by Jackie Braun
She pinched her eyes closed. “I am sorry.”
“It’s the past, Holly.” He reached across the table, found her hand and gave it a squeeze. “What do you say we just concentrate on the here and now.”
“The here and now,” she repeated. She reached for her wine, and this time after their glasses clinked together, she took a sip.
With both the past and the future put out of mind, they enjoyed the rest of their meal. The conversation centered mainly on small talk, but it veered into personal territory enough that it was impossible not to enjoy himself. She was fun and funny, smart and interesting. She was, in short, every bit as remarkable as he remembered her being.
Once they left the restaurant, his hand slipped to the small of her back. Nate had to remind himself this wasn’t a date. Indeed, the very reason he’d taken Holly out was to avoid being alone with her. Of course, now, night had fallen and they were heading back to his quiet cottage. Together.
The easy conversation they’d enjoyed during dinner was long gone by the time he pulled the truck to a stop and came around to open Holly’s door.
“Thank you again for dinner,” she said once they were inside the cottage.
They both glanced uncertainly toward the stairs. “You’re welcome.”
“Maybe tomorrow you’ll let me treat you.”
She’d offered tonight. He’d refused. It wasn’t pride, or even the fact that she was female that had caused him to do so. Rather, the old-fashioned belief drilled into him by his mother that when one had a guest under one’s roof, one picked up the tab.
Just as his mother had drummed it into Nate’s head that a man never pressed or pressured a woman.
“Maybe,” he replied, to stave off an argument.
She nodded. “I … I’m rather tired. I think I’ll turn in.”
“It’s been a long day,” he agreed.
“Especially for you. I only woke up around noon.” It was half past nine now. “You were up much earlier, I would imagine.”
“That I was.”
“Nate …” She took a step toward him.
He resisted doing the same. That foot and half of space between them was the only thing keeping his hormones in check. “Good night, Holly.”
Holly nodded in understanding. “Good night.”
She wasn’t halfway up the stairs before Nate knew he would be sleeping outside on the deck.
It was the only place he trusted himself to be with Holly under his roof.
And didn’t it just figure, as miserable as he already felt, the first itchy welts from the poison ivy had started to appear on his calves.
Holly didn’t know how she managed it, but she spent the following night within easy reach of Nate Matthews without, well, ever reaching for him.
To think her mother felt Holly needed to work on her self-control. Olivia would be amazed—and, no doubt, relieved.
Of course, it helped immensely that after that first night when she and Nate dined together, they barely saw one another. Friday morning, she awoke to find him gone, and a blanket and pillow taking up space on one of the deck’s lounge chairs. He’d slept there, she knew. Because she’d heard his footsteps on the stairs not only coming up, but also going down a moment later as she’d lain awake holding her breath and foolishly wishing he would tap at her door.
That evening, he came home well after dark, although he thoughtfully had one of the island’s delis deliver a meal for her to eat. She dined alone on the deck, trying to take delight in the view, but missing his company.
The public thought she had it made. She felt no bitterness over that fact. Now. Interestingly, nor did she feel the old sense of resignation.
She’d come to Heart Island for a last reprieve. Literally, for a final bit of time in the sun before taking on the latest yoke of royal responsibility: marriage and the whole business of begetting heirs.
Holly had thought that coming here would make it easier to accept her future. But if anything, seeing Nate again and stealing romantic moments that both of them likely would live to regret had only made it more difficult.
Given the way he was avoiding her, she figured he felt the same way.
It didn’t help when Nadine arrived at the cottage on Saturday, Holly’s final night. The other woman came, ostensibly, to deliver the keys to the place Holly had rented on the other side of the bay, even though Holly wouldn’t be able to check in until the following afternoon. But the way she glanced around spoke volumes. She perceived Holly as a threat.
If only.
“Nate isn’t here,” Holly said. She folded her hands at her waist and smiled her most serene smile. Oh, what it cost her on the inside.
“Oh, I wasn’t expecting to find him home. I saw his truck up at the marina.”
“Then what were you hoping to find?” Holly’s face began to ache beneath the smile.
“I don’t know what you mean.” The other woman blinked innocently.
Holly blinked back. “Oh. I’m sorry. I must have been mistaken.”
Nadine expelled a breath then. “No. I’m the one who’s sorry. I … I’ve been curious.”
“About?” Holly asked, even though she was sure she knew.
“You and Nate and …” She swept her hand in an arc. “And your living arrangements.”
“Sleeping arrangements, I believe, is what you really mean.”
Nadine had the grace to grimace and then to apologize again. “I’m sorry. You seem like a very nice person and you’ve already told me that you and Nate have known each other since childhood. I must seem a little pathetic.”
“Not at all.” Suspicious and territorial, certainly. But not pathetic. Holly would feel the same way if she were in the other woman’s shoes.
“Nate might have mentioned that we date.”
“He did. Yes.”
“It’s not serious.”
He’d told her that, too. “But you would like it to be,” Holly said sympathetically.
