by Alisa Adams
“Now then, let us get down tae business,” Martha said, rubbing her hands together and leaning forward. “I dinnae know much about ye yet, but I know how I felt on my wedding day and I can see that ye are alone. Ye are a wee lass and I know ye are scared. Did ye talk about any of this with ye Ma before ye left?”
“My mother died of illness a number of years ago now. I had some handmaids who looked after me, but my brother Thomas told me I would have everything I needed here.”
“I see,” Martha said, rolling her eyes. “Men are always trying tae tell us what we need. Ye’d think they’d ask us first!” She allowed herself a small chuckle and Sarina began to relax.
“I will take care of ye lass. I know ye didnae ask for this, and ye are probably wondering what ye are daeing here. I know lasses like ye dream of nobles and grand houses, but I can tell ye now that those dreams are just for ye youth. When ye grow up, ye realize there is more tae a marriage than that. Seamus is a good man, and he will take good care of ye. All I ask is that ye take care of him tae. Ye may nae believe it looking at him, but he hae been through much sorrow and, well, that is his right tae tell ye, but sometimes in life ye dinnae get tae choose what happens tae ye, only how ye react tae it and if ye want my advice ye should always choose what makes ye happy.”
Sarina focused on eating her broth, happy to let Martha talk. Her ears pricked up when Martha mentioned Seamus’ sorrow. She couldn’t imagine what could have happened to him, nor did she believe that it rivaled her own.
“Thank you, Martha. I appreciate the kind words and if you want me to be honest with you then I must admit that I am struggling with these events. Just this morning I woke up in my own bed and now, I’ve been spirited away to this new world and I have lost a brother. I feel all alone and the future is uncertain to me. I am sure that you are proud of your son, indeed, I have seen firsthand his prowess in battle, but the idea of marriage is entirely new to me. I have no idea what to expect.”
“All I ask is that ye be honest. I dinnae how they live in England, but up here we like people tae be honest with us. We have no patience for liars. As for what tae expect, well, if ye hae any questions about that I will be happy tae answer, but in my experience, it’s more rewarding tae find out on ye own,” Martha said, her eyes twinkling again.
Sarina scraped the last of the broth onto her spoon and swallowed it gladly. She was warmer now and had relaxed in the company of Martha who hadn’t been anything like she expected. Martha was so nice that it made Sarina question her mission again. These weren’t just the enemy anymore, they were people, but she told herself she would have to keep an emotional distance from Seamus to make the task easier. He was still the man who had killed her father after all.
“Ye chests hae been unloaded. I will show ye where ye can get ready for the ceremony. I know ye hae lost ye brother, but that makes happiness all the more important. Come now lass and we’ll get ye ready tae be wed.”
Sarina felt her chest tighten at the mention of the wedding. Even when she had been traveling through the forest it still seemed so far away, yet now she was in the castle it was happening in a matter of hours. She was about to pledge herself to a Highlander, and there was no way out.
She rose and let Martha lead her out of the doorway, wondering if Seamus was going to be on the other side. He wasn’t. Harold was though and he fell into step behind them. Sarina was glad of his presence for it made her feel at ease.
“Will I be seeing Seamus again before the ceremony?”
“If ye wish, but ye will hae plenty of time tae spend with him later at the feast. Everyone is excited for ye, Sarina,” Martha said, squeezing Sarina’s arm. It seemed that everyone was excited bar Sarina. She wondered if there had ever before been a wedding where the bride was the most reluctant to attend.
They walked up some stone steps which were uneven, so Sarina almost lost her footing. She had to steady herself against Harold. They walked into a large room and Sarina could tell Martha had gone to the effort of making it homely for her. All her luggage had been carried into this room and a bed had been made. There was a small dresser with a mirror sat atop it and a seat by the window. The wolf pelt was heavy on Sarina’s shoulders and she was glad to let it fall to the floor where it became something of a blanket. She slipped off her shoes and let her feet sink into the fur. Harold started opening the chests and carefully pulled out the contents. The most important was, of course, the wedding dress.
