She knew. She didn’t want to run into Joe.
Dammit, he was responsible for her losing the cabin. But she shouldn't let him keep her from enjoying her last year there. She'd check her calendar and plan a mountain trip sometime soon. Maybe next week. Satisfied with her decision, she began humming with the music. Abruptly she halted. The tune was Bocelli and Celine Dion’s beautiful rendition of "The Promise." She recalled listening to it with Joe... and how they'd talked and drawn closer and made love....
No! She couldn't do this to herself. Everything brought memories of Joe. And yes, she had been fool enough to think their relationship, their love, would last forever. And it just hadn't.
The knock on her door was so low that she could hardly hear it over the music. She wasn't expecting anyone and wasn't dressed for company, but the knocking continued, so she went to the door and looked through the peephole.
Joe. Her heart pounded. It was as if some evil witchcraft made him appear when she least wanted to see him.
Maria jerked the door open, suddenly filled with fire. He stood there boldly, wearing a blue shirt and jeans, looking as devastating as she'd ever seen him. A rush of heat surrounded him and pushed inside her air-conditioned room. She braced herself and muttered, "You've got nerve, coming here after our last encounter."
"I know. Can I come in so we can talk?"
"About what? I have nothing more to stay to you."
"Well, I have something to say to you. It's about the cabin."
Maria hesitated. She figured he'd come around to try to mend the rift that had torn them apart. She hadn't expected him to have any other interest, like the cabin. "You said it was out of your hands."
"It is. But I have... Maria, can I come in?"
She uttered a resigned sigh and stepped back.
Joe entered the coolness of her apartment. The familiar music surrounded him, filling him with memories and old feelings. She was dressed in pale blue shorts and a matching pullover. Her blond hair was twisted up on her head, and a few tendrils escaped seductively around her face. She looked fabulous, and he was overwhelmed with the desire to take her in his arms and soothe her hurt feelings. And repair the damaged relationship that kept them apart. But he could do neither.
He gazed at her with incredible sadness in his deep ebony eyes. A tightness gripped his chest as a rush of old feelings surfaced, and he wanted to reach out, to touch her, to hold her close. But he didn't dare. His hands flexed in frustration.
"I thought you might come up to the mountains to get out of this heat," he began weakly.
So he had been watching for her. "I couldn't get away. Working hard."
"You work too hard, Maria."
She nodded. “Probably. What else is there to do? Sit around and think about lost loves? "
“That hurts.”
“Aw, sorry.” She shifted and pretended not to care. “And you, Joe?"
He shook his head wearily. "Every day, another challenge. One headache after another. But we're making small accomplishments that balance it out. I wish you were there to share them with me.”
“Oh, I doubt that.”
"Sometimes I wish I'd never agreed to it. Especially since I lost you.”
"But they need you there and that's what’s most important."
“What’s most important is that I need you there with me, Maria.”
"Funny way of showing it." She gestured toward a chair, "Have a seat since you're here. I'm sure you didn't stop by to talk about the weather or our jobs."
"Right." He moved across the room and settled into a barrel chair. His chest strained his shirt, and his long arms curved around the chair, making his shoulders appear even broader. When he crossed his ankle over his knee, he looked powerfully masculine. One large brown hand rested on his ankle, and she noticed he wore a massive turquoise ring now. He was incredibly handsome, and Maria struggled with her self- control.
Damn! How she still loved the man, even after all he’d done to her. For a crazed moment she wondered what difference anything else made. Maybe their love was all that mattered.
She took a deep breath, regaining control of her emotions, and sat in the chair opposite him.
"Maria, I..." He halted and looked at her with sad, dark eyes.
"Would you like something to drink? I have Perrier or sparkling water."
"No, thanks. I... you know, you look fabulous, Maria. I miss you."
She squeezed her hands together. "You’ll get over it."
"No, Maria. I'll never forget you. I'll never lose this feeling for you.
"Joe-"
"No, that's not why I came here tonight. But when I saw you again, in this place, our music, everything the same yet so awfully different... I don't know, Maria. Something just came over me, and I had to say... I still feel the same way about you." He looked away and sighed. "I hadn't intended on making that speech at all. But now that it's out, at least you know where I stand."
"I can't listen to this, Joe. I just can't." She pushed herself to her feet and walked to the balcony window, hugging her arms.
"Look, I'm sorry. Forget it."
"I wish I could. Wish I could forget everything. But I can’t."
There was silence, then Joe said, "Maria, do you know what we're saying here?"
"Don't interpret anything, Joe. We have differences, big ones. Some that I can't overlook, even if you can. Or think you can. We come from different worlds. We took a chance and it didn't work out. That's all there is to it. I'm glad we both found out before it was too late."
"It isn’t too late."
"Yes it is. It’s over."
"I’m sorry you feel that way. I came to give you some of your own advice. And to make a suggestion—that you can certainly refuse if you want— about the cabin."
She turned around slowly and curiously approached him again. "My own advice?"
