by Gene Wolfe
"Oh, no, sir!" The waiter looked horrified. "It's quite all right."
The desperate struggle Silk had visualized faded into the mist of unactualized eventualities.
"There is a gendeman, sir. A very tall gentleman, sir, with a long face? Rather a sad face, if I may say so, sir. He's in the Club."
"No go," Oreb announced firmly.
"He would not give me his name, sir. He said it was not relevant." The waiter cleared his throat. "He would not give your name either, sir, but he described you. He said that I was to say nothing if you were with someone, sir. I was only to offer to bring you and anyone who might be in your company refreshment, for which he would pay. But that if I found you alone, I was to invite you to join him."
Silk shook his head. "I have no idea who this gentleman is. Do you?"
"No, sir. He is not a regular patron. sir. I don't think I've ever seen him before."
"Do you know the figure of Thelxiepela, waiter? Here in the Glasshouse?"
"Certainly, sir. The tall gentleman instructed me to look for you there, sir."
Colonel Oosik was tall, Silk reflected, though so massive that his height had not been very noticeable; but Oosik could scarcely be called long-faced. Since only he and Captain Gecko had read Hyacinth's letter, the long-faced man was presumably Gecko. "Tell him I can't join him in the Club," Silk said, choosing his words. "Express my regrets. Tell him I'll be at the figure of Thelxiepeia. and I'm alone. He may speak to me there if he chooses."
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. May I get you anything, sir? I could bring it there."
Silk shook his head impatiently.
"Very well, sir. I will deliver your message."
"Wait a moment. What time is it?"
The waiter looked apologetic. "I have no watch, sir."
"Of course not. Neither do I. Approximately."
"I looked at the barman's clock, sir, only a minute or two before I came here. It was five until twelve then, sir."
"Thank you," Silk said, and sat down on the carved wooden seat without a thought about the difficulty of getting up.
Hieraxday, Hyacinth's letter said. He tried to recall her exact words and failed, but he remembered their import. She had mentioned no time, perhaps intending late afternoon, when she would have finished her shopping. The barman's clock was in the Club, no doubt; and the Club would be a drinking place, primarily for men-a rich man's version of the Cock, where he had found Auk. The waiter was unlikely to have glanced at the barman's clock after speaking to the long-faced man, whoever he was; so it had probably been ten minutes or more since he had noticed the time. Hieraxday was past. This was Thelxday, and if Hyacinth had waited for him (which was highly unlikely) he had not come.
"Hello, Jugs," Auk said, emerging from the darkness of a side tunnel. "He wants us to work on Pas's Plan."
Chenille whirled. "Hackum! I've been looking all over for you!" She ran to him, surprising him, threw her arms around him, and wept. "Now," he said. "Now, now, Jugs. Now, now." She had been unhappy, and he knew it and knew that in some ill-defined and troubling way it was his fault, although he had meant her no harm, had wished her well and thought of her with kindness when he bad thought of her at all. "Excuse," he muttered, and let go of Tartaros's hand to embrace her with both arms.
When at last she ceased sobbing, he kissed her as tenderly as he could, a kiss she returned passionately. She wiped her eyes, sniffled, and gulped, "Oh, Hierax! Hackum, I missed you so much! I've been so lonesome and scared. Hug me."
This baffled him, because he already was. He tried, "I'm sorry, Jugs," and when it seemed to do no good, "I won't ever leave you again unless you want me to."
She nodded and swallowed. "It's all right, as long as you keep coming back."
He noticed her ring. "Didn't I give you that?"
"Yeah, thanks." Stepping back, she held it up to show it off better, although the bleared greenish lights could never do it justice. "I love it, but you can have it back anytime if you need the gelt."
"I'm flush, but I gave it to you?"
"You forget, huh?" She looked at him searchingly. "On account of hitting your head. Or maybe a god got you like Kypris did me? It's still pretty hard for me to remember lots of things that happened when she was boss, or Scylla."
Auk shook his head, and found that it no longer ached. "I've never had no god bossing me, Jugs, or wanted to either. That's lily. I never even knew about Kypris, but you were a lot different when you were Scylla."
"Some of that was me, I think. Hold me tighter, won't you? I'm really cold."
"Your sunburn don't hurt any more?"
She shook her head. "Not much. I'm starting to peel a little. The bird was pulling on the peels before he left, only I made him stop."
Auk looked around. "Where is he?"