“Yes.” Nadine fiddled with the band of her wristwatch. “We get along very well, Nate and I. We like a lot of the same things—movies, food, you name it. But I’ve always sensed that he was holding back.”
She glanced up at Holly then. Nadine no longer looked like the successful businesswoman she was, or the jealous, sometimes girlfriend who’d brashly come calling on a potential threat. Now, she just looked vulnerable … and uncertain.
She was saying, “I told myself it was just a typical case of commitment phobia and that eventually he would come around. But …”
Holly waited silently for the other woman to continue. What could she say? Don’t worry about me as competition. Even if Nate does have feelings for me, they can never come to anything.
“I think he loves you,” Nadine announced. “I think he’s always loved you.”
Holly’s mouth dropped open, but the denial drumming in her head never made it to her lips. And, even though she knew it was foolish and hopeless, her heart thunked almost painfully in her chest.
He loves me.
The door opened then. At the threshold stood the man in question, his expression wary as he divided his gaze between the pair of them.
“Hi.”
“Nate!” Nadine pasted a smile on her face that did nothing to camouflage her guilt. “Hi.”
He nodded to Holly before saying, “I thought that was your car I saw drive past the marina.”
“I … I came to give Holly the key to the place she rented for the next couple weeks.”
It was completely plausible. Nate seemed to relax. For her part, Holly held up said key and smiled.
“It will be ready anytime after noon tomorrow. The current occupants have checked out early, but housekeeping hasn’t finished up inside yet.”
“I’m not in any hurry,” Holly said. She flushed immediately. It wasn’t exactly the right thing to say.
Nate pointed toward the kitchen. “I just came home to grab a bite to eat. You’re welcome to join me. Both o
f us.”
Holly didn’t bother to add that she’d already helped herself to some leftovers from the previous night’s takeout.
“Thanks for the offer, but I can’t stay. I … have a little work to finish up at the office before I can finally knock off for what remains of the weekend,” Nadine explained.
“Okay. Well, good seeing you.”
“Yes. You, too. And thanks again for bringing me some business.” Nadine worked up what passed for a smile.
“No problem.”
Holly turned to him the moment the other woman was out the door. “Are you oblivious or just insensitive?”
“What do you mean?” Nate toed off his shoes slowly, like a man who clearly knew that he’d stepped in something messy.
“Nadine is half in love with you!” Actually wholly in love with him, but Holly sought to leave the poor woman some dignity. After all, she knew how Nadine felt.
His brow furrowed. “Why are you so worked up?”
She didn’t have an actual answer for him, at least not one that made sense, so she crossed her arms and remained stoic.
Nate continued. “The other day you were upset over that fact for a different reason, if I’m not mistaken.”
He had her there. Holly tried again. “You need to be honest with her.”
In an instant, Nate went from being cautiously baffled to angry. “I’ve been nothing but honest! With her. With you.” He jabbed a finger in Holly’s direction. “The one I’ve lied to all along has been myself! I’ve pretended that I’m over you. Well, guess what, Princess. That’s never happened.”
His outburst left Holly speechless for a moment. As he raked the hair back from his forehead, she found her voice.
“I just want you to be happy, Nate.”
“So, what? You want me to marry Nadine?”
No! Her response was as visceral as his earlier one had been. But what Holly managed to say, and in a tone that was amazingly neutral under the circumstances, was, “If that’s what it takes, then yes.”
“So, because you’re willing to make a lifetime commitment to someone you don’t love, I should, too?”
She stepped back as if he’d struck her. Before she could respond, he was already apologizing.
“God, Holly. I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. Our situations are vastly different.”
“Yes.”
But as Holly laid awake long into the night, she found herself wondering if they had to be.
CHAPTER NINE
NATE was still asleep on the deck when Holly crept downstairs early the next morning and took the cordless telephone from its cradle in the kitchen. She’d reached some conclusions during the long, sleepless night. The first was that she needed to call Phillip.
After speaking to her mother that first night on the island, she’d left a brief comment on his office voice mail, well aware he wouldn’t be at work to receive it. It was the act of a coward, she could readily admit. Well, an actual conversation couldn’t be put off any longer. In fact, it was something that should have occurred a long time ago, not long after she and Phillip were first introduced. Certainly after he’d first broached the subject of marriage.
Nate was right. Holly wasn’t without power. And, while her options might be limited, she wasn’t without choices, either. She would not marry a man she didn’t love, regardless of how “perfect” her mother and others in Morenci deemed him to be.
Phillip answered in French on the third ring. He’d been raised speaking French, which, along with Italian and English, were all spoken in Morenci. She answered in kind.
“Bonjour.”
“Hollyn! God in heaven!” he declared. “I have been so eager for your call.”
“Did you not receive my earlier message?” she asked.
“Yes. But it was so brief and you sounded, well, you sounded very unlike yourself. It only served to make me more concerned.”
Holly wanted to be touched by his words. She wanted to feel even a glimmer of the warmth that she’d felt upon hearing Nate’s confession that he’d been worried about her when she hadn’t returned to Heart Island that first summer.
