by Lexi Whitlow
“Has Bradley called you lately?” I asked.
“Oh, yep. He called me a couple days ago. Says the calves are doing just fine and growing faster than he can keep up.”
“That’s good. That’s so good, Axel.”
“I’m thinkin’ ‘bout takin’ a trip out there soon just to check up on things.”
“I think that would be a good idea. You could stay for a week or two and give Bradley a break.”
“I don’t know if I’d wanna stay that long…” he trailed off.
“Well, I’ll come with ya if it helps,” I smiled.
Axel had put his ranch hand on full-time duty, and Bradley checked in every once in a while, to see how things were going. Axel had traveled back once since he’d arrived in Paris and when he came back, I could tell he had missed me. We stayed up that entire night feeding each other food and making love to one another on my couch, and when I’d woken up that morning he wouldn’t even let me go take a damn shower!
So, I knew that me going with him would help him to actually go back and check on things.
“I think I’d like that,” Axel smirked.
“I know,” I winked.
Axel and I had also moved out of the heart of the city. It was a massive transition for me, but because Axel was determined to learn how to drive and have a car of his own, transportation was no longer an issue. I still took the busses and trains into town, but he was now able to get around on his own. I knew he liked the freedom.,
I came home one day to see all our things packed in the one truck he found in all of Paris, and I had no fucking clue what was up to his sleeve. He just told me he had a surprise for me, and when I looked up at my apartment, I could see other people already moving into it.
I jumped into his truck, fuming at the idea that he’d subleased my apartment without telling me about it, but when we hit the outskirts of the city, and the hills began to roll, I felt sort of like I was at home. My eyes darted along the wineries and vineyards, and beautiful sprawling French mansions peppered the roads we were traveling down, and when we took a sharp right and hit a gravel driveway, all the memories from the past few years came barreling back to my mind.
College. Axel. His encouragement throughout my college years. The summer horse camps I helped with. Axel’s home. The horse accident. How he cared for me. The first time I told him I loved him. The way he looked at the airport as I was leaving.
It all came flooding back, but tears crested my eyes when the beautiful home that was sitting at the end of it came into view.
“Oh my God,” I breathed.
“It still needs some work, but that’s sort of what I do,” Axel smiled.
“Holy shi-... this is ours!?” I shrieked.
“Yep. Closed on it today. I was lucky to find a sub-lease that was lookin’ for a place quick.”
I slammed myself out of his truck and went running to the porch, and when I saw the beautiful rocking chairs over in the corner, I felt my tears streaming down my face.
And then, I heard whinnying in the background.
“Axel…?” I asked.
“Come on,” he smiled.
I ran and took his hand, and he led me around back, and when the backyard came into view, I was absolutely stunned. Three horses were in the field with two different foals, and five bulls were over in another part of the yard altogether. Hills upon hills sprawled out in the background, and there was a silver barn way off in the distance.
“That’s the heifer barn. There’s seven of ‘em in there. And don’t worry, I plan to ride the horses out to it until I can get me a four-wheeler or somethin’.”
“Axel! I breathed.
Apparently, one of the people he ran into at the rodeo owned this farm at one point, but were actually switching their profession and looking to sell. He’d injured himself pretty badly and was losing money bringing in people to take care of the animals he trained and took after they were retired from the rodeo circuit, and that shit was right up Axel’s alley. The price he quoted included all the animals, and Axel simply couldn’t turn it down.
Not when there were animals involved.
“I’m sorry, I’m just still in shock with the house,” I said after I swallowed a massive bite.
“I know, but I think I got somethin’ that’ll trump it,” Axel smirked.
“Jesus, Axel. I can’t handle anything else. Can’t ya just let a woman’s heart rest a bit?” I asked.
“Not a chance,” he murmured.
I giggled and took a drink of my water, and when I turned my head back around to him, there was a little box in his hand. I froze, feeling my entire body lock up with shock, and when I slowly panned my eyes up to his face, he clicked the box open and showed me what was inside.
It was a beautiful diamond ring glistening in the dim light of the restaurant, and everyone around us had stilled to watch and listen.
“Julie August, you are, single-handedly, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Ya make me feel at home in a city that I shouldn’t belong in, ya warm my body at night after I’ve been fightin’ with them damn bulls, and watchin’ you do what you love day in and day out lets me know I pushed you to do the right thing in college.”
Tears of joy trickled down my cheeks as my gaze slowly rose to his.
“When your mama called me that day, I thought I’d lost you. I thought that I’d never get a chance to ever tell you I loved you again, or hold you close to me and kiss those sweet lips of yours, or even cuddle you into my side while we watched a movie. I saw all them memories slip away from me, and it made me sick.”
I heard sniffling around us while tears glistened in Axel’s eyes, and I couldn’t help but wrap my small hands around his wrists that were suspended with the ring in midair.
“I prayed to God that night that if He pulled you outta this… if you came back to me… I’d do all the things I never thought I’d get to do with you ever again. I’d take you on adventures, and I’d kiss your lips at night, and I’d hunker down behind you just to make sure you were safe every single time you slept.”
