The Best Goodbye

by Abbi Glines

  Addy cried out my name, and her hands went to my head and held on to my hair as she squirmed under me. Tonight I’d have to stop here, but I knew this was just the beginning. I’d been in love with Addy for a while now, but she’d just given me a taste of more. I’d never want anyone but her. This was as close to heaven as any man could get.

  Addy

  Franny stared at me without saying a word. I was worried that I’d rushed this or that I hadn’t thought it through or that she was upset that I’d kept it from her since we’d arrived.

  “So . . . he wants to meet me, too, then?” she finally asked, her eyes big with wonder. This had been her one request for so long. Having it placed in front of her had to be overwhelming. I let out the breath I was holding when I realized her silence wasn’t because she was angry; she was being given something she wanted desperately.

  “Yes, he does. Very much. He had no idea you existed. There was a misunderstanding that kept us apart, and it has taken me a very long time to find him. But he’s glad I did. He wants to know you, too, and be a part of your life.”

  She scrunched her nose. “Our life, you mean?”

  No . . . not ours. Just hers.

  I knew that from our conversation last night and from watching him over the past few months. He wasn’t interested in getting to know me. I didn’t appeal to him now. The people we once were no longer existed. Not really.

  “He wants to know you, sweetie. You’re his child. We did love each other very much once, and you were conceived from that love. But we’ve grown up and changed since then. We don’t have those feelings anymore.”

  Franny nodded as if she understood, but I could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t. Not at all. When you’re nine, it’s hard to make sense of a lot of things. Especially things your mother has a hard time coming to terms with. “Will you be there when I see him?”

  “Yes,” I assured her, and she looked relieved.

  “OK, when can I see him?”

  I knew this would happen. Once she decided on something, she wanted it right then and there. “He said he would be ready when you are,” I replied.

  Franny took a deep breath and nodded her head. “I’m ready.”

  This was it. All those years of wondering, and this was it. River would be in his daughter’s life. I had wanted this for so long. Franny deserved it. “OK.” I pulled out my phone and texted Captain.

  She’s ready to see you.

  It wasn’t even thirty seconds before he replied.

  Do you want me to come there, or would it be easier on her if we met for ice cream or something?

  I looked up at Franny, who was watching me and chewing her bottom lip nervously.

  Ice cream would be good, I think.

  He replied immediately.

  Meet me at the Sugar Shack when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting.

  This was going so fast. He’d just seen Franny yesterday, and that was a total accident. Now he was meeting her and officially becoming a part of her life. I looked at my daughter. There was a chance that this could hurt me, but I’d go through any pain for her. If I could just remember that Captain wasn’t my River. Not anymore. I hoped I could trust my heart to realize what my head already did. I wasn’t getting River back.

  “We’re going to meet him at the Sugar Shack for ice cream,” I told her with a smile. She had been to the Sugar Shack once. It had been a treat when I got my first paycheck once we moved here. It was a quaint little ice cream parlor full of every candy you could imagine, right on the beach.

  She clapped and jumped up. “I’ll go get dressed.”

  I watched her run back to the bedroom and hoped I was doing the right thing. If this made her that happy, I feared I was setting her up for potential pain, too. But I had to stick with my decision. My gut said that no matter what, Captain would be there for her. He might have bad taste in women, but that was something I’d discuss with him once we were past this. Franny would have to be the most important girl in his life now.

  Eleven years ago

  I watched from a distance as Delany flirted with River. Because it would possibly get me kicked out of the house if a teacher noticed that River and I were a couple, we didn’t act any differently at school. I wanted to hold his hand, but we both knew that if someone told his parents, they’d move me out. Then I’d be sent to a home for girls until I was eighteen. Those had terrible reputations, and I’d never see River again.

