by Lori Darnell
Forty minutes later, Jill was reluctant to get up. “Come on sweetheart, we have less than twenty minutes to get dressed. She cuddled closer to me, twining her long legs around mine. It was clear she had no intentions of moving. “Ok, you can stay here while I take a shower.” I moved off the bed and walked to my room, it was nice not to have to get dressed. I came back into the bathroom and the shower was running. “Jill, what are you doing?” She giggled and opened the shower door, motioning me to get in. We washed each other quickly and stole a few kisses along the way. The water started to turn cold, that got Jill’s attention. I laughed and we jumped out of the shower to get dressed.
“James is probably looking at his watch. Come on.” I pulled her hand toward my room. We walked hand in hand down the stairs into the living room.
Chapter 15
“You’re late.” James joked as we walked in. Jill was shyly clinging to me.
There was someone new in the room with James. I was instantly on guard. Who was it? James saw my panicked look and laughed.
“Marcus, Dean has been walking around the house with us all morning.” James was poking fun at me. This was not the same man. It couldn’t be.
“What do you mean? This can’t be him.”
“Boy, we all have to be good at undercover nowadays.” Dean looked at me like I had lost my mind. I abruptly realized it was him – the man before had the same voice, just a different everything else. Jill’s grip on my waist tightened. I stared at him, uneasy.
“Marcus, will you calm down? Dean was wearing a disguise. He knew they had this place rigged up. We wanted to be sure no one recognized him.” James was getting up from the couch, thinking I was going to run with Jill. He wasn’t far off.
Dean stood at the same time, straight and tall, no longer hunched over. He had lost a good twenty years with his new appearance. His head was a full riot of dark red spikes. He must have powdered his hair. The detection wand that he used was sitting next to him on the floor. It was much larger than I had guessed, and was the attached to a large backpack. I realized he had used the machine to make him appear hunched over. His face was several shades lighter now that it was freshly washed.
They both looked as though they had just stepped out of the shower. Just like me and Jill. Actually they both wore a grin that told me there was a lot more to their story.
I relaxed, and then so did Jill. She released her death grip on my waist, dropping her hand into mine easily. Now that I could breathe, I could ask some more questions. “James, what is going on here? I know you work for the Church. It doesn’t seem that Dean here has the same inclinations.”
“No, you’re right,” James replied. “There are many people that work for the Church, and others who don’t, that believe as we do. We don’t buy into the constant stream of rhetoric that is forced on people by the Church. You know more than I do that there is more to this life, more than the service to God, or as we have learned, one of the many gods, to think of here. Something is changing. People are waking up. Dean and I are a part of that. I have been a part of it for most of my life; ever since Dean escaped the compound years ago. I knew that the Church was never my home.” He looked at Dean and smiled. “My home left when he did.” James grabbed Dean’s hand and brought it to his lips. Dean smiled warmly in return. James glanced cautiously in my direction. I was shocked, but tried to cover it. Strangely, it made sense. I always knew that James was too good a person not to be loved the way that I loved Jill. But I would never have guessed that it was another man that held his heart.
“Marcus, you can understand what this would mean for me if the Church ever knew. They would destroy me, but worst of all they would come after Dean. We had to be careful.”
“I don’t understand. At the compound you said that they already suspected that you liked boys?”
“Boys, yes, but even that is still not openly discussed. You have to understand most areas of the compound revel in the torture and humiliation of the children. What’s more humiliating than sexual abuse? Boys are taught that men of the Church must always be in control, without such distractions as physical desire, but they cannot take a woman, because that is a sin. And the girls are taught that women of the Church must always remain pure, for their purity is a measure of humanity’s purity, and to become impure is the greatest shame. They call it part of their training, a means of gaining control. I call it perversion and abuse. They would have assumed I was ‘training’ you, but never knew for sure. I had to pretend that you and I were together. It was only natural. I was your teacher.” James said with disgust in his voice.
