“What was that?” An agent turned on the flashlight attached to his submachine gun and panned the cluster of fronds where I had been. I kept still.
“The wind. I don’t know.”
“Wind, hell, let’s see what jumps out.” The agent shouldered his submachine gun and opened fire. The bullets chopped the tree and tattered palm fronds whipped through the air. He quit shooting and examined the gnarled tree with the light from his gun. He turned off the light and lowered his weapon.
An agent at the far end of the line halted at the spot where my clothes were. He yelled, “I found something.”
Better hurry. I leaped from tree to tree, nimble as a monkey, silent as a bat.
Three agents clustered around my clothes. I jumped and landed beside them.
Startled, they turned toward me. First snatching my clothes, I shook my nakedness and taunted, “Wooga, wooga, wooga.” No need to hypnotize them; I wanted them to panic.
Pie-eyed with surprise, they opened fire and shouted into their radios. By then I was back up the tree, my clothes tucked under one arm and the satchel of money swinging from my shoulder.
I bounded to the next group and repeated my “wooga” introduction. They started shooting. Bullets clipped the brush in every direction. The other groups opened fire and, within a minute, they were gunning for one another and yelling:
“Watch out. We got one wacked on meth.”
“Shoot the bastard. Drop him.”
The helicopter returned. Its searchlight probed the ground and held for a moment on the outline of an agent huddled among the palmettos and bushes.
“Police. Police,” he shouted, panicked like he was about to shit his pants. “Don’t shoot.”
I ran through the brush toward where my boat was moored in the bog. I stepped through the muck and tossed the satchel and my clothes into the boat. I cast loose and climbed aboard. The helicopter and the confused shooting masked my starting of the Evinrude. I kept the throttle cracked enough to quietly back out from under the overhanging vines and cypress moss and into the surf. I pointed the bow to the dark sea and, with the muffled outboard churning the water, slipped away.
I wasn’t worried about what the agents would report. That a naked Tarzan whacked on meth jumped from tree to tree?
My path to the island had been to follow Johnson, and now I had to guess a reverse course. An hour northwest at moderate speed, then turn northeast until I returned to the Keys. The compass ball mounted to the windshield didn’t move. I tapped the plastic housing, to free the compass. The cheap housing broke apart and the compass ball fell to the deck.
What now? I found the Big Dipper and fixed the North Star to keep myself oriented. Sooner or later I should run into one of the islands in the Keys.
What did I have to show for tonight’s work? My best lead was dead, a crooked deputy shot and killed by his fellow cops.
I pulled Johnson’s wallet from the satchel. Maybe I’d find something. I went through his wallet. Monroe County Sheriff Office ID. Credit cards. Gift cards and coupons. After I read each one and decided that it added nothing to my investigation, I tossed it overboard.
Just as I was about to fling one business card away, I stopped and read it again. The card belonged to a hotel resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina. Along the bottom was the name of the resident golf pro. I remembered Odin’s enigmatic clue: Goodman.
Now I knew where I could find a Goodman. The golf pro. His name was Dan Goodman.
Chapter
14
Finally, the trail was once again hot, hotter than before. I had a strong lead to the name Odin had given me—Goodman—and where I could find him.
But a golf pro? What would a golf pro have to do with the murder of an alien and the chalice, Marissa?
I slipped the business card into the satchel and laid the satchel on the deck by my feet.
Before me, the horizon lightened from indigo to cerulean. The eastern stars faded. Sunrise approached.
Despite my spider-bite vaccination against the sun, I had my doubts. My mouth went dry. I was scared. For centuries, it had been the first rays of the new day’s sun that incinerated vampires. It was like facing a tiger I knew could never be completely tamed.
Even worse, I should’ve spotted land by now and I was getting hungry and lightheaded. Rummaging through the boat I found nothing but empty bags of Doritos. There were obviously no cups of blood lying about. The fuel gauge indicated that the tank was full to the brim—a lie, considering I’d been motoring for a good part of the night. At any moment I expected the Evinrude to cough and quit. Well, I did have all those hundred-dollar bills, which meant I had plenty of paper handy in case I had to blow my nose.
