by Alisa Adams
“I don’t know how you can let a man do that to you. Touch you like that,” Emily said in a hollow voice. Sarina caught herself. It was important for her to remember that Emily had been through a lot.
“It’s different when it’s between a man and a woman,” Sarina explained. “Did the bandits… touch you?”
Emily drew her hands across her chest. The carriage trundled along, the wheels making a pleasing clacking rhythm. The carriage creaked and the hooves of the horses clopped along at a steady pace. “Not in that way. They always threatened to, but they said I would fetch more for them when they eventually sold me. They just never told me when it was going to be. Somehow the fear of it happening was worse than them actually doing it.”
Sarina reached over and clasped her hand. “That part of your life is over. You’re safe now. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re my friend,” Sarina said. Emily smiled. This seemed to offer her some relief, but she was still skittish.
They spoke of other matters, but there were also long bouts of silence. Given Emily’s initial reaction, Sarina didn’t want to speak too much about her marriage or her plans for the future, but she thought about them constantly. She placed her hand over her stomach and imagined it swelling full with new life. The thought of having Seamus’ child gave her a warm and fuzzy glow. It wasn’t quite as intense as the pleasure she felt while in bed with him, but it was just as deep. She imagined a small child who was made up of the best parts of both of them and could almost see him in her mind’s eye. She didn’t know why she preferred a boy to a girl, perhaps it was just because she loved Seamus so much and she wanted their child to resemble him more than her, but she knew that no matter what happened, the baby would be surrounded by love. Her heart was already swelling.
When it grew dark, they made camp in the forest and ate some food they had brought with them. Seamus made a fire and the orange embers crackled and glowed. Warmth spread through them. Emily was quieter when Seamus was around, although Seamus tried to put her at ease. It was going to be a long time until Emily recovered from the trauma and Sarina was going to be there every step of the way.
It came time to sleep and Sarina let herself fall into Seamus’ arms. As she pressed herself against him, she felt his hardness against her and she longed to be close with him again, but she was too embarrassed with Emily so close by. It would have to wait until they had returned from this journey.
The following morning, they awoke at dawn and prepared to leave after a small breakfast. The horses had been watered and fed too. They would return to the Bashir estate by late afternoon. The closer they got to the estate, the more trepidation Sarina felt. She hoped that Harold would be reasonable, but grief could do funny things to a man. She imagined Harold sitting in the estate all alone with every member of his family gone. At least Sarina had Seamus and her new family. Harold had nothing but servants and she hoped he was coping well. He’d always been the most vulnerable of her brothers. Thomas had the intelligence, Matthew the bravery, and Harold had the heart. She prayed that he wouldn’t do anything foolish when she presented Thomas’ body.
“Wow.” Emily gasped when the estate came into view. Sarina looked out of the window and felt proud as she saw her family home. There were far more luxurious and fancier palaces in southern England, nearer the heart of the kingdom where the richest lords and barons lived, but this estate was such a palace when compared to the castle in which she now lived. However, the Highland castle had a charm of its own. This estate was wide and high for her father had wanted to impress any visitors. There were wide gardens with all manner of flowers that caught the eye as they swayed in the soft breeze. Traders and merchants swarmed over the grounds, wishing to have the approval of the head of the Bashir estate which happened to be Harold at the moment.
The carriage pulled up and was met by a guard. By the voice, Sarina recognized him as Mark Webber, a man who had stayed loyal to the estate throughout his entire life. Now graying at the temples, he had a fierce countenance and had no patience for any trouble. “I don’t recognize you, who are you?” Mark asked.
As soon as Seamus opened his mouth, he only had to utter one word before Sarina heard a sword being drawn. His accent had alerted Mark and he was now on the defensive.
“Get down from the carriage slowly and put your hands behind your head. I don’t want any trouble from you Highlander,” Mark warned. Seamus tried to protest, but Mark cut him off when he tried to speak. Emily was frozen in fear, but Sarina just rolled her eyes. She kicked open the door of the carriage and emerged, scolding Mark.
