“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice coming out more harshly than he would have liked.
She jumped and spun in the chair. At the sight of him, she touched a hand to her chest. “You scared me,” she said, then laughed. “Uh-oh, you have that stern look, Cole. Don’t be mad. I haven’t done anything too horrible.” She motioned to his desk and the few papers that had once been at the bottom of a very large pile of notes. “I came in here to deliver a message. When I saw all the notes you had to input, I just couldn’t stand it. So I’ve been typing.”
She stretched her fingers, then squeezed them into tight fists. “What time is it?”
“Seven-thirty.”
“Oh, my. I guess I got lost in my work.”
He walked to the desk and bent over her shoulder to read the screen. Her typing was accurate, the formatting exactly what he would have done himself. He scanned the screen.
“You didn’t have to do this,” he said. “It’s not part of your job description.”
He was close enough to inhale the scent of her body. She wasn’t wearing perfume tonight, although if he could have bottled the unique fragrance of her skin and sold it, he would have been wealthy beyond imagining. There wasn’t a man in the world who would be able to resist that sweetness. He certainly couldn’t.
“I wanted to help,” she said. “It’s my afternoon off, so I can spend it any way I like.”
“I’ll see that you’re paid for your time.”
She rolled her eyes. “Cole, don’t be weird about this. I did something nice because I wanted to. Please don’t take that away from me. Just smile and say thank-you.”
He couldn’t manage the smile, but he did say the words. “Thanks. I’ve been meaning to get to those notes for weeks.”
Her grin was impish. “I could tell. Some of the pages are backdated to July. Look, I’ve only got a couple more to go. Give me ten minutes and I’ll have them finished.”
“I’d be an ungrateful beast to refuse. Have you eaten?”
She shook her head.
“I’ll go fix you a sandwich and bring it back.”
“That would be great. Thanks.”
Fifteen minutes later he returned with a tray. In addition to the sandwich, he’d brought two cups of coffee and a slice of Greg’s cake. He remembered chocolate was her favorite.
She was dusting his desk when he walked back in. She glanced up. “I couldn’t resist.”
All his papers had been neatly stacked. The laser printer hummed as it spat out transcribed pages. The trash was emptied, the dirty coffee mugs placed on the table by the door.
For a moment the past superimposed itself on the present. He remembered coming home to a sparkling apartment. His clothes had always been pressed and ready. He had memories of fresh flowers on their small kitchen table and heated-up dinners served on their wedding china. Even when things had started falling apart and she’d gone to bed instead of waiting up for him, she’d always left a note and something special by the plate in the refrigerator. Sometimes it was a perfect piece of fruit, or one of his favorite candy bars. Something that showed she’d been thinking about him during the day.
Had he ever returned the favor?
He set the tray in the center of the desk. “Eat,” he commanded.
“Yes, sir.” But instead of cowering, she gave him a grin, then reached for the sandwich.
He removed the second cup of coffee and took the seat next to his desk. He studied the dark liquid. “What did you do while I was at work?” he asked when she had finished chewing her first bite.
“When we were married?” she asked.
He nodded. “How did you fill your time?”
“I went for walks, cleaned the apartment, saw lots of exhibits at museums. I checked cookbooks out of the library, then practiced different dishes at home. I wrote letters. Nothing much.” She took another bite of her sandwich and chewed slowly.
The overhead fluorescent light should have been harsh, but the bright glare only emphasized her clear skin and perfect features. Time had changed her, defining her face, erasing the last roundness of childhood. In the time they’d been apart, she’d grown up. He liked this new Elissa. Not just the physical changes, but the emotional ones. She’d become stronger, more sure of herself.
This new Elissa wouldn’t be content to live her life through her husband. She would tell him to go to hell and do something on her own, whether it was to get a job or go back to college. He wished she’d been able to do that then. He didn’t like realizing she’d lived her whole life for him, while he’d been living his whole life for his job.
“We were on different paths,” he said.
“From the very beginning,” she agreed.
“I should have been there more for you. I should have seen that you didn’t have anything. I’m sorry.”
Her green eyes darkened. She put down her sandwich and leaned toward him. “Thank you for saying that. You’re probably not going to believe me, but those words mean a lot. We both made mistakes. Maybe we can learn from them and go forward.”
“Yeah, sure.”
But he didn’t know what he was agreeing to. He doubted she meant giving their marriage another try. She’d walked away from it five years ago and had never made an attempt to reconcile.
“Cole, I need to go to San Diego for a few days next week. I’d like to leave on Thursday, then come back Sunday. Kayla and Patrick are back from their delayed honeymoon and Patrick’s research center is opening. I’d like to be there for that.”
“That’s fine. Millie mentioned you haven’t taken any time off, so you’re due. Leave whenever you like.” He desperately wanted to ask if she would bother coming back, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t believe her assurances, even if she gave them. If Elissa didn’t leave on this trip, she would leave on another. Eventually he would walk into her room and find her gone. It was inevitable.
“You didn’t meet Patrick, did you?”
He shook his head.
