by Virna DePaul
“Damn it!”
“Not unless you come back with me,” she challenged.
His eyes widened. “What?”
“I told you when you were still in jail, Tony. I want answers. I need them. Come back to my house. Talk to me. Convince me that you’re the baddie you’re trying to pretend to be. Only then am I going to let this matter drop.”
“This matter, meaning what?”
“This matter, meaning the little charade I think you’re playing. I want answers about why you’re playing it.”
Tony stared at her in frustration, then swept the street again. He’d wanted to make sure her neighborhood was clear of any obvious threats. And he’d wanted to call Yee and make sure Linda got some protection. The last thing he’d wanted—no, the last thing he could allow himself to want—was more alone time with her.
Especially out in the open. Exposed.
If anyone drove by and saw them together...
She’d left him no choice. “Fine,” he said. “Let’s go back to your house. Ask your questions. I’ll give my answers. And believe me, Linda, after that, you’ll finally accept I’m exactly who I say I am. Don’t blame me if you get all the answers you never wanted to hear.”
Chapter 15
Tony was back. Inside her house. Inside the home they’d shared before Linda’s life had imploded that evening in her kitchen when she’d found him with that damn bag of pills. Granted, he was only back to convince her he was not just a druggie, but a murderer, but for a moment she relished the picture he made standing in her living room anyway.
“Do you...do you want something to drink?”
“No. I want to answer your questions so you’ll leave me alone. I have a girlfriend, Linda. Or have you forgotten that? I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
The hurt was like a thousand knives piercing her body. The pain unleashed something inside her. Something wild.
She shook her head. He wanted to play dirty? Fine. She was no longer content to simply ask him questions. Now she wanted more.
“That’s not why I asked you here and you know it.” She stepped closer. Close. And she could see his discomfort on his face. His unease.
His desire for her.
She got to him.
And the only reason she’d get to him was if he still cared about her and still wanted her.
“Ask me your questions, Linda. Or despite having a girlfriend, I’ll give you what your body’s obviously craving and then walk out of here anyway.”
She stared at him. Lost her nerve. In this game, he seemed the expert and she the fledgling player. With a sigh, she backed off.
“Fine.” She’d hit him where it would hurt the most first. “Do you even care about Mattie and Jordan anymore?”
He didn’t even flinch. “No.”
She almost laughed at the ridiculousness of his lie. “So you don’t care about me, and you don’t care about them, either?”
He glanced away. “It doesn’t matter if I care about them. They’re gone. Safe.”
“Safe. That’s an odd way to put it. Do you mean safe from Guapo? Or safe from you?”
When he said nothing, she said, “Fine. Let’s get back to me. Why did you save me?”
“That’s your next question? Not whether I killed Guapo?”
She shrugged. “I’ve already asked you that. Multiple times. You’ve implied you did or dodged my questions altogether—”
“Then let me clarify. I killed Guapo. Clear enough? As to why I saved you? What can I say? It was like a reflex.”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe you. Not about Guapo and not about why you saved me. On some level you still care about me. You’re not the criminal you’re trying so hard to pretend you are.”
“Really?” As he walked toward her, stalking her, he smiled that same taunting smile he’d shot her in the courtroom. But she’d asked him into her home and she’d be damned if she’d let him intimidate her now.
She held her ground until he stood right in front of her and she had to tilt back her head to hold his gaze. He was wearing jeans, a long-sleeved Henley and a light zippered sweatshirt. He didn’t look like Tony, but he smelled like him. His proximity made the air vibrate with her desire, just like it always had. And he made her heart yearn for the one thing she’d once dreamed they’d have together—time. Time to explore, discover and connect.
Time they’d never gotten because she’d had no choice but to let him go.
“What am I?” he asked as he cupped her chin and pressed the pad of his thumb against her lower lip. His eyes sparked with challenge.
She felt an answering spark of anger explode within her.
How dare he taunt her with his touch? His words? How dare he be so close and yet so far, when he’d given her no other option but to end things.
What was he? An answer—a ridiculous, foolish answer popped into her head. One she, a prosecutor and wannabe judge, should have had no problem containing. But she’d always been more than what she showed the world. And these past few days with Tony were reminding her of that.
Instead of pushing him away, she reached up with one hand, wrapped her fingers around his wrist and nipped at his thumb. He hissed and tried to jerk his wrist away, but she held on and said exactly what she was thinking. “You’re what you’ve always been, whether we could be together or not, Tony. Mine.”
His eyes widened with shock and before he could tear himself away, she rose up on her toes and kissed him.
His taste exploded on her lips like the most sinful combination of caramel and chocolate, two things Linda rarely allowed herself because even the smallest taste inevitably had her craving more. She almost always resisted that edgy feeling of being out of control, of being hungry for something more than she could have, but right now she grabbed on to it, letting go of Tony’s wrist to clutch at his shirtfront and pull him even closer.
His mouth remained still. Unresponsive.
