Twisted Family Holidays Collection

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Twisted Family Holidays Collection Page 13

by JR Wirth


  Each one of the siblings got to bring a friend along. While the friends tended to switch every few years or so, their replacement pals were just as unique, adding a new dimension to each mischief-filled escapade.

  Halloween was always a favorite holiday for the family, if, that is, one can call it a holiday. The most excited this year was Jessica who, for the first time, got to bring along a boy. Steve was his name. He seemed like a good kid with his head on straight, and I could tell he was going places. Albeit a Raiders fan, Steve was a knowledgeable sports buff, which always adds points in my book.

  Jessica, a hopeless romantic, had been preparing for the event all day. Up before sunrise, she was not going to be surprised or disappointed; everything would be in its proper order. You see, Jessica was in her first year of high school and was finally allowed to wear make-up. No longer did she have to wait to be dropped off at school to secretly apply her colorful mask. Jessica was finally free to experiment with color and texture in the comfort of her own room, and she took full advantage of the situation. Jessica had gone through several bundles of eye shadow before she found an acceptable shade to match her Roaring-Twenties outfit.

  Joshua, known simply as Josh, and Brittany were always excited about Halloween. The holiday gave them a plausible excuse to pull pranks, and engage in otherwise mischievous behavior that would normally bring harsh punishment upon them. Though the punishment was rarely harsh and usually ended days before the original termination date, it did act as a deterrent. This year they were going as their rendition of bullet-riddled, Bonnie and Clyde. But with severely battered and bloodied faces and bodies, they more closely resembled zombies from a raunchy 1960’s sci-fi movie.

  Being only a year apart Josh and Brittany grew up together and became close. They fed off each other’s energetic-mockery and, when they were on a roll, no one was secure. The end result, most of the time, was quite funny. Their middle-school antics could make even the angriest of scrooge’s chuckle. Consequently, they were their own best friends and co-conspirators. If they did bring someone along it was usually just one, and he or she was generally a tag-along, preferring to watch rather than get involved in their tomfoolery. Nevertheless, I was given the task of watching over the chosen pals. The friend of the past few years, Mondo, had family commitments and suddenly backed out. Though, I think he chickened out after contemplating the M-80 incident of the previous year.

  I don’t know where Josh got the M-80’s, but I’m pretty sure it was from one of his school chums; a few of them seemed more than a bit unsavory. Having a dozen M-80’s allotted him several options. He used several of the loud bangers to scare the neighborhood kids who came to receive their annual, Josh inspired, candy-tricks. When he was down to his last two he talked Mondo into helping him scare a group of girls; one of which I’m pretty sure he had a thing for.

  As the girls walked by Josh shouted, “Hello ladies, it’s a lovely evening to be scared, now isn’t it?” That was the cue for Mondo to light the M-80’s. He was to give one to Josh and throw the other himself. But by the time he lit both and then handed one off to Josh, Mondo had very little fuse left on his stick. He tried to throw it quickly, but being an accomplished pitcher in baseball, he tended to windup before he threw anything. The M-80 blew-up just feet from his head, leaving Mondo mostly deaf and extremely shaken the rest of the evening. Josh, on the other hand, was in a state of extreme jubilee, laughing the entire night. Mondo vowed to get back at Josh, and I’m sure he was determined to never have another Halloween like that one.

  Even with the threat of a month’s grounding, I knew Josh and Brittany were up to no good. And when I awoke that morning, they were in the living room already plotting their annual Halloween tricks-for-treats.

  The youngest of the crew was Desi, short for Desiree. As the baby of the family, she tended to be the most sensitive. She’d seen the turmoil that the rest of us had gone through, as we made our way through life, and she was not about to make the same mistakes. Or, if she did make them, she was very artful at covering up her tracks. Therefore, she was never considered as a usual suspect in any of the family’s antics. Desi felt very deeply for her family and for others. This was no truer than when she had to choose the yearly buddy to accompany us on the Halloween candy-walk. She was always torn as to which friend to bring along, and this year was the worst. Desi had two best friends, Karlos and Yoko. Unfortunately, only one could come along. Not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings, Desi approached me to find a way to pick this year’s winner.

