by Virna DePaul
Linda loved the idea that she could do this to him. Make him want her. Make him lose control. And maybe allow herself to release, if only a little, the tight hold she kept on her own.
Linda unbuttoned his pants, slipped her hand inside and cupped the heavy weight of him. Tony closed his eyes and groaned.
With one last kiss she slithered down to kneel between his legs.
He stopped her and pulled her back onto his lap. “Babe, this might not be the best place for this.”
Linda leaned back, surprise clearly etched on her face. In the bedroom, at least, he wasn’t as mellow as he appeared. He’d been game for pretty much anything up to now. In fact, he’d pushed her own sexual experience to its limits.
He smiled gently at her look of confusion and kissed her lips lightly. “What do you say we continue this at my place? A nice comfy bed. Lots of pillows. Lots and lots of other things, starting with foreplay.”
Linda automatically nodded, but it was more to mask her embarrassment than anything else. Had she gone too far? Sure, no one was around, but that could change any second. What was it about her that eventually had to push things over the line? Give herself a little freedom and she went overboard.
Biting her lip, wondering what Tony must be thinking of her, she moved to get off of him. He stopped her.
“Wait. Don’t go anywhere yet. Give me a chance to come down.”
He kissed her again, and Linda could feel how hard he still was. With his hands guiding her, she slowly rested her head on his shoulder and relished the idea that this man...this glorious, sexy, intelligent man...simply wanted to hold her. He stroked her hair.
“There’s another reason I want to go to my place. I—I have something I need to talk to you about. Afterward, if you still want to—”
He shifted slightly, as if he was nervous.
A question formed in her mind. Was he going to propose to her? After such a short time? And if so, what was she going to say?
“How’s your day been? Good?”
She automatically nodded at his non sequitur, recognizing full well he was attempting to steer the conversation away from what he’d just brought up.
It didn’t matter.
It didn’t even matter that he was a waiter and she was an attorney. That just meant she’d be able to support them while he figured out what he really wanted to do with his life.
Yes, she thought. I want to say yes.
He took her hand, brought it up to his mouth for a kiss. The tender gesture almost brought tears to her eyes. I will say yes, she thought.
He leaned up. Kissed her forehead. Then her nose. Her cheeks. When he tried to move away, she grabbed him and kissed him deeply. She didn’t stop for several minutes. When she did, he leaned his head back on the chair, his eyes closed, and tried to catch his breath.
“You’re trying my good intentions, woman.” Holding her hips, he gently slid her off his lap. He groaned as she rubbed against him, then cupped himself through his coffee-colored trousers. For a moment he caressed himself, sliding the palm of his hand over his erect shaft. Linda watched him, entranced.
“Seriously, you’re amazing. You’re going to kill me.”
He didn’t sound like he minded.
He stood and wrapped his palm around her neck before plunging his tongue into the warm wet cavern of her mouth. “I want you. I—I love you.”
She moaned softly at his words. She’d felt his love, but he’d never voiced it before.
He pulled back. “Ten minutes, babe. Meet me at my place.”
When she nodded, he opened the door and checked to see if the coast was clear. He gave her one last heated glance and then disappeared. It was only then that she realized she hadn’t said the words back. I love you.
She did. She loved him so much it was frightening. She didn’t love easy. In fact, the last man, the only man, Linda had ever loved was her father, and her father had hurt her, time and again. She’d never wanted to give another man that same power over her.
But like it or not, Tony already had the power to hurt her.
Because she loved him.
She watched him go with a feeling of dread and excitement. Tony was so much more than she’d expected him to be. If she’d straddled any other guy the way she had him, he would have been inside her in two seconds flat. Tony’s hard-on clearly showed he was interested, but he was still able to maintain control.
Unlike her. And that worried her.
He had no idea what kind of emotional baggage she was carrying around. She should be staying as far away as possible from him, not encouraging even the most casual of sexual relationships let alone something more. Something that involved love. But her heart, so starved for masculine attention, for his attention, was now operating on overdrive. She couldn’t give him up. Not yet. And if he proposed to her, maybe not ever.
As it turned out, Tony hadn’t proposed to her that night.
Instead he’d confided in her. About who he really was—a good man with a history of drug abuse. Of addiction.
And she’d loved him enough to stay with him. To try.
Until loving him and trying to help him had no longer been enough.
Chapter 6
Linda stepped inside the special room reserved at the county jail for attorney conferences. Simon Mau, the defense attorney assigned to Tony’s case, looked nervous. He’d agreed to let her speak to Tony easily enough. She’d dangled the possibility of a plea bargain in front of him, and the inexperienced attorney, probably secretly delighted at the thought of “winning” a case without having to go to trial, had eagerly jumped at the chance.
Linda nodded to the guard and paused just inside the room. She reminded herself that despite the sick feeling in her stomach, no one knew how nervous she was.
She needed to do this. Needed to talk to Tony.
Had he committed the crimes he’d been arrested for? Did he expect her to help him?
Would she?