“Would ye like me tae stay with ye?” Martha asked.
“I think for the moment I shall be fine on my own to settle in, but I would appreciate it if you could return an hour before the ceremony to help me make the final adjustments to my hair. I do want to look my best for Seamus. I know how important an occasion this is,” Sarina said.
“Of course, lass, and if ye need anything else just yell for it,” Martha said before she took her leave.
As soon as Martha had left the room and closed the door behind her, Sarina sank down onto the bed and held her head in her hands. She rubbed her eyes, wiping away the tears that kept coming and tried to breathe in deeply. Harold continued unpacking her things, bringing out the dress first. It looked glorious. It was a white dress that reached down to her feet with a silver trim around the neckline. She knew it fit her perfectly, just as perfectly as it had fit her own mother on her wedding day. Sarina’s father had always told Sarina that she was the picture of her mother. She had spent her life dreaming of wearing that dress, of marrying the love of her life, but in her dreams, she had been surrounded by family and she had been happy.
“What’s this?” Harold asked inquisitively. Sarina’s gaze slowly drifted toward him and then they widened in panic. She rose and snatched the small wooden box from his hands. He frowned.
“It’s just a keepsake, something personal,” she said, not wanting to tell him about the crime Thomas had ordered her to commit. Harold still looked confused, but he did not question her.
“I see. Sarina, now that you are here it is time for me to take my leave,” he said.
“No!” Sarina gasped.
“I know that it is difficult for you, but I have been thinking about this and I simply do not have a place here. You are to be married, inducted into the family, but I am just an Englishman. I cannot stay here with these Highlanders. My place is at home with Thomas. He’ll need me now, more than ever,” Harold said solemnly.
“And what about what I need?” Sarina asked. “I’m your sister, Harold. I’m out here alone. Are you going to suggest that I’m going to be a Highlander just because I’m marrying Seamus? Do not forget that my blood is English and I am as angry at them for Father’s death as anyone. Would you really leave your sister here?”
“I must. My place is at home. Sometimes it is not always easy to do one’s duty, but Father always taught us how important it is. But it is not just a matter of returning home. I must also take Matthew’s body back so he can be buried properly.”
Sarina felt as though she had been slapped around the face. “What do you mean take his body back?”
“You cannot expect us to have him buried here?” Harold asked, astonished that the possibility was even being mentioned.
“I thought we could at least have a memorial. I would like to say farewell to him as well.”
“He needs to be buried with Mother. The men brought Father’s body back from the war, I would be doing Matthew a disservice if I did not bring his body home too. I’m sorry, Sarina, but this is the way it must be.”
Sarina scowled. It wasn’t the way it had to be at all, but it was the way Harold wanted and of course, since he was a man, he got his way. “Fine then, go, leave me here, but when you return tell Thomas that I am deeply unhappy and I require him to send someone up here to keep me company. I do not want to be forgotten by you all.”
“You would never be forgotten, sister. Your sacrifice ensures that the estate can grow. Without being troubled by war, we can make new trade agreements, form new
alliances, and turn our attention elsewhere. Thomas has big plans for the future and we have you to thank. We will never forget you.”
It was all well and good for Harold to talk about the future, but it pained her because she was not involved. Her life would be entirely separate from the rest of them unless she did as Thomas asked and managed to escape. Thomas had promised to send her aid, but for the first time, she was beginning to lose faith in her brother. She was out of their minds now. Did she even matter to Thomas any longer?
Harold began to pull away and as much as Sarina pleaded with him to stay, it was clear that he was uncomfortable in these surroundings. He took his leave of Sarina with regret in his eyes and when he turned away, he did not look back.
