by Sarra Cannon
A wave of dizziness washes over me and my knees grow weak. I reach out and my mother throws her arms around me, holding me up.
The room is spinning and my entire body flushes with fever. A new pain stabs me low and I cry out. I can’t hold on to my thoughts. Everything begins to blur together and I double over, clutching my stomach.
“Penny?”
Preston’s hands are on my back. He and Mom try to lead me toward the couch, but I can’t take another step. Another cramp seizes my stomach and I fall to my knees.
Then I feel a gush and something hot and wet and sticky trickles down my leg. I look down and see nothing but red. A river of red.
Please, don’t let this be happening.
Voices around me are muffled, growing distant. Someone puts a soft pillow under my head, but I’m only half-aware of the movement around me. All I can feel is pain and absolute terror.
I close my eyes, darkness reaching for me. Someone yells my name and they flutter open again.
My mother is hovering over me, her eyes full of horror.
Then another wave of pain consumes me, and I give in, the darkness pulling me under.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
“Miss Wright, can you open your eyes for me, sweetheart?”
I hear the voice, but it’s mixed with the sound of sirens. I try to open my eyes but can’t. All I can see in my mind is blood.
“Penelope, I need you to try to open your eyes. Stay with me, okay?”
I don’t recognize the woman’s voice, but I concentrate on trying to force my eyes open.
They flutter and images go past like rapid pictures. A woman leaning over me. She’s dressed in some kind of uniform.
An IV in my arm. My mother sitting next to me, her eyes filled with tears.
My eyes close again. They’re so heavy, it’s hard to keep them open. I feel like I’m going to throw up, but I can’t find my voice to tell anyone, so I suffer in silence.
“My baby,” I say, but my voice doesn’t work.
We come to a stop and people rush all around me. I’m lifted up, then down again. Pushed down a bright white hallway.
I hear my mother saying she demands to be with me, but someone won’t let her go wherever it is they’re taking me. I reach up, forcing my eyes open again. I try to open my mouth, but I can’t speak. I feel so weak, but somehow I manage to find my mother’s hand and hold on tight. I see the doctor nod his head.
“Thank you,” Mom says. “You’re going to be okay, Penny. Everything’s okay.”
I’m cold and shivering. The pain is still there, but it’s weaker now. More distant.
The terror, though, is close.
“Stand aside, please. We’re going to move her over to the bed.”
Hands slip under me, then move me from one bed to another.
I feel another gush between my legs and moan in fear. I thought my heart couldn’t break any more, but this is life at its cruelest. My heart breaks in my chest with every second that ticks by.
“Penny, are you experiencing cramping?” the nurse asks.
I nod and press one hand against my stomach. It hurts so bad, my head is spinning.
“What’s happening?” I say, finally finding the strength to speak. “Is my baby going to be okay? Please.”
I watch the nurse begin cleaning up the pad on top of the bed. It’s covered in blood. I turn away as she removes it and places another pad down.
All I can think about is the bad choices I’ve made. This is all my fault. The drinking. The accident. The stress of carrying this secret.
“Miss Wright, I’m very sorry, but it seems you’re having a miscarriage,” she says. “We’re going to give you some medication to ease your pain and something else to ease any nausea you might be experiencing.”
I try to sit up, but the nurse puts her hand on my shoulder.
“Just try to relax,” she says. “We’re going to help you through this.”
“No, don’t give me any medicine that might hurt the baby,” I say. “I don’t want to hurt the baby.”
Someone puts a pillow behind my head, lifting me up. I look over and see a kind-eyed nurse.
“Thank you,” I say.
She nods and pats my hand. “We’re going to do everything we can to make you comfortable,” she says.
I lay back against the pillow, tears falling down my cheeks and into my hair. Why are they talking like there’s no hope? There has to be something they can do.
I need to be strong. I have to be strong for my baby.
“I’m here,” my mom says. “I’m right here beside you.”
I realize with a sudden force that the one person I want by my side right now is hundreds of miles away.
Mason is the only one I want here. He’s the only one who would understand what this feels like.
“I need Mason,” I say. I search my mother’s eyes. “Please. Can you find him?”
My mother strokes my hair. “Penny, you’ve got to let him go,” she says. “Maybe this is for the best. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you’ll see. Everything’s going to be okay.”
Rage flares through me, white hot.
I release my mother’s hand and pull my cheek away from her caress. “Don’t ever say something like that to me again,” I say. “Get out.”
“Penny.” She shakes her head. “Sweetheart—”
“Please, someone get her out of here,” I say.
A nurse touches my mother’s shoulder. “Maybe it would be better if you waited outside, Mrs. Wright,” she says. “Penny’s under a tremendous amount of stress right now and we need to do everything we can to keep her calm.”
My mother protests, but the nurses usher her from the room.