  The hardest thing was watching girls flirt with River. He never flirted back, and he always kept his distance, but it was still hard to watch. I wondered if he would start to hate me because his life was so hard with me in it. I didn’t want to be a burden to him, but I wasn’t helpful. His mother went crazy whenever I was around, so he had to keep me away from her. I couldn’t be a normal girlfriend, so he didn’t get to take me to parties, which meant he didn’t go to them, either.

  Delany touched his chest, and I stopped breathing, watching and wishing I could walk away and trust him. But it was more than trust. I wanted to see his face. See if he wanted her, too. It was all I had to reassure me.

  Those full lips of his that I loved to touch turned down in displeasure as he took her hand and removed it while backing away. I was too far from them to hear him, but he looked annoyed. The tightness in my chest that I knew was jealousy slowly faded, and I had started to turn to leave when his eyes locked with mine.

  I was caught. I wished I’d left sooner. I didn’t like him thinking I spied on him. That was unfair, too. He didn’t need me watching his every move. The corners of his lips lifted, and he smirked at me, then started walking my way. I could run now, so I didn’t have to confront him, but I’d still have to face it later.

  Delany called out to him, and he didn’t glance back. Her hateful gaze bored into me, before she turned on her heel and stalked off angrily. I didn’t mind if she thought River was with me. She wasn’t anyone who could hurt us.

  “Enjoy the show?” he asked, his smirk softening with his words.

  I felt my cheeks heat up and ducked my head, unable to look him in the eyes. I was guilty, and it was embarrassing. “Sorry. I was just walking by and saw you . . .” I trailed off.

  His hand brushed mine, which was the only contact we dared to have at school other than talking. “You’re my girl, Addy. You know that. Don’t want no one else.” His voice was a low, husky whisper.

  My insides felt warm. Only River made me feel like that. Before him, I didn’t know you could feel like a summer day was pulsing through every limb of your body, complete with sunshine and sweet lemonade.

  “I know. I just . . . I was . . . I’m sorry,” I said finally. There was nothing else I could say. He knew why I’d watched him. I wasn’t going to lie.

  River chuckled. “I figure if your girl is jealous, she wants you as much as you want her. If she stops being jealous, she wants someone else. I’ll take the jealousy. It’s sweet.”

  Smiling, I looked up into his eyes. “I was going to say I wasn’t jealous, but if that’s how you see it, then I was incredibly jealous.” I whispered so no one else could hear me.

  River winked. “Good. Because any guy who looks your way makes me see red. Let’s get to class.”

  I walked beside him back into the hallway, with my chest so big and full of love it was a wonder it didn’t explode right there.

  Captain

  I sat on a bench just outside the Sugar Shack, watching for Addy’s car. I had gotten here ten minutes after she texted, knowing it could be an hour before they arrived, but I wasn’t going to let them get here first. I wanted this. I also needed to see Addy again, because I’d been a mess last night. I’d hardly been able to speak or make sense of anything; I’d been so distracted by her sitting across from me and knowing it was her.

  After breaking shit and getting out my anger and frustration at how fucking unfair our lives had turned out, I was ready to see our daughter. I was ready to see her as mine. Knowing that we’d ma
de a child during the brightest and happiest time of our lives somehow eased the bad memories. Franny made everything that had come after worth it.

  I just wished I could have been there. The life Addy and I had imagined, cuddled together in her bed, would never happen, but at least I had this. I had a part of her that was mine, too. We shared something—no, we shared someone. The product of the only love I’d ever experienced.

  The idea that Addy might have loved again felt like a butcher knife to the gut. There had been other women for me, but I’d never given my heart to anyone else. What if she had? What if I hadn’t been her only love, just her first? Could I deal with that kind of information? Fuck, no. I’d have to break more shit, because when it came to Addy, I was irrational.

  I noticed her car the moment it turned onto the small street, and I stood up so she would see me. This was it. I was going to meet my daughter. It was also my chance to show Addy that I wasn’t a completely cold bastard.