Sarina was left alone. One brother had died, the other had left her. She looked at her possessions and realized she had to get ready for the wedding which was only a matter of hours away. She picked up the box and opened it. The small dagger was still there, waiting to be used. It looked tiny in comparison to Seamus’ greatsword, but it could be just as deadly. She snapped the box shut and put it on the dresser then picked up the dress and held it against her body. For a moment, she was able to forget the circumstances behind her wedding and simply enjoy how beautiful she looked, but she had no family with her and it made the happiness feel hollow.
8
Seamus had been keeping himself busy when his mother returned to him and told him that Sarina was getting ready for the wedding. Seamus nodded and thanked her for speaking with Sarina. Martha patted him on the shoulder and reminded him that she would always be his mother and would always be there to take care of him and his wives.
“I know this is a hard day for ye, but I am glad ye are gaeing through with it. She is a sweet girl if a little nervous. I think that ye can take care of each other. She hae been through a lot and she is still young. Dinnae try and push her before she is ready,” Martha said.
Seamus nodded, somewhat relieved by this news because he found the entire process was happening quickly as well. Angus had returned with Matthew’s body and it was being sealed in a wooden coffin for now as none of them knew what the plans were. The horses were being fed and all of Sarina’s possessions had been carried into the castle.
Seamus anxiously waited for the ceremony to begin, wishing to get it over and done with so he could have some quiet moments with Sarina. From his time with Ciara, he knew that really the wedding was for the other people in attendance. The real joy for the husband and wife was when they got to be alone at the end of the night, although he wasn’t sure that would happen with Sarina. He couldn’t forget the way she had recoiled from him when they had first met. He certainly wasn’t like the clean-shaven, trim English lords she would have been used to.
After some time, he saw Harold marching out of the castle. It surprised him as he thought Harold would want to stay with his sister. Harold marched straight up to him. “Where is my brother’s body?” he demanded, his voice high-pitched, almost squeaking.
“Why dae ye ask?”
“Because I am returning home and I wish to take him with me. It is only right that he is buried on our estate.”
Seamus arched an eyebrow. Something about this seemed wrong. “We can bury him here if ye like. I would hae thought Sarina would like tae say goodbye.”
“She does, but we take our family responsibilities seriously and Matthew’s place is to be buried beside Father and Mother.”
Seamus noticed how Harold’s voice changed as he mentioned his father. So far, the subject hadn’t arisen, but Seamus knew it would at some point. He wasn’t looking forward to discussing it with Sarina and he certainly wasn’t going to make a point to talk about it with Harold. “If ye insist. Ye will find him around the corner. We hae placed him in a casket. I am sure ye can get help from someone. But why are ye in such a rush tae leave? Dinnae ye want tae stay for the wedding?”
Harold shifted his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably. “My place is at home. My duty was to deliver my sister to you and that I have done. I shall be taking my leave now,” he said, bowing his head. With that, he walked away.
Seamus turned and his gaze followed the young Englishman. It seemed strange to him that he wouldn’t stay for Sarina, but witnessing death had odd, unpredictable effects on people and it was clear that Harold hadn’t witnessed death like that before. It made him pity Sarina for she was all alone, abandoned by those close to her. Martha had told Seamus to give her time, but he was her husband and had a duty to see that she was of good mind and spirit. He decided to pay her a visit to hopefully put her at ease and this time, he wasn’t wearing a sword.
He rapped his knuckles on the door and heard a small cry telling him to enter. When he walked through the door, he was met with a look of surprise on Sarina’s face. He strode into the room, looking at the unpacked chests. Sarina was sitting at her dressing table and looking into the mirror. The wedding dress, which Seamus could tell was pretty even though he didn’t necessarily have an eye for women’s fashion, was draped on the bed. Various items of shining jewelry were laid out before her and a wooden box was by her left hand. She immediately pushed that away. Seamus assumed something valuable and personal was inside.
“I was expecting your mother,” she said.
“I’m sorry I startled ye, I just saw Harold leaving and I thought ye may want some company. I know it cannae be easy for ye.”
