The English Major

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The English Major Page 20

by Jim Harrison


  On the drive home I recalled James Joyce’s motto, “Silence, exile, cunning,” and resolved to adopt it as my own. I also remembered a musical appreciation lecture as a freshman in college where the professor had said the great Stravinsky had been roundly booed at the first performance of “Firebird” in Paris.

  Even Lothar was furious at me when I let her out of the Indian’s shack though I quickly re-entered her good graces by giving her a portion of leftover pot roast and gravy. Would that all females were this easy but then Lothar had a fat gnarled face like a brown frog and wasn’t much of a challenge. I glanced over at the card table and wondered what problems my re-named states might cause but then it was unlikely that the changes would become widely known. It was probably better to be a flower born to blush unseen in the desert air as some English poet had said.

  I took Lothar for a mid-morning walk in the gathering heat packing along a small flask of Schnapps to calm my nerves which were improbably frayed. It had been my dad’s flask which he kept full for what he called “emergencies.” About a quarter mile out I heard a car on the gravel road and instinctively ducked down behind a clump of thornapple bushes. I still had my bird watching binoculars and glassed Vivian as she went through the house and out on the back porch where she hollered “Clint! Clint! Clint! I have papers for you to sign!” I knelt there behind the bushes thinking that she would always have papers for me to sign.

  She finally drove away and I proceeded on to the spring with Lothar beating me there and muddying up the water in a frantic search for a frog to eat. I took off my clothes and sat down in the cool water, sipping at my Schnapps and looking up at the way the sun dappled down through the beech and sugar maple leaves. This won’t be a bad life I thought happily. What there is left of it is undetermined but I’ll do fine.

  The Renamed States

  Alabama – Chickasaw

  Alaska – Kolyukon

  Arizona – Apache

  Arkansas – Caddo

  California – Chumesh

  Colorado – Ute

  Connecticut – Mohegan

  Delaware – Nanticoke

  Florida – Seminole

  Georgia – Creek

  Hawaii – Kanaka Maoli

  Idaho – Nez Perce

  Illinois – Kickapoo

  Indiana – Plankeshaw

  Iowa – Foxsauk

  Kansas – Wichita

  Kentucky – Wea

  Louisiana – Acolapissa

  Maine – Abnaki

  Maryland – Powhalen

  Massachusetts – Pequot

  Michigan – Potawatomi

  Minnesota – Ojibway

  Mississippi – Choctaw

  Missouri – Osage

  Montana – Absoroka

  Nebraska – Poncapawnee

  Nevada – Paiute

  New Hampshire – Wappinger

  New Jersey – Nakyssan

  New Mexico – Navajo

  New York – Iroquois

  North Carolina – Shawnee

  North Dakota – Hidatsa

  Ohio – Wyandot

  Oklahoma – Cherokee

  Oregon – Umatilla

  Pennsylvania – Onondaga

  Rhode Island – Wampanoag

  South Dakota – Lakota

  Tennessee – Yuchi

  Texas – Commanche

  Utah – Ute

  Vermont – Pequot

  Virginia – Santee

  Washington – Tilamook

  West Virginia – Catawba

  Wisconsin – Menominee

  Wyoming – Cheyenne

 

 

 


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