by Jack Wallen
SCOTT
Sally, have you heard about the new haunted house? Have you? Have you? It’s called the Gaultier House and it’s gonna be the scariest haunted house ever. Wanna go? Do ya? Do ya?
SALLY
And you wonder why everyone calls you…
SCOTT
OFFENDED
You promised!
SALLY
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything…
SCOTT
SCOTT GRABS HIS BACKPACK, HIS LUNCH, THE NEWSPAPER, AND STORMS OUT OF THE HOUSE. SALLY AND HIS MOM ARE LEFT STANDING.
SALLY
I didn’t mean anything Mrs. Sellers. Honest, I was just….
MOM
I know dear. You probably should run after him and apologize. I’m sure you can smooth things out. You know how he hates that nickname.
SALLY
I know. I just wasn’t thinking.
You two better get going or you won’t catch him before he reaches school.
SALLY
You’re right. Thanks Mrs. Sellers. Bye.
MOM
Bye Sally.
SALLY CHASES AFTER SCOTT AND CATCHES HIM BEFORE HE REACHES THE SCHOOL.
SALLY
Scott, wait.
SCOTT DOESN’T STOP
Please Scott. I didn’t mean to…
SCOTT STOPS AND TURNS
SCOTT
Call me Spooky? You know how much I hate that.
SALLY
I’m sorry. Really.
SCOTT
Swear you won’t say it again?
SALLY
Pinky swear.
THEY DO A SYMBOLIC HAND SHAKE WITH THEIR PINKIES.
SCOTT
So, do you wanna go to the Gaultier House with me?
SALLY
Nah.
SCOTT
Why not?
SALLY
I just don’t like to be scared.
SCOTT
Oh man…how could you not? Being scared is the best. It makes you feel so alive and so…so…I don’t know…scared. I can’t explain it, but horror is just something we have to have.
SALLY
Maybe you do. I’m just fine without it. Besides, being scared makes my hair frizzy and I don’t like frizzy hair.
SCOTT
Are you sure you don’t wanna go? You don’t know what you’ll be missing.
SALLY
Sure I do. I’ll be missing screaming, hiding my eyes in my mom’s skirt, peeing my pants, and feeling my heart jump out of my chest. No thanks.
SCOTT
Fine. Have it your way.
SALLY
I will thank you.
SCOTT
Good, you’re welcome.
SALLY
That didn’t make sense. Good, you’re welcome? Hello, my name is You’re Welcome.
SCOTT
No, it’s Smelly Sally. Sally Sally Smelly Sally. Smells like she was born in an alley. Sally Sally Smelly Sally.
SALLY
SHE STARTS CHASING SCOTT
Stop it Scott.
SCOTT
Sally Sally Smelly Sally.
SALLY
I’ll say it if you don’t stop.
SCOTT
HE STOPS
Fine.
SALLY
Fine.
THEY STICK THEIR TONGUES OUT AT ONE ANOTHER AND EVENTUALLY START LAUGHING LOUDLY.
SCOTT
Why don’t you want to go to the Gaultier House?
SALLY
Okay, okay – I was grounded. I can’t.
SCOTT
Grounded? You? How?
SALLY
For talking back to my mom.
SCOTT
Wow, I never thought I’d see the day when…
A GROUP OF THE SCHOOL BULLIES APPEAR, ALL STARING AT SCOTT AND SALLY WITH EVIL INTENT. WITHOUT A WORD TO ONE ANOTHER SCOTT AND SALLY BOTH TAKE OFF RUNNING. THE BULLIES TAKE OFF AFTER THEM CALLING THEM NAMES.
SCENE 3: GAULTIER GETTING READY FOR HALLOWEEN
LIGHTS COME UP SHADOWY AND SPOOKY BACK AT THE GAULTIER HOUSE. AGAIN THE LIGHTING IS LOW SO WE’RE NOT SURE WHAT IS GOING ON. THINGS ARE MOVING AROUND. WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING IS GAULTIER IS PUTTING THE FINISHING TOUCHES ON THE HOUSE TO GET READY FOR THE MUCH-CELEBRATED DAY OF HALLOWEEN. HE IS SINGING A RATHER FUNERAL-DIRGISH SONG. THERE ARE OTHERS HELPING HIM. TO THE AUDIENCE IT WILL LOOK LIKE THE HOUSE IS TRULY HAUNTED. A THUNDERCLAP IS HEARD AND THE LIGHTS GO BLACK.
SCENE 4: THE JACK O’ LANTERN AND THE HAUNTED HOUSE
SCOTT IS SITTING ON THE FLOOR CARVING A PUMPKIN. MOM IS IN THE ROOM WITH HIM.
SCOTT
We learned the story behind the Jack O’ Lantern today.
MOM
Yeah? You wanna share?
