by Sandy Lowe
Only, it wasn’t. Not really. Not outside of books and movies and country songs where the story ended before people got bored or things got tough. Love was important, sure, but she’d seen enough unhappy marriages, enough divorce, enough love turned to hatred to know that love wasn’t some magic elixir.
Love was a start. It was the beginning. The thing that brought two people together and held them there until they either worked out their shit or they didn’t. It was a foundation you either built upon or chipped away at. Love wasn’t a majestic cure for everything that still needed fixing between them. Love was only a chance, and Lauren didn’t know if someone like Emma should take that chance with someone like her. They might’ve grown up in the same town, but Emma was strong in all the ways she was weak, good in all the ways she was bad, respected in all the ways she was condemned. Love would unite them, and Emma would get the raw end of the deal.
What was Lauren supposed to say to Emma when emotional meant “I’m falling in love with you, but I’m not sure that’s good.”
Instead, she said, “I care.”
That sounded pathetic even to her own ears. Caring wasn’t even decent enough to be the weak sister of loving. Caring was a third cousin twice removed.
Emma stepped back as if those words now filled the physical space between them. “I see.”
How? How could she possibly see? And if she did, then maybe she could explain it for both of them.
Lauren closed the gap and tried again. Tried to put into words what was bouncing around and bursting at the seams of her heart. “Really, that was amazing. The best sex I’ve ever had. You’re incredible.”
She shoved a hand through her hair again and wished for the first time ever that she’d had a relationship or two under her belt. Some experience with saying stuff like this so it didn’t feel like a foreign language. “I want to see you again. I want more than just once.”
Because that’s what it came down to in the end. More of this. More of Emma.
Just more.
“Twice,” Emma said, “three times if you count the night in my bedroom.”
“I want more,” Lauren repeated. She was starting to think it wouldn’t matter how many times, she’d never get enough.
Emma stuck her hands on her hips and nailed her with a glare she must’ve practiced at librarian school. “What does that mean, more? Sex? You want to spend the week you have left fucking my brains out?”
Lauren held back the “Hell yes” that hovered on her lips. She might not have a lot of experience with this emotion thing, but she knew Emma wasn’t really asking about sex. She was asking about a relationship. A commitment. That meant more than a week. That meant going public and facing the consequences. A terrible idea, and not only for her, but for Emma.
“I want us to go out, to see where this goes, to, be girlfriends if everything works out.” Jesus. Did she have to be awkward as fuck and sound like a twelve-year-old? Girlfriends, really? Emma was sure to want to be with her now. “I know it’s a lot, to ask you to visit San Francisco just so we could date.”
Say you’ll come anyway. Say nothing could stop you. Say you care, too.
Emma looked at her like she’d just said they should fly to the moon on Aladdin’s magic carpet. “I can’t leave Sunrise Falls. My job…”
And just like that, all the color seeped from the room. All the sounds hollowed into silence. Emma’s life. Emma’s job. This fucking town. All of it was more important to Emma than she was. The abject disappoint that flooded her veins shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. What had she expected Emma to say? That Lauren was worth a trip across the country? That she cared too? That she fucking loved her?
Nope. Not going to be happening. Emma had been vulnerable during sex, during the ten minutes she’d spent coming down from her orgasm, but Lauren was the one with no defenses left.
Emma picked her skirt up off the floor and put it on—again, shimmying her panties underneath. Lauren watched her methodically reverse her skirt-drop bravery, making more of a statement than if Emma had just come right out and said that “I care” wasn’t good enough.
And she would’ve been right. It wasn’t. Not for Emma and not for herself either. But it was too soon. She didn’t even have a job. The last thing she should be doing was falling in love. The last thing she should be hoping was for the woman who’d just rocked her entire world to move across the country to be with her. But it didn’t matter what was reasonable or appropriate. She wanted, and Emma had said no.
Once Emma had her bra on and was doing up the buttons on her shirt, she said, “You know something? It’s really annoying when you do that.”