Seeing him, even as prepared as she thought she was, hit her hard. His back was to her, and he didn’t seem aware that she was so near. She held her breath, waiting...just waiting...and observing. With his hair shorn, Tony couldn’t twirl a curl around his index finger the way he used to, but he still was fingering that special spot near his ear. The one she’d loved to kiss. His shoulders, bulked up with more muscle, still formed a solid rectangle, the valley where his spine lay still curved in its familiar path. She’d known that valley like her own body. Once upon a time.
Linda took a calming breath, raised her chin and pushed fully into the room. Tony swung his head around.
He looked tired but met her gaze unwaveringly. “Hello, Linda.”
Linda glanced around, but he’d said it so softly that neither the guard nor Mau, who was busy filling out something, had heard him use her first name. She spoke loudly.
“Mr. Cooper, Mr. Mau has given me permission to speak with you about a possible plea bargain. Our office has a few questions about your case, and I was wondering if you would consent to talk to me?”
Tony tilted his head toward the empty chair facing him. “Of course. Anything to help the good guys.”
“Thank you,” she said.
“Anything for a future judge of Sacramento County.”
Her gaze flew to his eyes. “You know about that?” she asked before she could stop the question from leaving her mouth.
“That you threw your name into the hat? Yeah. I always knew you had ambition. And you were always great at passing judgment. I just didn’t know you wanted to make the position official.”
Fury plunged into her chest but before she could respond. Tony turned to Mau, who had been about to sit down. “I want to talk to her on my own.”
Mau understandably balked at Tony’s comman
d. “Mr. Cooper, I highly advise you not to do that. You need counsel present. If Ms. Delaney starts to ask—”
Tony cut him off. “You’re fired, kid. Beat it. Now.”
Linda stared at him. Even his voice was different. Low. Rough. Intimidating in a way she’d never heard him speak before. She tried softening its effect. “It’s all right, Mr. Mau. I won’t be pulling any tricks. I promise. Thank you for your help. You’ve been very professional.”
Mau looked once more at Tony’s set expression. He mumbled, “Whatever” under his breath and fairly raced from the room.
She turned to the guard. “Can we have a few moments alone?”
“You want me to shackle him?”
She shook her head. “That won’t be necessary.”
The guard looked hesitant, but finally said, “I’ll be right outside. Knock on the door when you’re ready to go.” The guard glanced up at the camera in the corner to remind Linda that he’d be watching.
“Thank you.” As he left, Linda walked to the table, taking the chair Tony had offered her.
He leaned back and looked at her from hooded eyes.
“Nice way to treat your lawyer, Tony. He was just trying to protect you.”
“I did the kid a favor. He looked like he would freak if he actually had to go to trial.”
They stared at each other for at least a minute before he finally spoke again. “It’s been a long time, babe.”
Babe. He’d used to call her that when they’d been together and, to her surprise, she’d liked it. But the endearment sounded so different now. So hurtful.
She folded her hands on the table that separated them. Tony did the same. He had scars on his arms as well as his face that she’d never seen before. And one inner wrist still bore the familiar tattoo. An intricate abstract design that hid something more.
“Must’ve been a hell of a shock to see me,” he said.
Her gaze flickered from the tattoo up to his. “To put it mildly.”
“I expected you sooner.”
“Really? I wasn’t sure I’d come.”
“Oh, I knew you would. You’ve read the report, right?”
“Yes.” Several times.
“And?”
“And?” she parroted back.
“What do you think? Am I guilty?”
She gave a derisive snort. “Gee, I don’t know, Tony. There is the fact that you were caught with a bloody wrench on your person. Oh, and let’s see, that’s right. You did confess. Sure seems like you’re guilty to me.”
“Yeah. Sure looks that way, huh?”
She searched his expression and leaned forward. “Are you saying you’re not guilty?”
Tony didn’t answer her.
“I know you had trouble with drugs, Tony, but...”
“But what?”
“But the man I knew—the man I loved—could never have killed anyone, even Mark Guapo, in cold blood.”
“Huh.” He leaned back in his chair, placing his hands behind his head. “And you knew me so well, didn’t you, Linda? Probably about as much as you loved me. Probably as well as I knew you, right?”
She frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“The part about knowing you? You never went for the suit type before. Guess that’s changed from the way you and that attorney were making goo-goo eyes at each other over a cup of coffee earlier.”
So he’d seen her and Neil talking before the calendar had started. So what? She had nothing to feel guilty about. She had a right to a life. A life she’d almost thrown away when she’d fallen in love with Tony.
So why’d she feel guilty?
All she wanted to do was run from the room. Instead she said, “I knew you well enough to know that you loved your sister and niece. That you would have done anything to protect them. Is that what this is about? Did Guapo threaten them again?”
Tony’s eyes flashed briefly. “Guapo had no idea where they were. Even I don’t.”
That surprised her. Almost as much as him not being with Mattie in the first place. Why wasn’t he in WITSEC? Was it because he really had gone bad? Or did he just want her to believe that? “That doesn’t answer my question,” she pointed out.