Elissa leaned back in her chair. “He’s the vet at the clinic where Kayla worked through college. After graduation she stayed on. They became best friends. Then one day, things started to change between them.” She smiled at the memory. “Kayla being Kayla, she refused to recognize she was crazy for the guy. She even had some bizarre notion that he was perfect for me. Can you imagine it? She invited me down to visit her so I could meet him.”
Jealousy burned like acid in his gut. He set his coffee mug on the desk so he wouldn’t hurl it against the opposite wall. “You’re still married,” he said, forcing himself not to grit his teeth.
“Oh, I know.” She brushed off his comment with a wave. “I didn’t go out with him, although I did drive down to see what all the fuss was about. From the second I saw them together, it was obvious they were madly in love and resisting the inevitable. I played Cupid.”
Was that all she’d played?
He forced the question from his mind and swore silently. He refused to still care. If Elissa wanted to go with dozens of men, that wasn’t his business. He was long through with her. He had to be. The alternative was to still care, which meant getting his heart ripped out when she left him again.
The printer’s hum faded.
Elissa turned toward the machine and pulled out a handful of pages. “Here you are. Transcribed notes.”
“Thanks,” he said, taking the sheets.
“You’re welcome. I was happy to do it. I want to help, Cole. I mean that. So if there are other things I can do, just let me know.”
She rosé to her feet. He did the same. They stood there awkwardly, staring at each other. He found himself studying her familiar features. She’d always been beautiful, but he would have loved her no matter what she looked like. He would have loved her forever, if she’d let him.
“Oh, Cole, don’t look so sad. It’s going to work out.”
She took the papers from his hand and set them on his desk. Before he knew what she was going to do, she�
��d stepped close and wrapped her arms around his waist.
The unexpected hug left him defenseless. Even as he told himself to step away, he found himself hugging her back.
Without wanting to, he absorbed the feel of her next to him. Dear God, it had been so long. Familiar sensations assaulted him. Her cheek on his shoulder, her fingers pressing against his shoulders, lean lines and feminine curves taunting him. His own fingers touching her waist, his thighs brushing hers, his head bent so he could inhale the scent of her skin and hair.
His body trembled from the effort of holding back. He wanted to crush her against him, drawing her in so tightly that it would be impossible to tell where he ended and she began.
But through it all, the pleasure and the need, he remembered the pain. He could not endure that again; he couldn’t take the risk. So he loosened his hold and lowered his arms to his sides.
She made a small murmur of protest. The sound ripped at him, demanding that he hold her again. Despite that, or maybe because of it, he curled his fingers into his palms and forced his arms to remain at his sides.
A few seconds later, reluctantly it seemed to him, although that could have been wishful thinking on his part, she released him.
Instead of stepping back, she looked at him. She had to raise her chin slightly for their gazes to lock. He read the questions there, and something that might have been desire. Only, he knew better. Elissa had wanted many things from him, but sex wasn’t one of them.
Then she did the most amazing thing. She rested one hand on his chest, palm flat, then raised herself up on her toes and kissed him.
Lips to lips, pressing softly. It wasn’t seduction, although he was ready to be seduced. It wasn’t comfort; he knew what mercy kisses felt like.
Every fiber of his being screamed at him to kiss her back. There was no reluctance in her caress. It would be so easy to tilt his head and deepen the contact. They hadn’t done well together in bed, but they’d always excelled at making out. Maybe it had been all those years of practice while they’d been dating.
I want you.
For a moment his breath caught in his throat. Then he relaxed. Her lips wouldn’t be lingering on his if he’d actually said the words aloud. She would have stiffened and turned away, repulsed by his animal nature.
He didn’t want to think about that now. He didn’t want to remember how her rejection of their lovemaking had been a personal rejection of him, of his body and his soul. He’d bared himself to her and she’d turned away in disgust.
Those memories battled with desire and won. So, despite the sweet pressure against his mouth, he did nothing. And when she broke the kiss and gave him a tentative smile, he found it easy not to smile back.
Her mouth straightened and the humor faded from her eyes. “I suppose I deserve that,” she said. “I wish…”
She shrugged and left without saying what she wished.
He wished she would come back and kiss him again. Because the pain wasn’t enough of a warning. If she’d kept it up a little longer, he would have given in. As it was, he was forced to spend the next half hour alone in his office, waiting for the proof of his desire to fade and the trembling in his body to still.
At least she was leaving for a few days. Maybe time apart would allow him to regain some distance.
But the thought of her being gone didn’t please him. Instead he had the strong urge to call her back and ask her not to go.
Chapter Eight
Elissa pulled up in front of her sister’s house. Before she had a chance to turn off the engine, Kayla and Fallon spilled out the front door and hurried toward her. Elissa quickly turned the key and opened her door. She found herself pulled into a group hug that left her breathless and laughing.
“We haven’t been apart that long,” she teased when Fallon and Kayla released her.
“It feels like forever,” Kayla said. “Maybe because I’m married now.”
“Uh-oh. It’s only been a month and already days seem like months,” Fallon teased. “See, getting married makes you old before your time.”
“I’m ignoring you,” Kayla said good-naturedly. “I know for a fact that you adore Patrick and that you’re happy for both of us. Marriage is a fabulous invention. My only regret is that Patrick and I waited as long as we did to figure out we were in love.”