“That is really messed up. Is that why I couldn’t interact with the other students?” I asked, fully understanding for the first time just what sort of protection I had received from James.
“Yes.”
“Is that why you wouldn’t let me find Jacob?”
He bowed his head with hopelessness and shame. “Yes. I couldn’t be sure you would be safe from him. His training is specific in the discipline of the children and subjects assigned to him. He is now part of the most dangerous part of the Church. Reverends are brutal.” He slumped down near Dean, and rested his head back, as though between admitting openly he was gay and letting the veil fall free of the Church’s true motivations were just enough conversation to wear him out. And little wonder if they were.
Jill and I sat on the floor across from the couch, having one of our own silent, private discussions. It was a lot to process at once. Dean was still watching James with love and concern. He didn’t want James to suffer, any more than I did. I instantly liked him for that. Then I looked to James, returning the same look to Dean. It was obvious how they felt about each other – the same way Jill and I felt about one another. Our lives would be meaningless without the other. They were soul mates, a single strand of existence dependent on one another to complete. I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like, spending at least the last nine years without Jill by my side, as James had done without Dean. I instinctively hugged her tighter as I addressed my instructor, father, and friend.
“James, you know you are like a father to me.” I looked down at Jill, she nodded in agreement. “Ok, to us both. We love you, no matter what you are, who you are, what you do, or why you do it.” Jill let go of my hand and sprung toward the couch, surprising James with a tight hug and kissing him on the cheek. His eyes shone radiantly with joyful tears. She then went over to Dean and kissed him on the cheek, too. Dean was surprised, but happy.
“There better be one for me too…” I joked with her as she returned to my side. She smiled and sat down between my outstretched legs, turning to kiss me too. I smiled as she started to turn away and caught her mouth for another. She parted her lips and I momentarily forgot where I was. Stroking her tongue with mine, I felt my body warm, and pulled back. The warmth wasn’t due to Jill’s response. A vision was coming, and quickly.
“James! Is it safe for Dean to see?” I could feel the vision overtaking me, and I closed my eyes.
“It’s okay. He can see. Don’t worry. What’s triggered it? Tell me what you see.”
I opened my eyes and heard Dean gasp. Apparently, he didn’t know everything. It was easier to control the vision when my eyes were open; it was like holding my breath underwater when I kept them closed. “I can see Jacob, I think. He looks so different; he is dressed all in black, and they are handing him a robe. He is in the council chamber.” I could see that Jacob was sneering at the robe. He had passed his Reverend training. “Jacob has asked the council where I am - he is not happy.”
“I was afraid of that. In normal circumstances, you would have still been there.” I could hear James sigh. “What was their reply? Does he know where you are?”
“No, they have told him that I have been given my assignments and that he should look to his own. He has been told not to try to find me.” With the expression on Jacob’s face, I was sure this was good advice from the Church. My friend was gone – the hollow expression on h
is face and the way he held himself told me he had been replaced with a monster, ready to pounce.
“James, why is he so angry, even at the very thought of me? I haven’t seen him in close to nine years. What does this mean?”
“I’m sorry, I tried to protect you. Marcus, he is jealous of you, of your position. A few years back, I had overheard his Priest offering to share Jacob, to make an example of him. They commented on how you could do with the same treatment, how it would show you some severely lacking discipline. I told them that was never going to happen – you were marked for something greater, and no one would touch you, but me.” He looked disgusted as he explained. “I think that Jacob knows your life in the compound was much easier than his. You have to understand, his training to be a Reverend was brutal. Horrifying.”
“I know. When I first met Jacob, he was in hiding. He had run away from the calling. He gave himself up to protect me. He must feel betrayed. But there was nothing either of us could do to make his situation better, was there?” It felt strange, to now be afraid of the person responsible for saving me from further torture.
“No, if I had said anything against his treatment, they would have reveled in punishing him further. They are a bunch of sadists.”
