by Sarra Cannon
But part of me says I’m insane for even considering it. What if I start throwing up with morning sickness? Am I really going to want to be without basic comforts?
I shake my head and take a deep breath. I’m not going to talk myself out of it before I’ve even given myself a chance. Maybe I’ll be a natural outdoors-woman.
It’ll be an adventure.
And most importantly, it will be my only real chance to find out if there’s potential for a future with Mason.
I square my shoulders and set the bag down on my bed, then get to work choosing what I’m going to take.
First, the very basics. I’ll need underwear. I can probably make do with seven pairs. Enough for one week and then I can either wash them in the sink or find a place to do laundry. Maybe we’ll stay in a hotel that has laundry service. I stuff them into the bag.
What else? I’ll need shampoo and deodorant and stuff like that. But when I walk into my bathroom, I feel like I’m going to cry. I use more products on a daily basis than I could fit in two of those bags. I don’t want to look gross the whole time.
I have a few travel bottles of shampoo, so I put those into a small makeup bag. I take my brush, deodorant, moisturizer, toothpaste, mouthwash...crap. It’s already too much stuff.
My muscles tense. This shouldn’t be so hard! It’s stupid! If I can’t pack light enough to go on a outdoor adventure, then I really am a snotty rich girl.
Come on, Penelope, get it together.
I compromise and decide to pack my clothes in the cheer bag and my makeup and stuff in my Louis Vuitton train case. It’s not ideal, but at least I’m trying, right?
I am able to put most of my makeup and essentials in the train case, but the clothes bag is a nightmare.
I finally narrow it down to one pair of jeans—the ones that really hug my butt because Mason always comments when I wear them—a pair of cutoff jean shorts, khaki shorts, a short black dress that rolls into a teeny little ball, ten basic colored tanktops, a couple pairs of flip-flops, two bikinis, and a black mini-skirt. I have to really squish the bag together to get it to zip, but when it does, a triumphant smile breaks out across my face.
See? I’m not so terrible at this after all.
I look around my room, trying to figure out what else I can’t live without for the next couple of months.
I grab the bottle of prenatal vitamins the doctor gave me. I dump them into a plain plastic bag and toss the bottle into the trash. This is only a one month supply, so I’ll have to pick some up when we’re out on the road if we’re gone longer than that.
I know I won’t be able to stay gone too long. I’m going to need to come home and get a proper appointment with an OBGYN and make sure I’m taking care of the baby. Dr. Mallory told me most people schedule their first visit for between eight and ten weeks along. According to the measurements of the baby, I’m a little over five weeks now.
Which means I’ve only got about five weeks before I absolutely need to get back home for an appointment.
I take a deep breath and touch my belly. It’s hard to believe there’s a tiny little baby growing inside of me. I feel completely normal, but there’s this fluttering heartbeat deep inside. It’s such a strange thing to create a life. Strange and beautiful and terrifying all at once.
I know I’m taking a huge risk leaving my comfort zone and the shelter of my parents’ house right now, but I’ll do anything to give this baby a chance to grow up with two parents who love each other.
I have to know if there’s a chance for more between us.
I glance at the clock and see that it won’t be long before the sun starts coming up.
I grab a pen and notepad from my desk and walk out onto the balcony. I sit down in the chair and look out over the garden. It’s dark outside, but in the distance, there is a tiny haze of light beginning to show. I don’t have much time.
There’s nothing I can say to my parents in a note that will keep them from freaking out over me being gone, but I know I can’t just leave without saying anything. They’d come after me.
I need them to give me space and respect my decision to leave.
But I’ve never done anything like this before, and I don’t even know where to start.
Finally, I just scribble the following note:
Dear Mom and Dad,
I know I’ve disappointed you lately, and I’m sorry about everything I’ve put you through.
I need some time away to think through some things. I need to be on my own for a while, and I need you to respect my privacy.
I’ll be out of touch for a while, but I’m with a friend who will take good care of me. I’ll try not to stay gone too long. I can’t tell you where I’m gong, because I’m not exactly sure yet. It will be a true adventure!
I need some time to step away from my life here and really think about what I want for my future.
I hope you’ll understand that I’m not doing this to hurt you or scare you. I’m doing this for me.
I’m not sure when I’m coming home, but if I’m going to be gone longer than a month or two, I’ll make sure to call and let you know that I’m safe. Please don’t look for me.
All my love,
Penny
I leave the note on my pillow, grab my two bags, and tiptoe down the stairs. I go out the back door, avoiding the night guard out front. I climb over the fence near the pool, feeling equal parts devious child and determined woman.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I walk to Mason’s in the semi-darkness of the morning.
I’m glad it’s way too early for anyone to be up and about, or I’m sure I would look like a crazy person walking out here in a pair of Docs and cut-offs with a cheerleading bag slung across my shoulder. Especially in this neighborhood of million-dollar houses. I hear a few dogs barking, but other than that, it’s crickets out here.
For the first time since I decided I wanted to go with him, I’m nervous. Now that I’ve got a second alone with my own thoughts, I realize just how insane this is. How it’s totally possible he was just being nice, and that I really am the reason he’s skipping town in the first place.