“You’re welcome,” Elissa said.
Kayla kissed her cheek. “I believe I thanked you before, but I’m happy to do it again. Patrick is the best thing that ever happened to me. But let’s not talk about that. What’s going on in your life?”
“Nothing that exciting,” Elissa said.
Fallon glanced at her white Honda. “Are you running away?”
Elissa waved at the luggage piled in her back seat. “No. I’m taking a few things back to the orphanage with me.”
Kayla and Fallon exchanged knowing looks.
“It’s not what you think,” Elissa said quickly.
Faces that looked so much like hers that strangers couldn’t tell them apart took on identical expressions of disbelief. Green eyes widened slightly and mouths turned up into teasing smiles.
“Uh-huh,” Fallon said, linking her arm with Elissa’s. Kayla took Elissa’s other arm. “No problem. We believe you. We’re even going to let you live with the illusion of privacy for a couple of hours. Then, when it gets late and we’ve lulled you into a false sense of security, we’re going to pounce like rabid animals and wrestle your secrets from you.”
Elissa turned to Kayla. “I think the kids are starting to get to her.”
“She’s always like this when the school year begins. She’s nearly as hyper as her students. I’m sure that’s why they adore her.”
The three women started for the house.
“They adore me because I’m a good teacher.” Fallon’s teasing voice turned serious. “I’m going to miss it when I take my sabbatical.”
Kayla shook her head. “I can’t believe that I was the one with all the plans to see the world and you’re going to be the one doing the traveling.”
“Nothing turns out like we expect,” Elissa said, thinking of her own odd relationship with Cole. She couldn’t define it, nor could she explain her feelings.
Two nights before, she’d given in to impulsive feelings and hugged him. When he’d hugged her back, pressing his body to hers, she’d had a strong sense of homecoming. As if she’d only ever been alive in his arms. Odd, because the sex between them had been so strained.
She’d felt something else, too. Something like heat bubbling through her. As if her skin had suddenly grown too small. The achy sort of restlessness had followed her most of the night. She still couldn’t explain it.
The front door of the house opened and Patrick stepped outside. Kayla’s husband was a blond, blue-eyed hero type who could easily pose for the cover of GQ. “My three favorite women in the world,” he said.
Elissa slipped free of her sisters and went to her brother-in-law. He took both her hands in his and smiled at her. “Elissa, welcome.”
“You can still tell us apart,” she said.
“Of course. Although I keep telling Kayla that the bonus is if we ever get bored with each other, one of you can trade places with her and I’ll pretend not to notice. Three for the price of one, so to speak.”
Elissa kissed Patrick on the cheek and grinned at him. “What do we get out of it?”
He winked. “I’m pretty amazing.”
“Gee, and Kayla never thought to mention that.”
Patrick released her and touched his chest. “I’m mortally wounded.”
“You deserve to be. You’re recently married and already talking about sister swapping?”
“Only in theory.” His gaze lingered on his wife.
Elissa read the love there. As Kayla’s sister and Patrick’s friend, she was thrilled for the happiness they’d found together. As a person, she was willing to admit to a twinge of envy. Their relationship had been a little rocky
at the beginning, but only because they were both so stubborn. It had been obvious to everyone else that they were wild about each other. They’d nearly had to lose each other in order to find where they needed to be.
She and Cole had lost each other—for years—and it hadn’t helped at all. Is that what she wanted? To find her relationship with her husband? She shook her head. She didn’t want that flawed relationship back; she wanted something stronger and more mature.
Patrick opened the front door and motioned for everyone to step inside.
“I hate to greet and run,” he said, “but I have a few last-minute details to take care of for the opening of the research facility. Are you three going to be okay here by yourselves?”
The sisters looked at each other and laughed.
“We’ll be fine,” Kayla assured him, moving into her husband’s embrace. “Amazingly enough, we’re used to being alone together. We have fun.”
“Okay. I’ll be late. Don’t wait up.” He kissed her cheek, waved and left.
Kayla stared after him. “Did I get lucky, or what?”
“Very lucky,” Fallon said, then turned to Elissa and added in a mock whisper, “This ‘in love’ stage is so gross. You think she’ll get over it soon?”
“Probably not for another couple of months.”
Kayla put her hands on her hips. “I can hear you guys.”
“We know.” Fallon grinned. “Come on, Elissa. You’re bunking with me. Do you still snore?”
Elissa chuckled. “No, do you?”
“Never.”
The easy banter reminded her of all the good times she and her sisters had spent together. They were a team against the rest of the world. With them, she belonged.
But even as the easy conversation continued while they collected her overnight case and showed her to the pleasant guest room she would share with Fallon, Elissa found herself wishing for more.
If only Cole were with her. Despite the distance between them and her confusion about her feelings, he was her husband and as much a part of her as the sisters with whom she’d been born.
* * *
Elissa dipped her spoon into the pint of strawberry ice cream. After a dinner of spaghetti with homemade garlic bread, the last thing she needed was a very rich, very fattening dessert.
The Secret Wife Page 10