For a moment, I’m alone in the room and everything is quiet except for the beating of my heart on the monitor.
I lay my hands against my belly and pray that there’s another heart still beating somewhere deep inside.
Chapter Sixty
“There’s someone here to see you,” the nurse says. “If you’re feeling up to it.”
I sit up. “Who is it?”
I want her to say it’s Mason and that he’s come back for me.
“Leigh Anne Davis,” she says. “She’s been waiting out there for a little while and I thought maybe you might like some company.”
I swallow, my throat dry and cracked from crying. “Yes, thank you.”
Leigh Anne peers around the side of the door, her eyes wide and full of mixed emotions. Sorrow. Fear. Sympathy. She takes my hand and sits down by my side.
“I’m so sorry,” she says. “What did the doctor say?”
I take a ragged breath. It feels like ages since I talked to the doctors, but I’ve lost track of time. He said there isn’t much hope,” I say. My voice trembles and I have to take a moment before I can continue. “He did an ultrasound and for now, the baby seems to be fighting. I got to see his heartbeat, still strong and flickering away, but with that much blood loss, it doesn’t look good.”
“Isn’t there something they can do?”
I nod and sniff, my nose running from crying so much. “They’re giving me some progesterone, but he said that it might not be enough to prevent a miscarriage. All I can really do right now is wait and see. He said he’ll be back in the morning to do another ultrasound. He said that since the bleeding has slowed down, if the baby can make it through the night, there’s a good chance everything will be okay.”
“That’s good news, then,” she says.
“I don’t know how I’ll survive if there’s no heartbeat on that monitor tomorrow morning,” I say, my face crumbling. “I don’t know how I’ll be able to walk out that door and keep living.”
She squeezes my hand. “I know,” she says. “But you will. You’re strong.”
I shake my head. “I’m a mess,” I say. “I’m not strong like you are.”
She smiles, her eyes filling with tears. “You’ve always been stron
g, Penny,” she says. “And stubborn as hell. If that baby is anything like you, it’s not giving up without a fight.”
I laugh and hope she’s right.
Maybe I’m stronger than I think I am.
Chapter Sixty-One
When the door opens and Dr. Mallory walks in, I hold my breath.
I close my eyes and pray for good news.
Fear and hope wrestle through me. There have been so many times lately when I wasn’t sure if I was facing a beginning or an end. The path was unclear. The future was uncertain. None of those moments have been as difficult as this one.
I don’t know what I’ll do if he tells me my baby is gone.
I don’t want this to be an end.
Leigh Anne stands up and moves around to the other side of my bed so the nurse can roll the ultrasound machine closer. I bite my lower lip, staring at the screen.
“How are you feeling this morning?” he asks.
“Better,” I say.
“No more cramping?”
I shake my head. I don’t want to answer questions. I only want to see that screen. To know which path I’m headed down.
Before he can get started, a commotion breaks out in the hallway. I sit up, my heart pounding in my chest.
There’s shouting and something clangs against the wall. The doctor stands as two men push through the doorway.
As soon as green eyes meet mine, my heart leaps.
My world shifts and in that instant, strength flows through me.
Bernard tries to hold him back, but Mason can’t be stopped. He punches Bernard in the face, knocking him backward. My father is close behind, shouting, but it’s too late for them. Right now, there is only us.
“You can’t be in here,” Dad says, stepping forward.
“Like hell I can’t,” Mason says. He doesn’t back down one inch. “This is my child’s life on the line here, and I have every right to be here. You can threaten to lock me up all you want, but I’m in love with your daughter and I’m going to be here by her side through this whether you like it or not.”
He turns to me, his expression full of worry and love. And forgiveness.
He crosses the room in three easy strides, then collapses at my side.
“Are you okay?” he asks. “Is the baby okay?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know,” I say, taking his hand in mine. “The doctor was about to do another ultrasound to see if the baby’s heart is still beating. I’m so glad you’re here.”
Dr. Mallory walks to the door, waving everyone else out of the room. “I’ll give you two some privacy,” he says. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“I didn’t make it five miles from the hotel before I turned around,” Mason says when we’re alone. “When I got back to the room, you were already gone so I drove to the airport and caught the first flight home. I called Knox and when he told me you were in the hospital, I…”
He takes a breath, his eyes filled with tears.
“I made the biggest mistake of my life letting you walk out that door,” he says. “I should have stood by you no matter what. I should have come back with you and faced whatever it was they wanted to do to me. Penny, you’re the only thing in this world that matters to me. You and this baby. I love you with every ounce of my soul and I promise, if you give me another chance, I will never hurt you again.”
My heart pieces itself back together again with every word from his mouth.