“What do you think you’re doing speaking to my husband like that? This is the honorable Laird Seamus and you will pay him the respect he is due.”
As soon as Mark caught sight of Sarina, he humbly bowed his head and was lost for words. He managed to stutter out an apology as Sarina told him she wished to see her brother and he marched forward, leading the way. Sarina winked at Seamus as she linked arms with him and Emily scurried behind.
It was strange to be back in this place which had been her home for so long when so much had changed. Sarina wasn’t the same girl as she had been when she left here. Then, she had been naïve. Now, she was a woman who had experienced more in the short time she had been in the Highlands than she had in this place. Still, the sight of the servants brought back a swell of emotion as they waved and smiled at her. They viewed Seamus with more suspicion and she had no doubt that they feared for her. The tales of Highlander brutality ran far and wide in England and all these people who doted on her as a child probably feared that she was being mistreated by a barbarian. How little they knew. Sarina didn’t feel the need to convince them otherwise. She pitied them in their ignorance and was happy enough that she knew how much Seamus cared for her.
She was met with people she had been fond of and told them how happy she was and how life had been treating her well. She didn’t want to tell any of them about Thomas until she had told Harold, so when they asked her about Thomas, Sarina said she didn’t know anything. Walking through the familiar halls she was filled with a sense of nostalgia. She remembered the day she had left this place. It had been a wrench to leave and she had hated Thomas for striking the deal with Seamus. Thomas had to practically drag her away. She thought her future lay nearer the heart of England with a man who had influence with the crown, but instead, she was not destined to spend her life in England at all.
When they asked her about life in the Highlands, she replied that it was hard but rewarding. She spoke with passion about the beauty of the landscape and how wild and free it was and she hoped that they could see the genuine love she held for the country within her eyes. Many of them muttered among each other. They likely thought that Sarina was deluded or had lost her mind, for none of them could think anywhere was better than England, but Sarina knew the truth.
They made their way through the estate to the main hall where she saw Harold sitting in front of some of the merchants. He cut a pained figure as he was hunched over and rubbing his temples. His hair was scraggly and his face was gaunt. He had a goblet on the arm of his chair and he took a long gulp of what she assumed was wine.
“I don’t care what the problems are. I want you to get that cloth from Italy and I want it as soon as possible! Thomas has left me in charge and I’m not going to make him regret his decision. I want to see this estate thrive and to do that we are going to need to invest,” Harold said.
“But, Lord…”
“Don’t tell me otherwise!” Harold yelled, swiping his arm to his side, knocking the goblet off the chair in the process. It clattered to the floor and the dark wine spilled out. The merchants stepped back. Then, Harold caught sight of his sister and his eyes lit up. For a moment, he looked as she remembered him: full of life and carefree.
“Sarina!” he cried and rushed to her, pushing past the merchant. They took the opportunity to leave, no doubt tired of being berated by Harold, and swiftly shuffled out of the ro
om, leaving Sarina alone with her brother, Seamus, and Emily.
“I had no idea that you were coming. You should have sent a messenger. I would have arranged a feast! I have missed you so much,” Harold said, embracing her tightly. Sarina hugged him back. He seemed to have forgotten the cloud under which he had left, but because of the news she had to tell him about Thomas, she wasn’t going to ask him for an apology. Such things didn’t matter any longer.
“Are you well, Harold? I can’t remember the last time you raised your voice like that,” she asked, stroking the hair away from her face and examining him as a concerned mother does.
“Oh, that. They’re just bothering me. They can’t seem to follow simple instructions and I find it wearying. I don’t know how Thomas deals with all this every day, but then he always did like striking deals and talking with people. I would much prefer to be allowed to return to the study with my books. Is he with you? He said he was going to visit you,” Harold said. His eyes flashed to Seamus and Sarina knew he was thinking of the secret they shared.
