were loud and fun and it was completely different than what I was used to. They played together and fought together, but it seemed great to me. Having a bunch of kids running through the house is what I want and boys are so fun; I wouldn’t know what to do with a little girl.”
“Jen, you are a girl.”
“I know.”
“Well, you better get on that. You’re not getting any younger.”
“What? I’m still young and I have plenty of time.”
I can’t believe he said that.
“I’m just saying three boys is ambitious. I know, I’m a boy and I had a brother growing up. You need to be young to keep up with them.”
Oh my God, does he even realize how far his foot is in his mouth right now.
“Well, since I don’t have much time left, are you volunteering your services?” I snap.
Oh Jenna, filter woman, filter.
“Umm…” Jake doesn’t answer.
The silence is deafening.
“Never mind, I don’t know why I said that, but no more cracks about my age. I’m younger then you. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
“Do you want kids?”
Jake clears his throat. “Yes, yes I do. I love kids. Except I want girls. Two little girls for me to spoil, just like my nieces.”
“Well don’t wait too long, Jake.”
We spent the rest of the night talking politics and music, economy and movies. I must have dozed off at some point in the middle of the night, because I woke up to Jake telling me to go to bed in my ear. Not sure how that happened, but I really hope I didn’t snore.
Jerry and I have been out to dinner a few Fridays after our lesson and I can tell he wants more. I feel so torn about moving forward with him. He’s a great guy. We have a lot in common, but there’s something missing. I know I can’t hold him off forever. When he kisses me goodnight, he’s been giving me this hopeful look, like he wants me to ask him to stay.
Should I take the relationship to the next level or tell him I need space?
Hurting him is the last thing I want to do.
What I do know is that Jake and I are friends. That is all we can be. Every time I talk to him, I like him more and more, but even with all our phone calls and texts, I don’t see how we could ever be together. His life is so different from mine, not to mention the fact that he doesn’t live here.
Today is Friday and after our lesson I ask Jer if we can stay in for dinner tonight at my place. It’s November and it’s getting colder as we get closer to the holidays and having dinner in front of the fireplace seems to appeal to him as well. I’m making pot roast and the cottage is cozy warm. Jer channel surfs on the TV in the living room while I finish up in the kitchen.
“Jer, what do you want to drink?”
“Can I have a glass of red, please?”
I pour him a glass of red wine and take it out to him in the living room. He sets down the remote to take the glass and I clink glasses with him. “Happy Friday, Jer.”
“Cheers.” He’s left the TV on the entertainment network and when I look up I see Jake and Amy on the screen.
Great.
I take a big gulp of wine and listen as the host describes the different photos of them together walking the red carpet of his latest premiere.
“Jacob Walker and Amy Warren were at the premiere tonight of the final installment of the hit franchise Secret Agenda. The couple looked like Hollywood royalty, arm in arm, on the red carpet. Insiders say there may be a ring on Amy’s finger before long.”
Finishing the rest of the wine in my glass in one big gulp, I watch as they flash pictures of Jake kissing Amy on the cheek. Jake with his arm around her waist. Jake looking down at her with an adoring smile. Jake whispering in her ear… They look completely in love.
I feel sick.
How could he never mention her to me? I thought we were friends.
I need some fresh air.
“Hey Jer, dinner is ready, but I want to let the roast sit for a bit if that is all right. Do you want to go for a walk, I need some fresh air.”
Jerry and I take a walk. The air is cold enough that I can see my breath, but I feel better outside, less like I’m going to vomit. Jerry walks quietly beside me and after twenty minutes, when my teeth start to chatter, we head back inside. Once inside I fix us both plates and we sit in front of the fire eating quietly. I have another two glasses of wine and try to keep a smile on my face. Jerry is enjoying his dinner and smiles at me between bites. He complements me several times on the food and I can’t help thinking how easy it is to be around him. He doesn’t make my heart pound, but I’m comfortable and content. Jerry is so sweet and he is here with me and I know he wants to be.
Jer catches me as I observe him and asks, “Is everything okay? You seem a little quiet tonight and you haven’t really eaten anything.”
Making a decision, I put my glass down and give him a kiss that lingers a little longer than normal. Jer looks up at me with hopeful eyes and I know what he’s thinking.
“Stay with me tonight, Jer?”
His eyes light up and he gives me the most beautiful smile. “I thought you would never ask.”
Chapter Twenty
Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet? L. M. Montgomery
/> In the morning I slip out of bed and climb in the shower. As I stand under the warm water, I think about last night.
I had sex with Jer.
He was gentle and considerate. He held me after and he fell asleep with his arms around me, sighing contentedly. It was good. Not mind blowing, but good. Once he was asleep I stayed awake, thinking. I thought I would feel better. I thought I wanted to feel safe and wanted. He’s good to me. We have so much in common. He’s crazy about me.
It isn’t enough.
I slept with him for all the wrong reasons and now I hate myself. Not for what we did; I really wanted it to work. But it didn’t, not for me, and now I feel sick. I feel like I used him somehow. I mean, I basically threw myself at him even though my gut was telling me it wasn’t right; even though I knew something was missing.
I care about him, but I don’t get that feeling you’re supposed to get. It’s safe and comfortable, but I don’t want that anymore and I can’t lead him on.
I want to feel my blood rush through my veins. I want my heart to pound in my chest. I want that zing when I look into his eyes. That all-consuming need to touch him and be with him. Like with…
Pushing my head under the water, I stop that train of thought right there. Washing my face, I try to figure out the best way out of this.
There is no easy way.
I hope I can salvage a friendship with Jerry because I would hate to lose him as a friend.
Ugh, this is a nightmare.
Stepping out of the shower, I hear a phone ring.
Must be Jerry’s phone, no one I know would call this early on a Saturday.
As I dry off, I hear Jerry’s sleepy voice talking to someone.
Hmm…It sounds like a wrong number.
Taking my time drying off, I stall as long as I can to gather my thoughts. I grabbed my clothes on the way in here so I get dressed and put my hair up in a ponytail. With a last look in the mirror and a deep breath for courage, I open the door and find Jerry with a confused expression on his face.
“Good morning.”
“Good morning, Jen. What time is it?”
Sweet Dreams (Sunset Dreams Series Book 1) Page 7