by Lori Darnell
She let out a quick gasp, and immediately I tensed to help her – I didn’t care who found out, there was no way I was losing Jill to this madness. She jerked up from the floor and looked at the class with a wild eye, but she came out of it on her own. I let my breath out carefully, trying to calm myself. She had been close to the point of the woman’s death, much too close to her own death for my comfort. Jill gave the paper to the Priest and he rewarded her with a pleased smile. He was going to get his prize. I was sick to my stomach at the mere sight of him.
The end of the day brought us sixteen dead students, two who were near catatonic from shock, and five students who would return tomorrow, Jill and I among them. We were both tearing up as we walked back to James’ office. He closed the door behind us, then gathered us up in embrace. We all understood the needless loss, but we didn’t speak of it. Tomorrow was going to be difficult as it was. There was no time to dwell on sadness.
“Marcus, you did very well. However, I am concerned about how much you’re hiding from them. I know you want to help, but if they find out you’re keeping secrets from them, their retaliation will be swift and painful; they won’t take into consideration your gifts or what you do. You will become as guilty in their eyes as those we read today. I don’t want to lose either of you that way. Never!” He looked over my head at a point in the distance. He was trying to hold himself together, to be strong for us. We were a family, we looked out for each other, and James had just been forced to watch his family being offered to the wolves. It was understandable if he was shaken. We survived, but none of us would ever be able to get back what was lost in the graveyard. James dropped his arms and walked to his desk.
“Marcus, you and Jill can have the rest of the day. I want you both to be extra careful. If you want to, sleep. Sleep here. Both of you; I don’t want either of you out of my sight for very long today. That was a power display you experienced today. They will want to test you again, as soon as possible. And I want to make sure I’m there when it happens.” James sat down in a chair facing toward the wall, and closed his eyes. Jill and I left him to his thoughts.
We didn’t go far. We went to the herb garden. We could hear James talking on the phone, behind us through his office window. There was a small bench at the back of the garden against a solid stone wall. The garden had no windows that faced it, save James’ window. This was as close to alone as we could manage. I looked at Jill, noticing that the sun was blocked by her head, lending an interesting glow around her hair. Angelic. Beautiful. I found it strange that, following all the tragedy and grief we experienced earlier today, I could still find beauty, and seeing it, was amazed. Jill gathered me in, holding me tightly, and my eyes began to water for the second time that day, this time in the joy of her, and relief that she too survived the day’s trial.
Chapter 12
“Marcus, you can’t have her…” A woman’s voice sounded from the distance. I jumped, looking around us, startling Jill in the process. But there was no one there. I relaxed back, fitting Jill back into my arms, realizing it wasn't a voice from a person. I closed my eyes in recognition. I had heard this voice before. This was the woman’s voice that had told me to save that boy over nine years ago. She had said my name and it made my spine tingle. Was I going insane? Why was I hearing this now? Who was she? Was she real?
I waited for the voice to speak again but she was silent… for now. What did the voice mean, I couldn’t have her? She was as much mine as I was hers.
That voice had plagued my mind since I was a child. I had obeyed it at once, not caring the reason or motivations of the voice, and had nearly exposed myself to everyone, putting myself at risk. Now I heard this voice again, and again, it didn’t feel like it was in my best interest. I felt compelled by the voice, but I didn’t care. I loved Jill. And we were not going to listen.
Jill let me know she wanted to go inside to lie down - the reading took a lot out of her. She motioned conspicuously for me to follow her, a mischievous look in her eyes. I loved that. I blushed in response.
“I'll be in shortly, don’t hog the covers.” She smirked and walked back to James’ office. Sighing, I went back to my thoughts and the mysterious voice inside them.
“Marcus, she can’t stay, and you have a mission. Don’t disobey me now.” The voice called to me. I looked around again, looked at the air around me, waited for someone to appear. Nothing. So I decided to talk to the voice. Maybe it would respond.