“We have much to discuss,” Sarina said and led him away from Emily and Seamus. They walked to the chair and sat down on the dais. The wine trickled down and pooled in a small dip. Harold picked up the goblet and looked disappointed with himself or perhaps he was disappointed that he had wasted wine. Sarina couldn’t quite tell. He placed the goblet back onto the arm of the chair.
Sarina wasn’t entirely sure how to go about telling him what had happened, so she thought that the best way was just to say it. “Thomas is dead,” she told him.
Harold’s eyes were blank, as though he couldn’t believe what she was saying. He furrowed his brow and shook his head. “Thomas? No… No, it can’t be,” he said.
“I’m afraid so.”
“How? Who killed him?” Harold said, glaring at Seamus.
“Well, it is not that simple…” Sarina stammered. Harold turned his gaze to her.
“Who killed him?” Harold asked in a low voice. Sarina knew she was not going to be able to explain things rationally to him. She placed her hand on his arm in an effort to calm him, but his face was drawn and his eyes were lost in sunken shadows.
“Seamus, but it’s not what you think,” she said. Harold was deaf to her words after she mentioned her husband’s name. Harold leaped up and roared. He strode to the side of the room and picked a sword up off the wall and then marched menacingly toward Seamus.
“And you dare to bring him here?!” Harold exclaimed. “Come on, you brute, have at me. I have lost two brothers and a sister to the Highlands, as well as my father. I will not lose myself. I will avenge my family!” Seamus bristled for battle. Sarina knew that if she didn’t interfere someone was going to get hurt and although Harold held the sword, she wouldn’t have bet against Seamus. Harold had never been as good with a weapon as Thomas and Matthew had.
Sarina sprinted across the hall to stand in front of Seamus. She held up her hands and her breath caught in her throat as the sharp point of Harold’s sword stared at her. She hoped he was not crazed enough to see her as the enemy.
“Step aside, sister! This is a matter to be decided by men.”
“No, Harold, you need to stop and listen to me. It’s isn’t what you think. Seamus only killed Thomas because Thomas was ready to kill me,” she explained. Harold looked confused again, but that was better than looking angry. The sword wilted in his hand and he nodded to her, allowing her to continue.
“The only thing Thomas wanted, the only thing he cared about, was getting revenge for our father. But Thomas lied to us. Our father hadn’t died at the hands of Seamus. The man who fired the arrow that killed him could have been anyone. Seamus isn’t responsible, but Thomas couldn’t see that. He concocted an elaborate plan and would have sacrificed anything to see Seamus dead. He tried to make me a murderer. He collaborated with bandits, yes, the same bandits that attacked us and killed Matthew. He got them to steal me away from the castle and they were ready to torture me and sell me. Thomas didn’t care. All he wanted was Seamus. The only man with the blood of innocents on his hand is Thomas. Yes, Seamus killed him, but he did us all a favor. Thomas changed Harold. He was an evil man and he had no room in his heart for love. When I looked him in the eyes, I didn’t see the brother I used to know. I think he was lost long before Seamus killed him.”
Harold drew back and dropped the sword which clattered on the floor. He put his hand to his head and whimpered. “No… Not Thomas too...” He gasped and fell back, but there was nothing to steady his fall and he ended up falling on his behind. Sarina sank to her knees and embraced him.
“I’m so sorry, but I had to see you and tell you myself. I’ve brought his body with me. I thought I’d bring Thomas back so he can rest with Mother and Father.”
“But why? Why would he do this?” Harold asked.
“Somewhere along the way something got twisted inside him,” Sarina said. “We are all victims of the evil that flowed through his blood. I wish things could have been different. I tried to get him to stand down, but he would not listen. I think in a way he wanted to die. But Harold, this means you are the lord of the estate now.”
“Oh no,” he groaned.
“Yes, Harold, you are the leader of the family. You are the one who can make this place prosperous again.”