  “JR,” she said with a slight murmur in her voice. “I don’t know who to pick. I promised Yoko, last year, that she could come this year, but I think Karlos is counting on coming with us too.”

  “Sounds like a tough position to be in,” I replied, in my older brother voice. “I know you were hoping they both could come along, but that would be just too much for me to handle.”

  “I know.” She lowered her head and kicked the linoleum tile. “What should I do?”

  “I have an idea. Come with me.” I headed for the spare-change jar. “We’ll do a coin-toss, and I’ll let them know who wins. That way you don’t have to give the bad news. How does that sound?”

  “Thank you, JR.”

  Desi and I had a secret coin-toss, which gave Yoko the annual invitation. And, as promised, I broke the bad news to Karlos.

  Though Desi and Yoko spent much of their time together, they were significantly different. Yoko was sweet on the outside, but inside, it seemed as if she was a volcano waiting to erupt. Yoko seemed mischievous to the core. Though I had no concrete evidence to prove my theory, she reminded me of a black cat; for some unexplained reason you never wanted to cross her path.

  For Desi and her friends, candy was still the main objective on Halloween, which, to me, was refreshing. The costume was always essential, but the size of the candy container was much more vital. This year Desi went as Princess Leia and Yoko was Cat Woman.

  Chapter Five

  By dusk we were all ready for the evening’s excursion.

  Walking out the door, I saw Josh and Brittany huddled by the street, whispering and scheming. “What are you guys plotting this year?” I shouted.

  “Well JR…” Josh shouted back with a chuckle. “You’re just going to have to wait for it.”

  I pointed with my right index and middle fingers. “I’ve got an eye on you two.”

  I then noticed Desi and Yoko anxiously sighing, no doubt awaiting a bundle of candy they’d sort out while they watched scary movies during their planned sleepover.

  Next to me, stood Steve—without Jessica. We looked at each other, smirked and shrugged. We both knew that Jessica had gone back to check her make-up and costume—one last time.

  As we waited, I noticed a fog rolling in. It’s not an unusual sight in these parts, except that it was a little early in the season for fog.

  “Nice,” I whispered.

  “What’s that?” Steve asked.

  “Low clouds are moving in,” I replied. “That means cooler temperatures. And relief from the Africa-heat we’ve been having.”

  “Don’t I know that?”

  Steve and I continued the small talk as we waited. Then, as we shared a laugh about the Lakers, a bolt of lightning passed through the darkened sky, seemingly striking down on the block where I did my morning rounds.

  Steve jumped. “Whoa!” he cried in a whispered voice.

  Then Brittany yelled, “Oh shitski!” And playfully pushed Josh.

  Seconds after, an underground rumbling caused us all to teeter in our stance. The incident prompted the neighborhood dogs to howl, adding an eerie dimension to the events. Suddenly there was another sound. It was the howl of something completely unnatural. It was the same inhumane howl I’d heard from Debbie.

  Steve’s eyes grew abnormally large, as did mine, I’m su
re of it.

  “It’s a lycanthrope,” Steve blankly whispered.

  Just as blankly, I scanned the horizon, missing not a shadow. Everything seemed amiss, and out of place at that point. But, seeing nothing too unusual, I glanced back at Steve. “A lycon-what?”

  Still whispering, Steve repeated, “Lycanthrope—a werewolf.”

  “How do you know all this crap?”

  “I don’t know; I just do.”

  Then, as if it was a delayed reaction, I heard Josh yell, “Whoa, that’s rad! Did you feel that? That was so awesome.” Josh slowly bobbed his head toward Brittany and smiled. “This is going to be epic.”

  Both trembling from the unearthly, frightening event, Yoko and Desi grabbed hands and moved close together. Then, still looking a bit unsettled, they slowly moved toward Steve and I.