“But I can’t leave her, I don’t want to. I won’t. We love each other so much.”
“I understand,” the voice responded. “I see the love there. But know the mission will separate you eventually. I only want to save you from pain. If you stay now, your pain will be much greater.”
“What about her pain? I could never hurt Jill. She means more to me than that.”
“Marcus, you are my concern… not the girl.”
“You didn’t answer me.” The voice hesitated, then spoke.
“Her pain will only be brief… if you stay. If you leave she will not recover… but my concern is for you alone. I cannot help Jill either way.” I was suddenly horrified, and very angry. Was this voice threatening Jill?
“Marcus, I have no interest in hurting Jill. She means nothing to me. You are the one I am protecting.” Her response was supposed to comfort me, to make me believe that Jill was safe. I wasn’t that stupid.
“Who are you? Why are you speaking to me? Are you an angel from God? Or are you from the Devil?” I screamed in my mind, but merely whispered into the wind blowing through the garden.
“Ha! I have heard these questions before; how narrow your concept of religion is. My name is of no importance. I am a god, but not your vision of God. Not now, at any rate. You humans have faith, but it is misplaced. I will guide you, but your destiny is already chosen. I can only make it as easy as possible for you.”
“What do you mean, you’re ‘a god’? I thought there was only one.”
“There are many before me, and many more that will come after me. Don’t fear; your destiny has only begun to unfold. I will protect you as long as I can, however, you must leave this place. It is not safe for you.”
“If I leave it will be with Jill and, if possible, James as well. I don’t take orders well,” I nearly shouted, forgetting myself in the angst to get my point across. With that, I rose up off the bench, determined to end this conversation. I was mildly curious if anyone had heard my one-sided conversation with ‘a god’. I hoped not. But my hopes were dashed when I saw James looking at me through his office window, an expression of horrified curiosity playing on his features.
I walked back to his office, head hung. I would tell him. I would tell him anything he wanted. He was the closest thing to a father I was ever going to have. I opened the door and James was waiting on the other side. He pulled me in quickly and we sat on the long couch near the back of his office. The couch was the farthest place to sit away from his bedroom, where Jill was waiting for me, or sleeping, with any luck. I really hoped the latter was true; I didn’t want to try to explain this to her, not yet, anyhow.
“Marcus, who were you talking to? Please don’t lie.”
“I would never lie to you.” How could he think that he hadn’t earned my trust completely? I was so sure of him I would lay my life down on that trust. I was about to. I knew hearing voices was bad. But in this place it could be a death sentence… akin to speaking with the devil. Because no one but a priest could speak to God and I was never going to be one of those. I was only good for speaking to the dead.
“A woman’s voice called to me, saying I couldn’t stay with Jill. That I was on the path of my destiny. She claimed to be ‘a god’ but not my God. It was hard to understand. But she said that if I stay with Jill, I will experience pain. But if I leave, she will experience more pain. The woman said that my pain was all she was concerned about. But I am not leaving Jill.” The affirmation was said both to James and to the woman, if she was st
ill listening. I think she was. I felt a cold shiver of resignation.
“Marcus, do you believe the voice?”
“I do. I don’t know what to make of her claim to be a god, but I don’t doubt her.”
“Your gifts are such I would not have doubted you had a direct line to God, but to other gods as well. Well, this is quite something, isn’t it?” James sighed and shook his head in disbelief, the enormity of the situation dawning on both of us.
“You believe there is more than one god?”
“I do.”
“But how, how can you? You’re a part of the Church.”
“Marcus, just because I am a part of the Church doesn’t mean I don’t remember the other faiths as well. Only the younger generations are ignorant of their existence. Teachings much older than the concept of Christianity were once abundant. But that time is long gone.” James and I sat for a moment in silence, thinking. Apparently reaching a decision, he clapped his hands together.