Lauren wasn’t sure she even cared what Emma found annoying right now. Just something else she could add to her ever-growing list of stuff people in this town hated about her. “What’s that?”
“When things get hard you shut down. Your whole face just goes blank, like someone switched it off. Now I have no idea what you’re thinking.”
Blank. That’s what Emma thought. That she just pressed escape to close a program so she wouldn’t have to deal. Wouldn’t that be nice right about now.
“I just told you I care about you, and you didn’t say it back. I asked you out on a real date. I told you I wanted a relationship, and you said no. I’m not sure how you’re expecting me to react, but if you’re after understanding and compassion, I’m all out. What we just did, what you just gave me, I’ve never felt that before, and I want more. That’s what I’m feeling, Emma, that I want more and that you don’t.”
Emma’s eyes flashed like lighting in a storm. “I didn’t say no. Stop putting words in my mouth. I said I can’t leave Sunrise Falls. The town council funded my education after Dad died and Mom left. In return, I have to work in the library for six years after graduation. If I quit, if they fire me, that’s tens of thousands I have to pay back within sixty days and without a job.”
Oh. Ohhh.
Why the hell hadn’t Emma led with that rather vital piece of information? Of course, it was the town council’s fault that Emma couldn’t leave. This town had taken everything else from her so why not Emma, too?
“God, I hate this town. That’s so typical. They support you, but with so many strings you can never get free.”
Emma shook her head. “You don’t understand. I had nothing. I had to take the deal, and I’m grateful they offered it. It’s a good deal.”
Lauren sighed. What could she say? It was really annoying that she understood what Emma meant. She’d never had anything of consequence in her life until she’d moved to San Francisco and built something from all the nothing, only to lose it. But Emma had had a real family. A dad who’d died suddenly of a heart attack, and a mom who couldn’t cope. She’d lost them both. It some ways, she’d had it easier than Emma because she’d never really known what it was like to have. She’d never had the opportunity to take it for granted. When her life had fallen apart, she’d had very little to lose. Emma, though, had had everything and lost everything. So, the offer from the council was more than a business deal to secure a librarian for a small rural town. It was a lifeline. Emma’s life.
“I’m sorry. That was a dumb thing to say. I get it. You have to stay.”
Emma took Lauren’s hand, but her posture was stiff and her muscles tense. When she spoke, her voice was funeral procession subdued. “You could stay, too. Date me here.”
From her tone, Emma expected her to say no. No one in their right mind would expect her to stay in a town that wanted to see the door hit her ass on the way out so badly they took turns holding it ajar. She didn’t fit. She was an outcast. A kinky homewrecker who belonged in the big city.
But if they wanted a future, staying was the obvious answer. Emma was too diplomatic to mention it, but the fact that Lauren’s life in San Francisco was nothing but a pile of ashes made the choice a whole lot easier. She could stay in Sunrise Falls, at least long enough to see where this went, and if it wound up happily
ever after, they’d stay long enough for Emma to fulfil her contract with the town. Then they’d leave on a UFO and colonize Mars if that’s what it took to see this place in the rearview.
Years of snide remarks and people crossing to the other side of the street when they saw her coming wouldn’t be easy, but she didn’t feel completely terrible about it. If someone had told her last week that she’d choose to stay in Sunrise Falls, she’d have sworn on her life it’d never happen, and then kicked their ass for good measure. But here she was. Willing to stay for Emma.
She just had to know first.
“You still haven’t said it. I’m pretty bad at begging, but you’re making me want to.”
Emma rolled her eyes, completely unimpressed with Lauren’s lame attempt at humor. “You want me to tell you I care about you, too? After what we just did together? After the way you just pulled me apart and touched everything inside me? After the way you lit me up so I’ll never be the same again? After you showed me not just what I want, but who I am? Do you want me to say that I care? Is that the big revelation you’re holding out for?”
