Shock filled my veins with ice, freezing my feet to the floor. “Sayer!” I called to him.
And he left me.
A harrowing scream ripped free from my throat, unleashing my anguish from its cage in my heart. The walls tilted toward me from every side, and the floor beneath me felt as though it were rolling like a violent sea. I collapsed to my knees, spreading my palms on the floor for balance. My eyes shut, and I saw my mother’s tearstained face, the only memory I had of her.
My heart was breaking. This is what it felt like. Two hands, taloned fingertips embedded deep, ripping my heart in two. I felt like I was dying, drowning. I smothered my face in my hands and wailed as I rocked back and forth. Fear, pain, grief, and horror lashed at me like tempest-whipped, sea-salted winds. The sound of Sayer’s screams filled my memory.
I withdrew my hands from my face and watched them shake as I pressed them into the cold floor again. I pushed myself up by sheer will alone, as though my arms and legs had burned into charred stalks. He and I were over. Everything we had, every laugh and smile and touch—they were only memories from another life now. They would never be again. The connection we had, the closeness, the comfort, the hope—all gone. A void grew in my chest where my heart once was kept safe, the emptiness all-devouring, until all that remained in me was a numb, dull roar. Time slowed and my body sank, heavy, spent. My grief almost buried me alive and I could only sit here and let it.
Baket pushed her softly furred forehead into my hand, and I turned to meet her gentle gaze. I put my arms around her to bury my face in her braided mane. The gold and gemstone beads made a soft, comforting tinkling sound. She leaned into me and purred, her sweet voice a candle’s flicker in the darkness, “There, there, lady.”
I needed the reminder I wasn’t alone. I’d lived my life trying to survive, but I’d hoped the world could be a better place for myself and others who had suffered. Baket had been imprisoned in a tomb for thousands of years, utterly alone, and still she had hope.
I drew a deep breath and pulled away from the sphinx. I’d spent my life searching for the answers to my past and future, hoping someone would steer me in the right direction. Now I realized that no one else held sway over who I was. I had to carve that out for myself. My identity was my own. As were my decisions.
I had to do what I believed was right. This thought steeled my nerve. I felt like myself again.
From my belongings, I removed Anubis’s amulet. He appeared moments after I whispered his name into the air. The god of death took one look at the wretched sight of me and said nothing before scooping me into his arms, hugging me tight. His scent of sand and stone, once comforting to me, now reminded me of what I had endured in the unforgiving desert. I slipped from his grip, and he did not protest, only gazed down at me with quiet sorrow in those orphic topaz eyes.
“What do you need?” he asked gently.
“For you to do something for me, my friend, my brother,” I told him. “Something you won’t like. But you have to trust me.”
As Anubis searched my face, trepidation passed over his own, but he braced himself and said, “All right, Ziva. I trust you.”
I paced back and forth in my cabin, the sphinx watching in calm silence. She did not question me, and I was glad for it. Only a few minutes had passed since Anubis departed, and it took all of my will not to doubt my decision for an instant.
A disturbance in the air made me stop. Inky power spread across the floor, exploring every object like a sentient thing, and Set materialized in a plume of shadow in front of me. He smiled when I held my ground. Baket hissed from where she crouched, ready to spring to my defense.
“I feared for you after you fled,” he confessed. “Words cannot express my joy when I learned you sent the pup for me.”
“Your invitation still stands, yes?” I inquired. “I will help you end Nefertari if you help me.”
“I would not have offered if I didn’t think you had the will,” Set crooned. “To watch your courage . . . You are a rare jewel of this earth.”
“Let me be clear,” I said boldly. “I want vengeance, but above all, I want justice.”
“Glad we are agreed upon their destruction,” he remarked, studying me for a sharp moment. “On my immortality, I swear I will not let her have you. If she is fully regenerated, I will not be able to stop her. You were right about that all along. And I accept responsibility for unleashing this evil upon your world. I was arrogant enough to believe I could stop your people from resurrecting her.”
“You made a terrible gamble for what you wanted,” I told him.