He placed both feet on the floor, then leaned forward in the chair. "You see, I'm an attentive student, Maria. I've applied many of the things you taught me to a wide variety of circumstances. For instance, remember the negotiating techniques you helped me memorize before I faced McAndrew in Mexico? There's yes, no, give me more information, give me more time and the counter offer. Now, you're telling me that you can't take the option offered by the tribe to move your cabin."
"Moving might tear it apart. And dismantling and reconstructing would cost thousands. I don’t have that..."
"So your answer is no."
She nodded. "Not my choice, but it's what I'm stuck with."
"Well, why not make a counter offer?"
"A counter? I thought that's what we discussed in your office."
"A counter is something different, something win-win, that you can make to the High Meadow Apache Tribe."
"Like what?" She gave him a derisive chuckle. "On bended knees I'm begging you to scrap this project!'"
“That isn't a counter offer. That's begging."
“It's all I have left!" She felt near tears.
"That's not so, Maria." His tone was low and calm. "I have an idea."
His tone attracted her, and she sat down again. "What?"
"I think it's understood that you can't keep the cabin and live in it the way you have in the past years."
"Yes, you've made that perfectly clear."
"And you won't move the cabin for fear of tearing it apart, right?"
"Absolutely. Otherwise, I'd have it moved immediately."
"So your goal now should be to keep your father's cabin from being destroyed."
"That seems impossible. If I don't move it, the Indians will tear it down after it's abandoned."
"Not if you propose a good use for the cabin. A counter offer."
She frowned. "What are you talking about, Joe?"
He leaned farther forward, bracing his elbows on widespread knees. "Think about this. What if you offered something in exchange for occasional use of the cabin?"
"Something? Like money? I thought we'
d been through that and the Indians want the land, not more rent."
"That's right. We do. And money—" he shrugged "—that's not the issue here. We figure to make more money in the long run by getting rid of the cabins."
"So what could I offer?"
"A service. Something we don't have, something we need or could use."
"A service? From me?"
"Exactly. Something you, and only you, can offer. Like classes in Smile, Rise and Shine. Or the Speak Easy techniques. Teach our people some of your skills. Organize a short program that you could give several times a year in exchange for a few weeks' vacation in the cabin."
She considered this suggestion for a moment. "Well, I've often thought I'd like to develop a program that could be used in high schools. If we could teach young people to be at ease and to communicate better at earlier ages, we wouldn't have adults who are terrified of standing in front of a crowd to speak."
"Then why don't you develop a pilot program for teens? And present it to the council. I think it's a great idea, Maria."
"And how would the cabin fit into this?"
"You'd have to show how it could be used year-round."
“It wouldn't be... just mine?"
"No, I'm afraid that situation will have to stand. But if we can, you can show how the building itself can be put to good use, perhaps we can persuade the committee not to tear it down." His broad hands gestured, almost imploring her to agree. "Maria, I don't think it's possible for you to keep the cabin for yourself. Not at this point, with the structural problems in moving it. What I'm suggesting may possibly save the cabin from destruction, though."
"But I would be able to stay in it?"
He nodded enthusiastically. "Maybe it could be slated for VIP use. For you or others who come to the reservation, like dignitaries who might attend special events. Or teachers presenting special workshops."
"Or for the newly elected chairman to live in?"
"No, it’s not for me. I'm building my own place. I don't need it. Another thought is that it could be used by people, maybe kids, who live on remote parts of the reservation and come to the Cultural Center for classes or special events. Its use could be monitored by a committee to make sure it's kept in good shape. And it could continue to be a special place." Joe braced his hands on his knees and gazed at her expectantly.
She sighed and rubbed her forehead with two fingers. "I don't know what to say."
"Say yes."
She bit her lip and leaned back. "I need time..."
"I know, I know. You need time to think about it." He stood up and stuffed his hands into his hip pockets.
"Exactly."
"I understand. Well, think about it, Maria. I suggest that you work up a plan and present it yourself at the next council meeting. This whole proposal will be more effective if it comes from you."
"You're probably right." She stood up to face him. "I'll... I'll let you know."
"The meeting is in two weeks, on Thursday night." He dropped his hands to his sides and took a few steps toward the door. "I’ll support you any way I can. You can rely on my yes vote."
"Joe?"
He stopped and turned around.
"Thanks."
He nodded silently and started toward the door again.
"Joe..." She waited until he faced her again. "Would you... like to stay... for dinner?"
He chuckled. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but no, thanks. I have an appointment with a local TV station. They're going to tape an interview about the project. It should air this weekend on one of those noon talk shows."
"Afterward?" She twisted her fingers together.
He gazed at her for a moment and knew he could take her in his arms right now. She'd come willingly. He could see the desire in her eyes. But now was not the time. And this was not the way. He wanted it real, wanted their differences aired and settled, wanted her love, not just their lust. "No, Maria. Not this time. We need to think about it."
"Maybe you do."
"I wouldn't want any regrets tomorrow. Two volunteers, remember?"
She nodded. "Okay. I'll let you know about the counter offer."
"Call as soon as you've decided. We'll need to put you on the agenda."