I could’ve planned this sojourn better. For starters, stealing a better ride instead of this piece of rusted junk.
My consolation was that I knew how to find Goodman—Dan Goodman—who might be the man the alien Gilbert Odin had fingered as his murderer. Goodman killed Odin for what reason? It had to be more than Odin being an alien. And, if so, would I have to include Goodman as part of my investigation ordered by the Araneum?
White light scrolled up from the horizon. Dawn was about to break.
Not wanting to take more chances, especially when it came to my privates, I shook the sand out of my cargo shorts and put them on. I crouched behind the instrument panel.
The rays of the sun unfolded in a rush of brilliance. Not burned to a crisp yet. Still, I waited until shadows slanted across the deck, telling me that the sun had risen safely above the horizon.
I stood. The yellow ball of the sun hovered majestically before me. Its heat warmed my skin, a gentle, loving caress.
Had we broken the sun’s tyranny? My fear at the cruel bite of solar rays ebbed as I noticed how much I’d tanned. The sun was no longer a ravenous beast to be cowered from—I’d seen those morning beams devour vampires—but more like a friendly dog that wanted to cuddle.
If the sun could be defied, then what else about our vampire nature could be altered? Enjoying the sunlight without protective cosmetics was a human privilege. Was this a step to becoming more human, and, if so, could we find a way to forever quench our barbarous thirst for blood or reverse our accursed undead immortality?
Become human again? I nurtured the idea like a tender sprout. What would those fruits be—real love? No longer living as fraud beneath a disguise of makeup? Shedding the fear that I might be outed as a vampire and destroyed?
Suppose I did become human again? Would the Araneum let me live with the secrets of the supernatural realm? Or would I be killed—this time for sure, no undead funny business—to protect those secrets?
I had barely figured out how to exist as a vampire, and these new questions made my head hurt.
Squinting toward the east, I spied slivers of land in the haze of the distant water. I tapped the throttle lever anxiously, hoping that enough gas remained in the tank.
The slivers of land grew into a series of humps that I recognized as the Snipe Keys. If vampires counted only on skill for survival, we’d be extinct by now. I was grateful for all the breaks that Lady Luck pushed my way.
At last I saw Houghton Island and I chugged victoriously into the lagoon and headed for the pier.
Carmen and several chalices—she was topless, they were nude—tended the mooring lines of her boat. Carmen saw me and walked to the end of the pier, where she waited, smiling.
I nudged the speedboat against the pilings.
Carmen set her hands on her hips. Man, what a great pair of boobs. It was a good thing I wore shorts or she would’ve seen me weathervane toward her. I stayed behind the instrument console and let the moment pass.
Carmen stood on tiptoes to get a better look inside the boat. “You’re wearing shorts? I was hoping you were naked. This is southern Florida; all you really need is a tan and a smile.”
I spread my arms to show off my bare torso. “Here’s my tan. And here’s my smile.”
; “Well, you do look good. The parts I can see.” Carmen moved to the edge of the dock and planted a foot on the gunwale of my boat. She kept her expression calm but her aura grew writhing tendrils of apprehension. “Anything about the murders?” Her voice was low. “Marissa the chalice? The alien?”
I picked up the satchel and flashed the business card with Goodman’s name. “Pay dirt. I find this guy and chances are good that I solve the murders, save the Earth women, and learn what the aliens are up to.”
Chapter
15
I dabbed my lips with a cloth napkin. After a good meal, I felt much better.
A chalice lay across the picnic table. She was naked except for a striped bedsheet covering her body from the waist to her ankles. Bruised puncture marks dotted her neck. An expression of ecstasy faded from the chalice’s face; many chalices swooned and achieved orgasm when vampires dined on their blood. The chalice relaxed and sighed, content and sleepy.
Carmen and I sat on benches on opposite sides of the table. We had taken turns enjoying the chalice’s rich blood.
A thatched awning provided shade from the noon sun. We were alone in the pavilion of Carmen’s resort. The other vampires and chalices were either asleep in their cabins or playing cannibals and missionaries somewhere else on the island.