  I, on the other hand, remained still and quiet. Even though fear ran freely through my veins, I wanted to appear stoic, for the other’s sake, while I silently tried to reconcile thunder and lightning when no thunderstorms were forecast.

  “Show no fear,” I whispered inaudibly, fighting the intense apprehension. In reality, the fear kept me from figuring out how the ground trembled and a blinding light covered the entire valley. Suddenly, from nowhere, I got it. I snapped my fingers and shouted, “It was an electricity transformer!”

  “Yeah,” Steve agreed. “It had to be. Good call.”

  We both chuckled and blew out relieved sighs.

  Finally Jessica appeared at the door. “I’m ready,” she cheerfully announced; utterly oblivious to what just happened.

  Despite the heavy air in our lungs, and trepidation in our steps, we slowly made our way up the block. While we lumbered toward the first house, I was able to overcome the lingering shrill of fear by considering the evening to come. The fog and spooky events should have Destiny in a cuddling mood, I thought and smiled while I did the responsible, older brother thing. The fear should have her talking Spanish, and I can share the few words I know; and the phrase I’ve been practicing—Te Adoro. Yep, I must admit, it was a bank error in my favor.

  We made it halfway up the block without too many shenanigans, and the collective mood began to brighten, allowing the Halloween energy to, once again, percolate. Despite the dismal start, we were now moving at a decent pace. We’d actually beaten the other kids to the street’s first few hotspots for candy. The initial take, moreover, was a good one, particularly for Desi and Yoko.

  It wasn’t until we got to Big Jim’s place that things got a little weird. Jim considered himself to be the neighborhood watch detective. He was best known for his tall, creepy gait, lack of laugh lines and his insanely cruel-side. He especially liked shaming neighbors for such things as slightly high grass and visible trashcans. When he had the chance, he’d peek over neighbor’s fences and try to catch them in compromising situations. Not wanting to be bothered by neighborhood kids on Halloween, Jim’s lights were always off.

  I’m not really sure how Josh and Brittany got the lighter, or who was responsible for bagging the dog waste; but there they were, at the doorstep of Big Jim’s house, lighting a fire and then tossing the fiery lunch bag, full of dog poop, toward the front door.

  We all chuckled, until Josh rang the doorbell and yelled, “Fire!”

  The light came on.

  Brittany yelled, “Run!” She then threw her arms up in a victory pose while she made her escape.

  With one eye on Jim’s place, and the other focused on safety, we ran as fast as we could.

  Jim stomped out the fire, yelling, “I saw you, you little bastards. I’m going to kill you!” He then reached inside his door and removed a double-barrel shotgun. “Now, you bastards,” was heard screamed throughout the neighborhood.

  Simultaneously, like a rocket in lift-off, the sky lit up causing us to stop in our tracks and cover our eyes.

  The combined events sent chills down my spine.

  As the light dimmed, Joshua turned and ran backwards, looking back at Big Jim’s house. His eyes got big and then he yelled, “Oh god! Run! Run fast!”

  We again started running for our lives. Almost immediately thereafter, the ground began to rumble. Like a seven-point earthquake it sent rocky waves through the streets, causing Josh to stagger and stumble to the ground.

  Josh quickly looked around and, despite the risk of giving himself away, yelled, “Wait up!”

  Brittany stopped her sprint. “Yo!” she yelled, and then raised her arms in the air, this time making a cross. “No man left behind!” Determined, Brittany turned and darted back to save Josh. “Hurry,” she shouted, while lifting him to his feet. Together, hand-in-hand, they ran to catch up to Jessica and Steve, who were stealing kisses while they waited.

  I turned to check on Desi and Yoko. But they were nowhere to be found. Frantic, I raced ahead to find girls.

  Chapter Six

  While I hobbled through the streets, my mind tangled with evil thoughts of all kinds. The thoughts were no more than rushed-blurbs, however, and I found no meaningful refuge in the fibers of my mind. Fortunately, I found Desi and Yoko a few houses up, safely out of Jim’s line of sight. Predictably, they were checking their candy while chatting with Karlos, who, coincidentally, seemed to show up at the same houses we visited at the very same time. Perhaps he was part of the pack all along, lurking just beyond, or below, my line of sight. His costume eerily resembled the Texas Chainsaw Massacre guy. And I’m pretty sure it was a real chainsaw Karlos was holding.