“I can’t. Thomas was the one who dealt with all that. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Then you shall learn. Harold, you are a kind, decent man and I know you will do right by these people. Look to them for help. Many of them have worked here since father was a boy. Use their experience and be kind, do not shout, do not lose yourself to anguish. I know this is a sad time and you feel alone, but remember I am still here and anytime you need me, I shall come to your side. I love you, Harold,” she told him as she clasped his hands tightly. Harold looked at her and tears trickled down his cheeks. She held him tightly and if anyone unfamiliar with the two of them had seen them, they would not have thought that Harold was the older brother.
Sarina felt her brother’s body shake against hers and held him tightly until he let go. He breathed in and wiped his eyes then composed himself. He pushed himself up off the floor and a new countenance seemed to come across his face. His lower lip still trembled and there was still uncertainty in his eyes, but Sarina had hope that he would be able to take on the mantle of lord and be a better leader than Thomas had been, even better than their father, perhaps.
Harold picked up the sword and moved toward Seamus. For a moment, Sarina’s heart skipped a beat for she was afraid that her words would have fallen on deaf ears and Harold would do something unexpected.
“Do you love my sister?” he asked. Seamus seemed surprised by the question.
“With all my heart.”
“And do you promise to keep her safe?”
“Aye, until the day I die.”
Harold nodded. He turned his back on them and put the sword back on the wall. He sighed and turned his head to look at Sarina. “I will have chambers arranged for you. I would seek your counsel after you are settled in, Sarina, alone.”
Sarina nodded and took Seamus and Emily away where they were shown much hospitality. Thomas’ body was collected from the carriage and arrangements were made for the funeral. Later that evening, after dinner, Sarina went to her brother and spoke alone.
“We both know that I am not as capable as others at running this estate. If you wish, I will relinquish my role as lord and pass it to you and Seamus. You can live here. I am sure there will be some time for adjustment, but I believe the people will accept him as their ruler as long as you make it clear that you have the final say in decisions.”
Sarina approached him and spoke gently. “Harold, I understand you have your doubts, but this is not my place. I have a home now, a new home in the Highlands with people who need me. Seamus is the Laird and he would never leave. My place is with him. Your place is here. I know you never planned for this to happen, but you are the right
ful heir to the estate and you can do well. You must find yourself a good wife. There will be plenty of eligible brides who seek your hand. You must be patient. Remember the lesson Mother and Father taught us about ruling: Be kind and considerate and rule in your own way. Do not compare yourself to Thomas or Father,” she said.
“But I’m scared,” he replied. Even though he was Lord Bashir now, Sarina couldn’t see anything but her fearful brother.
“I know, Harold. I was scared too. When I was taken to the Highlands, I knew I was doing my duty, but that didn’t make it any easier. I was afraid of what might happen for it was all unknown to me. It is the same for you as well. You never expected this and the shock is playing havoc with your mind, but it will get better, I promise you. You have always had a good heart and I know that you’ll be able to make our estate prosper. As I said before, you have the ability to benefit from the experience of those around you. I know that you’ll be fine.”
“It would be easier if Thomas or Matthew were here. They’d know what to do.”
“They’d simply tell you what to do, Harold. This way you can follow your own mind and your own instincts. I know that you can do this and I will come and visit you often,” she said.
“I hope that you will. I hate being in this estate alone. It isn’t the same without the three of you here. It only seems like yesterday when we were all together, one big family, and it didn’t seem like anything could tear us apart. Now, we’re scattered to the wind.”
“But we still love each other. We’re still family and nothing can take that away,” Sarina told him. Her words seemed to comfort Harold and he was more at peace. They bid each other farewell for the night and Sarina returned to her chambers which she shared with her husband. She was glad to be alone with him finally and clung to him tightly. He asked her if everything was well and she spoke of her concerns about Harold.
“Sometimes men dinnae know what they’re capable of until they’re put in a dangerous position,” he said. “He’s like a wee bird, he’ll either fly or he will nae.”