Carmen pulled the bedsheet to the chalice’s neck. “Don’t want the poor girl to catch cold.” Despite the hedonistic ambience of the resort and her predilection for walking around topless, Carmen wore a T-shirt and had pulled on beach trunks over her bikini bottoms.
She had wanted me to wear Speedos—an orange banana hammock—but I had put on camouflaged cutoffs and a tank top. I grabbed a plastic bottle from the table and squirted aloe vera lotion into the palm of my hand. After rubbing the lotion on my body, I stretched my legs from the shade and into the warm sunlight. “How did your corpse heist go?”
Carmen smirked. “Stealing ice from an Eskimo would’ve been more of a challenge.”
“Where’s the body?”
“Antoine, Jolie, and I gave Marissa a proper burial at sea. Bothers me that I have to cover up her death when I had nothing to do with it.”
The sea breeze mussed my hair. A rock placed on a sheaf of papers kept them from blowing off the table. I had told Carmen how I followed Johnson, what happened to him on the island, and how I discovered Dan Goodman’s business card. Earlier today we had gotten on the Internet, using the resort’s satellite link, and printed Goodman’s photos and a bio. Considering how much trouble it had been to find him, it was now laughably ironic how simple it was to get all this information.
I took the papers and perused them. “Talk about skating through life. Goodman got his officer’s commission from West Point and spent his career golfing for the army.”
“That’s possible?” Carmen raised an eyebrow.
“Apparently so. After retiring as a colonel, he hired on as the head golf pro with the Sapphire Grand Atlantic Resort at Hilton Head Island. It’s so high-end it’s where the owners of four-star hotels go for pampering.”
“The lap of luxury,” Carmen noted.
“Lap hell, it’s the moist crotch.”
In the photo accompanying his bio, Goodman looked the prosperous, middle-aged country squire with one foot perched on the front bumper of a golf cart, his hands clasping the grip of a nine iron. He wore shorts that showed off well-muscled legs. Unlike with most retired men, there was no hint of a roll around his waist. The logo of the hotel decorated the left breast of his polo shirt. One tip of his collar was flipped up as if to express his carefree attitude.
Goodman projected the confident air of a man with few regrets. Friendly eyes squinted into a bright, inviting sun. An admirably healthy shock of blond hair—cut moderately short on the sides—framed his angular, handsome face.
I handed Carmen the picture of Goodman.
She asked, “This is the man who murdered my chalice and killed your alien friend?” Her voice was skeptical. She returned the photo.
“The trail leads to him,” I said. “Gilbert Odin tells me to find Goodman. Johnson turns up with a dead woman, your guest, with a blaster wound identical to the one that knocked off Odin.”
The chalice on the table started to snore.
Carmen stroked her hair and shushed her as one would a baby. “Why Marissa?”
“You said she was a private investigator,” I replied. “Are you sure she wasn’t here on a case?”
“I don’t know.” Carmen’s aura tightened and dimmed with doubt.
“So why kill her?” I asked. “With an alien weapon?”
Carmen crossed her hands on the table and kept quiet. One finger tapped the opposite wrist and stopped. “What if no one was supposed to find her body? Then it didn’t matter how she was murdered.”
“Good point but it doesn’t answer the question,” I said. “Why kill her?”
Goodman’s face stared back at me from the photo. I couldn’t believe that this man who had slummed his way through an army career as a duffer was my prey.
Carmen must have sensed my dilemma. “Johnson was human, right?”
“Definitely.”
Carmen kept quiet and let her silence raise the next question.
“You’re suggesting that Goodman might not be?” I asked.
“Gilbert Odin did a good job masquerading as human when you first met him,” Carmen said. “Fooled even you.”
I folded the papers and slipped them into a pocket. “Or this golf pro could be a decoy to hide the identity of the one I’m looking for.” I remembered the terrible wounds that killed Odin and Marissa. They must have suffered. And the warning: save the Earth women. From what? Was the murderer human—an earthling traitor—or an alien?
