by Jayne Blue
“Okay, okay big boy.” Mace grabbed Andrew’s lead from the hook in Raleigh’s kitchen, a Frisbee, and took both dogs out. The pit of worry got worse. Why had she left Andrew alone so long?
He decided to take the animals to the park and they enjoyed the fresh air.
Where was she?
Mace knew he had no right to ask but dammit he was going to get some answers about what the hell Raleigh Gibson was up to last night.
When he returned to her apartment, he didn’t knock and walked right in. And there she was, home, safe, thank God. But then where the hell was she?
“Oh, so you can just make yourself at home? Where did you take Andrew?” And the animal wrenched himself from Mace’s grasp to jump on Raleigh and lick her face.
“Hey hey down!” She commanded and the dog obeyed.
“Your dog was in distress,” He said to her. Mace felt a sharp pain in his heart. Raleigh had dark circles under her eyes. He wanted to go to her. Scoop her up. Kiss her. It was torture. A torture he’d initiated.
“I guess we’re even then, oh wait. I’ve saved your dog twice.”
“And I painted your wall.” Mace pointed to the wall that they’d painted together.
“So, I guess you can go. Thanks for looking after Andrew.” And she bent down to unhook the leash.
“Are you okay?” He wanted so badly to reach out to her.
“I’ve had a rough night. Nothing to do with you so don’t get the wrong idea.”
“I would never presume.”
“Great. See you around.” She was trying to get him out of here. It was fair. He’d treated her horribly yesterday.
“See you around.” Mace stepped forward and handed the Frisbee to her. She lost grip on the bag she had been holding. He’d thought it was a shopping bag but as it fell to the floor, he took a closer look. It read Grand City General Hospital. He began to wonder what she meant by rough night.
Medications and papers scattered to the floor.
“Shit.” She said and Mace rushed to help her gather up the materials. They were on the floor together and closer than he meant to be with her ever again.
“Let me help you.”
“I don’t want your help.” He caught the hurt in her voice. It sounded the way he felt.
“Je Suis désolé.” He was, totally sorry, for everything, for loving her and for leaving her.
“You didn’t cause this.” And she pointed to the pills and all the papers.
“Come here.” And he couldn’t stand it any longer. Less than twenty-four hours from the time he’d been determined to leave her, to keep her safe, the urge to have her in his arms destroyed his determination.
She hesitated and he forced the issue.
He enveloped her, surrounded her, his arms easily capturing her.
“No, I can’t take it if you leave me again.” She said and he was relieved and frightened by the same realization.
“I am sorry. So sorry.” He kissed her lips, her tears, her mouth. And that was the last wall between them. It came crashing down. He smoothed her hair he inhaled her scent.
He could not give her up. And he didn’t know what that would mean. He only knew she was with him now. Now.
He kissed her again, and again, and again.
Raleigh
He filled her senses, fired her blood, and as much as she wanted to punish him for yesterday she couldn’t. He was there with her and she was drowning in his kisses.
Mace unzipped her hoodie and rained kisses on her breasts, she felt his hand slide the straps to her bra off her shoulders. Her breasts came free. He licked them both. His tongue was rough on her skin. Her body was on fire for him.
Mace tugged at the elastic of her yoga pants and hesitated.
“Can I? Can you? Is it okay?” His eyes were hooded and he stared intensely at her. His hunger was as powerful as hers.
“Yes, god yes. Please hurry.” She didn’t think she could wait another second. They were on her kitchen floor and that was fine with her.
Mace dragged down her pants and panties with them. He sat up and positioned her on top of him. She straddled him and the sensation as she sank onto him was so powerful, so good, so exactly right she thought maybe she might die.
He groaned, the sound giving voice to the way she felt then too.
As he moved under her, they locked eyes. She stayed fixed on his face, his rugged, handsome, beautiful face, and felt like if it was the last thing she ever saw it would be a good last moment.
He pushed deeper and she cried out.
“Mace, God, yes.”
“My Cherie, so sweet, you feel so sweet.” It was almost a growl as their breaths came now as fast as the two of their bodies pulsing together. She squeezed her legs around him and held as tight as she could. The wave of pleasure overwhelmed her. She felt she had to hang on with all she had.
After she had reached her peak, he began his. There was no restraint as his heat and hardness split her in two. She held tighter and as Mace drilled into her and came with an intensity that surpassed anything they’d had together before.
He murmured her name and words she didn’t understand. Beautiful French words from her beautiful Frenchman.
“And they say I am good at riding, you did beautifully.” He teased her.
“Merci.”
“I love you, Cherie.” She knew this to be true. Even when he was cutting her loose yesterday, she knew it felt so wrong because it was wrong.
They were meant to be together.
“I love you too Mace. Don’t try to shake me again.” She wanted to talk to him ask him what happened to make him leave yesterday. She wanted to tell him about her scare and be honest with him about her actual life. But it was too much.
Her eyes were heavy she sagged in his arms. He lifted her up and tucked her into her own bed. She slept on his chest. It was a good sleep. There would be time to iron out the rest.