I pull him into my arms. I cling to him, my love for him overflowing. “I love you, too,” I say. “I won’t ever let anyone stand between us like that again. My future is with you, Mason. I want to start a family with you and I don’t care if we have to live a tent for the rest of our lives, I just want to be with you.”
He laughs and puts his hands gently on my face. Tears spill onto my cheeks. He kisses my forehead, then wraps his arms around me. We hold each other like that for a long time, both of us feeling the gravity of this moment.
I have loved him for so long, but until now, there has always been something holding us back. Secrets. Doubt. Fear. Family.
But all that falls away as we surrender ourselves completely to love. A love so real, it reaches in to the deepest part of me and makes me whole again.
When the doctor comes back in, Mason takes my hand in his and holds tight. “Whatever happens from here, we’ll face it together, okay?”
I nod and take a deep breath, gathering strength from him.
“Are you ready?” Dr. Mallory asks.
Mason leans forward and places his lips against my fingers. We both stare up at the black screen.
Neither of us can breathe as the doctor begins the ultrasound.
He moves the wand around and at first, there’s nothing. Only darkness.
Then, a flutter of movement.
I gasp, watching our baby’s heartbeat flicker on the screen. The doctor flips a switch on the machine and the room fills with a whooshing sound, strong and steady. It’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard in my life. It’s the sound of hope and strength and love.
Mason laughs, tears streaming down his face. He leans forward, pressing his soft lips against mine.
In that moment, nothing stands between us. No more lies. No more walls. All our past mistakes are erased.
We’ve been given a precious gift. A chance to start over. To make every choice count. To take nothing for granted.
And in that moment, we begin.
Epilogue
Two months later
“Are you sure you’re feeling up to this, baby?”
Mason takes my hand and helps me out of bed. He puts his arm around me with such tenderness, walking me toward the closet.
I laugh. “I’m fine, hotlips.”
He groans and rolls his eyes. “Are we back to that now?”
“Hey, I’m still searching for the perfect pet name for you,” I say. I disappear into the closet of our brand new house and call back, “Eventually something’s gonna stick.”
“Please, just don’t let it be hotlips or sugarbear or studmuffin,” he says.
I start to suggest another, equally sugary name when he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, his hands resting on my belly. I’m just starting to really look pregnant, and I love it. Mason is always touching my little bump. He even sings to my belly every night before we go to sleep, which always makes me smile.
I never dreamed we could be so happy.
“I can tell them we need to wait another week or two if you’re not feeling up to all the walking around,” he says.
I turn and hook my arms around his neck, smiling. “I’m fine,” I say. “The doctor says the baby is doing great. I still need to take it easy, but I’m not on bedrest anymore. Besides, it’s just a walk around the garden.”
“It’s an entire afternoon of party planning,” he says. “I don’t see why you can’t just let your mother handle the Christmas Memories event again this year. You can boss everyone around next year.”
“Ha ha,” I say. I turn and look through some of the maternity clothes Leigh Anne and Jenna picked out for me from the local thrift store. I choose a simple pair of black leggings and a long red tunic. “This is very important to me, and I don’t want to put it off for another year. Besides, it’s a big deal for my mom to step aside and let me take the lead on such a major charity event. I promise I won’t let it put any stress on me or the baby. All my friends are pitching in. It’ll be fun.”
Mason kisses my forehead. “I’m going to get all the packages together and put them in the car,” he says. “I’ll see you in a few.”
As I dress for the day, I think of how far we’ve come in such a short time.
My parents released their hold on the trust fund I received from my grandparents, and Mason and I used some of the money to purchase this little house on the edge of town. It’s small, but there’s a cute bedroom for our little one and it’s going to be plenty of room for the three of us.
There’s still a lot of healing to do between me and my parents, but it’s a start and I’m glad they’re trying.
When I’m dressed, I walk into the living room to help Mason with the packages. We’ve spent the last few days putting together care packages of food and other supplies to take to the local homeless shelter.
I look at my watch and realize we’re running late. “We’ve got to get going,” I say as I come around the corner. “Delores and Buddy are probably already at Mom’s. I’m so excited about having them cater the event this year.”
Mason is standing in the living room, a small square box in his hand. It’s wrapped in red paper with a big white bow.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“An early Christmas present,” he says.
I turn my head and narrow my eyes at him. “It’s only November,” I say. “You shouldn’t be buying me early Christmas presents.”
“It’s not for you,” he says, a grin spreading across his face. “It’s for the baby.”
I take the package from him and tear the paper off. I open the box, wondering what in the world he’s got up his sleeve.
“For her first camping trip,” he says.
I giggle and throw my arms around him, drawing him into a kiss.
Inside the box, wrapped in tissue paper, is a teeny little pink sleeping bag.
Book 3 in the Fairhope series
The Fear of Letting Go
Jenna’s story
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Also, coming November 1, Bailey will get her own novella!