“I left New York because there were very few options for me there. No one to marry… The jobs were not of the best caliber. Not for a woman of my station. And…”
She took in a long breath. “I have rather come to enjoy Shallow Springs. I have friends here. Elizabeth. Gemma.”
He found himself waiting to be added to that list, though he knew he didn’t deserve to be.
“Not to mention...” She quickly pressed her lips together and looked away.
“What?”
“We do not have to talk about this.”
Tom planted his hands on his hips and stared at her. “What were you going to say?”
She hesitated. “Simply that there are… marriage opportunities here.”
“Oh.” The ringing in his ears made it impossible to find any more words.
“There is simply no other choice for me,” she quickly explained. “There are no real work opportunities and so I must-”
“I know,” he interrupted.
It would be a marriage of convenience. Of practicality. That’s what their engagement had originally been—one crafted through letters and an agency. Except, their plans had turned into something more. Something forbidden.
And still, he hated the idea of Ida Rose sharing that with anyone else.
He wanted her to stay in Shallow Springs. Ridiculous as it was, he needed her to stay. If she went back to New York, he would probably never see or talk to her again. He would spend the rest of his life trying to make sense of what had happened, trying to understand how it could have happened and why it had happened.
And he never would.
But, if she stayed, maybe they would one day come to an agreeable place. A semi-comfortable place.
These were new thoughts, very different from his previous desire to completely avoid her.
“Of course...” She looked down at the basket over her arm. “Staying here is also not a simple solution. There is the matter of us.”
“Yes.”
“I would marry,” she whispered.
“So would I,” he swiftly responded.
She winced like he had yelled at her. Tom understood. The thought of them both having other spouses was strange, to say the least.
Sighing, Tom rubbed at his eyes. It felt like it had been a hundred years since he’d gotten a real night of sleep. This was pointless. There would be no coming to peace for the two of them.
Their relationship would always be strained, confusing.
“It would be best if you weren’t here.”
He hated himself for saying the words, and he could see in her face that she hated him a little bit, too.
“You do not want me here?”
He shook his head, started to pace, then stopped. “Don’t do that, Ida Rose. It’s not about what I want. You know that.”
“I know.” She shamefully dropped her face.
“If there was a reason you could return to New York… if you did happen to find an opportunity there for you… it would be for the best.”
He expected her face to crumple, but it stayed flat.
Emotionless. But he knew there was a storm of emotions hidden behind the facade.
“I will give this some thought.”
Head held high, she turned and went to Acorn. Tom stared after her. Was that really all?
“Ida Rose!”
Her hands stilled on Acorn’s saddle, but she did not turn around. He jogged across the yard, stopping an arm’s length away. Fearing even that was too close, he took a step back.
“None of this sits right with me. I...”
He gulped.
The truth? The truth was that he would never get over what had happened between the two of them. He would never move on. This had broken him in a way a death would. He had already imagined the rest of his life with Ida Rose in it, and now, he was just supposed to insert another woman where she had previously stood.
No. He couldn’t do that.
Ida Rose’s shoulders fell. He waited for her to turn around and face him, but he wouldn’t. “That’s all you have to say?”
“What else can I say that won’t… won’t make us both feel like we’re being gutted?”
His eyes burned and he blinked fast. The words had been hard to get out. He might not have said them if she’d been looking in his eyes.
“I understand,” she quietly responded.
Pulling herself onto Acorn’s saddle cowboy style, she nestled the sewing basket between her legs and rode out of the yard. At the edge of the drive, the horse broke into a gallop, allowing the loose bits of Ida Rose’s dress to billow in the breeze.
Tom stared after her, nausea rising. In leaving the farm, she had not once looked his way.
23
23. Ida Rose
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ida Rose twisted the ring around her finger, over and over again. With each twist, she took another step in the grass, pacing a clear line behind the row of buildings on Main Street.
It was time. She could no longer deny it. Tom’s words and actions at the farm just an hour before had been very clear. He was moving on. She needed to do the same.
Pulling the engagement ring off, she folded it in her handkerchief and tucked that into her drawstring purse.
Tears burned her eyes, but she blinked them back, working hard to keep them at bay. She had cried over so much in the last year. Her father. Having to leave New York. Tom. For now, she was done crying.
Hands clenched at her sides, she took in shaking breath after shaking breath. Eventually, her body calmed down to the point where she could go back to the street. Finding a private spot to think in Shallow Springs, thanks to half of the area living in the hotel, was extraordinarily difficult. She’d taken to dodging between buildings and even taking quiet moments in the hotel’s cellar.
