by Rae Matthews
We both jump into the truck and head to the liquor store. I am the only one in our circle that doesn’t drink beer, so I have a hard time finding a beach-appropriate drink. I finally select some black cherry wine coolers. Mixed drinks are almost impossible to deal with out there, so my options were limited. After checking out, we are off to the boat landing.
We pull up to the beach, and quickly find a place to park the boat since we arrived early. Crater Island is a small cove, just off the main channel of the Mississippi. It’s shaped like a large horseshoe, and the sand on the beach slopes up to a hill and is as high as a two-story building, hence the name Crater Island. In about an hour, there will be nowhere left to park a boat, and latecomers will have to anchor their boats and swim to shore.
The party is already in full swing when we arrive, with music blasting from the larger houseboats. Looking around, we can see an even number of people on the beach as in the water, using flotation devices. On the opposite side of the beach from where we are, someone is setting up a huge waterslide using tarps and an industrial water pump that could put any water park slide to shame.
“Ok Sasha, let’s find you a new man!” Sadie announces. Matt and Will were already off looking at all of the boats, and talking to their owners. They were forming new bromances while drooling over the boats of their dreams.
I immediately picture my stallion. How could I have thought that any of these guys would be a good distraction from Stallion Man? I mean, he just seemed so perfect. Even though we only shared a moment together, and his focus was more on Grandpa George, it was still a moment. I have got to stop thinking about him. He probably has a girlfriend, and if not, he is probably also way out of my league. So maybe I should give these beach guys a good look.
“Ok, that sounds like a plan. Let me grab a drink and we can take a walk,” I finally say with the most convincing fake smile I can muster.
After making it only about half way around the beach, the scorching hot sun is shining and without a cloud in the sky it is making the sand almost unbearable when walking on it. We decide to put our hot man for Sasha search on hold to join in on some houseboat fun. Some random guy had opened his houseboat up to everyone on the beach, and most people were using the top level as a diving board into the river.
“I’m gonna jump in. I need to cool off,” I say, looking at Sadie and Megan. “Here, can you hold my drink and maybe grab a picture of me jumping in?” I continue as I push my stuff into their hands.
“Absolutely!” they say, looking at each other like, oh this should be good.
I climb up to the top deck, and wait patiently for my turn to jump.
As I get closer to the edge, I look over at Megan and Sadie waving at me, phone in hand, ready to snap a picture when I hear. "Oh my god, Sasha! It's the guy from the bar!" I turn to scan the beach, in the hopes that I didn’t just imagine those words I had been secretly hoping to hear, when I spot him. He’s talking to a group of guys, not paying any attention to the crowd around him. He looks even more amazing than I remembered, and the sun shining on his face looks like it came out just for him. I realize I’ve been staring for a long time when the guy behind me asks if I plan on jumping anytime soon.
An idea pops into my head. If I can just get his attention and he watches me do a graceful dive off the boat, maybe he will recognize me and want to come say hi, ask me to be his sex slave, propose marriage, and request that I bare his children. Or at least offer me a drink.
I yell to Megan and Sadie as loud as I can, “Hey bitches, watch this!” I assume the position, take a deep breath, and get ready to do the best cannon ball in history. One that would be talked about for years to come. At least it should have been the best cannon ball in history.
What happened next seemed to have occurred in slow motion. As I got ready to make my historic jump, Stallion Man and his friends chose that exact moment to look over; just in time to see me take a step forward, my foot slipping in a puddle of water. They all watch me as I wildly stumble, attempting to catch my balance. But instead of righting myself, I stumble again. Right over the edge of the boat. I might have been able to recover mid-air, but as I fell, I caught The Stallion’s eyes. I couldn’t help myself from locking onto those beautiful eyes of his. They were so distracting that I didn’t realize that I was falling towards the water faster than I had expected to. I entered the water with my legs spread eagle, doing the splits. I take a deep breath just before I feel the water consume my legs. I also feel the rush of water move past my bikini bottoms and gush into my hoo-ha, and before I know it, I’m fully underwater.