“Oh, Axel,” I choked out.
“Julie August, I love every single part of you. I have since I was 19, and I will until I’m 109. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
The entire restaurant fell under a hushed state, and a smile bloomed deep across my cheeks. My body was shaking, and my legs were trembling, but when I shot myself into Axel’s lap and crashed my lips onto his, the entire restaurant erupted into cheers and chants of congratulations.
“Yes, Axel,” I whispered into his lips, “I will marry you and together we’ll make a beautiful family.”
He took that beautiful ring out of the box and slid it onto my finger. “A family?” He asked, eyes hopeful.
I laughed, “Yeah, that last appointment was more than I bargained for with the doctor. We’re having a baby!”
He kissed my lips and then all over my face. I relished in his touch, my eyes wet even though I was laughing.
He stood up and announced to the whole place, “I’m going to be a father!”
Everyone applauded and that’s when something was set on our table.
“Courtesy of the owner,” the waiter nodded. “Toutes nos félicitations.”
And when we opened up the little envelope, it was a note that simply read, “On The House.”
“I love you, Axel,” I smiled through my tears.
“And I love you, Julie,” he smiled back.
Rancher Daddy
Prologue
Camden
“What do you mean, she just left?” I ask Tyler, who gives me a wary expression and a wide berth.
He hands me a pink envelope. My name is drawn on it in purple ink with wide, loopy letters.
“She left this. Told me to give it to you.”
I don’t have time for female drama. I’ve got a trailer loaded with two hundred bales of feed hay that’s got to get in the barn before dark. After that, there a
re about sixty other things to do on this ranch before I can even think about putting my feet up.
I tear open the envelope, revealing more pink paper and purple, cursive lines.
“Dear Camden,
I tried to make this work but it’s too hard. I don’t think you have a heart. If you do, it’s as cold as ice. I’m the fool for letting myself fall for you. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry about leaving Emma. Try not to screw her up as bad as you are.
~ Beth”
What the hell?
I hand the letter to Tyler. He reads it, smiles, and nods his head.
“What?” I ask him, I’m uncertain of what to make of any of this.
He shrugs, handing the note back. “She was pretty head over heels for you. Everybody—except you—saw it. Guess she just got sick of the cold shoulder.”
I had no clue that Beth was interested in me, but I sure as shit am not interested in her. She’s the nanny for Christ’s sake, not girlfriend material. I don’t want a girlfriend. Or a wife. I want a reasonable, sane person to help take care of Emma—that’s all. It shouldn’t be this hard.
I’ve been through four nannies in two years—three of them ran off for the same reason, and I fired the other for smoking pot in my house.
Why is it so difficult to get someone to do this job?
“Where’s Emma?” I ask.
“She’s inside playing with Amanda and Jacob,” he says. “When Beth left, I called Amanda to come over and watch Emma.”
Tyler’s lucky. He’s got a happy marriage, a wonderful wife who adores him, and a happy, healthy son. He’s got almost everything. If he weren’t my best friend and my foreman, I’d probably be jealous of him. As it is, I’m just grateful for him and Amanda. They’re always here for me in a crisis. Over the last few years, I’ve had more than a few of those. I don’t think I would have survived any of this without them.
“As soon as we get this hay in the barn, I’ll go thank Amanda,” I say. “Maybe she’ll know someone who can replace Beth. Quick.”
Tyler shakes his head, moving toward the passenger’s side of the truck. “Nope. Already asked. You’ll have a hell-of-a time finding anybody local. The word is out. You’re hard to work for.”
Great.
This is just too damn much to deal with. Where am I going to find someone willing to come all the way out here, just to be a nanny to a four-year-old with health issues? Who in their right mind would even do that?
“Hell,” I mutter. “I’ll have to put out an ad.”
I think of the people who might apply for a job like that—down on their luck, ready to escape some kind of baggage.
As long as she doesn’t fall for me, it’s all right as rain.
Like I said, I’m not looking for a woman—and I’m sure as hell not looking for love.
Chapter 1
Grace
Mark beams, his smile stretching from ear-to-ear. He’s so happy he’s almost hopping up and down on his toes.
“I got it!” he giggles gleefully, holding out his phone for me to see the email. “I got the job in Mountain View! I got it! They want me to start in a month!”
I’m happy for him. I really am. This is his dream come true. Mark Edmunds sole ambition is to become a well-compensated cog in the grinding machine of corporate America. He wants his name and title on a crisp new business card, a desk—and if he’s lucky—a door, and a window with a view. He’ll probably have to work up to the view, but with the starting salary of over a hundred thousand at a publicly traded, brand-name software company in Silicon Valley, it’s a step in the right direction—for him.
For me? Not so much.
I let Mark enjoy his accomplishment. I’m not going to rain on his parade. Not yet, anyway. He’s always assumed that no matter what, I’d follow him. I’ve been following him since high school, so I suppose I can’t blame him for his assumptions. That said, he knows how I feel about big cities. He knows that working for the man isn’t in my plan, no matter how much he cajoles me into sending out resumes to big companies. I’m not built for working in the corporate world; I’ve reminded Mark about this over and again since we graduated from college.