"With Patera and Stony, I guess. That Urus beat the hoof and they took off after him. Me, too, only we came to a split in the tunnel, you know?"
"Sure. I've seen a lot of them."
"And then I thought, they're not going to look for Auk anymore, and that's what I want to do. So I sort of slowed down, and when they went one way I went the other. I guess the bird went with them."
"That was you I heard calling me."
Chenille nodded. "Yeah. I yelled until my pipe gave out. Oh, Hackum, I'm so glad I found you!"
"We found you," he told her seriously. "Why I ran off, Jugs…" He fell silent, massaging his big jaw.
"You saw somebody, Hackum. Or anyhow you thought you did. I could see that, and Patera said so, too."
"Yeah. My brother Bustard. He's dead, see? Only he was down here talking to me. I was going to say he wasn't really, I just sort of dreamed it, only now I'm not so sure. Maybe he was. Know what I mean?"
The gray shiprock walls seemed to press in upon her. "I think so, Hackum."
"Then he went away, and I missed him a lot, just like when he died. So then when I saw him again, maybe it was a couple, three hours later, I waved and yelled and tried to catch up, only I never did. Then I got lost, but I didn't care because I was looking for Bustard, and he could've been anywhere. Then I ran into this god. Into Tartaros. Mostly I call him Terrible Tartaros, 'cause I can't say the other right."
"You met a god, Hackum? Like you'd meet somebody in the street, you mean?"
"Sort of." Auk sat down on the tunnel floor. "Jugs, will you sit on my lap, the way you used to do in the old days? I'd like that."
"All right." She did, laying her launcher flat, crossing her long legs, and leaning back in his arms "This is really better, Hackum. It's a lot warmer Except I don't do it much any more because I know I'm a pretty good load. Orchid says I'm getting fat. She's been telling me for a couple of months now."
He held her closer, reveling in her softness. "She's fat. Real fat. Not you, Jugs."
"Thanks. This god you met. Tartaros, right? He's for you like Kypris is for us."
"Yeah, except he's one of the Seven."
"I know that. Tarsday."
"He's got a whole bunch of stuff besides us. The main thing is, he's the night god. Anywhere it's dark, that's a special place for him. Sleep and dreams, too. I mean, any god can send a dream if he wants to, but the regular kind that seem like nobody sent 'em are his. I call him Terrible Tartaros 'cause you had to say terrible or the other, or Maytera'd stomp you. I'd lay he could cut up rough, but he's been a bob cull with me. He came along to show how to find you and get out of here, and all that. He's next to us right now, only you can't see him 'cause he's blind."
"You mean he's here with us?" Chenille's eyes were wide.
"Yeah, he's sitting right here with me, only I wouldn't try to reach over and feel. Maybe he wouldn't do anything-"
She had already, waving her free arm through the empty space on Auk's right.
He shook her, not roughly. "Don't, Jugs. I told you."
"He's not there. There's nothing there."
"All right, there's nothing there. I was shaving you."
"You shouldn't do that." She got up. "You don't know how shaggy scared I am down here, or how shaggy hungry."
Auk rose too. "Yeah, it wasn't very funny, I guess. I'm sorry, Jugs. I won't do it again. C'mon."
"Where are we going?"
"Out."
"Really, Hackum?"
"Sure. You're hungry. So am I. We're going to go out and get a dimber dinner, probably at Pork's or one of those places. After that, we can rent a room and get a little rest. He says I got to rest. After that, maybe we'll do what Scylla said, only I don't know. I'll have to ask him."
"Tartaros? That's who you're talking about? You really met him?"
"Yeah. It's real dark in there and pretty wet. Water's sort of raining through the roof. If you saw it, you probably didn't go in, but there's nothing in there that'll hurt you. I don't think so, anyhow."
"I've still got this lantern that Gelada had, Hackum, only there's no way to light it."
"We don't have to," he told her. "It's not very far."
"You said we were going out."
"It's on our way." He stopped and faced her. "Only we'd be going even if it wasn't, 'cause he's got something to show us. He just told me, see? Now listen up."
She nodded, drawing Incus's robe around her.
"This's a real god. Tartaros, just like I told you. My head's not right 'cause I got a bruise in there and a big gob of blood, too, he says. He's trying to fix it, and I been feeling better ever since he started. Only we got to do like he says, so you're coming if I got to carry you."