As I come up for air, the beach has exploded with laughter. I even hear some genius call out, “How was your river douche?” I want to go back under the water and swim away like a mermaid, pretending that my epic fail didn’t just happen. But that’s not really an option, since I can’t hold my breath for very long, and unfortunately I do not have the tail required for a fast underwater getaway.
As I make my way to the beach, Megan and Sadie are trying their very best to be supportive friends and hold back their tears of laughter. But the bellowing guffaws from everyone else is hard to ignore, and I turn a bright shade of fire engine red with embarrassment, which just adds to the humor of it all.
“Well, we got some great pictures for you,” Sadie informs me. “I even got one that looks like you are doing the splits, right there on the river.”
I am about to grab the phone from her to start deleting all the evidence of this horrible attempt at making history, when I see that Stallion Man is currently walking our way, and has locked his eyes on mine. I realize that maybe I am making history here, just not the way I had originally intended.
MY STALLION FINALLY MAKES HIS way over to us in his tight white t-shirt and bright blue swimming trunks that are decorated with white magnolia flowers. All I keep thinking is that I want him to throw me over his shoulder and take me far away from here. We could find some nice, quiet place where he will rip off my swimming suit and have his way with me. His brown eyes are mesmerizing, and they make all the pointing and staring around me fade away.
“Are you ok?” he asks, in that deep, sexy fuck me voice of his.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I manage to say, then shoot Megan and Sadie an I got this, so get the fuck out of here look. They look back at me and shake their heads, letting me know that they understand, and slowly make their way back to the boat where Matt and Will are.
“I wasn’t sure if you would remember me. I saw you at the Broken Jukebox last Sunday.”
Ohmygawd, how could I not remember him? And wait a minute, why is he blushing? I am the one who has been thinking (and dreaming) all kinds of naughty thoughts about him for the last week.
“Of course I remember you. You’re George’s grandson,” I respond, shocked that he even needed to ask. I mean, who could forget him?
“I meant to try and get a hold of you at the bar to apologize again for my grandfather. I’ve never seen him like that before.”
I’m still in shock that Stallion Man is here in the flesh, talking to me. I’m pretty sure this is not one of my fantasies, but I grab a piece of skin on the top of my hand and pinch it as hard I can anyway, just to be sure. Maybe I hit my head on the boat, and I’m really just laid out on the beach, unconscious. Ouch, nope! Not a dream. I realize I’ve stopped listening to what he’s saying and have just been standing here nodding my head, pretending I was, so I snap my attention back to the present.
“I was hoping that you and your friends didn’t take too much offense... he really is harmless,” he finishes.
“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’ve known George for years, and was more worried about him than anything. Please be sure to let him know that he is still more than welcome at the bar.” I add the last part in hopes that it means he will be there, too.
“Thanks, I will be sure to let him know. He has talked about you a few times, and hates himself for being so rude to you and your friends.” He says that
in his super sexy voice, and if he was a phone sex operator, I would totally go broke calling him morning, noon, and night.
As I’m staring into his eyes, he has my complete and utter attention, so I don’t see Matt come up behind me. He grabs me around my waist, throws me over his shoulder, and runs to the river. A second later, I’m back underwater.
I thrash around trying to find the river bottom, and when my foot finally finds sand, I push off and rush back to the surface, gasping for air the moment my head is out of water.
“Matt, you fucking asshole!” I scream, quickly searching the area for my stallion.
Matt starts laughing and replies, “What? You looked like you needed some cooling off.”
I frantically scan the beach and am relieved when I see that Stallion Man is still standing where I left him. But his head is down looking at the sand; he’s not watching for me to come back. He gives a little kick that sends a small pile of sand flying off to the side, and he looks up just for a moment and catches my eyes. He smiles then nods his head in a nice talking to you kind of way. I’m frantically trying to get out of the water as I see him turn away and walk back toward his friends.