What am I going to do if he won’t let me go? It’s going to be depressing if I end up sneaking right back into the house.
And I don’t even want to think about how I’ll handle not seeing him for months.
It takes exactly six minutes to get to his house and by the time I can see his truck in the driveway, my hands are sweaty. I rub them against my shirt and take a deep breath. I straighten my shoulders and throw my head back, flipping my hair over my shoulders. I’m here now, so I simply won’t take no for an answer. I’ll make him take me, whether he wants to or not. Once we get on the road, we’ll be having so much fun and feeling so free, he’ll be glad I came.
At first, I don’t see him and I think I’m going to have to go knock on the window of his room, but just as my feet hit his driveway, he comes out the side door near the garage with two large duffel bags in hand.
He doesn’t see me at first, and I watch him. He’s got headphones on and is mouthing the words to some song I can’t hear. His head is bobbing up and down. He steps forward, then back, then turns around, dancing his way to the truck. I stand there, giggling. This is the carefree Mason I’ve loved most of my life. Not a care in the world. Light as air and not giving a shit what anyone thinks of him.
He tosses the two bags into the back of the truck, then finally looks up.
I’m smiling and he returns the smile at first. He reaches to pull out his earbuds, then his eyes go to the bags in my hand and his smile fades.
My stomach turns. I push the nausea down and act confident, like I couldn’t imagine he wouldn’t want me here. I learned a long time ago that sometimes the best way to get what you want is to act like it’s already yours. People have a hard time saying no to that.
I walk up, putting a bounce in my step, and sling my cheerleading bag into the back next to his. Mine looks like
so tiny compared to his. I could have fit a lot more clothes in one of those.
He pulls the headphones from his ears so that they hang around his neck. “What are you doing?”
“I’m coming with you,” I say, as if it’s already been discussed a thousand times. “And really, Mason, I’m surprised at you. Look at all this stuff you’re bringing. I thought you wanted to get back to basics? I packed better than you did.”
“Wait, uh-uh,” he says, shaking his head. He leans over the side and grabs my little bag. “This is not happening, so get that in your head right now.”
I swallow, fighting to not let any disappointment show on my face. “Oh, it’s happening,” I say, taking the bag from his hands and throwing it back into the truck. “When are we getting out of here? I need to make one stop by an ATM before we leave town. What time do you think fast food places open? I’m starving.”
His mouth gapes open. I’ve completely thrown him for a loop, but at least he hasn’t grabbed my bag again.
Yet.
“Pen, listen. This is not a good idea,” he says, leaning against the side of the truck. “I need some time alone to get my head straight.”
“You said you wanted to get away from the partying and the money and the expectations, right? You wanted to stop taking life for granted and learn to appreciate what you have. Well, I want those things, too.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “Penny—”
“You also said leaving me was one of the hardest parts.” I move closer to him. “So don’t leave me. Take me with you.”
He inhales slowly, his eyes on my lips. My heart races.
“I don’t know that this is a good idea,” he says, slightly breathless now. “Plus, I don’t think you’ve fully grasped what kind of road trip this is. I’m not going to be staying in luxury hotels and flying to exotic locations. We’re talking tents and bugs and public restrooms.”
I cringe a little at the word bugs, but I’m willing to brave the wild in the name of love and adventure.
I think.
“I know that,” I say. “I’ve done luxury hotels a thousand times, but not once in my entire life have I ever camped out under the stars. It sounds romantic.”
He laughs, but turns his body toward me, which is a good sign.
“It can be,” he says. “It can also be smelly and dirty and rainy. You can’t handle it, Pen. No way are you cut out for this.”
I lift my chin. “Just because I’ve never done it before doesn’t mean I can’t handle it. Besides, it’s not like you grew up camping out either.” I nod toward his house, which is almost as big as mine. “We’ll figure it out together. It’ll be fun.”
“I used to go camping all the time with my family growing up,” he says, surprising me.
I press my lips together and narrow my eyes at him. “When? I remember your family taking vacations to the same resorts in Hawaii and the Caribbean my family went to. I never remember you guys going camping.”
A faraway look takes over and he pauses, remembering something. “No, not after we moved here,” he says. “Everything was different after my dad got that job working for your family. The last time we all went camping was the summer before…”
His voice trails off and he looks down at his feet and scuffs them back and forth against the asphalt.
“Before what?”
He looks up and shrugs again. “Before we moved here, I guess. It’s been a long time, but I remember being really happy. It was a lot of fun back then.”
I smile and lift one shoulder, trying to be cute. “I can do fun,” I say. “Besides, you never went on any of those camping trips alone, right? Maybe it’s not as fun all by yourself.”
He scratches the side of his neck and avoids my eyes, but he’s laughing. I’m definitely getting through to him and the knots in my stomach are loosening. He’s going to take me with him. He just needs one more little push.
“I can handle this, Mason. I won’t complain once, I swear.” I make a criss-cross over my heart and he looks down, staring a moment too long at my cleavage.