“No, it isn’t,” Sarina said bluntly. Seamus inhaled deeply and tried to think of what to say. Sarina wasn’t being entirely forthcoming and he didn’t want to press the issue, but he thought it his husbandly duty to try even if she wasn’t receptive at first.
“Harold said that he hae tae take back ye brother’s body.”
“Indeed.”
“I thought that ye may wish tae say a few words for him later, at the wedding. I thought that ye may hae wanted tae bury him here, but Harold was adamant tae take him home.”
“What’s the point? Nobody here knew him.”
“Nae, but everyone here wants tae get tae know ye and I thought it may help put ye at ease. He was ye kin and it’s important tae pay respect tae him. If it’s tae painful then ye dinnae hae tae.”
“No, actually, that’s a lovely suggestion. Thank you. I know weddings are supposed to be happy occasions. I did not want to tarnish ours with talk of the dead.”
“Weddings are about family. I would nae want ye tae forget about yours. I know ye are far from them, but I dinnae expect ye tae never mention them. I would nae want that anyway.”
Sarina pressed her lips together and nodded, then smiled in gratitude. “Martha spoke to me and had a few words of wisdom. She said that you Highlanders don’t like liars. Do you mind if I speak frankly to you Seamus?”
Seamus opened his palms, gesturing for her to continue.
“I didn’t dream of ending up here and being married to a Highlander. I know that you are not marrying me for my beauty or my soul but because I can ensure peace between my family and yours. I appreciate how you have tried to make me feel comfortable and especially how your mother has, but in truth, I am afraid that I cannot be the wife you desire. I look at my hands and they have not tilled the fields. I am not a warrior. Nor will I ever be.”
Seamus moved closer to her and spoke with tenderness in his voice. “I would nae want ye tae be. I am nae looking for a warrior, lass. Just be yeself. In time ye will come tae see the Highlands as ye home. It is nae long until the ceremony now and there is still much tae be done. I will see ye in front of the kirk,” he said.
“Seamus,” Sarina called out before he left her presence. Seamus halted with his hand on the door. “Your mother told me that you had been through much sorrow. What did she mean by that?”
Seamus breathed deeply. He knew that he was going to have to talk about Ciara with Sarina at some point or another, although he had no idea what he was going to say. He was smart enough to know that women didn’t take kindly to the praise of other loves. Still, th
ere was no sense hiding the truth from her. If they were to be married there could be no secrets between them, even if love was impossible.
“She dinnae tell ye?”
“No, she said that it was something you should tell me yourself.”
Seamus turned to face her. “Ye will nae be my first wife. There was another, Ciara. She died in childbirth, and she took the child with her,” he said, his head hanging down. It was strange to speak those words so easily, to hear them clearly. He had spent so long thinking of that moment when she had died that merely saying it had happened didn’t seem to be enough respect.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” Sarina said.
“Thank ye. Sae as ye can see this marriage is nae easy for me either, but we shall try and get through it taegether.” He left the room before she could say anything else. He was already feeling sorrow well up inside him and he didn’t want to give her that display of emotion. He wiped away a silent tear that threatened to trickle down his cheek and closed the door behind him.
Seamus had pain in his heart as he left her. Her reluctance didn’t bode well for a happy union and he didn’t want to tarnish the sacredness of marriage by entering a union with a woman who would never be happy here. In many ways, he pitied her for she was just a pawn used to broker a peace treaty, not that he would use her like a pawn. It would be a long and unhappy life if she did not accept these circumstances though. He did not want his wife to sigh and gaze longingly toward the country of her birth every day.
But she was not the only problem. His lingering feelings for Ciara would always be there. She had lit a fire in him that could never be put out, but he didn’t know if it was fair to hold love for two women even if one of them was dead. It would be a challenge, and perhaps that was what had sparked such desire in Seamus. Sarina’s love would not be given easily. It was something he had to fight for, to earn, and as a warrior, there was nothing he liked more than a challenge. It was just not the usual type he was used to, the type that he met on the battlefield, the type that could be solved with a swift strike of his sword.