  The car stopped in a parking spot a few feet away, and I could see all that blond hair, so much like her mother’s. It stood out, just like Addy’s always had. Addy turned and said something to her, and Franny nodded before they opened their doors and stepped out.

  Franny’s face watched me with a mixture of hope, fear, and excitement. She was as easy to read as Addy was. I was beginning to think that she’d gotten nothing from me, but to have a daughter who was the exact replica of Addy wasn’t a bad thing—or at least, it wouldn’t be until she was old enough to date. Then I’d have to make sure boys knew how well I handled a gun.

  The thought made me scowl, and Franny halted her steps. I realized what I was doing and shook the thought away, putting a smile on my face that wouldn’t scare my kid. She relaxed some and reached for her mother’s hand before walking the rest of the way toward me.

  I shifted my gaze to Addy, who had her long red hair pulled to the side in a low ponytail over her shoulder. Her shoulders were bare, and her fair skin displayed a smattering of freckles. I used to tease her about them while kissing each one of them, which always made her laugh.

  The pale blue of her tank top matched her eyes, making them shine even brighter as she looked at me. There was a slight warning in them, but there was also trust. She was trusting me to enter Franny’s life, but I could see that the mother in her was a protector. Again, something we had never had in a parent. I loved that she made sure our daughter had what we had always longed for. I would make sure that Franny got that from both parents now.

  “Hello, Captain,” Addy said, with a small smile. “Franny probably has a lot of questions for you. I hope you’re prepared for an inquisitive little girl. But let’s get some ice cream first and just get to know each other. Ease into this.” She was in control, and I was OK with that. She knew what made Franny comfortable. Even if I wanted to stare at Franny and ask her about school and her favorite music and what kind of movies she liked, it wasn’t time just yet.

  I nodded my agreement and tried to reassure her with my gaze that I wouldn’t mess this up. I wanted to keep that trust she’d given me. I wanted Franny happy, too.

  We walked inside, and Franny looked up at her mom. “What kind are you getting?”

  “Mint chocolate chip,” I answered for Addy, remembering that she always chose it if it was available. I would sneak money from my mom’s purse and take her to get ice cream after school whenever I could.

  Addy’s eyes widened, and she looked up at me before turning back to Franny. “Um, mint chocolate chip,” she repeated.

  Franny beamed at both of us. “She always gets that. I keep thinking she’ll change her mind. She never does,” Franny explained, as she looked over the different flavors.

  “And you never get the same flavor twice,” Addy said, then took a quick peek at me. “Like someone else I know,” she whispered, smiling. She was not only letting me know that she remembered that I liked to try every flavor but also showing me that our daughter had some of my traits, too. Franny might have been Addy’s Mini Me, but she had her own personality. I could tell that already.

  “I want to do the praline pecan. It has pecan pieces in it. See?” Franny said, pointing to the ice cream.

  “Cone preference?” I asked her.

  She turned her excited face toward me. “I like waffle cones.”

  I already knew what Addy liked. I turned to the young boy waiting to take our orders. “Two scoops of pecan praline in a waffle cone, two scoops of mint chocolate chip in a sugar cone, and a scoop of each of those in a waffle cone.”

  “Mommy never gets us two scoops,” Franny said, her eyes big as she looked at her mother.

  “It’s OK. Today’s a treat day,” Addy assured her.

  I felt Addy’s gaze on me and met it with my own.

  “You don’t like mint chocolate chip,” she said matter-of-factly.

  That had been true at one point, but over the past ten years, mint chocolate chip was all I ever ate. I wasn’t telling her that, though. Instead, I shrugged. “I’m a daredevil.”

  She grinned and shook her head, before reaching for the cone full of pecan praline that the guy handed over the counter. “Here you go, sweetie. Let’s find a good spot in the shade to eat this.”

  Franny hurried for the door while licking her ice cream, and Addy turned back to me. “I’ll pay for ours.”