The room fell silent. My vision faded, and the cold chill ran over my scalp and down my spine. Dean looked at James and raised an eyebrow in question.
“I know it is quite the show, isn’t it?” James replied.
“That’s me, the freak show.” I rolled my eyes as I turned back to James. Dean, feeling mildly embarrassed, turned his attention to a new topic.
“And Jill, she can’t talk? Do you know why? Is there something wrong with her?” Dean asked, oblivious to the fact that this would also be a sensitive subject. Jill, exasperated, looked at me. She was mine; I was supposed to defend her, and at that moment I wanted to.
“There is nothing wrong with Jill, we communicate very well.” I voiced, wrapping my arms tighter around her. She nodded, affronted, and I glared.
“Yes, but the rest of us aren’t psychic. That just makes it more difficult,” he explained, his hands raised in defense. I must have sounded much more intimidating than I meant to. Jill was a bit too pleased with his back peddling, but I backed down a little anyhow, point made. James decided to step in before things got out of hand.
“Dean, we don’t know why she can’t speak. She never has. As far as anyone could ever tell, there is nothing medically stopping her from doing so. I have often wondered myself if it wasn’t her psychic ability that made speaking irrelevant.”
Jill and I were both stunned. We stared back at James in disbelief. Perhaps Jill could speak after all? As the idea rolled around in my mind, I began to feel a growing excitement at the prospect. Jill, however, began to burn with rage. A clear and shocking word passed through her mind as tears filled her eyes: betrayal. I cut off the reactionary joy springing up inside me – of course, she would feel betrayed. She had spent her entire life thinking herself incapable in some way, damaged. No wonder she might feel violated.
“Maybe we should work on that - Marcus, could you work with her, see if you can find her voice?” James laughed at the disgruntled look on her face.
“James, that was a cruel joke. You are telling me it never occurred to you to help Jill in all of these years? You knowingly let her feel like an outsider?” My glare could have set the house on fire; in fact, my skin was growing warm all over. James, realizing the full extent of his mistake, tried to explain.
“Jill, we all love you the way you are. I know Marcus wouldn’t change you for the world. But it would be easier for you to get along, if you could try. It can’t hurt to try, right?” he pleaded with her, trying to soothe her righteous anger.
“Just think of how much it would mean to Marcus if he could hear you say the words ‘I love you’,” Dean cut in. “Don’t tell me he wouldn’t care.” She shot me a look at this statement. I betrayed myself when she looked up at me, but I tried to recover quickly, though I could feel the sparkle in my eye. She let the matter drop – for the moment. Her hand raised to my face, her guileless eyes staring up at me. I blushed in response. Dean laughed.
“Boy, I have never seen a grown man blush as much as you do. You sure there’s nothing wrong with you?” He laughed again heartily, rocking back into the couch. I couldn’t help but laugh too. I had often wondered that myself.
“She’s the only one that can make me do that.” I told them, unashamed.
“Good thing. Guess we all have an idea where your mind goes.” Still laughing, Dean nudged James in the arm. James shook his head.
“If you’re done embarrassing the boy, we have some work to do,” James said, leaning into Dean. He cut off Dean’s laughter with a kiss. It was Dean’s turn to blush.
“Stop that,” he said, reluctantly pushing James away, a warm, flirtatious smile gracing his lips.
It was so odd. I should have been uncomfortable or at least not used to the casual display of affection between them, we had known about their relationship less than a day. But it seemed so right, like this is how it has always been. Again, I compared them to Jill and me. It was natural, if you loved them enough. No matter what the odds were, no matter who stood in your way. Surely even gods could see that love transcended petty prejudices and uncomfortable silences.
James stood and walked toward the suitcase we had brought with us from the Church compound. Dean, Jill, and I all waited quietly while James rifled through the suitcase the council had given him. He disassembled the phone, looking for any bugs, and handed the pieces to Dean, who sat back and examined them. There were several envelopes, photos, and maps. James opened the first of the many envelopes. He spilled the contents onto the floor.