Disheartened, she almost pulled back. Instead she licked, enticing him to open up and let her in. To let the memory of everything they’d once meant to each other warm and excite him. Kissing him was certainly doing both for her. Heat traveled through her veins, making her skin tingle with pleasure she hadn’t felt in almost four long years. Her fingers uncurled and flattened against his chest, stroking him through the fabric of his clothes and finding his small nipples.
He didn’t move. Didn’t open his mouth. Didn’t make a sound.
Thankfully, however, she could feel the hammering of his heart against her palm, telling her he wasn’t as unaffected as he seemed.
“Please,” she whispered. “Kiss me, Tony. I’ve missed you so much. You don’t know how much I’ve—”
With a growl, he snapped. His hands buried themselves in her hair as his mouth angled over her own. His tongue sought hers even as he pressed his hips closer, nudging her with the hardened flesh beneath his jeans.
He kissed her as if he was a starving man who’d finally found sustenance. As if he was drowning, and she was air.
Unbelievably she felt a bubble of laughter escape her. Joy. It poured over her, making her want to pump her fists in the air.
Yes! I’ve finally broken through. This is Tony. This is the man I love.
The only man I’ve ever loved.
She whimpered when Tony suddenly ended the kiss to stare down at her. His expression was fierce, almost tortured, but his hands in her hair were gentle, kneading her scalp, then easing her back for another kiss, this one far more gentle than the first.
This time, instead of kissing her as if he was starving, he kissed her as if he was worshipping her. As if at any moment, she—something precious—would be taken away from him.
Once again he lifted his head. “Linda,” he whispered. “
We can’t do this. I’m not the man you think I am—”
She didn’t want to hear it. Refused to listen to anything that would cause these wonderful moments in his arms to stop.
“You’re exactly who I think you are, Tony. Mine, remember?”
With that, she stepped back and began pulling off her clothes.
* * *
It took Linda mere seconds to strip off her top and bra. She was already working on her jeans when he shook his head. “Linda, no. Damn it, we can’t. I’m with Justine—”
Her head snapped up fiercely. “Don’t. Don’t you dare mention another woman. You’re mine, Tony. And I’m yours. Here. Now. I’m yours. Don’t you want me?”
He ground his palms into his eyes and barked out with laughter. “Yes. I want you, okay? I’ve never stopped wanting you. But we’ve never had problems with sex—”
“Then don’t make it a problem. Just give in to it. Give in to me, Tony. Just for now, give me back the man I know you to be. Please.”
She stared at him, her heart in her eyes, and he felt his own heart expand. A few hours ago she’d been shot at. He’d pushed her out of the way. Now she was offering herself to him without asking for the assurance of tomorrow. That was good because tomorrow wasn’t anything he could give her.
But was she right? Could he give her this? Give her himself, right here and right now?
Yes, he decided.
“Finish taking off your pants and come here, Linda.”
Amazingly, after everything she’d just begged him for, she blushed. But she didn’t balk. She unbuttoned her jeans and swiftly took them off until she was wearing nothing but a pair of miniscule white cotton panties. Looking at her, virtually naked, her creamy skin glowing, Tony almost couldn’t breathe.
She was still breathtakingly beautiful, which didn’t surprise him in the least.
But what did surprise him? What had his heart clenching with joy?
She’d lied about getting rid of their tattoo.
It still marked her skin, and on some level that meant that despite all the years that had come between them, they’d never been completely separated.
Instinct took over.
He didn’t know who he was anymore. Linda’s addicted ex. Justine’s pretend boyfriend. Guapo’s killer. They all faded away to be replaced by a mere man.
A man who wanted Linda and was finally going to have her again.
He walked closer until he stopped in front of her. Until he could feel her breath puffing erratically against him. He stroked her arms, causing her eyes to close and a moan to escape her.
“You’re beautiful,” he said.
Her eyes popped open and the hint of disbelief there made Tony’s heart ache. He caressed her cheek. “You’re as beautiful as you always were, Linda. Even more beautiful. And I can’t resist you.”
She shook her head. “I’m not asking you to,” she whispered.
He kissed the side of her neck, inhaling her intoxicating scent that was nothing more than soap and woman, and then moved slowly downward to lick and suck at one of her nipples.
She gasped and arched closer even as she cupped his head, ensuring he didn’t leave her.
“Shhh,” he said, pulling back to blow on her wet flesh so that her nipple tightened. And then he gave the same treatment to her other breast.
“Tony,” she moaned. “Now. I need you now.”
He swallowed hard, her urgency spurring on his own. He tucked his hand into her panties and cupped her, hissing at the searing heat against his fingers. “You’re so wet. So ready for me.”
“I dream about you every night, Tony,” she cried. “Please don’t make me dream anymore. Take me. Now.” She cupped his erection through his jeans, causing him to curse and his hips to jerk.
Without realizing it, his fingers twisted into the waistband of her panties and tugged until they ripped. It obviously excited her because she moaned and began to claw at the fly of his pants.
