by Ava Danielle
Chapter 16
As we approach a car accident, my heart about stops. I see Violets backpack on the ground. Someone else owns the same backpack, right? That’s when I see Michael’s car, wrapped around a tree. I’m frozen. I feel like I’m about to faint. I see paramedics running all around, I can’t move, I’m stuck in the same spot.
Please tell me this isn’t happening. I hear people yelling, screaming at their top of their lungs, they are looking at me. But I can’t answer. I can’t say anything. “Addison, ADDISON!” I hear someone say. Why are they yelling my name? Why is Michael’s car crushed? Where is Michael? Why is Violets backpack on the ground? I start to near the crash scene, there’s nothing left of the front hood, there are paramedics with stretchers pulling people. That’s not my daughter. Tell me that’s not my daughter. “VIOLET!” I scream. No one is saying anything back. They keep moving. They are taking her away. Where are they taking my baby girl? “VIOLET!” I scream again. I feel someone shake me. But I push them out of the way, running toward my girl.
Some paramedic pushes me out of the way to get to Michael. Shit, Michael. What the fuck happened here? “Addi, do you want to go with the ambulance? I’ll go back to tell Brandon.” I stare at her blankly. What does she mean ‘go with the ambulance’? I feel someone grab my hand, I think it’s Kristina, and push me into the ambulance, “She’s the Mom.” I hear her say as I see my baby girl lying on the stretcher. She’s covered in an oxygen mask, there’s blood everywhere. Every. Fucking. Where. There are cords hooked up to her, a machine that is beeping. I’m still frozen.
My shirt is soaked, I didn’t even realize I’ve been crying. The door to the ambulance closes, and we drive off. The sirens are going. This is bad, really bad. I see the paramedic; I think he introduced himself as John, working on my baby girl. Why is he pressing her chest? Why is the other guy speeding through the streets? She’s fine, right? Oh please, tell me she’s fine. I can’t lose her. She’s my everything.
We get to the hospital when John and his partner pull out the stretcher and race through the doors. What in the world is going on, I follow, I think I’m running behind. “You can’t go any further ma’am, we’ll be out with information as soon as we know more,” some nurse told me.
What are they doing to my baby girl? Why can’t I go in there? She needs me. She fucking needs her MOTHER! I pace the hallway, back and forth, back and forth counting the stupid tiles on the floor. Forty-eight fucking tiles in this little corner. Why didn’t they put fifty, it would’ve made more fucking sense. I pace some more. I don’t know what to think. What in the world happened? How the hell was his car wrapped around a tree?
I sit down in the chair and watch doctors, nurses, and other crying women and men running through the hallways. I feel alone. So extremely alone. I put my head into my hands and look down. This just can’t be happening. Only a few hours ago we were eating dinner, I was introducing Brandon into our life. Was this a fucking sign? Did I make the wrong decision?
I sob into my hands, when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I raise my head up, hoping it’s a doctor, I see Brandon sitting next to me, holding me tight. “What are you doing here?” I snap at him. I’m not meaning to, I’m overwhelmed with feelings. “Baby, you think I’d leave you alone now? Kristina is at home watching the kids. Emma is having way too much fun with Benjamin,” he smiling.
I can’t smile, there’s no reason to right now, but I do let him hold me.
I need him.
I’m glad he’s here with me. “He tried to kill my daughter,” I say to Brandon. “No, honey, he didn’t, it was an accident.” I get up and scream, “Accident my ass, he tried to kill my daughter. His daughter!” I start to sob again, pacing the fucking hallways. “Come sit down, baby,” he says. I pace back and forth, when the doctor comes out of the OR. Finally! I run toward him, and give him that pleading look. Please fucking give me good news. Please!
“Are you Mrs. Walker?” I nod my head. “Yes,” I whisper. “Your husband is out of surgery, he’s in the ICU. The next 24 hours are critical.” I interrupt him before he goes on to tell me about Michael.
“My daughter. How’s my daughter?”