Plenty of time. She hoped a lifetime.
Mace
She slept. He cared for their dogs. She stirred and made some pretense of waking up, but he insisted she stay in bed and insisted she eat breakfast there. She devoured eggs, bacon, and the coffee he made.
“Now, Cherie, you want to tell me about the hospital?”
She was polishing off the food he’d delivered on the tray he’d prepared. It filled him with more joy than he would have imagined to nourish her.
The frozen meals and snacks in her kitchen were not food. The mere thought caused him to shudder.
“I have a very important condition before I tell you what happened to me yesterday and what I’m trying to prevent from happening again.” He reached out and wiped a crumb from her beautiful lips.
“Oh, what is this condition?”
“I tell you and you tell me.”
“I have no medical drama to report.” He knew what she meant, though.
“We are going to be together, that is non-negotiable so we’re going to have to be honest with each other. We’ve both been hiding something. In my case, it is big.”
“Oui. No secrets,” he didn’t know if he could tell her everything. He was going to try. “You first Raleigh Gibson.”
“Okay, so here it is. My senior year of college, like the last week of my senior year, I was at a party. I got a little drunk and fell down the steps. Very embarrassing to say the least but it was the beginning.”
“Someone hurt you?” Mace was instantly livid to think of a scenario where she was vulnerable at some college party.
“No, no one hurt me. I was with Alysha and Courtney and our friends. I did, however, hit my head pretty hard on the way down. And that’s the incident that likely started my seizures.”
“You did not grow up with epilepsy.”
“No, it was brought on by a blow to the head they say. It really is all my fault and I hate myself for it. I couldn’t hold my alcohol,” Mace tried to interrupt and tell her she shouldn’t blame herself for an accident, but she moved on wit
h her story too fast.
“My first seizure was a week later. I was behind the wheel of my car and don’t remember much else. I woke up with the car smashed against the wall of an elementary school. Bricks were everywhere; a swing set was upside down. And I had no idea what had happened. I was arrested on the spot.”
“Were any children?” Mace could imagine the horrifying scenario of a car careening into a playground.
“No. Thank god no. But I didn’t know that when they hauled me into the squad car. When I was in the lock up, I had two more massive seizures. It was all on security video. Finally, they sent me to the E.R. and a battery of tests and experiments began.”
“You must of have been so frightened, my love.” He reached out and kissed her forehead. The thought of her in the cell enraged him at whoever had arrested her. How did they not see she was in medical distress?
“I cannot drive, of course, I am not sure I’d ever be able to again. I see that accident all the time and imagine what would have happened if there were children on that playground. I am pretty much always in terror of having a seizure. When they happen I’m told I lose all bodily control, I bite my tongue, so I spew blood and spit and other things. It is horrific to watch and I am humiliated when it is done.”
“You should have no shame about this!” His heart hurt for her.
“I do. I could have killed someone. And I am so embarrassed at how it all started at a college party. I will never go back to the restaurant we ate lunch at yesterday. Another place to scratch off the list.”
That’s when it hit him.
He walked away and she’d had a seizure, alone, with no one there to help her. He was the one who felt shame.
“I am so sorry to have caused this to you. So sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“I am glad you didn’t see it. It was a doozy I hear.” He kissed her again. Her story was explaining so many things he hadn’t realized about her. It had taken true courage for her to come to the GWG yesterday on her own. He didn’t understand and he’d been terrible.
“I should have been there.”
“Let’s not rehash it. Here're my doctor’s orders. I am supposed to stay stress-free, I am supposed to work from home, I take my medicine and they’d hoped it would prevent future seizures. But that has not happened. The medicine isn’t working.”
“What do we do for you?”
“I am on a new medication as of yesterday. A clinical trial. And I have a new diet. Very complicated for me since I only nuke stuff, as you like to point out. And if I don’t respond to these treatments eventually, for my safety, it will be brain surgery, maybe even an electrical treatment.”
“I will do the food!” It was something he could hold on to. A way to make amends to her for causing yesterday's seizure.
“I appreciate that and I know you think you caused the seizure, you didn’t. Stress is a role, but it’s not the only thing. There has been no rhyme or reason to most of them.”
“What happens if they can’t control them?”
“Eventually they’ll put me in a coma or kill me.”
Mace took the news like a punch to the gut. He had been so worried about causing her harm by exposing her to his world that he never considered how precarious her health was. He had so much to learn about her still.
“That will not happen.” He folded her in his arms and she sank into him.
“Okay, that will not happen,” she agreed.
“Now give me that list of foods you can eat. We are going to be sure you eat them and they are delicious. Leave that to me.”
She’d never felt so paper thin in his arms. He would help her get strong. He knew how to do that.
Raleigh
“I’m not sure if you get it. My seizures aren’t sexy, pretty, or anything but a scary mess. You wanted to run away from me yesterday without a seizure. I get it if you need to go.” She was trying to give him an out. He probably needed an out.