His smile grew serpentine. “You would do the same.”
My teeth bit together. “I wouldn’t be so careless with the lives of others. That’s the difference between you and me.”
“No, you don’t gamble, do you,” he said, and it wasn’t a question. “But us side by side—that’s a sure thing. I want to save my people and return us to this world, where we will thrive. You can be my intermediary with humankind. Please, allow me to add but one condition of my own. A request, not a demand.”
I drew a deep, defiant breath, carefully controlling the magic at my fingertips. “Which is?”
“Allow me to make you a living god.” Set’s eyes of molten gold flickered with flames. “You are the only living descendant of a pharaoh. By all rights the throne of Egypt is yours, and I will help you claim it and more. Come with me to the Crocodile City and rule at my side. Be my crocodile queen.”
My blood quickened. Only a god could kill a god. To end this, I would embrace the darkest facets of my heart. I would reach for my darkest power and fear would not hold me back.
I did not want to claim this world for my own; I was no Nefertari or Adolf Hitler. All I desired was for my enemies to suffer beneath more than anything the mortal world could provide me. Set had proven himself to be dangerous, but he had shielded me from the tank explosion and taken the debris himself. He would honor his pledge to protect me from Nefertari. I didn’t owe him my life. I didn’t owe anyone a thing.
Taking a deep breath and pushing away the shame I felt when I pictured Sayer’s disappointed face in my mind, I said without regret, “Agreed.”
The air between us prickled with magic and the gold in the eyes of the god of chaos glowed with eagerness and satisfaction. “Together we will soak Egypt’s sands red with the blood of all those who betrayed us, and you will rule their ruin. None will foresee the storm rolling toward them from across the darkened sea, and that storm is you and me.”
I would not forgive, and I would not forget. I thought of all who had tried to hold me back, to stop me from rising to where I belonged. The bullies and the evil people. The monsters and their gods. Of all the hunger and the pain and the suffering I had survived. I had survived. They would not. No one had made me a victim.
They’d made me strong.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Where do I possibly begin? This book took many years to craft with the support of many, many incredible friends. You’ve stayed with me through my most delirious highs and rock-bottom lows. Your love is genuine, and I hope I’ve shown my genuine love for you in return.
Firstly, I must thank my remarkable agent and editorial slayer, Allison Remcheck, for teaching me how to write and for reading draft after draft after draft and sending me notes after notes after notes. You pushed me to get this story right without letting me get away with it being simply “good enough,” and you never gave up on me. You showed me how to unscramble a lifetime’s worth of fascination and knowledge and passion to form a story all my own. A writer’s best words come from the darkest places, and I thank you for shining a light. You are a dear friend to me. Love you.
Thank you to Rosemary Stimola, for coming into my life and career and for taking a huge chance on me. Rosemary, you are my fairy godmother who gave me the strength and direction to make my own dreams come true. You teamed me up with Allison, who turned out to be my editorial soulmate. Thank you for g
iving her all the tools and confidence to become an agent herself. You’re the best, Ro.
Thank you to Jillian Manning, Sara Bierling, Mary Hassinger, Hannah VanVels, Jennifer Hoff, Annette Bourland, and everyone else at Blink who saw something special in my book and helped me bring Ziva and her world to life. Your enthusiasm is so inspirational and thank you so much for making me feel at home among friends! To Rebecca Heyman, for dragging me out of the hamster wheel and telling me to write the book I wanted to write. Thank you for giving me back my love of writing, because I’d lost it somewhere along the way. You saved my life.
To Leah Clifford, Rebecca Enzor, Susan Dennard, Derek Molata, Kody Keplinger, Kendare Blake, SJ Kincaid, Mary Lindsay, and Kiersten White: How can I say how much I love you? You’ve shown me what true friendship means. Thank you for your infinite kindnesses and unwavering support. Your friendship has been a fortress for me to shelter within when the storm rages the hardest. You are good people.
To my family—thank you, bless you, love you.
COURTNEY MOULTON
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