"Wood girl," Oreb called. "Here girl!"
Silk sat up; the 'girl' might be Hyacinth. If there was the least chance, one in a thousand or ten million-if there was any chance at all-he had to go. He made himself stand, picked up the bag, coughed, spat, and stumbled away. The path wound right then left, dropped into a tiny vale, and forked. White as ghosts, enormous blossoms dripped moisture. "I'm coming, Oreb. Tell her I'm coming."
"Here, here!"
The bird sounded very near. He stepped off the glittering path, his feet sinking in soft soil, and parted the leaves; the face that stared into his own might have been that of a corpse, hollow-cheeked and dull-eyed. He gasped, and saw its bloodless lips part. Oreb flew to him, becoming two birds.
He advanced another step, sparing the crowding plants as much as he could, and found himself standing upon red stones that bordered a clear pool no bigger than a tablecloth, which a path approached from the opposite side.
"Here girl!" Oreb hopped to the wooden figure's head and rapped it smartly with his beak.
"Yes," Silk said, "that's Thelxiepeia." No other goddess had those tilted eyes, and a carved marmoset perched upon the figure's shoulder. He tapped his reflected face with a finger and clapped his hands, but no monitor appeared in the silvered globe she held. "It's just a mirror," he told Oreb. "I hoped it might be a glass-that Hyacinth might call me on it."
"No call?"
"No call on this, alas." With help from a friendly tree, he walked the stony rim of the pool to a swinging seat facing the water. Here, as Oosik had said, one saw the pool reflected in Thelxiepeia's mirror, and her mirror reflected in it.
Hieraxday had been the day for dying and for honoring the dead. Crane had died; but he, Silk, had done neither. Today, Thelxday, was the day for crystal gazing and casting fortunes, for tricks and spells, and for hunting and trapping animals; he resolved to do none of those things, leaned back in the swing, and closed his eyes. Thelxiepeia was at once the cruelest and kindest of goddesses, more mercurial even than Molpe, though she was said-it would be why her image was here-to favor lovers. Love was the greatest of enchantments; if Echidna and her children succeeded in killing Kypris, Thelxiepeia would no doubt, would doubtless…
Become the goddess of love in a century or less, said the Outsider, standing not behind Silk as he had in the ball court, but before him-standing on the still water of the pool, tall and wise and kind, with a face that nearly came into focus. I would claim her in that case, long before the end. As I have so many others. As I am claiming Kypris even now because love always proceeds from me, real love, true love. First romance.
The Outsider was the dancing man on a toy, and the water the polished toy-top on which he danced with Kypris, who was Hyacinth and Mother, too. First romance, sang the Outsider with the music box. First romance. It was why he was called the Outsider. He was outside-
"I, er, hope and-ah-trust I'm not disturbing you?"
Silk woke with a start and looked around wildly.
"Man come," Oreb remarked. "Bad man." Oreb was perched on a stone beside Thelxiepeia's pool; when he had concluded his remarks, he pecked experimentally at a shining silver minnow that darted away in terror.
"Names are not-um-requisite, eh? I know who you are. You know me, hey? Let that be enough for both of us."
Silk recognized his swaying visitor, started to speak, and assimilating what had been said remained silent.
"Capital. I-ah-we are taking a risk, you and I. An-ah-rash gamble. Simply by, urp, being where we belong. Here on the hill, eh?"
"Won't you sit down?" Silk struggled to his feet.
"No. I-ah-no." His visitor belched again, softly. "Thank you. I have been waiting in the-ah-bar. Where, ump, I have been compelled to buy drinks. And-um-drink. Standing's best. Um, at present, eh? I'll just, er, lean on this, if I may. But please-ah-be seated yourself, Pa-" He covered his mouth with his hand. "Seated by all means. It is I who should-and I do. I, um, am. As you see, eh?"
Silk resumed his place in the swing. "May I ask-"
His visitor raised a hand. "How I knew I should find you here? I did not, Pa-Did not. Nothing of the sort. But while I was-rup!-sitting in that, er, whatchamacallit, I observed you to enter the room. Not the-um-one I sat in, that, ah, darksome and paneled drinking place, hey? The other. The outer room, much bigger."
"The sellaria," Silk supplied.
"Ah-quite. I, um, went to the door. Spied upon you."
The visitor shook his head in self-reproach.
"It was excusable, surely, under the circumstances. I have recently done far worse things."