Lauren didn’t even try for a smile. Was it so wrong to hope that her feelings were reciprocated? To want Emma to want more, too? “You make all that sound like the worst thing in the world.”
Emma just stared at her for one long heated second. The very air around them was so charged, it pulsed like the beat of a heart. Then she launched herself at Lauren, grappling and shoving until Lauren’s back hit the circulation desk. All the breath whooshed out of her as Emma tore at her clothes. Buttons went flying and Lauren’s pants were halfway to her ankles before she had the sense to put words together.
“Emma. Jesus. What are you doing?” Emma Prescott going bat-out-of-hell-sexy and stripping her naked at a moment like this was unexpected to say the least.
“What am I doing?” Emma panted, her eyes fierce and her voice raw. “I’m going to fucking show you just how much I don’t care. Just how lame and superficial and not at all satisfying caring is when what I want, what I feel, when this, is so much bigger than some damn caring.”
Emma collided against her, hot and urgent. Emma’s hands were everywhere, clawing at her skin like she wanted to rip it off and reach all the way inside her.
“You want to know how I feel? Well, I’ll tell you. I was really happy before I met you.” Emma gripped Lauren’s shoulders and, reaching up on her toes, kissed her hard, pushing her tongue inside Lauren’s mouth and claiming her with lips and teeth until she could barely breathe.
Lauren kissed her back like she was lost at sea, and Emma’s mouth her only lifeline. The need went bone deep. Her life. Her heart. Their future. “Oh fuck.”
“I was happy before I met you. I have a job I love, friends who support me, and fond memories of you in high school to keep me warm at night. I was content with that. I wasn’t looking for anything more.”
She held on as Emma divested her of the rest of her clothes. She shuddered when Emma stepped back half an inch to study her, Emma’s obvious enjoyment at seeing her naked at odds with what she was saying.
None of it made sense. God, she needed to come. Maybe it would all make more sense if she wasn’t losing her damn mind as Emma’s eyes bored into her skin. “And now?”
“Now,” Emma dropped to her knees in one fluid motion and looked up at Lauren with the sweetest of smiles, like the world’s most obedient submissive. “Now you’ve made me fucking miserable.”
She moaned when Emma put her mouth on her. The unsated arousal from earlier roared back to life and amped up a thousand percent. Pleasure shot down her spine like fire toward her clit, toward Emma, ready to consume them both in a white-hot blaze. Her thoughts zoomed from one inconceivable revelation to the next. Emma didn’t care. She’d made Emma miserable. But oh God, Emma was licking her, sucking her, stroking her. Emma swirled her tongue from one place to the next in unending, teasing torment. Soft then hard, fast then slow, never staying long enough to make her come but making her near delirious with need.
“I don’t want you to be miserable.” Lauren gasped the words, her fingers in Emma’s hair, guiding her motion, pressing Emma’s mouth to her. Sososo good. Just a little more, and she could come.
Emma looked up at her, her mouth shiny with the evidence of Lauren’s arousal. “It’s too late for that. You made me want more. You made me unsatisfied with a life without you in it. You made caring not nearly enough.”
Emma captured Lauren’s clit between her lips and sucked. Not teasing now but stroking, dipping and pressing with her mouth and fingers all over Lauren’s pussy until the pleasure stampeded inside her, wild and whirling. The need was so strong she thought the orgasm would destroy her before it broke. When she came, the release engulfed her in its fury, roaring through her and leaving nothing in its wake but a cascade of burning embers.
Emma. Emma. Emma.
Her pussy was still pulsing when she somehow found the energy to haul Emma to her feet. “I’m staying. The Cupcake’s going to have to live with it.”
