“I don’t take orders from you.” He cringed as he slowly sat up.
I stepped back to give him some room then offered the pills and water again, “You can order me about all you want when you’re a hundred percent, but while you’re sick or in pain you’ll do what I tell you. Take them, or I go on Mute for three days again.”
He looked at me with one eyebrow up, “How’d that work for you?”
“Fine. It got me out of my own head for a while. Now here.” Sometimes I want to tell him he doesn’t scare me as much as he used to, but that would tip the scales in a way I’m not ready for. I’m also holding that Draw Four card for another day, one that really calls for it.
He took the pills and downed them along with the water before handing the glass back. “What time is it? Did anyone call while I was out?”
“Ten-thirty, and no. I’d have woken you if they did.”
“I can be difficult to wake up sometimes, or so I’ve been told.”
“I don’t know who told you that, but they definitely haven’t lived with you very long. You hear every fucking thing even when you’re out cold snoring louder than Arrow. I get up to pee and you yell for me to get back in bed. Even though it’s not a bed.”
I turned and went to refill his glass in case he wants more water, which he probably needs. “I fed Arrow and took care of the chickens and goats. You do know one of the goats is pregnant, right?”
“Of course I know. What of it?”
“Just checking, I haven’t been out there in a while.” That’s sad but true. This cold is really starting to get to me. Sometimes I just want to crawl into the woodstove and thaw for five minutes. If the walls were thicker it wouldn’t be so bad, but this place chews up firewood like crazy trying to keep up with the seepage of heat.
“What did you say to me right before you set my shoulder?” He asked honestly trying to remember as he joined me in the kitchen.
“I’m not telling.” I smiled for one of few times in a long time, it feels foreign on my face and disappeared quickly.
“Stranger?”
I snorted. “I was trying to distract you.”
“Why? Distract me from what?”
“They say if you’re angry the endorphins and adrenaline will help naturally take the edge off. I figured it couldn’t hurt to try.”
He took the glass of water and set it on the counter then turned me by the shoulders and face him. He tucked my hair behind my ear as he searched my face with his eyes, “Why spare me pain Jasmine? I would think you’d jump at an opportunity to put me through hell, like I have you.”
After everything he’s put me through I should have made him suffer, but that’s not the kind of person I am. “You’re grumpy enough without me causing you more pain.” I put my finger to his chest and looked down. “There’s enough in here, you don’t need more on the outside.”
He pulled my chin up, “What do you know about my pain?”
“You lost someone you loved, right?”
He shrugged and I felt him pulling away physically and mentally.
“So did I.” I waved it off because I don’t want him to start hounding me for information about my past again. “Are you hungry? I can make you something to hold you over until dinner is ready.”
“That’s fine. Bring it to my office.” He spends a lot of time in his office when he’s not watching sports on TV in the living room. I’m not supposed to go in there unless he’s in there, although he didn’t say I had to stop using his radio in there while he’s on a call, so that’s something.
I’m not sure what. Progress maybe? He’s come a long way in six and a half months. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stick around. There’s a war in my heart and in my head over this man.
Part of me wants to get the hell away from him as soon and as fast as possible. The other part somehow knows leaving him would cause him an epic pain I’m not sure I can live with.
I may not like him very much, but there is something about him I’m drawn to. Maybe I see a challenge? I’ve always liked a good challenge. But this challenge could prove to be too much for even me. Can I make him happy?
Do I want to try and make him happy?
And why would I spend another second of my already fucked up life trying to make him happy?
4
I miss my dogs so much. I play with Arrow every chance I get. Fletcher gives me the stink-eye, but I just flick him off inside my head and continue playing.
Spring is trying to work it’s way into the area but winter seems determined to hang on as long as possible. At least we have a couple more hours of daylight now, that is when it’s not fucking snowing. I’m getting real sick of this whiteout bullshit.
It started falling again on the fourth throw of the tennis ball for my only friend. It made me so mad, but I decided not to let it beat me, or us. We continued to play until we were both soaked through.
Since I’m the one doing all the cleaning around here, us making a huge mess going through the house to the bathroom only guaranties I’ll have something to do later. I don’t care if he gets mad about the mess, he’s always mad.
While I gave Arrow his warm bath I let my mind wander to the big ugly Sasquatch of a cop I’m living with. He keeps a close enough eye on me there’s no way I could escape if I wanted to. I gave up on wanting to a couple weeks go. The war has ended, or subsided for now, inside me. It’s just too much work to fret over.
Not because we’ve come to a strange truce, but because I seriously don’t have anywhere else to go. My life has become about making the best of things, enjoying my time with Arrow, and avoiding pissing him off by behaving myself.
I thought Arrow would listen when I told him to ‘stay’, but of course he was more interested in making a rapid escape. This big goofy German Shepard took off and slid like a drunken fool on ice skates at full tilt until he found carpet in the hallway. I hope he didn’t hurt himself.
“Arrow!! NO!!!”