But now, she needed to get back to life.
There was supper to be prepared at the hotel. Additionally, there was another task that needed to be gotten to. Ida Rose could not directly think of it yet, though. She had only just taken off the ring. The next act would make the truth of what she needed to do painful in a more intense way.
Calm for the moment, she walked around the sheriff’s office, where the doctor and William Eder were just coming out the door.
When he saw her, Mr. Eder stopped mid-sentence and removed his hat.
“Miss Lowry. How are you doing?”
“Well, thank you. And how are you gentlemen today?”
They both murmured their responses, responding that they were just fine. Ida Rose could not help but feel they could tell she had been lying. William Eder’s eyes were on her face, carefully watching her.
“How is Mr. Long doing?” she asked the doctor, gazing intently at him so she would be spared from looking at the other man.
“He is doing just fine. That leg is healing up nicely. He is talking about taking the stagecoach out of town tomorrow. He has plans to stay with family in Philadelphia.”
“Oh.” Ida Rose felt her eyebrows go up. Had she lost track of the days? She had not known the stagecoach was due to leave the next day.
“Yes, but I advised him against it. He is going to have to wait at least another week or two before traveling. All that jostling around will be bad for him. Well! I better be getting off. Mrs. Thornton is waiting for me. Have a good day.” With a tip of his hat, he walked off, leaving Ida Rose and William Eder alone.
The man smiled at her, happy and friendly, absolutely oblivious to everything she was going through.
“I heard some news about you.”
Her heart flipped. “You did?”
Did he know? Could he know? Gemma had promised not to tell a soul… Perhaps Elizabeth had accidentally let it slip…
“Yes. You are an engaged woman.”
A relieved exhale left Ida Rose—the first in quite a while. “Oh. That.”
“Yes.” His smile flickered slightly. “I hope this is not too forward of me, but I must say
that your future husband is a very lucky man indeed.”
His words caused stabbing pain. She could no longer make herself smile.
William Eder continued. “I did not notice your ring the other day. Or do you not...” His eyes fell to her clasped hands as he trailed off. Little did he know the ring he searched for was right there in the purse looped around Ida Rose’s wrist.
She cleared her throat, but it still felt thick and scratchy. “I was wearing a ring, but I am not now.”
He blinked in confusion. “Oh?”
“Yes, I am afraid my engagement is off, for reasons that are out of my control.”
“Ah.” He still looked surprised. She imagined a dozen questions were forming in his mind. She would not be answering even one of them, though.
“I do hope you are doing well in the aftermath of such an unfortunate turn of events,” William Eder said.
“I am doing as well as can be expected, thank you.”
“May I ask, what are your plans now?”
Ida Rose took in a long breath. “I have no family here, at least no family that is close enough that I should be tempted to stay.”
“Is there nothing that can persuade you otherwise?”
She knew what he was suggesting. Mr. Eder was a very nice man. If he had been the one to answer her ad instead of Tom, then she was sure she would have been decently happy with him. She had trouble imagining they would have shared the passion she and Tom had, though.
Then again, that passion had never been hers to keep. She had only erroneously believed it was.
“It was nice seeing you again, Mr. Eder. Perhaps our paths shall cross again someday.”
“Perhaps,” he repeated with sad eyes.
Gaze downcast, she left him standing outside of the sheriff’s office. She knew that they would never see each other again. Within twenty-four hours, everything would be different.
But that was fine. Life could change within one breath. It had done so to Ida Rose several times before, and it would likely do it again to her before she died. She was growing used to it.
Or, at the very least, she was learning to accept it.
With the rebuilding of the hotel, a proper post office had been put up as well. Mr. Garrison had only just opened its doors for the first time. It was nothing more than a small shed with a wide, open window that sat between the hotel and the house next to it. The smell of fresh-cut wood wafted from it, mixing with that of grass and dirt. It was the scent Ida Rose had come to associate with Shallow Springs the most.
She would miss it dearly.
Noticing her standing there, Mr. Garrison straightened up from where he was painting the post office’s sign. “Ida Rose,” he boomed. “Good to see you. Your letter will be the first one mailed from our very first, real post office.”
She kept back her sigh. “I am sorry, Mr. Garrison, but I have no letter to mail.”
He scrunched up his face. “No letter? No! Don’t you have six sisters back east?”
“Three, and I will be seeing them very soon. I would like to purchase a ticket for the stagecoach tomorrow.”