Carmen slipped off her bench and stood in the sand. “There’s only one way to find out, Felix. Let’s go rattle some cages. When do we leave?”
“There’s no ‘we,’ Carmen.”
“Like hell. Marissa was mine.” Carmen wasn’t a big vampire. Standing barefoot, she almost reached my nose. But though I outweighed her by at least fifty pounds, there were lions I’d rather tangle with.
Her lips twitched and the tips of her fangs started to protrude. “You’re saying I can’t handle this investigation?”
“Carmen, don’t put words in my mouth.”
Her forehead remained furrowed while her mouth curved into a malicious grin. “It’s not words I’d like to put in your mouth.”
“Settle down, Carmen. The answer is no.”
“To what? The investigation or putting things in your mouth?”
“Both. We can’t rattle cages, not yet anyway. We start clomping around and we’ll give ourselves away. This investigation is going to require more subtlety than zapping Goodman and munching on his neck.”
Carmen’s fingernails extended into talons. Her aura brightened like a flame. “I’d gladly do that interrogation.”
I couldn’t back down, not if I wanted to stay in control of the investigation. “The murders were to protect some big plan and Goodman is the key. Until I find out what that plan is, I go alone.”
“On one condition,” Carmen demanded.
“I’m not negotiating.”
“Well, I am. I let you go alone, for now, and in return, you owe me two hours of Kama Sutra sex.”
“No, Carmen.”
She grinned and tapped her foot. “Five hours.”
“Nothing doing.”
“Eight hours. You better load up on oysters.”
I raised my hands in surrender. “Okay, five hours.” If I had to, I’d borrow Thorne’s ice pack.
Carmen’s victory pulled her grin into a pearly smile. “I’ll put you on my calendar.”
Chapter
16
How to go after Goodman? I could either circle like a shark, moving closer until I knew enough about him to strike. Or I could go straight after him, like a cruise missile.
Why waste time then? Why not go after him dir
ectly?
Because, as a vampire, despite my superpowers, I only had to make one mistake. What if Goodman was bait? Who or what protected him? If humans caught me and discovered I was a vampire, the best I could expect was a quick execution by the Araneum. To protect the secrets of the undead, they’d strike to destroy any evidence of a supernatural creature. Felix Gomez would be a pile of ash scattered to the winds.
I’d investigate Goodman by hiding in plain sight. First, I had Deputy Johnson’s money, a hundred and fifty grand in hundred-dollar bills, that wasn’t doing me much good as cold cash. I went to Key West, got my car, and cruised up the Intercoastal Highway to Miami to visit a dozen check-cashing stores and buy money orders. As long as each cash transaction was under ten thousand dollars, I should stay off the government’s radar. I mailed the money orders with deposit slips from my checkbook to my credit union in Denver. Despite an afternoon of stopping in one seedy strip mall after another, I still had a third of the money left. Laundering drug money was tedious work. I converted a bunch of the hundreds into twenties, which were easier to spend.
I made reservations at the Sapphire Grand Atlantic Resort, where Goodman worked. Fortunately, I had stashed most of Johnson’s money into my bank account. A few days in even the cheapest suite—the hotel had nothing for the budget-minded—would’ve maxed out my credit card. I transferred funds to cover the difference.
I drove straight from Florida through Georgia to South Carolina and arrived at Hilton Head in mid-afternoon. The drive on Highway 278 snaked around the island developments: shopping centers, restaurants, houses, golf courses, and lots of condos. I navigated a traffic circle and pulled up to a guardhouse done in pink stucco.
The guard wore the uniform of a private security firm and he carried a pistol. I told him I had reservations at the hotel. He gave me a onetime in-and-out pass that I had to exchange for a guest pass from the hotel.
The two-lane street curved under a tunnel of live oaks draped with Spanish moss. A bike path ran parallel to the street. I drove past more condos, some tennis courts, and plenty of fairways. Hilton Head seemed like one giant golf course where people happened to live. I had to stop twice to let golf carts cross the street. Groundskeepers in teal overalls tended the flower beds and shrubs along the shoulders.
The Undead Kama Sutra Page 8