The doctor gives me a blank stare, looks down, and it seems like hours before I hear his response. “She’s still in surgery, ma’am.” I don’t know how to deal with this. “Then come back when you have better news.” I tell him as I walk away and sit back down next to Brandon. I can’t keep still.
My hand rubs through my hair, my breathing can’t be kept under control. Brandon has his hands on my thigh, pushing in when he notices me lose it. He’s got a way to keep me under control and to think positive. No matter how hard it may seem. “I’m going to go get you some coffee, I’ll be right back,” Brandon says as he gets up and walks away. I’m trying to keep my thinking under control.
What if I will never be able to say goodbye to Violet? I can’t lose my firstborn; I can’t lose her to something like this.
Brandon comes back with a cup of coffee and hands it to me. “Drink some baby,” he says as I grab the coffee from him.
“What if I’ll never able to say goodbye, Brandon?” I whisper to him in between sips. “Babe, you will. She’s going to be all right. Remember what you told me about her? She’s a fighter. She’s going to fight her way through this. She’s going to come out of this just fine.” Brandon tries to console me.
“You don’t know that,” I say looking down to the floor.
I know he means well, but there’s no coming out of this.
The door to the OR opens again and the doctor walks back up to me. I run to him, dropping the coffee cup in the process. “Any news on my daughter?” I ask in a panic. “Would you like to see your husband? He’s in ICU, not fully awake yet but we’ve been told he’s been going in and out.” The nerve of this man. “I could care less about that; he put my daughter in danger. Besides, we’re separated, he’s my soon to be ex-husband. How’s my daughter?” The doctor gives me a bit of a shocked look, eye brows raised, I could care less what the man is actually thinking right now. “She’s still in surgery, we will give you an update as soon as we have one,” and I walk away.
The staff in this hospital is starting to piss me off. “You sure you don’t want to see Michael?” Brandon eases toward me. He grabs my hand, trying to reassure me. “I don’t think I can. I am mad, Brandon. Do you understand? He put her life at risk, not even thinking twice. I don’t care if he was drunk or mad or whatever, that’s something he shouldn’t have done and I’ll never forgive him for it.” Brandon takes my hand, pulls them toward his lips, and kisses them. “I love you Addison.”
I put a smile on my face, the first one I think. “I love you too, Brandon,” and lean into his chest.
The next few hours I lay in his arms sleeping. He must have a knick in his neck by now. I’ve put him through hell with all this. “You probably should go, Brandon. I don’t want to keep you here.” I whisper to him while looking right into his beautiful brown eyes. “I’m not leaving your side, baby,” he says with a smile. “But Benjamin needs you.” I’ve put him in an awkward situation. “I’ve been texting with Kristina, and a friend of mine, we’ve got the kids situation under control, and don’t you worry. I’m not leaving your side, babe, at all!”
Very thankful I smile at him and mouth, thank you! I kiss his lips, right as the doctor comes back out of the OR, removes his mask, and looks down. The face he’s making is telling me everything I need to know. I fall into Brandon’s arm, holding on for dear life for the bad news ahead.
“There have been some complications during surgery on her abdomen, we got it under control, everything is sewn back up and she’s on a monitor right now. So far everything is looking really good and we’re extremely hopeful. She’s on her way up to the ICU. You’ll find her in the same room with your husband, I mean, ex, sorry. She’s hooked up to a lot of machines so please don’t get discouraged. Everything is fine; we’re just making sure it stays that w
ay.”
I hug the doctor thankful for the great news. At least I consider it great news. I lean back from the doctor, and hug Brandon, “I told you, she’s a fighter like her mom,” he says as he kisses my forehead. “Let’s go see her.” And with that we head toward the elevator and go up to the ICU.
Brandon never letting go of my hand, he’s close to me. If there was ever a time I needed to know he loves me, this definitely is the time he proves it.