“You sound as though you're organized."
He pressed his lips together. “Yep. Well-organized and goal-oriented. I had a good instructor. The best."
She smiled and he slipped out the door. Without a kiss. Without another word. She watched through the window as his shiny red Jeep drove away. Unbidden tears filled her eyes and overflowed down her cheeks.
In two days, Maria and her secretary, Letty, had developed a roughly outlined idea for several one-day self-esteem workshops and two week- long communications workshops for teenagers. They were innovative and unusual, filled with fun activities that were geared to interest teens yet designed to instruct. She was proud of what they'd developed so far. By the end of the week Maria had decided to do it, to give it a whirl.
"Letty, would you call the tribal council and tell them to please put me on the agenda?"
"So you're going to go for it?" Letty beamed at her boss. "Atta girl!"
Maria nodded. "I don't know, Letty. Sometimes I think it's futile."
"Go for it, Maria!" Letty gave the air a punch. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
Maria smiled at the familiar cliché and gave one of her own. “This is certainly a last ditch effort.”
"Plus, a little vacation in the mountains," Letty agreed. "That's what you need. Get out of this heat. Maybe see Joe. . ."
Maria shook her head. "This is no vacation. I've never been under tighter stress. This is one presentation I have to ace." She whirled her chair around so she could look out the window and nervously hugged her arms. “And no desire to see Joe. Again.”
Not much pressure, Maria thought miserably as she listened to Letty's call to the High Meadow tribal office. This is the most important presentation of my career. Everyone will be listening and observing. Joe will be there. And everything hangs in the balance.
Maria stood in the hallway outside the council room. She didn't know when she'd ever been so nervous before a presentation. She smoothed the skirt of her carefully chosen dress, a black shirtwaist with a wide belt. She took deep breaths and tried to make herself calm. But the herd of buffalo in her stomach wouldn't settle down.
As she waited, Maria mentally ran down her list of tips for good presentations. Act relaxed and confident, even when you aren't. Be concise and specific. Deal with hostile remarks in complete composure. Inhale for five seconds, then exhale slowly. She practiced her breathing.
The door opened and a dark-haired woman motioned. "Ms. Eden? You can come on in. They’ll hear you now."
Maria breathed again and plastered a confident smile on her face. She clutched her computer, which would provide visuals to demonstrate her presentation, giving details of what she'd be teaching.
The circle of dark-haired men gazed solemnly at her when she entered the room. In a group of eight men, there was only one woman. She spotted Joe at the far side and he winked and gave her a thumbs-up sign. Maria set up her computer and the first slide of her PowerPoint presentation went up on the screen.
She smiled confidently at the group. She was too nervous to realize she'd already captured their attention with her striking blond-haired beauty. They were with her before she even opened her mouth. But when she started talking, her confidence and enthusiasm for her project took over.
"Gentlemen, thank you for having me here tonight and for being willing to listen to me. I know you all have special feelings toward your ancestors. Well, I have ancestors, of course. And my feelings toward them are very special, too. So maybe you can understand when I tell you how I feel about the cabin my father built...."
She had touched a nerve. They listened to every word, down to the last, “. . . so this is what I propose as multi-use of this beautiful cabin. To keep it for good use and not to be destro
yed. Thank you very much.”
When she was finished, Maria gathered her computer and stumbled from the room. She was flushed and excited and had suddenly forgotten everything she ever knew about remaining calm.
Joe followed her. "Why don't you wait in my office, Maria? The council needs to discuss this proposal and take a vote."
She looked at him, a question in her intense eyes. “Now? Tonight?”
"You did fine." He nodded, then looked at the woman who'd escorted Maria in and out of the room. "Rona, would you please get Ms. Eden some coffee? And she can wait in my office."
"Yes, sir." She smiled at Maria. "Come with me, please."
As if in a daze, Maria followed. In another few minutes she stood in the middle of Joe's office, her paraphernalia piled on his desk, a Styrofoam cup of coffee in her hand. She sipped. The coffee was almost cold. But she didn't care. She drank it, anyway.
"Anything else I can get you, Ms. Eden?" Rona stood by the door.
Maria smiled wearily. "If you could influence their vote that would be appreciated."
"I wish I could," Rona admitted with an encouraging smile. "I just want you to know that I think your program sounds wonderful, especially the part about building self-esteem. I have two teenagers, and I would want my children to take your classes."
"Why, thank you, Rona." Maria sighed a little in relief. "I... I know it's something the elders have probably never considered, but I feel it's extremely important these days. Especially for the young."
"As a mother, I think it's very important, too. I hope they accept your plan, Ms. Eden. I think it would be good for all of us."
"Thank you."
Rona closed the door quietly and left Maria alone. She paced the room, then sat down, crossing and re-crossing her legs, trying to stay put. But soon she was pacing again. Thirty minutes seemed like forever. She downed the coffee, then decided she had to go to the bathroom. She waited. What if she were in there when Rona returned? Finally she could wait no longer and used the facility adjoining Joe's office.
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