“Wait,” he said. “A bed. I want you in bed.” He swept her up in his arms and though he winced at the pain that flashed through his back and leg, he carried her to the bedroom. It looked so familiar. So comforting, when his body felt inflamed. Seduced. Desperate to have her.
He lowered her onto the bed, where she opened her arms, her thighs, her very body to him. He couldn’t bear it any longer. He ripped open his pants and didn’t even bother taking them off. Shoving them down, he fell between her legs, cupped her face and kissed her as deeply as he could.
He wanted to crawl inside her and never come out. He wanted this time with her to never end. But even as he breached her body with his, even as their cries of pleasure mingled and their gazes locked, he knew the end was inevitable.
His hips pumped frantically, as if denying his thoughts.
Hers answered in kind, refusing to be passive. Giving everything of herself even as she took everything in him.
And still she looked at him.
Their bodies strained until they shook. As more time passed, he realized they were both holding back, savoring the pleasure they were giving one another while at the same time refusing to give it free rein. Holding back that inevitable end he’d just been thinking of.
But as if they couldn’t help themselves, her muscles fluttered around him. He felt himself get even bigger and harder inside her. Her eyes widened and suddenly the fragile thread of control they’d been holding on to snapped.
Ecstasy contorted the beauty of her face into something even more beautiful. When her climax hit, she didn’t scream as she often had in the past. She didn’t even say his name. Instead, when she came, she mouthed one word.
Mine.
Tony followed her into pleasure, coming harder than he ever had before. For a few blessed moments his release wiped his mind clean of guilt and regret. When it was over, he collapsed, barely managing to distribute his weight so that he was only partially lying on top of her.
Reality returned so swiftly it was disorienting.
As he struggled to catch his breath, he told himself to get up. To flee. To deny what had just happened between them.
But her hands stroked his back and his hair, prolonging his pleasure. It soothed him. Once again it made all his pain melt away.
Once again he told himself to leave. Once again, he couldn’t do it.
His lips sought hers and she kissed him back. With a sigh he burrowed his face in her neck and slept.
Chapter 16
When Linda woke, it was a little after six in the morning and Tony was gone. She wasn’t surprised, not by his absence or the pain that filled her because of it. But she was surprised by the depth of her renewed faith in him.
There was no way Tony was dirty.
She’d suspected it when he’d shown up as a defendant in her courtroom. She’d known it after he’d saved her life. And she’d believed it after being in his arms again.
She still believed it.
Now more than ever.
And she wasn’t going to let him run away from her again.
She winced at her mental slip. Okay, so he hadn’t run from her the first time. She’d pushed him away. She’d had to. And as far as she knew, she still had to. As much as she’d cherished being with him last night, even if she managed to prove he was innocent, she didn’t know if they had a future together. He still had his addiction. She was still running to be judge. Those two things didn’t go together.
She didn’t care. She couldn’t predict the future, but she was not going to let Tony destroy his life out of some misguided sense of duty or guilt.
She’d played the words of that fax over and over in her mind.
Listen to your instincts.
Her instincts told her Tony wasn’t a killer. And he wasn’t a criminal. Fo
r some reason he wanted her to believe that, but such a person would have cared more about his own safety than hers. He’d thrown himself on top of her, willing to take a bullet for her.
Tony had acted as a confidential informant once. Whatever game he was playing now, he had to be doing it for some greater purpose.
She lay in bed for several minutes, enjoying the scent of Tony on her sheets and on her body, then she got up. As she did, she felt liquid trickle down her thighs and froze.
He hadn’t worn a condom.
And she hadn’t even thought about its absence. She’d been too busy savoring the feel of him inside her. The wonder of being in his arms again.
What a fool she’d been.
Slowly she got dressed. While she was on the pill to regulate her cycles, she prayed that by having unprotected sex with her, Tony hadn’t risked her health. She couldn’t imagine him doing such a thing, even if he had been carried away by passion. But she could never have imagined him killing Guapo, lying to her or kissing a woman in front of her just to hurt her, either. He’d only taken painkillers before, but that could have changed. Maybe he took hard-core drugs now. Used needles. Dirty needles.
She shuddered and pushed her racing thoughts away. She’d let her hunger for him distract her. Now she had more reason than ever to talk to him.
She headed to work, completed the morning calendar, then took her lunch break with Tony’s bail receipt in hand.
The receipt listed his current residence. When she pulled up in front of the house, Linda found herself double-checking to make sure there wasn’t some mistake. He’d boasted about having money, and Lock, the attorney he’d retained, certainly charged an enormous amount of it. Yet despite his access to a lot of money, he was living in one of the worst neighborhoods in town. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was going to find but stalwartly kept moving.
As she made her way up the cracked walkway, she doubted it would be anything good.
There were several people hanging out on the porch of the dilapidated house. They were drinking and smoking joints, but looked relatively harmless. Nonetheless she was comforted by the weight of her Taser gun in her jacket pocket. If any of them made a move for her, she’d zap them without any hesitation. But just as she’d expected, they ignored her, too wasted to care.