But that great void inside of her remained empty, just as she’d known it would. There was no love to fill it up. Respect and affection were insubstantial as substitutes.
“I must apologize for leaving so abruptly. I’ve been in touch with my mother and so I am well aware of what an inconvenience my absence has been for everyone.”
“Yes, it has been a bit of a trial,” he concurred. “But we’ve managed. The press, they are none the wiser, and I have enjoyed this bit of sport in tricking them.”
“Wonderful.” What else could she say?
“You will be home soon, yes?”
“Yes.”
Too soon for her liking, Holly thought, her gaze on the horizon, where the first fingers of light had stretched over the bay. The scene was so peaceful, she closed her eyes and tried to capture it in her memory.
“Excellent. Excellent. I have an important dinner with some foreign investors on Wednesday. I was hoping that you would accompany me. They asked specifically if you would be there. You know how fascinated some people are with royalty.”
Indeed, she did.
“Wednesday?” That was three days away. “I hadn’t planned to return by then.”
“But you will have been gone nearly a week, Hollyn.” His voice took on an impatient edge. “Should your absence continue, well, it will become much more difficult to explain … to everyone. More engagements will have to be postponed or canceled. Your mother assured me—”
Holly was done letting her mother to speak for her, as well-intentioned as Olivia might be. “I am allowed a life of my own,” she replied, amazed she’d said so, but in no hurry to take it back.
Her words as well as her tone must have surprised Phillip, too. “Is everything all right?”
“Never better. I am just making it clear that, royal or not, I am allowed to have a life.”
“Of course.”
But his tone was filled with more bafflement than agreement.
Holly pressed ahead. “I understand that I have obligations, but if I were ill or otherwise indisposed, well, other arrangements would be made.”
“Are you ill, ma chérie?”
She held back a sigh. “Not how you mean.”
“Ah. I think I understand,” Phillip replied.
“You do?”
“You are a princess, yes. But a woman first. I have moved slowly with our romance out of deference for your royal position, but perhaps that is not what you’ve wanted. Perhaps I have been remiss in declaring myself.” His tone lowered to an intimate level and he added, “In declaring my feelings.”
Alarm bells were going off in Holly’s head. Dear God! Surely he didn’t think she wanted him to declare them? Maybe at one time she’d hoped that hearing pretty words might soften her heart toward him, but they would only further complicate matters now.
She rushed to assure him, “Your feelings have been very clear, Phillip. Indeed, they have been clear from the beginning. I fear, however, I have not been clear in my feelings. I am quite fond of you, certainly. And I have been flattered, very flattered, by your interest and attention these past several months.”
“Flattery is not what I was hoping to achieve,” he remarked dryly.
“I wish I could tell you that I have … romantic feelings where you are concerned, but I think it is best for me to be honest. I enjoy your company and treasure your friendship, but—”
“Let us leave it at that, ma chérie. That way I will have my pride.”
“I’m sorry, Phillip. Truly.”
“As am I.”
Nate shifted on the lounge chair and stifled a moan. His back was killing him. But he didn’t care. The conversation he’d just overheard trumped physical discomfort.
He’d averaged a B in French during the four years he’d taken it in high school, and he’d never become fluent. But from Holl
y’s subdued tone and some of the key words he’d picked up on her side of the conversation, it was clear the news she’d delivered to Phillip was not good.
Nate resisted the urge to pump his fist in the air. Such a reaction would have been juvenile. But he didn’t try to subdue his grin. As the sun broke over the water, even the wicked itching on his legs from the poison ivy couldn’t dampen his good mood.
Holly’s bags were once again downstairs and lined up at the side door when he popped in just before noon. While he’d been at the marina office helping Mick with the week’s checkouts, both cabins and boat slips, she’d been busy. And not only was her luggage ready, but she’d also brought down her bedding. Now, she sat in his kitchen munching on toast that was closer to black than brown, and drinking a cup of the coffee he’d made before heading out.
“All ready to go, I see. And you even stripped the bed.”
“It’s what a good guest should do.” But then she looked dubious. “Right?”
“Sure.” Though Hank had shown no such compunction.
“Nadine called a bit ago and said housekeeping had finished up. I can check in whenever I want.”
“Well, then, let’s not waste time. It’s going to be another gorgeous day. You’re going to want to spend it on that fancy deck.”
She smiled uncertainly. “Nate.”
“Yes?” He wondered if she would bring up her earlier phone conversation. Just as Nate wondered if her breaking things off with Phillip had anything at all to do with him. Regardless, he was glad she was taking a stand and taking back some of the power she’d claimed not to have.
“I … I … If you wouldn’t mind stopping at the grocery store in town I would be most grateful. The cottage is stocked with all of the basics such as spices and condiments, from what I’ve been told, but that I will need to bring my own meals.”
He glanced at the burned toast, but resisted asking what she knew of making meals.
“What’s that on your legs?” she asked as he toted her bags outside.
“Calamine lotion,” he muttered.
“Cala—” She wasn’t quite successful at swallowing her laughter.