After we put on scrubs, we make it into the ICU. Michael is behind the front curtain, but I walk right past it. I pull a chair out and sit right next to my daughter. “I’m so sorry, baby,” I whisper as I take her hand into mine. “I never meant for any of this to happen.” Brandon gives me the space I need. He stands by the window, looking out, as I rub my daughters hand and look at all the cuts in her face and on her arm. “This should never have happened to her, Brandon.” I say looking at him.
He turns around, comes near me, and sits on the armrest next to me. I put my head into his lap as he rubs my back. “I know, baby, I know.” He continues to rub my back.
I think we sit there for hours, when I needed to use the ladies room. Enjoying his nearness, I held it a little too long. As I remove myself from his hold, and make my way to the restroom, I walk past Michael, I pull the curtain around his bed, and give his bed a kick, a good fucking kick. “You’re an asshole Michael, an asshole!” I shout at him, put the curtain back and head to the restroom.
Afterwards, I sit down on Brandon’s lap, who’s sitting in the chair next to Violet. “Feel better?” he asks me. “Yeah, I held it a little too long.” I say to him with a giggle. “Not about that babe, you gave that bed a pretty good beating,” he says with a chuckle. “Fucker deserves it!” I spit out at him. He holds me so tight, “I love you, babe” he says as he kisses my neck. I lean into him, tight, and we sit… for hours it seems. I think I would’ve already broken down if I didn’t have him.
Chapter 17
It’s been seventeen hours. Seventeen hours of sitting. Seventeen hours since the accident. Seventeen hours of worry.
I still sit next to Violet waiting for her to wake up. I just want her to wake up, when I hear the machine behind me beep. I turn around, but don’t care. His machine beeps louder, more consistent, when I hear the nurses rush in and mumble.
They are working on Michael, while I continue to hold Violet’s hand. I see her eyes flutter. The beeping must’ve woke her up as well. She takes this massive breath, struggling with the tubes down her throat. “Help, nurse, my daughter is waking up,” I yell.
She comes around from Michael. I remove myself to give the nurse the space she needs to help my daughter. “Hey young lady, you gave us quite a scare,” she says as she adjusts all her lines and removes the tube. Violet starts to cough and looks around the room. “Honey, you’re in the hospital, you’ve been in an accident, but everything is ok now. Here’s some water,” she pushes the straw between her lips to moisten them. “Do you know your name?”
Violet coughs, “Vii — o — lllll — et”, she stutters out.
“Good. Your mom has been here by your side the entire time. I’m going to give you two some space and come back in a little while to check your vitals again,” she says as she walks back over to Michael.
“How’s daddy?” she says.
“Never mind that. Brandon and I have been worried about you. Can you tell me what happened?” I look at her, pleading she has some answers.
Brandon walks around to me, giving me the support I need. “I’m sorry, mom, I didn’t mean to,” she whispers. “Honey, you don’t have anything to be sorry for.” I reassure her squeezing her hand. “For running away, I was mad.” I smile at her, “Of course you were honey, it’s all ok, it’s all going to be ok.” she closes her eyes. “Am I grounded now?” I laugh. “No, I’m just glad you’re alive. I couldn’t handle losing you. I love you, baby,” she squeezes my hand. “How’s daddy?” she looks at me. “He’s actually right behind me. Once you’re up to it you can see him, he’s not doing so good, his machines were going off, when you woke up.” I say to her. “Is he ok?”
She sighs as she tries to get up. “Stay put young lady.” Brandon excuses himself to get us something to drink besides the water the nurses gave us.
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“Are you and Brandon serious?” I choose my words wisely.
“We are getting there. I love him, V,” she smiles at me.
“I see that, Mom, the way you two look at each other. It’s kind of sickening,” she says with a big grin.
I tell you what’s sickening, having this conversation with her, while her dad is only a few feet away fighting for his life. What’s even more sickening is the fact that I could care less. My baby girl is alive and that’s what matters most to me. She may be alive and fine, but I will never forgive him for this, there’s no going back from this. He’s just proven to me again, that he’s not worth it.