  Curious, I stopped behind a car and eavesdropped on the action.

  “How much candy did you guys get?” Desi asked, as she rummaged through her bag.

  Yoko grabbed her pillowcase with her right hand, near the open-end. She squeezed it, pinching off the top. She then lifted the pillowcase and shook it up-and-down, near her ear. “I have a ton of candy,” she blurted.

  Looking down, Karlos shook his head. “I didn’t get very much,” he said with great despair in his voice. “I didn’t want to give myself away. You know how JR gets.”

  From a hidden pocket in her costume, Desi pulled out a compact mirror and checked her clip-on hair-buns. Glancing from side-to-side, she carefully measured up the pinned-braids. “Well…” she said, in a distracted, far away voice. She then paused, intensely looking at the right bun. Suddenly, she snapped the case shut and loudly proclaimed, “You can have some of mine.” Desi again checked her over-sized pillowcase. She dug at the bottom of the pile and stopped. She then jumped and screeched, “What the heck is that! There’s something big and hairy in there.”

  Yoko and Karlos moved closer. Yoko used a small flashlight to shine into the pillowcase. “That’s cool,” she said in a whispered voice. Yoko reached inside Desi’s pillowcase, retrieving a medium-sized, black tarantula. With a diabolical smile, she pushed the hairy creature into Karlos’ face.

  Karlos jumped. “Get that thing away from me!” he shouted, in a high-pitched, scratchy voice.

  “You’re such a wimp.” Yoko’s smile turned into laughter. “I wonder if I have one too? Desi hold my bag.” Yoko put the flashlight in her mouth. She held the tarantula in her left hand, while she dug with her right. She quickly pulled out a matching tarantula. “Look, it’s his and hers.”

  Karlos yanked the flashlight out of Yoko’s mouth and checked his bag. Cautiously, he moved around the limited candy. He then hit the bottom of the pillowcase several times, while he checked every crevice in the cloth headrest. Feeling secure, Karlos let out a relieved breath, whispering, “Thank you, Jesus.”

  By the look on Yoko’s face, her mind filled with twisted thoughts of all kinds. The devilish smile widened as she turned to Desi. “Let’s put them in some of our enemies beds and then we’ll listen to them scream.”

  “I have a better idea,” Desi said. “Why don’t we give them
to Josh? He’ll know what to do with them.”

  “Yeah,” Karlos joined. “He’ll probably tear their legs off and then burn them alive!”

  “That would be kind of cool. Hmm.” Yoko turned and scouted the surroundings, seeming to plot their next move in her head.

  Having seen enough, I decided to intervene. “What are you guys up to?”

  The loud question must have startled them as they scrambled. Like soldiers surprised by an unscheduled inspection, they lined-up in a perfect row. With Yoko in the middle, holding the tarantulas behind her back, they stood arm-to-arm, staring straight ahead.

  Getting no verbal response, I asked, “What’s up?”

  Yoko looked back-and-forth at her bookend companions. “Nothing.”

  “What do you have there?” I asked, testing to see if Yoko would be honest. She dropped the tarantulas behind her back. “Nothing.” She held out her hands. “Look, I told you, nothing.”

  “Oh God.” Karlos looked around to see if the tarantulas were close.

  Desi smiled and pointed behind her. “They’re over there. I think you’re safe, Karlos.”

  Karlos shined the light, watching the two tarantulas make their way across the street. “Whew.”

  “I’ll have to keep an eye out on what we’re being given.” I turned and saw that the others had caught up.

  Chapter Seven

  When we were all reassembled, I called a huddled meeting to regroup and plan. Though no one heard a gunshot during the commotion, Joshua swore he felt a pellet run across his pant leg, just beneath his bloodied overcoat. I acknowledged the event and used it as a catalyst for my next set of thoughts.

 

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