Who would want to be involved in the mess that she was trying to navigate?
“I did not run because of you, cherie, it was all me.”
So here it was, a chance to learn more about him. She’d opened herself up to him and now it was his turn.
“I need to know at least some answers from you. About why you’re so good at something and yet refuse to do it?”
“Because I am on the run from very dangerous men.”
“What? Who? I don’t understand. Are you a criminal?” She didn’t know what she would do if the answer to that question were yes.
“No, I am not. I am just a fighter.”
“An amazing fighter from what I read and heard from that Craddock Flynn guy. So what’s the problem?”
“I was on the path to a title in Europe. That is true. I have never lost. That is also true and that is the problem.”
“I don’t get that? How can that be a problem?”
“My success attracted organized crime. The mafia you would probably call them actually. I was fighting out of Brazil and they were there. Anywhere there was gambling, drugs, the mafia is there, always looking for an angle, a way to make money. They were always working to find an inroad into action. I was that to them.”
“You have to help me out here. You’re parents aren’t mafia right? They own a restaurant or a bakery or something. How could you be tied up in something like the mob?”
“I was naïve for sure. And my parents are good people. I lived a sheltered life with them. Almost a fairy tale when I look back on it. I wasn’t really aware how evil people could be because my parents were good. Are good. I didn’t know how closely tied to the mafia some sports can be. It is not so much true here I don’t think. I believe the 21C is pretty clean.”
“How old were you when you left home?”
“17 when I moved to Brazil to train and 18 when I started attracting attention.”
“Attracting attention?”
“Winning. I was a man among boys from the first time they put me up for a pro fight. I dominated the novice fighters and was better than the experienced fighters from the very beginning.”
“You have a talent for it.”
“Talent is part of it, I am disciplined, I can ignore pain, I study the sport and what works, and here’s where you need to be warned, I am vicious in the ring.”
“I guess I saw a little of that with Darius.”
“Pfft. That was nothing.”
“Yeah, if that was nothing I’m afraid to see something,” Raleigh was only partially kidding.
“Smart to be afraid. I was also a sure bet. That is very rare in any sport. I would always win.”
“People started to come to see you?”
“Yes, and root for me, and bet on me. But that’s the tricky part for men who make money off gamblers. The more I won the odds that I would win were high. So you understand how that makes them less money?
“Oh yeah betting on you was getting less lucrative.”
“Right. So they needed me to win when they wanted and lose when they said.”
“You’d never do that, right? You wouldn’t throw a fight.” She knew that about Mace she just did. Somewhere in her heart she knew he was incapable of evil, deceit, and that fact put a pit of fear in her heart as to where this story would end
“I’ve never lost.”
“So you were supposed to throw a fight and you didn’t? And then you ran. It’s not as bad as all that.” If that’s all, it was she could handle it she thought.
“That is the truth. I was told after a time that it was time to lose. A lot of money was bet on my opponent. An aging former title holder. I could easily win against him, but that is not what they wanted. They were going to make a killing when I took a dive.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I didn’t. I wish I did. I wish to God every day I did. But I didn’t and they made me pay for it.”
“How? Because you ran away. Because you can’t fight anymore?”
Mace’s story unfolded
in broad strokes. He had not shared it in detail or with any emotional attachment. But he struggled for a moment.
She could see him physically bracing himself before he spoke the next words.
“Because they killed the woman I loved. She paid the price for my decision.” Mace wasn’t looking at her anymore.
Behind his eyes, he saw something else. Something horrible and clearly something he blamed himself for. Raleigh wanted to comfort him but wasn’t sure how.
“Oh my god, Mace.” Raleigh tried to process what Mace had told her.
“It was as if I killed her myself. She would be alive if I could have done one simple thing.” He put his head in his hands. She’d never seen him vulnerable like this and it tore at her gut.
“You didn’t kill her.” She didn’t know what to say or how to make him feel better, but she did see now how much his decision had cost him.
“If something was to happen to you. I cannot have that on my head.” Raleigh crawled across the bed to him.
He gripped her fiercely around her waist and buried his head in her chest.
She stayed quiet for a moment and let him hold on to her. She felt a desperation from him for the first time.
He was drowning in the memory for a moment and she was a lifeline. She was so glad to be that for him. Even if her words couldn’t erase his guilt, her presence could root him in the now.
The past was an ocean of guilt for Mace Alois. She could see that now.
“Look. Nothing’s going to happen to me.” She kissed the top of his head and then reconsidered her statement.
“I mean I could have a seizure and die any moment. But that has nothing to do with you or the mafia.” She was trying to lighten his load however she could, even with a bad joke.
He leaned back and looked up at her shook his head.
“Can you not talk like that Raleigh?”
“I’ve been living in fear for a year now. I didn’t use to be like this. This condition of mine has taken away any joy I had in life. It’s not going to take another second. No fear. If my brain is going to explode, it’s time I enjoy myself. And that means being with you.”
Raleigh realized as she said the words it was how she was going to live.