He laughed, lowered his arms and shook his head. “Come on, Linda. You know me, remember? I’m weak. You saw it for yourself, that last night we were together in your kitchen. After I started up again, after Guapo’s men went after Mattie and I killed Michael Sabon—”
“It was never proved who killed him,” Linda interjected, but Tony kept talking over her.
“—I realized the streets just might need a new player. Guapo was still in prison and...” He shrugged. “That’s what I’ve been doing for the past eighteen months. Establishing myself as Sacramento’s newest drug kingpin. So no, killing Guapo had nothing to do with protecting Mattie or Jordan. He tried to reclaim what he thought was still his. I wasn’t willing to give it back to him. That’s what the evidence indicates, doesn’t it?”
She watched him closely. “So you really expect me to believe you took over his organization and then killed him when he got out of prison and threatened to take it back?”
She expected him to look away, but he didn’t. His gaze remained steady on hers, his expression blank. “Believe what you want. Right now I’m not sure what my attorney is going to argue.”
“You just fired your attorney,” she reminded him.
He smirked and she wanted to slap the expression off his face. Instead she stood and turned toward the door. She hadn’t gotten the answers she wanted. She hadn’t gotten any answers at all. Maybe the only answers were the ones in his file.
Oh, Mattie, she thought, aching for her friend. For the man behind her. For all of them.
“I would think you’d be glad to send me up the river after what I did to you,” he called out. “It was because of me that you ended up in the hospital, after all. It was because of me that you almost died.”
For a second he didn’t sound so tough. The hint of vulnerability in his tone made this man sound like the Tony she’d known. Someone who couldn’t stand the idea of causing someone he loved pain. For God’s sake, he’d volunteered at homeless shelters and retirement homes. He was the reason she did both those things now. She turned back to him. “I never blamed you for those men attacking me, Tony. I know why you informed on Guapo. You were trying to prove something.” To me. At least in part. But maybe she’d been wrong about that, too.
She waited for him to say something else. To give her another glimpse of the man he’d once been. But he didn’t give it to her.
Seconds passed, and she nodded. “Given our previous relationship, I’m not going to be able to work on this case.”
He gave her that infuriating smirk again. “Of course not. I should count myself lucky. Every man should be prosecuted by someone he didn’t screw...or screw over. But fairness isn’t why you’re walking away.”
She looked genuinely confused. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Don’t you? I know you’re running to be a judge, remember? I have to say, it’s a good choice. You’ve always been obsessed with your reputation. Judge or not, you don’t condone failure and you don’t abide anyone thinking less of you. Isn’t that right, Linda?”
He watched as she contemplated his words before raising her chin defiantly. “So you think I’m recusing myself because I’m worried about my own reputation? Because I don’t want our prior relationship to affect my campaign? Believe that if you want, Tony. Either way, if you were hoping for any type of leniency from me—”
“Leniency?” Slowly, he stood. “You dumped me for getting hold of drugs and intending to use them. Now that I’m selling them? No, I’m not expecting leniency. But don’t worry. I’m prepared to live with my sins. All o
f them.”
Her stomach churned. His words had been designed to hurt her.
And they did.
Logically, she knew breaking up with him hadn’t meant she didn’t want to help him. She’d offered her help over and over again. Had been willing to sacrifice so much for him until she’d finally realized how unhealthy that was. “Tony—”
“In fact, maybe I don’t mind adding a few more sins to the list,” he drawled, walking closer. Closer. “What do you say, Linda? Chances are I’m going to prison for the rest of my life. Want to give me something to remember?” When she said nothing, he grinned and, with one finger, traced her cheek. “Not that I don’t have enough memories stored away, but I’m willing to make more.”
Her gaze found the camera in the corner of the room. Any moment now and the guard would come barreling in. He had to know that, so why was he taking this risk? Simply to be close to her again? She certainly understood that. Despite everything, she prayed for the guard’s inattention, not wanting him to interrupt. Wanting to savor the feel of Tony’s touch again, even as she knew how wrong it was.
He obviously sensed what she was thinking. Smirking, he once again took his seat. “I believe this is the time I tell you I want an attorney, Linda. And you’re right—I need to call in the big guns. Best that money can buy, you know? After all, I have plenty of money now. Thanks for stopping by.”
Tony closed his eyes, tilted his head back and refused to say anything more. The silence pounded at Linda until she couldn’t take it anymore. She moved to the door.
Before she could leave, he called out, “Did you ever get rid of it, Linda? The tattoo we got together?”
Once again, she turned around to look at him.
He hadn’t opened his eyes. Still, she struggled to keep her face from showing the panic that had suddenly ignited inside of her. “I did,” she lied. She lowered her gaze to the inside of his right wrist. Though the letters were disguised by scrollwork, they were there for everyone to see if they cared to look hard enough:
TC + LD
She had the same design marking her skin. She’d been reluctant to get the tattoo on such a visible spot, however, and had instead chosen to put it on her hip. Where chances were the only person who would ever see it was Tony. If they’d stayed together. “You didn’t. How come?”