The name caught my attention before anything else. Jenna McKay. This was the girl from our class, the one they were looking for. For the first time, I saw her last name. James continued to look through the photos, more updated than what I had seen in my visions. From the pictures, she appeared to be my age or a little older.
“Do they know where she is?” I asked, hesitant to really know the answer.
“No, they know where she has been and they have a trail of bodies waiting for us. So far there are three. One in the outskirts of London, one in the northeastern corner of Germany, and the third is in Austria. We have some travel plans to make. Luckily, the bodies have been put on ice, so we have a few days.”
Jill shook as she thought of trying to read those bodies. She wouldn’t let me know what had made her so weak the last time, and I don’t think she had in mind to tell me, either. She looked up at me with a secret smile. I frowned at her. I knew better than that. She sighed and slouched against me. I wrapped my arms around her protectively and pulled her closer so she was sitting on my lap while James went through the rest of the papers.
Locations, dates, people to contact. None of it mattered to me. It was a job I would have to do, so I would think as little on it as possible. I would think of the girl as a job I had to do, nothing more. She would be the new plaything for the Church.
James saw my indifference. “I know you don’t really want to find her, but Marcus - if we find her first, we may be able to save her. Just let Dean and I handle the arrangements. The Church’s witnesses will only need to deal with the dead.” I nodded, trying not to care.
“Marcus, you may want to take Jill upstairs. Maybe you could work on her speaking ability?” He looked away quickly; even from behind her I could feel the glare. I just nodded.
“I don’t know what you expect me to do, but I will try.” I ran my fingers across Jill’s arms, attempting to comfort her in this difficult conversation.
“That is all we ask, from both of you.” James shot a quick look at Jill. “Don’t worry. Everything will be fine – if you can, that would be great, if not, we’ll still be here, like we’ve always been.” Jill sighed in defeat. She knew there was no getting around this, now that we all knew she might be able to
speak for herself. We started heading for the stairs, when James began to speak again.
“By the way, even though I thought we were only going to make this our temporary home, Dean has convinced me that it would be best to stay here, instead of trying to find another place to stay before we need to go to London. The Church may come to check on us. It wouldn’t look good for them to come to an abandoned house… especially a house this expensive,” he stated, shaking his head. He thought it was wasteful, too.
As we walked up the stairs, I thought of another reason we should be grateful to have this house - the stairs meant no one could sneak up on us. Even Jill’s light step could be heard loud and clear coming up the stairs. I laughed. Now all we had to do is add locks to our doors on the inside. Neither of us would be sleeping alone again. Jill rolled her eyes at me as she dragged me into what had been my room. She sat me down on my big bed and started to take my shirt off. I grabbed her hands.
“No, we have work to do. I won’t have James thinking I’m slacking up here.” She rolled to her side and collapsed to the bed. At the moment, she was not remotely interested in this assignment. “Jill it has only been a few hours. I want you too, but we need to focus.” She sighed and waited for me to lie next to her.
“Jill we need to find out why you can’t speak. Personally, I don’t care that you don’t speak, and you know that. But where we are traveling, it could be risky. If you were grabbed on the street, could you scream for me? Would I hear you? It terrifies me that we could be in that situation. I want to at least try.” Once again, she rolled her eyes at me. I knew her thoughts instantly.
“I know you can tell me, but what if I am not there to tell someone else, what if I am the one in trouble?” She didn’t like where this conversation was going. So she gave up. She waved her hand at me sharply to begin the lesson. Suddenly, I was at a loss as to what to do. How did one teach another to speak, if they never have?
“I don’t know, maybe, here?” I said, holding her hands to my neck, then began to speak again. “Feel how my voice vibrates? Try to make your neck vibrate like that.” She giggled. It gave me an idea. “Maybe if you giggle more. You make sound when you giggle.”