She still had the pocket money she had arrived in Shallow Springs with. If she was very careful with it, she would have enough to make it back to New York, and then a tiny amount more. Once in the city, perhaps she could stay with one of her sisters until she figured out the next move.
The next move.
It was wash house or factory for her, most likely. Unless the mail-order bride agency she had initially used was able to procure her another husband.
“A visit will be nice,” Mr. Garrison nodded, taking her money. “Although, I’m not sure it’s the safest of times to be traveling. Those bandits are still out there. Then again, they could have left long ago… Who knows? You’ll be riding with Uli. He’s good, strong, and fast. He’s got a sharp eye, too. Your mother will love a visit, will she not?”
She said nothing as he rambled on, choosing not to correct him and tell him she was not going on a simple trip, but leaving Wyoming for good. She was coming to hate saying the truth out loud. It made it even more real. Once spoken, it could not be hidden again.
“What are you doing?” Gemma stepped up next to Ida Rose just as Mr. Garrison handed over the stagecoach ticket.
Ida Rose quickly snatched it up and deposited it in her purse, but Gemma’s eyes narrowed. She was much more perceptive than Mr. Garrison, and more vocal as well.
“Just talking.”
Gemma’s gaze ground into Ida Rose’s. “You are leaving, aren’t you?”
Ida Rose sighed. “I cannot stay, Gemma. You know that.” Her voice snagged over the last word. Without any warning, she was close to tears.
Out of the corner of her eye, Mr. Garrison watched her fearfully.
“Come.” Gemma took Ida Rose’s arm and gently guided her to the hotel’s porch. With the hallway and yard both full of playing children, it was the closest they could get to a private spot. “What are you doing?”
“You just asked me that.”
Gemma sharply inhaled, her chin quivering. Ida Rose stared at a porch pillar. Leaving Gemma behind would be almost as hard as leaving Tom.
“You can live with us. And I do not just mean temporarily. There is always work to be done on the ranch. Mitch has spoken of hiring more help in the kitchen. Clara’s aches in her hands are getting worse. The harder work is too difficult for her.”
Ida Rose’s heart melted. “Oh, Gemma, that is so kind of you.”
Gemma took Ida Rose’s hand, her eyes betraying an earnestness no words could. “What kind of a best friend would I be to just let you walk away?”
“You are my best friend as well,” Ida Rose choked out. Yet again, she felt only a few seconds away from bawling. “But that is not the issue.”
“What do you mean?” Her mouth made a little “o.” “I see. There is still the matter of marriage. Well, now, that is the easiest problem to solve. Winding Path is crawling with men. You cannot go outside without tripping over four of them.”
Despite the dire straits, Ida Rose laughed. She could imagine Gemma lining up all of her husband’s ranch hands, having them parade in front of Ida Rose so she could pick which one she liked best.
“You like blonds?”
“Gemma...”
“Or how is dark and moody for you? I know just the man who fits that description.”
“Gemma.”
“And accents! Boy, there are accents. This nice fellow named Stanley, he just started a few months ago. He has the sweetest southern accent.”
“It is not a matter of finding a husband,” Ida Rose quietly said. “There are plenty of...” She lowered her voice, as an elderly couple was walking nearby. “There are plenty of men around here. I just do not want any of them.”
Gemma’s face and shoulders simultaneously fell. “Oh, Ida Rose,” she desperately whispered.
“There is only one man I want. Somehow, I became confused about the very essence of our relationship. I thought there was romantic love there, when really that could not have been the case.”
Ida Rose shook her head. For the hundredth time, she wondered just what was wrong with her. To have such feelings for someone of her own blood… Was this the result of hitting her head that one time when she was three? Or had she been born innately twisted?
Dark guilt spun around inside her soul. She could judge herself for her mistake all she wanted to, she could question it again and again, but the answers never came. And she knew they likely never would. But perhaps one day, she would learn to forgive herself for it all.
Taking both of Ida Rose’s hands in hers, Gemma squeezed them lightly. “You did nothing wrong. You came here alone, knowing no one, and there was a strong, handsome man waiting for you. Any woman would be mad to not succumb to that.”
Ida Rose smiled sadly. Gemma understood so much. For a brief moment, she considered taking her friend up on the offer and staying in the area. But she knew that act would backf
ire. She would have to see Tom all around town. He would likely marry. She would likely marry as well. But she would never fully move past what had transpired between them.
“I wish there was some way I could stay,” she sadly said.
“I know,” Gemma answered. “I fully believe you. And I know you have not been here long, but it is going to be dreadfully difficult without you.”
Her Winding Path_Seeing Ranch series Page 16