SCOTT
It was an mean old Irish man named Stingy Jack who liked to play tricks on everyone. One day he played a trick on the devil and trapped him in a tree. So Stingy Jack made a deal with devil that he would let him out of the tree if the devil promised not to take his soul. The devil agreed and Jack set him free. When Stingy Jack died and went to heaven St. Peter told him he was too cruel to be in heaven so he had to go to the other place. When he got to the other place the devil made good on his bargain and told Jack he’d have to wander the darkness between Heaven and “H”, “E”, double hockey sticks. But Stingy Jack was scared of the dark so the devil tossed him an ember from the flames of “H”, “E”, double hockey sticks and Jack put the ember in a hollowed out turnip. So Stingy Jack roamed the darkness lighting his way with his Jack O’ Lantern.
MOM
How did it get form a turnip to a pumpkin?
SCOTT
The Irish realized that pumpkins were easier to carve out so that’s what they used. They put candles in the pumpkins to keep Stingy Jack and evil spirits away.
SCOTT HAS FINISHED CARVING HIS JACK O’ LANTERN AND SHOWS IT TO HIS MOM.
MOM
Ooooh scary! What a wonderful job you did. Here let’s put a candle in it and see what it looks like.
SHE LIGHTS A CANDLE, PUTS IT IN THE PUMPKIN AND TURNS OUT THE LIGHTS. THE PUMPKIN GLOWS EERILY LIGHTING UP SCOTT’S AND MOM’S FACES. DAD COMES IN AND FEIGNS BEING SCARED BY THE SITE.
DAD
Ahhh! It’s an evil spirit. Help! Get me outta here!
MOM FLICKS ON THE LIGHT
SCOTT
Gotcha! You were scared.
DAD
I sure was. Let me see. Wow, what a Jack O’ Lantern. That’s your best one yet.
SCOTT
You really think so?
DAD
I know so. Don’t you think honey?
MOM
Simply the finest Jack O’ Lantern ever. I’m sure that’ll keep Stingy Jack away from our house.
DAD
Stingy who?
MOM AND SCOTT LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER AND LAUGH.
Did I miss something?
MOM
Only the most enlightening history lesson ever taught in this house.
DAD
Tell ya what, why don’t you fill me in on the way to the haunted house!
DAD STEPS OUT.
SCOTT
Oh boy!
MOM
Why don’t you ask Sally if she wants to go.
SCOTT
She can’t. She’s grounded.
MOM
Sally? Grounded? I never thought I’d see the day.
SCOTT
She talked back to her mom so they grounded her.
MOM
Can’t argue with that. Well, why don’t you ask one of your other friends?
SCOTT IS SILENT
You can ask anyone.
SCOTT IS STILL SILENT
What’s wrong Scottie?
SCOTT
Since we’re going to the haunted house instead of trick or treating, can I get some candy on the way?
MOM
I’ve already taken care of that.
MOM PULLS OUT A PLASTIC PUM
PKIN FILLED WITH CANDY.
Trick or treat!
SCOTT
Oh boy! Thanks mom.
DAD PEEKS HIS HEAD INTO THE ROOM. HE’S WEARING A MASK AND TRIES TO SCARE MOM AND SCOTT. HE DOES SCARE MOM BUT NOT SCOTT.
DAD
Got ya!
MOM
Yes you did. And I’ll get you back mister.
SCOTT
That was awesome dad. Where did you get the mask?
DAD
Oh I’ve had it hiding around for a while. I was just waiting for the right time to bring it out. Guess I found the right time. Let’s go!
SCENE FIVE: INTRODUCING THE GAULTIER HOUSE
THEY ALL LEAVE THE HOUSE. LIGHTS SHIFT TO THE GAULTIER HOUSE. WE HEAR LIGHTENING, WIND, SCREAMS, AND OTHER SPOOKY SOUNDS. IN THE HOUSE THERE ARE PEOPLE WALKING THROUGH BEING SCARED OUT OF THEIR WITS. AFTER A MOMENT SCOTT, DAD, AND MOM ENTER THE STAGE NEAR THE GAULTIER HOUSE. THERE ARE PEOPLE MILLING ABOUT ALL IN WHAT SEEMS LIKE MONSTER MASKS. THESE PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY THE CITIZENS OF MONSTERVILLE IN “MONSTER MODE”. MOM, DAD, AND SCOTT MAKE THEIR WAY TO PAY FOR THEIR TICKETS AND INTO THE HOUSE. THEY ARE GREETED IN AN ANTICHAMBER BY A SERVANT WHO WILL “LEAD” THEM THROUGH THE HOUSE.
SERVANT
Good evening. Welcome to Gaultier House. I am its servant and have been for decades. This house is my master and, once you have witnessed the horrors that live on the other side of this door, you will understand why I remain so faithfully by its side. This house is centuries old…far older than the country in which it now stands. You see, Gaultier House was brought over from England where it served a very disturbed family. The original Gaultier family were a murderous lot who thrived on the torture and killing of their servants. They would place an advertisement looking for a servant, and, once hired, the servant would withstand a most heinous gauntlet of tortures, horrors, and ultimately their demise. But the house is not only haunted by the victims of the insane family. Oh no. The Gaultier family unknowingly hired the deranged daughter of one of their previous victims who made sure that no member of the family made it out alive. Every member of the Gaultier family met their doom many, many years ago on this very day…All Hallows Eve.