“If she is truly what she says she is, I would believe her. She can guide you in ways I can't. I won’t tell you what to do about Jill, but I think you’re right not to trust her with Jill’s safety. She seems to want to keep you alive. That is something to take to heart. But don’t doubt her that suffering will happen, though suffering may mean something different to a god. Chosen people, well, they seem to be frequently chosen to suffer, but it’s usually for a higher purpose. I have to believe in that.”
“Thanks,” I said dryly. I didn’t want to consider more suffering today – I had seen enough to last me awhile. “Jill is waiting for me. And I do believe that I am about to drop. This has been a trying day.” I opened his bedroom door and saw Jill. She had fallen asleep waiting for me, just as I had hoped. It was too soon to make her aware of the voice’s warning. She would try to leave to keep from hurting me and I would have to stop her. I didn’t have the energy to go through that right now.
I looked down at the bed and laughed. For such a small person, she had taken most of the bed and stolen the covers. I grabbed the extra blanket from the foot of the bed and laid down on the slice of mattress that was left for me. She curled up into my side and I gathered her up in my arms. She smelled like the herb garden outside. I could smell the hint of verbena and sage, mouthwatering. I fell asleep moments later.
Sometime later, I felt a silky warm touch brush against my cheek. I opened my eyes slowly, I knew it was Jill, but if she wasn’t awake, I didn’t want to be the one to wake her. I looked down and she was still fast asleep. She wrapped her arms around my neck and snuggled closer. Her body weight shifted against me, slightly - too much - I lost my sliver of mattress. We both went sliding to the floor.
I fell to the floor, laughing. Jill was still asleep as she landed on top of me. James must have heard the crash, as he barged through the door seconds later.
“Marcus! Jill! Are you ok?” Well there goes my keep Jill-asleep-plan. She shot up and looked around, eyes unfocused. Her hair tumbled over her face and her eyes. She was still very sleepy. She looked down at me as I brushed a long section of her hair behind her ear. She smiled. Then the smile turned to confusion as she looked at me, the floor, and then the bed.
“You pushed us off the bed.” I was laughing now, so loud that she was shaking on top of me from the motion. James was still standing in the doorway, looking at this exchange in shock. Seeing that we were safe, he started laughing with us.
Jill stood up, not sure of her footing. Clearly, she was not a morning person. I shook my head again, giggling harder. She glared at me. It was apparent she was trying to hold my amusement against me, but thought better of it. She held out her hand and waited. I shook my head.
“There is no way you’re going to be able to pull me up, and I want to make it to at least the bed before I fall again…” The fake hurt look that washed over her face made me laugh again. “Stop it; I’m going to get a stitch… OW! There it is…” I grinned, sitting on the floor and concentrating on my breathing, trying to slow it.
I caught the look of mock-irritation on James' face. He shook his head, turning back to the door. “You kids are going to be the death of me. I thought there was an abduction… and here it was, just Jill hogging the covers. Go to sleep you two, before I kick you to the couch and I take my bed back,” James warned, mock serious, shaking his finger in our direction as he left the room. Jill sat on the edge of the bed and waited for me to get off the floor. It was harder than it looked.
I heard her silent question. “No, the woman’s voice won’t make me leave you.” I knew I wasn’t going to keep the conversation with the god away from her for long. She took my hand, eyes pleading, and I knew she wanted me to leave her. She didn’t care about her pain. She didn’t want me to be hurt. She didn’t like to see anyone hurt.
“No, I won’t leave, and you’re not leaving, either. I will deal with whatever comes. When I leave, I am taking you with me - like anyone could make you stay here, anyhow.” We both knew her skills at manipulation were well beyond what she had shown the others. Her Priest had scarcely shown his face after that first visit. I wouldn’t recognize him if he walked into the room.
Jill patted the bed with her small hands, impatient to get me back into bed. I had finally managed to stop laughing enough to get up off the floor. I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge next to her. She reached for my hand and put it to her face. Her body language and mind were abuzz of not-so-silent invitations of a more carnal nature. I tried to ignore them. I sighed instead.
