She went to her precious hope chest, opened the beautiful lid, and retrieved her journal. She left the lid up to admire the deep blue velvet lining while she found a comfortable spot on the floor.
As she glanced around the four corners of the polished hardwood floor, she adjusted the rug under her hips. Sitting against the bed, she bent her legs at the knees and rested the journal on her thighs. With great care, she opened the small book to an empty page and dated the top right corner.
Emotions floated through her heart in every direction. The best way to figure them out was to put pen to paper. It was the only method she knew of to get her priorities in order.
Today I got happy news that Levi will be fine. That he should be released in a couple of days.
She paused to look up at the bright moonbeam slipping into the room. Then she bent her head and focused on her thoughts. Finally, she put her pen back to the page in front of her.
It’s devastating that the Millers’ barn burned down. The Lord must have brought Levi back to protect little Jake. I’m so thankful He looked after Levi, too. It’s difficult to imagine the Miller family starting over . . . It’s late in the year to rebuild a barn of that size. In fact, it might not be finished before spring.
She frowned at the negative thought. She always focused on the positive. So she mentally ordered her glass to be half full, not half empty. And sighed her relief. Her shoulders relaxed.
Looking on the up side, perhaps this will be a new beginning in more ways than one?
She paused to substantiate her statement.
This particular incident will surely bind Levi closer to his cousins, aunt, and uncle. God temporarily kept Levi here. His heart aches to be close to his family again. He’s never said it in so many words, but I feel as if I can read his mind. It’s got to be the reason he returned.
She gave a sad shake of her head.
I can’t imagine how Levi and his parents felt when they left. But I understand why he’s disappointed with our faith. We let him down. But what’s happened is, in a way, a miracle. I’m not sure what will become of this, but I will pray that Levi’s act of bravery will somehow pull his whole family together.
For long moments she pressed her lips together and tensed as she realized the significance of what she’d just admitted on the lines in front of her.
She looked up at the moon and wondered if she should erase her last thoughts. But wasn’t the point of a journal to express your innermost feelings? If she didn’t write what she felt, what good was a journal? And no one would ever read it but her. First of all, it was an unwritten rule not to look at someone else’s journal, wasn’t it?
Deciding to move forward with her sentiment, she put her pen to paper again and pushed out a determined, honest breath.
I believe God’s love is all about forgiveness. My community is like an extended family. If we don’t forgive others, wouldn’t God be disappointed?
Her hand stiffened with uneasiness as she translated the feelings in her heart into words.
I still don’t agree that we should have shunned Levi’s dad. If he had killed someone . . . if he had abused . . . it would be different.
She frowned and swallowed the knot in her throat.
But that wasn’t the case. Yes, when John Miller drove his own truck, he broke a rule he’d committed to when he joined the church. But the way I understand it, he was put in a pinch when his driver quit.
Standing, she put her journal and pen aside on the floor. She paced the room a couple of times before reclaiming her spot.
She looked back at her written thoughts and assessed them. Before continuing, she questioned her beliefs. Her parents would surely be disappointed that she disagreed with the harsh punishment for breaking the rules.
She returned her journal to Old Sam’s beautiful gift. As the light, pleasant scent of oak filled her nostrils, she smiled. The smell prompted comfort. She closed the lid with great care and focused on the recipe. She traced her finger over the ingredients that Sam had engraved with such expertise.
She blinked at the sudden sting of tears. While her hand lingered on Sam’s work, she allowed her mind to wander. Something about this sentimental piece pulled her to it every evening. It had become a significant part of her life. Because buried inside lay her innermost thoughts. Things she didn’t dare share with anyone, not even Old Sam. Written between the lines were her greatest fears. Her strongest loves. Her secret dreams.
For a blissful moment, she closed her eyes and dared to imagine a future with the man she’d loved her entire life. She even envisioned them with children. In her own home, the very house Levi built especially for her. At Pebble Creek.
She imagined manicuring the front yard hedge and planting tiny petunia plants in front.
Before getting into bed, Annie knelt beside the oversize comforter and squeezed her eyes closed. She pressed her palms together and quietly said the Lord’s Prayer.
“Dear God, You know me better than I know myself. I pray with all my heart that John Miller will be welcomed back with open arms, just like he’s one of us, and that everyone will forget the past and concentrate on what’s ahead. Please bless my wonderful parents and family. And I thank You for bringing Levi back to me. Lord, I know it looks impossible for us to be together.” She inhaled a shaky breath and pressed her hands together as hard as she could. “But You work miracles. God, I want to remain in the Amish faith. I also long to grow old with Levi. My dream is to be his wife. Please, Lord. Let that happen. Amen.”
* * *
At Pebble Creek, the late October sun warmed Annie’s face. Levi’s hands were deep in his pockets, his back to Annie, and he appeared to gaze at the shallow body of water that was unique and special to both of them.
As she stepped closer, she shouted and offered a friendly wave. “Hello!”
He returned the gesture with a big smile and made his way toward her. When they met, he motioned her to the path that paralleled the creek. That dirt walk had become their very own.