  Like fucking hell she’d pay. “I got this,” I said, then took her cone from the guy and handed it to her. “Go help Franny find a spot.”

  Addy studied me a moment, gave me a small nod, and did as I’d asked.

  Addy

  He was different. This wasn’t the man I’d come to know over the past month. He wasn’t as hard and cold. The fact that he remembered my favorite ice cream may have gotten to me a little. It was as if, for a moment, I had River again. I didn’t want to expect that or hope for it, though. But I was glad for Franny that this was the man she would meet and know.

  “He’s really tall,” Franny said quietly. “He seems strong.”

  Tall and strong. That was what she thought so far. I smiled as we sat down at a round table with a large umbrella blocking the sun.

  “He also bought our ice cream. That’s nice.”

  I agreed with a nod. “He’s a good man.” Deep down, I knew he was.

  Franny grinned and licked her cone.

  “Good spot,” Captain said, as he pulled out a chair on the other side of Franny and across from me. “Ice cream good?” he asked, looking at Franny.

  She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand while nodding vigorously. “I love it here. We got to come here once for a treat when we first moved in. But it costs a lot, so we don’t come anymore.”

  I wanted to crawl under the table and hide, but I had nothing to be ashamed of. Franny was not a deprived child. She had a good life, and I’d given that to her. I held my head high, as if what she’d just said wasn’t embarrassing to me at all.

  “Ice cream all the time takes away the thrill of it. You’d get bored. Keeps it a treat when you only get it every once in a while,” Captain said. I could feel his gaze on me, and I lifted my eyes from my own cone. He gave me a small smile and took a lick of his ice cream.

  “Mom said that you used to take her to get ice cream a lot. Did it get boring?” Franny asked with complete sincerity.

  Over the years, whenever she asked about her dad, she’d ask me to tell her something about him. She remembered every single story. I dropped my eyes back to my ice cream. I hoped he understood that I didn’t fill her head because I was holding out hope that something would happen between us; I just gave her pieces of him along the way.

  “Yeah, I did, and you have a point. It never got boring,” Captain replied.

  “I didn’t think so. It tastes too good. We have ice cream for lunch at school on Wednesdays. But it doesn’t taste like this, and it’s only vanilla or chocolate.”

  “Is that so?” Captain was listening to her intently, and she was eating up the attention. />
  “Then on Fridays, we get a cupcake to celebrate all the birthdays that week, and sometimes we get red velvet. Those are my favorite. Except my friend Anna likes the chocolate ones best, so her favorite week isn’t my favorite week and . . .” Franny had her father’s attention, and she was on a roll. I leaned back and enjoyed my ice cream, while our daughter told Captain everything he could ever want to know about her life. She hardly came up for air. The only breaks he got were when she needed to take a lick of ice cream, and even then, he barely had a chance to catch his breath before she started talking again.

  I stared out over the ocean, but every once in a while, I’d steal peeks at Captain to see how he was handling such a chatty nine-year-old. Every time, he looked fascinated. As if there was nothing she could say that would bore him. He nodded his head and said the right things at the right moments. This only made Franny more eager. I had a feeling she’d been saving it all up for this very day.

  The way he interacted with her made it clear I’d been wrong to hold back from telling him about her. Hiding from him had been my way of protecting her, but had I really thought that the heart I once knew could be so different ten years later? Even if he had changed and hardened some, his goodness and protective instinct were still in there. I knew Franny had just become one of the luckiest little girls in the world.

  Because when River Joshua Kipling decided you were worth protecting, he did it with everything he had.

  Ten years ago

  She was yelling, and we could hear her outside. River stopped at the front door and put his hand in front of me, holding me back. “You go to our spot at the pond. I’ll deal with her and then meet you there.”

  If I didn’t go into that house, she’d be furious. He knew that. Last week, she had thrown a glass at his head when he sent me to my room and told me to lock the door. I wasn’t letting her do that again. Thank goodness his reflexes kept him from getting hit.