I think I’ve been preparing myself for this day since my freshman year when I first began to realize that maybe, just maybe, I could organize a life for myself that didn’t require Mark’s participation or approval. It’s been a gradual but constant process ever since—the process growing up, growing apart from him, and realizing that I really don’t love Mark. I’m just frightened of not having him. We’ve been together since we were kids. It’s impossible to know what it will be like to be on my own, but now it’s happening. I know that somehow, I will manage it. I must, because I don’t have any other options. I’m sure not going to Silicon Valley. My journey lies elsewhere.
I’m just not sure where, yet.
* * *
Rejection letters are hard enough to stomach, but what’s even worse is the dead air of silence following most of my job inquiries. I think I’ve been to the web site of every small-town newspaper in America, looking for job postings, or sending unsolicited resumes to the editors. So far, no one is interested in giving me a chance at being an entry-level reporter. I can’t blame them since my only experience (beside earning a useless journalism degree) is working on the student paper in college, and running the development beat for an independent, non-profit city blog here in Raleigh. None of those roles are terribly compelling. There is no Pulitzer Prize sitting on my shelves.
I commit three hours every day to applying for jobs. Sometimes I get distracted, reading the articles in the local papers. Today, I’m diverted by the want ads in the Missoulian, the only paper covering news, sports, and politics for a large swath of western Montana. The main page of the paper is occupied with articles about the Scouts holding a benefit for a local Veterans group, high school football scores and game wraps, and a scandal at the Department of the Interior regarding policies on Sage Grouse management. That’s all well and good, but the classifieds are where the real heart of the community reveals itself.
For instance, who even knew you could buy a ton of feed hay for a hundred and forty dollars?
A girl named Reba lost her adult male cat, Toby, near Lewis & Clark Lane.
Central Montana Bail Bonds is hiring. Wonder what that says about the neighborhood?
And someone at the Kicking Horse Ranch needs a nanny. A nanny? Really?
I click on the ad.
Part-time, live-in Nanny for 4-year-old girl recovering from congenital heart condition, near Ronan.
Must be good with kids, love the outdoors, like horses, have a clear background check/drug test, and references. The schedule is flexible, half-days, with two weekends per month off. Salary is $2000 per month, with room, board, meals included. Please send inquiry with detailed experience, along with reference contact info to [email protected]. Serious inquiries only.
“Good with kids… love the outdoors…” I read the ad again and repeat it to myself. My heart rate quickens when I do—but I’m not entirely sure why.
Seriously?
Congenital heart condition…?
My baby brother, Jon, was born with a heart condition called complete atrioventricular canal defect, or CAVC. He was a Down Syndrome baby; the defect is common among them. Jon’s case was severe. He had open heart surgery at just nine weeks old to patch the hole in his heart, but that didn’t fix the problem permanently. Before he was seven, he endured four additional surgeries, but by then the damage done to his lungs and other organs was so debilitating that the doctors refused any more procedures.
Jon died at nine years old. He spent at least half of his life in the hospital, in pain. I spent most of those nine years with him, then another four years volunteering at the same hospital in the pediatric ward, working with sick kids like my brother. For a long time, I thought I might try to become a doctor. After spending so many years watching sick children die, and watc
hing their shattered parents disintegrate into guilt and agony, I was too full of grief to have much hope that I could ever improve things.
I watched what Jon’s death did to my mother and father, and that was enough tragedy for a lifetime.
This little girl at the Kicking Horse Ranch doesn’t have CAVC. She lives at home. She plays outside and rides horses. She needs a nanny, not a cardiovascular crash team.
Tears come to my eyes when I think of it, the weight of loss crashing down on me.
Despite all the time that has passed, I still keep in touch with the nursing staff at the University Medical Center’s pediatric cardio ward. I know they’d give me great references.
I could do this.
Plus, it’s only part-time, so I can still do my own thing on the side—maybe start a photo blog or an online diary. Why not apply for it? I have nothing to lose.
If anything, I’ll do it for my brother. I read the ad again.
Maybe that’s reason enough.
Sometimes, I wake up in the morning, and I still miss him.
I know how lonely it is to be sick, even if you have everything else in the world. I wonder if maybe I could make a difference for this little girl.
* * *
The subject line reads: Face-to-Face Interview?
It’s the first reply I’ve gotten all week from any of the countless job applications I’ve sent out. I click on the note to open it. It’s for the nanny job in Montana. I’d almost forgotten about that one, it’s been so long since I sent my inquiry.
Miss Bradly,
Thanks for your application. I contacted your references at the University Medical Center in Raleigh, North Carolina, and they all spoke highly of you. NC is a long way from Montana, but if you are up for it, I would like to extend an invitation to come out and meet Emma, see the place, and let us see if this might work out. Like I said, I will want a criminal background check and drug test, but I have friends here who can do that.
I will book you a plane ticket. Let me know if you are willing, and the earliest possible date you can travel.