"Good of you to say so. I-um-waylaid that waiter. You spoke with him."
Silk nodded.
"I had, um, observed you to pass under-ah-through the arch. I had never had the, er, pleasure myself, eh? I, ah, apprehended that it was-ah, is-some sort of garden, however. I inquired about it. He, um, indicated that it was-is, I surmise-employed for, um, discussions of a-ah-amorous nature."
"You knew that I would be here, at this particular spot." Silk found it extremely inconvenient to be unable to say Your Eminence. "You told him to look for me here."
"No, no!" His visitor shook his head emphatically. "I, ah, anticipated you might, um, possibly have an appointment. As he had, um, inadverted. But I-ah-in addition, um, however, ah, considered that you might wish to, um, petition the immortal gods. As I, ah, myself. I inquired about such a place in this, um, conservatory. He mentioned the present, ah, xylograph." The visitor smiled "That's the spot, I told him. That's where you'll find him. Would you mind if I, um, sat myself, now? There by you? I'm-ah-quite fatigued."
"Please do." Hastily, Silk moved to one side.
"Thank you-ah-thank you. Most thoughtful. I have had no supper. Hesitated to order anything in-ah-that place. With the wine. Parsimony. Foolish-ah-imbecile, actually."
"Catch fish," Oreb suggested.
Silk's visitor ignored him. "I've funds, eh? You?"
"No, nothing."
"Here, Pa-My boy. Hold out your hands." Golden cards showered into Silk's lap. "No, no! Take them! Others-ah-more. Where they came from, eh? Wait for the waiter. Buy yourself a bit of food. For me, ah, in addition. I am, um, in need. Of help. Of-ah-succor. Such is, um, the long and short of it. I cast myself-um. Ourselves. I-we-cast ourselves upon your-ah-commiseration."
Silk looked searchingly at Thelxiepeia, who returned his look with wooden aplomb. Was this enchanted gold that would (fig
uratively at least) melt at a touch? If not, what had he done to earn her favor? "Thank you," he managed at last. "If I can be of any service to Your-to you, I will be only too happy to oblige you." He counted them by touch: seven cards.
"They came to the Palace. To the-ah-Palace itself, if you can, um, credit that." His visitor sat with his head in his hands. "I was, um, dining. At dinner. In came a, ah, page, eh? One of the boys who runs with messages for us, hey? You do that?"
"No. I know of them, of course."
"Some of us did, eh? I, myself. Many years ago. We-ah-matriculate to schola. Ah-afterwards. Some of us. Fat little boy. Not I. He was. Is. Said they'd arrest me. Arrest His Cognizance! I said, ah, balderdash. Ate my sweet, eh? They-um-arrived. Unannounced. Officer-um-captain, lieutenant, something. Troopers with him, Guardsmen everywhere, eh? Looked everywhere for His Cog-Turned the whole place upside down. Couldn't find him though. Took me. Bound my hands. Me! Hands tied behind me under my robe."
"I'm very sorry," Silk said sincerely.
"They, er, carried me to the headquarters of the Second Brigade. A temporary headquarters. Do I make myself-ah-intelligible? Brigadier's house. No more-ah-titular generals in the Civil Guard, hey? No generalissimo any more. Only this, er, brigadiers. Quizzed me, eh? Hours and hours. Absolutely. Old Quetzal's letter, hey? You know about it?"
"Yes, I've seen it."
"I-ah-composed it. I didn't-ah-inform the brigadier, eh? Didn't 'fess up. Would have shot me, eh? We-ah-I'd expected trouble. Labored to phrase it softly. His-He wouldn't hear of it." His visitor looked around at Silk with the expression of a whipped hound, his breath thick with wine. "You apprehend whom I-ah-intend?"
"Of course."
"He sent it back. Twice. Hadn't happened in years, eh? The third stuck. 'How readily here might I, ah, inscribe-' Yes, inscribe. Ah, 'Let us welcome him and obey him as one of ourselves. With what delight do-shall I inscribe in its place, let us welcome him and, ump, obey him, for he is one of ourselves!" That's what got the third draft past His-ah-past the person known to us both, eh? So I-um-presume. Proud of it, hey? Still am. Still am."
"With reason," Silk told him. "But the Civil Guard can't have cared for it. I'm surprised they let you go." He yawned and rubbed his eyes, discovering that he felt somewhat better, refreshed by his few moments of sleep.