“No, wait, hold on!” I yell at him. He doesn’t seem to hear me.
No way! I’m going to miss my chance; I can feel it, and all because of Megan’s dildo with a pulse. He thought he was just being funny, but he often ends up deserving a nut punch.
I’m finally out of the water and can run after him, except by now he has already made it back to where his friends are standing, and they are talking again.
Do I go over and interrupt? What do I say? I don’t want to miss out on this chance, probably my only chance to talk to him. I’m not sure why I’m being so shy. It isn’t like me to be. He came up to me first; why is this such a big deal? I suppose it’s because him talking to me was more of an apology than a real conversation. Was there more he wanted to say, or was this just a courtesy beach-crossing to talk about George?
Oh, fuck it. You only live once, right? What is the worst thing that can happen? He tells me he has a girlfriend, or even worse, a boyfriend? Maybe he will just tell me flat out that he is not interested, which would be worst of all. But all of those aren’t as bad as not knowing at all. However, by not knowing, I could keep my fantasies alive. I pause for a second; almost convincing myself that my fantasies are good enough, but if I have a chance at all with him I would much rather have the real thing. Oh fuck this thinking crap, I need some action. I’m going to go for it.
I start to walk over and realize, holy shit, what do I say? I need to sound sexy and sweet, but not needy or clingy, all at the same time. As I get closer, I almost lose my nerve. When his friend sees me as I approach, he nods his head and says something I can’t hear; then the stallion turns and looks at me. Ok, no turning back now. Here I go.
He smiles at me, and I mean to say, “Sorry about that, my friend Matt is kind of a joker, but his timing is always a little off.”
What actually comes out is more like, “Sum sowry I um Matt, um yeah,” I’m sure I turn a bright shade of red when his friends start laughing uncontrollably. But to my surprise, my Stallion Man doesn’t.
He looks at me like I was speaking another language, and he is desperately trying to translate the words that just fell out of my mouth. I’m mortified again! I mean, come on! this is ridiculous. If this keeps up, I will have to just throw in the towel and put him in my missed opportunities pile.
Oh fuck. I need to recover and fast. I shake my head quickly, as if to clear it of my insanity, and try again.
He gifts me with a cute little smirk of a smile, and turns away from his friends so that he is fully facing me now.
With that, I relax a little. But OMG, what do I say next? I have to say something; I can’t just stand here and stare at him.
“No problem. I assumed your boyfriend just didn’t like seeing you talking to some random guy,” he blurts out, looking directly into my eyes.
“Who? Matt? No! He is not my boyfriend; he’s my friend Megan’s boyfriend.” I say, smiling.
His eyes widen, and his left eyebrow raises just a little as he smiles back at me. I’m still mesmerized by his gorgeous brown eyes. They are the color of caramel, and I could look into them all day if I wouldn’t be considered a creepy stalker chick.
“Oh, so which one is your boyfriend?”
I smile and wonder, if he is probing me, does that mean he is interested? I see him waiting for my answer, and I think I might even see a hint of anticipation in his eyes.
“I actually don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve recently returned to the world of the single life, where I get to sift through all the losers I meet to find that one special guy who will entertain me for a little while before he ends up being a total asshole-”
He is looking at me with a confused expression as I ramble on like a mime who just realized, they can actually talk. But, do I stop? Nooooooo, I just keep on spewing my word vomit.
“...Then I get to stay up all night long eating ice cream, wondering where all the good guys are, and why I have been so lucky. I’m sorry, but if these guys think they will ever find someone with such nasty-ass habits, they are delusional…”
I take a deep breath as if to continue my little rant, and then I drop my jaw and think, what the fuck am I saying? Shut the hell up! It’s like I can’t control anything coming out of my mouth right now. I have never been the babbling idiot type, but yet here I am, spewing verbal diarrhea left and right, which will probably ensure that I will never get the chance to really know the Stallion Man.