Chapter Sixteen
Emma slid a crusty loaf of asiago cheese bread out of the oven and placed the tray next to a casserole dish of delicious-smelling homemade lasagna. If Lauren hadn’t already been hopelessly in “I don’t care either” with her, this would’ve sealed the deal. Emma had put her hair up in a messy bun with strands falling to frame her face, and she’d changed out of her work clothes into dark skinny jeans and a soft looking sweater. The house smelled like an Italian eatery, and a miniature Christmas tree twinkled merrily next to a roaring fire. Lauren had a glass of cabernet sauvignon, a seat at the kitchen island, and the best view in town. She could get used to all the cozy and homey.
“When do you get vacation time?” Lauren asked.
Emma glanced at her before taking a lethal looking knife from a block and slicing into the bread, releasing an aroma decadent enough to make Lauren’s mouth water. “Early February. Only the most diehard bibliophiles use the library in the dead of winter. Why?”
“I was thinking maybe you’d like to come with me back to San Francisco for a week or so.” Lauren accepted her plate and pulled out a stool for Emma to slide in next to her. “If you wanted to, we could go to Kink’s.”
Emma was about to take a heaping mouthful of lasagna only to have it clatter onto her plate when she dropped her fork. “What?”
Emma’s complete astonishment made Lauren think back through her comment. But it wasn’t any less normal the second time. “We don’t have to, obviously. I just thought you might like it. What’s wrong?”
Emma picked her fork back up and bit into her food like it was going to come to life and snap at her. She swallowed. “You want to take me to a sex club? After today?”
Men were from Mars and women were from Venus, but Emma was from Jupiter. Lauren understood her so little sometimes. “Why not? It’s not like we haven’t already had sex. Three times, didn’t you remind me?”
“Four. I went down on you until you came all over my face.” Emma checked her watch. “About an hour ago.”
She wanted to laugh at the prim and proper tone Emma used to inform her of this oh-so-sexy fact. “Of course, how could I forget. Four times. By February, I expect that number to be closer to four million. What number would suit you before sex clubs were an appropriate venue?”
Emma bit her lip, then put down her fork, on purpose this time, and faced Lauren. “This is new and neither of us have a ton of experience at dating, but I don’t want you to fuck other women. I’m sorry if that makes me an old-fashioned fuddy-duddy and polyamory is the cool new thing. Just, no, okay?”
Lauren put her own fork down. She didn’t know whether to kiss Emma or throttle her. “What on earth gave you the idea I wanted to fuck other women?”
Emma waved vaguely at the air. “Sex clubs! That’s why you go, isn’t it? To find people to fuck?”
Lauren couldn’t help herself. She burst out laughing. “Oh, Emma.”
&nb
sp; Emma’s sigh was long and windy as if all the air in the world had been trapped inside her lungs. “It’s not very nice to laugh.”
Lauren grinned and dragged Emma’s stool closer until their knees touched. “I’m not laughing at you, I promise. I’m laughing because what I meant was, we would go together, and have sex together, if you wanted to. They have equipment and toys that I think you’d enjoy. I was thinking about fucking you, not someone else.”
“Oh.” Emma considered this. “You can fuck me here. Why bother going all the way to San Francisco?”
“Because it’s fun,” Lauren said simply. “Because sometimes a change of environment can be exciting. Because I want to see you trussed up and bound with your arms over your head, and it’s easier there than rigging something homemade to do the job.”
Emma swallowed and Lauren watched her throat work while she waited for her answer.
“Trussed up and bound, huh?”
It took everything she had not to jump up and down in triumph when a telltale blush spread across Emma’s cheeks. “You said you wanted to try bondage.”
“Well, yeah, but a sex club seems—”
Emma trailed off, and Lauren cut in gently. “Like a really safe place to try something new for the first time on equipment designed for the exact purpose?”
Emma groaned. “You think I’m freaking out about the sex club, and I am, but not for the reason you assume.”
Lauren took her hand and squeezed. She tried her best to morph her expression into something non-judgmental. This was a learning curve for Emma. She had to get used to that. “Then tell me so I don’t have to guess.”
Emma looked at her plate and shuffled her feet along the rung of the stool. “There will be other people there. You have a lot more experience than I do.”