“You look better every day!”
“I’m glad I have my folks’ blessing to stay here to finish my doctor visits. I’ve had exceptional care. And I really wanted to contribute to the new barn.”
“Mamma always told me that recovery’s fifty percent attitude.”
“Enough about me. How are you?”
“I went to Sam’s with a special delivery.”
Levi’s grin was mischievous. “Like I’ve said . . .”
She chimed in. “I know; I know. He’s one spoiled man.” She glanced in the direction of the Miller house. “How’s your uncle’s barn coming?”
“Fast; it’s gonna be better than ever. Soon Uncle Marlin will get his cattle back from the neighbors. Then he’ll be back in business.”
The reality of his admission quickly set in. Levi will be going home. I prepared myself for it once. Now I’ll have to do it again. This time I know it will happen. And I dread it.
A large, hard knot caught in her throat. She tried not to cough; instead, she attempted to disguise her concern by lifting the pitch of her voice. “I’m glad things are back to normal.”
“It’s nice the way everyone pitched in. You know, when folks got wind that there was no insurance, total strangers became good Samaritans. Between them and the money from this community, everything can get done.”
She nodded, and they walked in silence. Every once in a while, Levi bent to pick up a pebble and throw it into the stream. Each time, both he and Annie smiled when the water splashed. Then, they continued on. The cool breeze blew a few loose hairs from under her kapp; Annie didn’t bother to tuck them back under her covering where they belonged. Levi was leaving for good. The rest of her life would be devoid of the man she loved with all her heart. What did it matter if a few strands of hair fell over her cheeks?
For long moments they gazed at each other. The flecks in his eyes danced with an unusual flare. “You want to sit down?”
“Sure.”
When they reached their spot on top of the hill, he motioned for her to sit. When she did so, he knelt to join her. Whenever she was close to Levi, she felt secure. Like the earth could rumble but she would still be okay. With Levi, she felt she could do anything. There were no restrictions on their potential. Next to him, she had no fears. Only happiness. Contentment. She’d never experienced such a wonderful, calming sensation with anyone in her life.
They both stared down at the clover patch between their shoes. With one very slow motion, Levi bent to pluck a clover from the ground. When he sat up, he eyed the plant between his two fingers.
She glimpsed it and immediately noticed it had an extra leaf. When Levi lifted his eyes, they both smiled. “A four-leaf clover,” he said. “There aren’t many of these around.” The expression in his eyes was proud. “Maybe one out of ten thousand or so?” There was excitement in his voice. “I’m sure you’ve heard the story about it bringing good luck.”
She nodded. “The English even have a special day for it, don’t they?”
“Yeah, but there’s more to it than good fortune. Mom once told me an interesting story about how it relates to Christianity.”
She crossed her legs at the ankles and rested her palms against the hard ground. “I’d like to hear it.”
With the pointer finger of his left hand, he touched each small leaf, one by one. “Three leaves supposedly stand for the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.” He paused and eyed her with a certain seriousness. “But the fourth represents the grace of God. Some even say the four leaves resemble a cross.”
“That’s a beautiful story.” She smiled. “Thanks for sharing it.”
He raised a mischievous brow and continued. “There’s another old saga about the four-leaf clover that started long before St. Patrick’s Day.” He gave a careless shrug of his shoulders and grinned. “It’s probably nothing but a good story, but it goes that Eve took a four-leaf clover with her when she left the Garden of Eden.” He lowered his voice to a more confidential, serious tone and she leaned forward so she could hear better. “And you know what that means, don’t you?”
She listened with intent interest. For an Amish girl, she was quite sure she had way too much imagination.
“That means, Annie, that anyone lucky enough to find it will get a taste of paradise.”
The corners of her lips pulled upward into a satisfied smile. “That’s better than the best of Old Sam’s stories. Of course we’ll never know if it’s true.”
He gave an amused roll of his eyes. “Maybe not, but don’t you wonder?”
She giggled. It was the combination of the acute interest in his voice and the way he rolled his eyes that made her laugh. “We’ll never know.”
“Myths are interesting.”
She sat up straight and uncrossed her legs to bend them. She adjusted her position and wrapped her arms around her knees to hold them in place. The wind picked up a bit, and she pulled at the front of her coat for more warmth.
Levi continued to eye the clover as if it was a special find. A prize. And it was . . . if all the stories surrounding it were true.
“I know with all my heart that real miracles happen.” She looked at the stream in the distance. The hill on which they sat. “Only God can make a miracle. But it’s up to us to ask Him for it. And sometimes . . .” She took a breath. “It takes longer than we’d like. But there must be a reason; we just don’t know it. In the end, God rewards the faithful.”
A long, happy silence ensued before he nodded. “I like that. And I’m sure what you say is true. In other words, there’s a happy ending to every story. If we pray and have faith.”