He realizes that I have finally stopped talking, and I’m sure that I am once again turning bright red from major embarrassment. He starts to laugh, and I have a brief thought of running for the hills to become a hermit, never to be seen again.
“Wow, you must have been holding that in for a while,” he says while still laughing. “Thanks for that. I needed a good laugh.”
I’m not sure how to come back from this. Is he being an asshole by laughing at me? I mean, I’m sure he can’t help it. I would probably do the same thing if some guy said this to me. But he doesn’t seem to be running scared from my wildly random too-much-information rant Maybe he is just trying to make me feel better? “Oh! My! God! I am so sorry. I have no idea what came over me. I do not normally just babble and rant to guys I barely know. I think I’m a little bit nervous.”
“Nervous? Why are you nervous?” He has stopped laughing now, and is giving me that look of anticipation again.
I probably shouldn’t say, Oh because you and I have been having a ‘fuck-friends’ relationship in my dreams and daytime fantasies, and I’m not sure you will be able to live up to my expectations. Or better yet, you will be everything I think you are and more, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of pleasure. Or maybe you were just about to reject me altogether.
Yeah, probably should not lead with that. But now I have been standing here too long, and I have to say something. Fuck It. Let’s go for the gold.
“Well, since last Sunday, I have been thinking about you a lot and how we didn’t get a chance to really meet each other.” I say quickly, as if I was ripping off a Band-Aid. Like that is supposed to make it hurt less, even though those fuckers sting no matter what you do.
I stare at him sweetly and hope it is not too much information and not too needy or anything. He hasn’t really said anything, so I give him a cute smile, my heart pounding. Why isn’t he saying anything? Oh, wait. Do I see a hint of blush on him?
Oh shit, I totally got him to blush. No, wait. Oh shit, mother fucker, here it comes. He is about to tell me that he has a girlfriend but that he is flattered or some stupid crap like that.
As he gets ready to speak the words that I really don’t want to hear, he gives me a smile, as if that is supposed to soften the blow. Why can’t he just be a full-on asshole, so I can walk away and go back to Megan and Sadie to tell them what a dicknosed fuck-knob he is?
> He opens his mouth and says slowly, “Well that is good to hear, because I have been thinking about you, too.”
HOLY SHIT, HE HAS BEEN thinking about me! The stallion, My Stallion, has been thinking about me! Me, just an average girl, with nothing special going on to call attention to. I can feel my face turn bright red yet again as my mind starts in on another fantasy, but I pull back to the present and realize that I’m not sure how I should respond. I mean, has he been thinking about me the way I have been thinking about him? Has he had hot, almost-sex with me in his dreams? Has he imagined how it would feel to touch me, kiss me and be inside me, as I have been dreaming? If he has even had one of these thoughts, why in the hell didn’t he try to get a hold of me? He may not have had my name or number, but he sure knew where I worked, for fuck’s sake.
As I’m just about ask those very questions, I hear Megan and Sadie calling my name. Fuck a monkey’s uncle! What Now? Why now? Can’t they leave me alone? They can most definitely see that I’m still talking to the hot guy from the bar. I mean, I just need long enough to find out in what way he has been thinking about me. Is that too much to ask? Well, after, that I may need a few more minutes to work up the nerve to throw myself into his arms and let him make all of my fantasies come true, though how has yet to be determined.
I’m just about to turn and give them the unmistakable go away look when I hear them yell, “Sasha, come on, the guys busted out the beer bong. It’s freaking hilarious, they are trying to beer bong while doing some headstands and other stupid shit,” Megan shouts.
I turn back to look at Stallion Man and ask, “So I guess there is some cheap entertainment going on down the beach. Would you like to join us?”
The stallion looks back at his friends, and I think he is about to look back at me to decline when he says, “Hey guys, beer bong is happening down the beach. Grab the cooler and let’s go.” He looks back at me with a cool smile. “I’m game if you are,” he adds with a wink.