“Oh really? Wasn’t too long ago you had a crush on a boy and he consumed your every thought and you about drove us crazy with your stories and how you liked him.” I throw back at her. She smiles.
Brandon comes back in the room, two sodas in his hand, pulls his chair over next to me, and hands me my soda. He starts to pop the lid on hers, puts a straw in it, and holds it out to her. I think I just fell even more in love with him.
As she’s sucking down the soda, he winks at me. This hopefully proves to her, that Brandon cares for not just me, but for all of us.
Michael’s machines start beeping again, Violet screams,
“It’s going to be okay, V, just lay back down.”
I get up out of the chair, and watch the nurses rush back in, and mess with his machines. I watch every detail that is happening so I will be able to tell our daughter her dad will be ok.
His eyes pop open, and he looks right at me. I don’t know whether to look away, or keep staring. The look on his pale face is scaring me a little. He doesn’t look like he realizes what is going on. I feel bad in a way, but I still hate him. I hate him for what he has put me through the past seventeen, eighteen, nineteen hours. I’m not sure what possessed me, but I grabbed his hand. I feel Brandon looking over to me, I feel him glancing at me. I give Michael a squeeze, releasing, and letting the nurses get back to helping him.
I walk away and walk into Brandon, begging him to hold me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt him hold me that tight. He kisses my forehead, and we both look at V. She’s laying in her bed smiling. “I need to call Kristina and the kids.” I say to Brandon.
“The kids are in school, but go ahead and call Kristina, she’s been worried about you, she’s wanted to come a few times, but I told her to hold off until you were ready for more people.” I smile at him, his concern for me is the best feeling he could give me. “Thanks, babe,” I whisper as I kiss him.
I pull my phone out of my jacket pocket and excuse myself as I walk out of the room. I dial Kristina’s.
Addison!!!! Oh my god! How are you?
I’m ok. Violet is awake and seems to be doing well. Michael just opened his eyes, it seems to be looking up for him, too. How are the girls? How’s Benjamin?
I took them to school this morning, they were a little shaken up, I told them school would be a good distraction. They’ll be fine. And once they know everyone is fine, they’ll feel a lot better too.
Good. Good.
How are you holding up, for real?
I’m glad Brandon has been here, he hasn’t left my side except to get a drink here and there and use the restroom. I think I might have scared him when I kicked the shit out of Michael’s bed. He took it as a joke, but who knows
You did WHAT?
Yeah… not my finest move ever, but I just couldn’t resist, Kris, I’m so fucking pissed at him.
Fuck Addi, I wouldn’t have stopped at beating the shit out of his bed, I would’ve beat the shit out of HIM.
I laugh at her
&
nbsp; I know you would’ve. Let’s just say I’ll never forgive him for this. I’m just glad it’s all ok and over now. I don’t know what happens from here on out though. Fuck if I even know if I trust him with the girls ever again. V. hasn’t told me what exactly happened yet.
She needs some time to process all this.
I know.
Alright, get back in there. I got all the kids under control, give me a call if you need me or if I can do anything. I’m here for you. I love ya!
Thanks Kris, Love ya too. Bye.
Bye
As I walk back in the room, I overhear Brandon talking to Violet.
Violet: I’m sorry Brandon. I didn’t mean to run away and hurt Mom the way I did. I know she’s probably mad at me.
Brandon: She’s not mad. She was scared, that’s all. She worries about you. You’re her baby girl, she does everything she can to make sure you’re ok.
Violet: I know, I’m so sorry.
Brandon: Don’t worry about it honey, she’s happy you’re ok, and to both of us that’s all that matters.
Violet: I like you
Brandon: I like you too. A lot. I want you to know that I love your Mom a lot and I would never do anything to come between you and her, you and your dad, or anyone else. I’m here to help you guys and to love you guys. That’s really all. I’m here if you ever need to talk.
Violet: Thank you.
Brandon: You think you can tell your mom what happened with the accident?