I chased after him only wearing my bra and panties because everything else was too wet to leave on while giving an errant dog a bath to warm him up. I stopped dead when Arrow shook water all over the living room and our Master.
Fletcher closed his eyes and waited out the storm before turning his head slowly and opening one eye, “You did that on purpose.”
I’m dying. I can’t breathe. That was by far the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. And yes, he fucking deserved it. I wish I could lay claim to that level of payback, but I had nothing to do with it.
He got up and came towards me.
I ran like hell and tried to lock myself in the bathroom. Evidently there’s no lock on this door. “Dammit!!” I’m still laughing because I know he’s going to punish me for real this time, I just hope I can stop laughing long enough to make it look like I’m truly sorry. I’ll never be sorry for that one.
He opened the door and backed me to the sink trying to capture my hands, which he does fairly quickly, “You think you’re funny little lady?” His eyes have a sparkle to them I’ve never really seen. Is this Troop being playful?
“No, I swear I thought he’d stay so I could dry him off. I am so sorry.” Okay, that might have been convincing if I wasn’t failing at biting back this stupid grin on my face so bad.
“You don’t look sorry.” He accused and spun me around.
The sight of him behind me in the mirror stopped my heart. It must have caught him off guard too because we both froze. He’s looking at me. I’m looking at him.
What fell out of my mouth next was not my fault. “I wonder what you look like under all that hair.”
He pulled mine and turned me like he’s about to kiss me, “And I wonder what it would be like to get lost in yours.”
Our eyes met for the first time without anger. I can’t find my voice.
He licked my lower lip
, then used his tongue to ease his way in for what turned out to be the kiss of a lifetime, for me anyway. If he hadn’t been holding my wrists and had me pinned between him and the sink I’d have lost my knees.
I wavered when he tore my underwear and set my butt on the counter by the sink. He broke our kiss and moved his affections down my neck while helping me out of my bra. Okay. Breathe. This could be it. Oh God. I don’t know if I can do this.
He pushed my legs apart to get closer then leaned in so I have to lean back offering my breasts for his mouth. I watched as he pulled my nipples into his mouth one at a time.
When he kept going lower I wished I’d taken a shower before Arrow’s bath. Even though it was cold outside I broke a sweat running around with Arrow. I feel sticky.
He moaned as he ran his tongue around my clit.
I grabbed his hair and closed my eyes as the first orgasm took me under. “Oh shit!”
Next thing I know my legs are hanging over his shoulders and he’s on his knees giving his full oral attention. There’s no room for his fingers, they’re too busy digging into my hips. I might have bruises, but they’ll be glorious reminders of his intense, and impressive affections.
I finally had to beg him off or I may never walk again. “Master. Please. If you eat the whole thing there won’t be any left for later.”
He nipped the inside of my hip then pushed up to look at me. His eyes are almost frantic now. “I want you, but I won’t force you.”
“If you want me, you’re going to have to be nicer to me, like just now. Stop barking at me all the time.”
He nodded once and stepped back and set me on my weak feet. “Kneel.”
I did knowing what’s coming. Him. On my chest. I don’t mind because I love that look in his eyes and on his face. It’s moments like this that help me get through.
I tried to lick him instead of just closing my eyes and waiting him out. He shook his finger at me then lifted my chin, “No. You can touch, that’s it.”
I ran my hands up his firm thighs and tugged his jeans down to find his impressive sack drawn up tight. He kept one hand under my chin and the other firmly working himself from tip to base and back again.
I looked up to find him waiting, “Do you want me to…” I touched his hand that’s working.
“No. I’m in control of my cock, not you.”
“You’re in control of everything.”
“About time you finally noticed.” He arched his back and closed his eyes as I got a face full. Normally I’d be mad, but this time I just laughed, and filed that look on his face away for a shitty day.
Things got a little better after that. The weather breaking really helped. People started moving around and I finally got a chance to assure Arlene I was fine and to stop worrying. We’ll never be close because of her betrayal, but otherwise she’s okay.
It’s too cold to lay naked in the sun, but it’s damn tempting. Arrow nudged my thigh with his nose, which means, “I have my ball lady, now throw it.”
I took it from his mouth and launched it without really looking first. Fletcher had come out of nowhere and almost got bowled over by a dog at full tilt.
He jumped back making me laugh at the awkward gesture from such a big beast of a man.
I ran over, “Sorry about that!”
He shook his head at me and grabbed me by the belt for a kiss. I’ve grown to like his kisses. When he’d gotten his fill he stood upright but didn’t let go as his eyes looked down into mine. “You throw like a girl.”
“I am a girl.”
“That would explain it. There’s a package waiting for you at my aunt’s house, get in the truck.” He motioned to Arrow who’s returned with the ball but he’s talking to me. Either way we got in his truck.
The main road is clear, just wet, reminding of his lie that led to me being stuck here. The other option would have been… I don’t know. Better? Or would it? I would have found a job, but I’m not sure it would have paid enough under the table to survive.