She responded with a slow nod of confirmation while she considered her own words. She truly believed them. Did Levi, too? She studied his expression, which was an odd combination of hope and doubt. She wasn’t sure of Levi’s every thought, but she did know him unusually well. Even though they’d missed a decade together, she knew his heart. It would never change. And she guessed Levi wanted more than anything to dissolve his father’s shunning. Maybe he wished his dad could get another chance with the faith. With all her heart, that was what Annie wanted.
But it was up to John Miller to make that happen. And from what she knew, Levi’s dad had never repented. John had never even apologized; nor had he tried to stay in their faith. So what happened was out of her control. Levi’s too.
At the same time, Levi’s interesting stories had sparked her interest. She couldn’t stop thinking about Eve leaving the Garden of Eden with a four-leaf clover in her hand.
Something else wouldn’t leave Annie alone, too. Her strong belief that God would carve out a plan for Annie to be with Levi. She had no idea how He would make it happen. She was fully aware that her wish was a high hope and unlikely to materialize. And observing the situation between the families and faiths, the outcome of a union between her and Levi appeared impossible. But God worked miracles. That she was sure of.
Levi leaned closer and handed her his special find. She held out a steady hand, ready to place the other palm over it so the wind wouldn’t blow it away. “For you, Annie. Maybe you can preserve it to remind you of our time at Pebble Creek.”
As she took the small, faded plant between her fingers, the light sensation from his touch created an amazing sort of reassurance. A comforting sensation. As if God had gifted them a special blessing to bond them even tighter.
She looked around, wondering where to put the clover while they finished their conversation. If she put it on the rock, the wind would take it. If she stuck it in her pocket, it might tear or slip out. She considered the best place to keep it and smiled in satisfaction.
“What are you thinking?” His tone was curious.
“I never want to forget your interesting stories about the clover; the attention we’ve already given it makes it truly special, so I’ll take it home to press and keep it in my hope chest.”
“You want me to stick it in my pocket?”
She eyed his denim and gave a shake of her head. “It’s too fragile.” She eyed the plant before meeting his gaze. “Will you help me put it under my kapp?”
A doubtful expression crossed his face. “Are you sure?”
“Jah. It will be safe there. At least until I get home.”
“Okay.” As she removed a pin from her hair, she carefully placed the clover underneath the soft ends. He held down her kapp while she tucked it under the pin.
Moments later, the wind died down and they reclaimed their original seats on the large stones. She sensed an uncertainty in his demeanor from the way he fidgeted with his hands. He kept wringing them together; finally, he decided on a place to rest them. On his thighs. What on earth was wrong? Was he sick?
“Levi . . .”
When he spoke his voice was firm but emotional. “I’m okay. Just a little . . . nervous.”
“About what?”
He faced her. When she’d glimpsed his fingers, she’d noticed they were shaking. Their faces were so close, her nose nearly touching his. His warm breath fanned her eyelashes.
“Annie, we’ve always been honest with each other.”
To her surprise, his voice suddenly sounded soft and uncertain. What on earth was he about to tell her? Her heart picked up speed until it raced with uncertainty. “Jah.”
“I’m going through something that . . .” He pressed his lips together. “It’s difficult.”
“I know.”
Surprise flickered in his eyes. “You do?”
She offered a slow nod and found her most sympathetic voice. “I think so.”
“Have you been wondering about us?”
Their eyes locked and she didn’t let her gaze leave his. Again, she offered a slow, brave nod.
He squared his shoulders, as if defending himself. To her astonishment, he stood and paced in front of her. “I like to know exactly what to do. I don’t feel comfortable when I’m not in control. In charge.” He hesitated. �
��So, Annie, I’ve been trying to figure something out.” He stopped in front of her and looked down. His voice cracked with emotion. “About you. Even though we’re different faiths, we’re still . . . the same.”
She sat unusually still, trying to understand what he was trying to convey. The wind disappeared. Geese flew south in a V shape.
His voice had lowered to a pitch that was barely more than a whisper. He knelt and breathed. “Annie, I love you. I’ve tried to stop, but I can’t.”
As she took in his words, her heart nearly stopped with happiness and shock. It was pumping so hard, she was afraid it would jump out of her chest. She closed her eyes for a moment to say a silent prayer of thanks. When she opened them, they both stood. This was a dream come true. Maybe there was truth to the clover story.
She spoke from her heart. “Oh, Levi. I love you, too. I mean, I think I always did, but now it’s different.” She paused for a moment to take a deep, brave breath. “I want you to stay. Forever.”
He gazed down at her. She’d never seen such intensity in his eyes. The flecks were going crazy.
“I know our situation isn’t ideal. But do you think we could make this work?”
Excitement edged his voice. “Just think, Annie; you could move away with me. We could get married, have children, and I would build you the beautiful home you’ve always wanted. I promise to take good care of you. Better than anyone in the world.” His voice cracked with emotion. “I want to grow old with you.”
Tears that were a combination of great joy and sadness slipped down her cheeks. At the same time, clouds covered the sun, and a sudden chill prompted shivers up Annie’s arms. But she didn’t try to warm herself. Her heart flooded with love for this man who had told her he wanted to spend his life with her.
Annie's Recipe Page 14