“Jill, tomorrow is going to be a long day. Why don’t we try to get some sleep?” She looked at me and gave me a small pout. I loved her facial expressions; her silence only intensified them. But right now, they were working against my better judgment. And the yearnings in my own body I was fighting against were making their own argument. I set my teeth stubbornly, gearing for another try.
“I promise, soon. Let’s get through this horrid class and then we will talk, well you know, again. Please, let’s just get some sleep. I would rather not have James in the next room when you’re trying to seduce me.” She turned at least three shades of red, but grudgingly agreed. She moved to the middle of the bed. Apparently, I was being given more than the far edge to hang on to this time. I smiled down at her. “You are so generous.” I slid to the middle as close as I could without touching her. I didn’t want to give her the wrong idea. She was having none of that. She turned over to face me and closed the distance. “Comfortable are we?” Her arms curled up against my chest and her left leg resting under my right. Well, now I was getting the wrong impressions. I sighed and her silent giggle shook against my body.
I squeezed her tighter, and then pulled the covers over us both. “Now, can we get some sleep, or do need to give James the bed and we take the couch? I don’t know about you but I feel kind of bad for James. We keep steeling his bed, right from under him. The poor man hasn’t slept proper in several months, worrying about us.”
I could feel Jill’s worry for James as well. We were not sure of what was going to happen tomorrow. But one thing was for sure, neither one of us wanted to lose James after this was over. Morning was going to be here soon and we needed rest. My body was definitely protesting my mind’s decision. But I resolutely ignored the feelings that were coursing through me.
Sometimes Jill’s gifts of communication did not help. She had to know how much I wanted her, how much I wanted to give in and definitely at that moment fighting with myself over the many reasons I had not to give in. My mind was winning - for the moment, at least. I smiled and leaned down to kiss her forehead thinking she had already fallen asleep again, but she was awake and she reached up at that moment to catch my mouth with hers. I parted her lips with my tongue, sweeping gently against her soft lips. Her response was as I knew it would be. We were both gasping for air when I finally forced the sweet torment to end, wanting more. I mentally stomped harder on my desire, cutting off all thought in that direction.
“Ok, no
w we really need to get to sleep.” Knowing she could read my mind and feel my own response in my body betraying me, I glanced down at her. She had a wicked smile playing against her lips. “No, my body isn’t winning tonight.” She let out a small sigh, gratified with her small win. We were both asleep moments later.
It was in the pre-dawn hours that I was awakened again. "Jill, what are you doing?" I moved my hands down her shoulder to her waist. I kept my eyes closed. This was a dream. It had to be. Sensing my assumption, Jill pinched my arm, quite hard. My eyes flew open to meet hers as she leaned over me. She was completely naked, guiding my hands to her torso.
“Jill, I don't know. It still seems wrong. James is on the other side of that door.” She felt better than I could have imagined, pressed close to my body. Her hands were moving across my chest. She was insistent that I remove my clothes. I didn't have any more strength to tell her no, and I didn’t want to, in any case. To hell with my better judgment. Blood was coursing through my body, straining, needing release. She helped me lift my shirt over my head and she tossed it behind her. I faintly heard the fabric hit the leather chair behind her as I pulled her closer to me, kissing her passionately as she ran her fingers through my hair.
I couldn't fight it anymore. My body was demanding, and she was more than willing. She slipped her hands into my pants, grabbing me roughly, pulling me closer to her. I heard myself moan, and gave it one more attempt at control.
"Jill, I can't. We shouldn't." My body was betraying me, rising to the challenge with alacrity in response to her grasp. She was so beautiful. Her gaze misted over with passion as she continued to stroke me.
I pulled her hand away. She stopped, looking so hurt. I relented. "I give up. You win, but you knew you would win, didn't you?" I slipped off the end of the bed to get rid of the last remaining garment that would separate us.