Fletcher told me recently the town isn’t really a town, but the residents of the area had to call it something. There’s a research center around here somewhere that tests missiles, so they took the name from that.
I’m still trying to figure out where these missiles land. Am I going to go get eggs from the coop one morning and trip over one that’s lodged itself in the ground overnight? Fletcher tried to assure me they have that well under control, but I don’t know. I still find myself looking up and around a lot.
Maybe that’s because I finally can. I’ve never been so glad to see the sun in my life. The last eight months have been brutal, not just because of Fletcher’s inability to be nice, although he has gotten considerably better, but because it’s so damn dark.
Dark and cold, kind of like him. His hair is always a dark reddish-brown mess that hangs in a long ponytail down the center of his back most days. His beard is no better, but not as long. His eyes are a dark greenish brown that could scare the paint off walls when angry. His lashes are dark enough he almost looks like he has a hint of eyeliner around his eyes, but of course he doesn’t.
“What are you thinking about over there?” He asked reaching to his left to pet Arrow who is really hoping for the last bite of his partner’s sandwich.
“Nothing really, just random thoughts. Do you think your aunt will like me better in person than she seems to over the radio?”
“If she does you may not know it for a while. She’s only slightly nicer than myself.”
“Why? Did she lose someone too?”
“Over the years, quite a few ‘someone’s’. It’s dangerous up here, which is why you need to make sure you do what I tell at all times.” He insisted with a quick glare.
I laughed, “I’m an expert at that.” It’s true. Fletcher likes to give me random commands for no reason like he’s testing me. Like everything else lately I’m used to it and just do whatever he says so I can get back to whatever I was, or want to be, doing.
“If we’re out and about and I tell you to move left, right, forward, or backward, I don’t want you to hesitate. Faith died because she thought she was being cute by disobeying me. I told her to move and she didn’t. The embankment broke loose and the river took her life. I don’t feel like burying another wife, so make sure you do as you’re told.” That last part was more for him than me because he looked out the window to his left.
“Another wife? I’m not your wife.”
“Paperwork doesn’t make a wife.” He argued turning onto a muddy dirt road.
“I can’t get married anyway, no ID.”
“I’ll have Joe see to that one day.”
“Who?”
“My brother, or half brother. My father has an army of sons all over the country, most west of the Mississippi. You’ll meet a handful when we go down to Phoenix this year.” So he does know his father. Interesting.
“We’re going to Phoenix?” Somewhere warm?? Hot diggity dog!!
“I go down every year once the rowdies settle down. Arrow usually stays with my aunt.”
“You ride your motorcycle all that way?”
“And then some. I ordered you some riding gear. My aunt plays post office along with dispatcher up here. I ordered a bunch of shit for you actually, that’s why we’re coming here, to pick it all up.” He informed me.
I pouted, “I’m going to miss him.” I turned and tried to pet him but the road is too bumpy so I gave up. I’m curious what all he bought me, but more than anything I’ll miss my best friend for three weeks. That’s going to suck.
“You’ll see him again. We’re going to have to have a little talk about a few things before we go.”
“Like what?”
“Like you taking off on me while we’re on the road. I know you still hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, any
more. It’s more like a nice firm dislike lately. If I’m honest with myself some of that could be my fault. I’m not used to being holed up in a shed for months on end. Cabin fever is not my thing.”
“I’ve noticed. I’ll make some changes so next year won’t seem as bad.” He promised. “I’m going to need you to tell me who you are, or were, before we go. Up here it doesn’t matter, but down there I need to know who’s after you so I can better protect you.”
I think I just went into shock. “Protect me? You don’t even like me. I’d think you’d be happy to be rid of me.”
“If that were the case I would have gotten rid of you a long time ago Jasmine.” He pulled the truck to a stop in front of a nice old log cabin and looked at me. “I’ve only collared one other woman, and had no intention of collaring another one. Whatever you do to me, fucks with my head. I’ll protect you if it costs me my life, in return yours belongs to me.”
Gulp. “So, you do like me?”
“Call it whatever you want, but I fully intend to keep you. Wait there.” He got out and came around to open my door.
His aunt Agnes is a shorter, rounder, older, version of himself. She’s not quite as mean, and a bit more critical.
She set a cup of coffee on the table in front of me and sat herself in a chair directly across from me. “So. How did a mousy little thing like you win over that big idiot?” She thumbed over her shoulder at Fletcher who is talking to his uncle in the living room.
“I’m not sure I’ve won him over. I just found out a few minutes ago he might actually like me.” I shook my head then picked up the mug.
“If he didn’t we might have seen more of him this last winter.” Her comment sounds more like an accusation.
“I’d apologize but I was lied to about the road conditions, so as far as I knew he couldn’t leave the house for the most part.” I’m not going to lie and cover his ass while this bitch picks me apart.
She nodded, “For a mouse you might have a pair yet. What do you do for a living? Or do you do anything?” She’s hinting I live off random men for sex.
The Ice King On My Hate Page 6