I take another step closer to him and we’re practically touching now.
“I’m no good for you, Penny. Can’t you see that?”
“That’s not true,” I say in a soft voice. “Maybe it’s this town that’s no good for either one of us.”
He’s so tall I have to lift my chin to look up at him. My breath is shallow as I wait for him to speak. I wish I knew what to say to convince him this is the right thing.
“It’s not a good idea,” he says, turning away. “Trust me. Every time you get close to me, I end up hurting you. Or you end up hurting yourself.”
I swallow and step back. I can’t let him leave without me. “I need to go on this trip with you, Mason,” I say.
There’s more desperation in my voice than I intended and he picks up on it.
He turns, worry in his eyes. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
I close my eyes. I can’t tell him the whole truth, but I can at least tell him part of it.
“After what happened the other night, my parents cut me off,” I say. “They said they’d let me live at the house and would make sure I had a car to drive, but that there would be no more credit cards, no more unlimited cash and nothing but a tiny monthly allowance to help me pay for school stuff.”
Mason leans his head back. “Jesus, Penny, from the devastated look on your face, I thought you were going to tell me something horrible,” he says. “You do realize this trip is all about getting away from the money, right?”
“I know, but it’s also about getting away from Fairhope,” I say. “Didn’t you say this was about learning to appreciate life? I want to learn to do that, too. I can’t live the rest of my life being so dependent on my parents and their money that they feel they can control and manipulate me by holding it over my head. Most people’s parents don’t still control them at my age.”
“Most people’s parents aren’t multi-millionaires,” he says.
“Yours are,” I counter. “You still get to make your own decisions. I don’t see them out here telling you not to leave.”
Mason clenches his jaw and looks up toward his house. “Things are complicated at my house right now,” he says. There’s a darkness in his eyes. Pure anger.
I know he’s never really been a huge fan of his dad, but he never really wants to talk about it so I never push the subject. I wonder if they got in some kind of fight.
“What you said to me last night meant something to me,” I tell him. “When you said you wanted to have some adventures of your own so you could figure out who you are without all these expectations and obligations on your shoulders? That really got to me. I want that, too, more than I ever realized. I don’t want my parents holding their money over my head for the rest of my life.”
I lean against the side of his truck, the words flowing out of me.
“The only way to prove to them that they don’t own me is to leave,” I say.
“I hope you’re not saying you intend to use me to get your money back,” he says, crossing his arms in front of him. “This trip is about something real, not about you manipulating your parents or trying to teach them a lesson so that you can come right back here and pick up right where you left off.”
I stop and put my hands on my hips, anger flushing my cheeks. “Are you seriously accusing me of that when I just poured my heart out to you? I’m trying to be honest with you here.”
One corner of his mouth lifts up in a half-sneer, half-smile. “I know you better than you know yourself, sometimes, Pen. You’re very good at manipulating people to get what you want. And it works every damn time. But I’m not going to let you ruin this trip for me when three days in you want me to turn back around because your parents are begging you to come home and offering the world on a silver platter to get you back.”
I walk right up to him and point my index finger right at his chest. “Don’t you dare accuse
me of being the only one here who is good at manipulating people.” I press my finger hard against his chest. “As if you haven’t charmed every girl in this town and the next. The simple fact that you can date a different girl almost every weekend and never have any of them come after you with a shotgun is a miracle in and of itself. I think that’s more than enough proof that you’re the one who’s the master of manipulation, and don’t try to pretend it’s not true.”
I’m hyper-aware of my hand on his chest and how close my face is to his.
“Besides.” I soften my hand and lay it flat against his chest, feeling the defined muscles underneath. His heart is racing just as fast as mine. “It doesn’t work every damn time. It’s never worked with you.”
He’s standing almost perfectly still, except that his breath is coming fast and his shoulders are moving up and down with each inhale and exhale.
“That’s because I know you,” he says. “If I gave myself to you, I mean truly gave my heart to you, I’d never be able to let you go. And I can’t afford that in my life.”
His words are both heaven and hell to my ears. He wants me, but won’t have me. He pulls me to him, but pushes me away in the same breath.
“This isn’t really about your parents, is it? Why do you really want to come with me?” he asks in a whisper. He lifts his hand to my face and pushes a strand of hair back behind my ear. His fingers run lightly across the healing cut on my jaw.
I raise my hand to his and press it against my cheek. I lean into him and close my eyes, my heart racing.
“Because I can’t imagine my life without you,” I say. “And I know that scares you. I know you think we’re not right for each other, but you can’t deny that there’s something more between us. I can’t let you walk away just because you’re scared.”
He doesn’t speak, but he also doesn’t pull away.
“I know I’ve made some stupid decisions lately, but you have to understand how frustrating this has been for me,” I say. I’ve never been this honest with him before. I’ve always been too scared of pushing him away. Right now, there’s nothing to lose. He’s leaving either way. All I have is honesty at this point. “When we’re together and it’s just me and you, there’s something special. I know you have to feel it too. And I know we agreed that it would just be physical, but I think we could have something more than that if you would only give it a chance.”