Beyond these doors the haunts are very real. Do not disturb, touch, or dwell too long in one area lest you meet the same demise the Gaultier family met. For you see – the mad daughter of the slain servant still roams the halls of Gaultier house.
A SCREAM IS HEARD SOMEWHERE IN THE HOUSE AS A DOOR BEHIND THE SERVANT MYSTERIOUSLY OPENS. FOG ROLLS OUT OF THE DOOR AS HE GESTURES FOR THE FAMILY TO FOLLOW HIM. THEY DO. THE SPOOKS BEGIN.
SCOTT
Are you scared mom?
MOM
Who me? Maybe.
SCOTT
Dad? You scared?
DAD
Heck yeah I’m scared. Did you see the look on that servants face? He looked like he really believed what he was saying.
SCOTT
Do you think any of it’s true?
DAD
I don’t know. Maybe.
AS THEY GO THROUGH THE HOUSE GINGER BEGINS TO STEALTHILY FOLLOW THEM. AT TIMES THEY MIGHT BECOME AWARE THAT THEY ARE BEING FOLLOWED. THEY COME TO THE FIRST ROOM – THE KITCHEN.
SERVANT
This is where one of the very first servants met her doom.
A SPOOK DRESSED AS A VICTORIAN SERVANT JUMPS OUT TO SCARE THEM. MOM JUMPS INTO DAD’S ARMS. SCOTT IS ENTHRALLED.
ALICE (THE SERVANT)
Please help me. Mr. Gaultier frightens me so. I’m afraid I will soon…
SOMETHING FRIGHTENS ALICE AND SHE SCREAMS AND HIDES IN THE CORNER.
Oh please sir, don’t let the master come near me. Please save me from his wretched evil plots and schemes.
A LOUD THUMPING FOOTFALL IS HEARD FOLLOWED BY THE OPENING OF A CREAKY DOOR. ALICE SCREAMS AGAIN AS THE LIGHTS BLINK ON AND OFF. WHEN THE LIGHTS COME BACK UP ALICE IS GONE.
SERVANT
Poor dear Alice. Mr. Gaultier was most unkind in her undoing. Now please follow me.
THEY ALL LEAVE THE ROOM. GINGER STEPS INTO THE ROOM (IN FULL MONSTER MODE) AND OFFERS A LIGHT GIGGLE AND FOLLOWS ON.
SCOTT
This is so cool!
MOM
I think I know how that poor woman felt back there.
DAD
I heard that.
MOM
Just kidding dear.
SERVANT
This next room deserves a limerick. There once was a maid named Haight, who’s skin, you see, was rather white. Gaultier would cry “Here’s acid in yer eye!” The poor dear never put up a fight.
Haight was an elder woman who was one of the best seamstresses in the land. She was brought on to create a Christening dress for Gaultier’s daughter. Being an albino Haight was rather sensitive to the sun. Even so Gaultier insisted she hang their clothes to dry outside in the blistering daylight. Each day she would return from her chores as blood red as a turnip and would sooth her burning skin with a special ointment she purchased from town. One day, however, the daughter became mad with rage at a crooked seam in her dress and switched her ointment with acid.
THE SPOOK PLAYING HAIGHT ENTERS, HER SKIN BURNED AND BLOODY, STUMBLING TOO AND FRO. SHE ATTEMPTS TO LATCH ONTO THE MOM AT FIRST. MOM HOWEVER DUCKS OUT OF THE WAY AND RUNS BEHIND DAD SO HAIGHT TURNS HER ATTENTION TO SCOTT WHO IS STANDING, WIDE-EYED, IN A CORNER.
HAIGHT
My skin. It burns. Please won’t you fetch my ointment young man. Please. It burns! It burns!!!!
HER VOICE GETS LOUDER AS SHE APPROACHES SCOTT. JUST AS SHE REACHES HIM THE LIGHTS FLASH AND GO BLACK. WHEN THEY COME BACK ON SHE IS GONE.
SERVANT
Poor dear Haight. Won’t you follow me please.
SCOTT IS STANDING STILL IN THE CORNER, HIS EYES STILL WIDE WITH FEAR.
MOM
Scott, are you okay?
SCOTT NODS HIS HEAD AND STARTS SMILING
SCOTT
That was soooo cool!
THEY ALL LEVE THE ROOM. GINGER APPEARS AGAIN. THIS TIME SHE LOOKS ON AT SCOTT AND SMILES.
THE GROUP COMES TO THE FINAL ROOM. IT IS RATHER DIMLY LIT SO THAT ONLY THE GROUP CAN BE SEEN. SUDDENLY THERE IS A LOUD THUMPING SOUND.