“Is this another technical term?”
“No. I’m just thinking about my ex and how men and women alike noticed her. They’d stop midstride to watch her pass. I usually go for that kind of sparkle.”
“That’s not Hope. She’s not one to stand out in a crowd.”
Why had he brought the conversation back to Hope? I was trying not to think about how different she was from my past girlfriends. Like he said, she was far from flashy. My early impression of her hadn’t been based on her looks at all. I was aware of her beautiful long hair, but her features didn’t stand out to me until we’d started spending more time together. Her beauty ran deeper, like a quiet current that you felt rather than saw. Her beauty was in the way her hazel eyes stayed on you, the tip of her chin as she considered you.
Gabe’s question made me realize that in my old life, I probably wouldn’t have noticed her. Now, I couldn’t wait to see the roundness of her cheeks when she smiled or the delicate freckles around her eyes, subtleties that did not stand out at first glance. How much of her blending in was by choice? I wondered how much it helped her avoid the secret she had been carrying inside.
“Course last week at the club…” He whistled. “There was something different about her.”
“What?” I asked, wondering if he’d caught the spark I’d felt between us.
“I can’t put my finger on it. She just seemed more…I don’t know. Adventurous? She was more comfortable than I expected. It was good to see her out.”
It was like we were having two conversations that sometimes converged. What would he think of Hope, of me, if she were really out, if we were together?
“Call it a day?” Gabe asked.
I nodded, ready to give both Eights and myself a break. I waited for him to approach before I swung off the mare.
“Well, I hate to eat my words, but you were right. She was ready,” he said, rubbing Eights’s neck.
“You’d have rather seen me eat some dirt?”
“Who doesn’t like a good show?” He smiled.
I laughed in agreement, also knowing I was right about the possibilities between Hope and me needing careful cultivation.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I tapped my steering wheel in time to the song pouring from my speakers and hung a left on Bradley, looking for parking on the side street. Luck was on my side. There was plenty of street parking, so I didn’t have to wrestle my truck through a painful parallel park. I snapped off the ignition and climbed out of the cab, twisting around as I slammed the door. My heart crashed into my rib cage, startled by Hope standing on the street corner. I was certain she hadn’t been there when I parked. The lamp haloed her, accentuating her angelic air. I caught myself smiling at the contrast of her clothes: dark jeans and a full-length black winter coat, the last thing I’d expect to see on an angel. It got me singing a country song along that same line of thought in my head.
“Nice song,” Hope said as we hugged lightly.
I quirked my head. I hadn’t been singing out loud again, had I?
She dropped her voice, “That song about kissing a girl?”
I blushed hard, caught. I’d been listening to it a lot since that night but didn’t think anyone would be able to hear what I was listening to with the windows up. “Busted.”
Her eyebrows did a suggestive little dance, implying it might not be so bad to be busted. Her eyes traveled the length of my body, heat slicing through me at the open assessment. “This is lovely,” she said, reaching out to run her hand down my arm.
“Thanks.” This was a date, and I’d dressed for it, dusting off a red suede coat that was way too nice for the barn.
“You look very nice tonight.”
“I might be trying to impress someone,” I said, glad that she appreciated the time I’d taken with my outfit, slacks and a button-down shirt, and hair loose from its usual ponytail or braid.
“It might be working.” She walked toward the theater, and I followed, my body still shooting sparks.
“Seems like you’re feeling better,” I said, thinking about how carefree she seemed, not tied up in knots like she had been when she was at my house.
“I am.”
We bought our tickets, and Hope insisted on buying us popcorn and drinks. “I guess you don’t need a lecture on supporting local businesses,” she said apologetically. I liked that she was aware of how much time I spent at Cup of Joy.
We settled into our seats. We’d arrived at the theater so early they weren’t even playing the advertisements, giving us lots of time to chat before the show. “Does your head bother you a lot?” I asked, marveling at the radiant transformation from the last time I’d seen her.
“Pauline is convinced they’re stress headaches, not migraines. My body in conflict with my faith.”
“Sounds like she knows you well.”
“She and my mom were best friends. After I lost my mom,” Hope shrugged, “she kept an eye on us. Somewhere along the way, we became friends. Does that seem weird?”
“Not to me.” I reached for popcorn, my hand bumping against hers. Our eyes met. Mine dipped to her lips, buttery from the popcorn. I forced myself to look away before I had to kiss them.
“She knows,” Hope said.
“She knows?”
“Who I’m out with tonight.”
My heart fluttered. “You told her you’re…”
“Actually, she told me,” Hope laughed. “And then she said that if I spent more time listening to my heart, I’d have fewer headaches.”
“I think I like this Pauline.” I wanted to take her hand or put my arm around her shoulder. I wanted some kind of physical contact, but I was also very aware of where we were. I was glad I resisted the urge to touch her when I heard a familiar voice.
“Hey, Professor!”
“How’s it going, Kloster?” I asked, sitting up a little straighter in my chair.
“Great,” he said. “I’ve been trying to get Amy to take your Western Riding class. I told her how much I’ve learned in your classes,” he said in a nudge-nudge, wink-wink kind of way.
I assessed them. Not holding hands, but standing close to each other. He was decked out in a loud brush-popper cowboy shirt and jeans so tight there was no way he’d ever get onto a horse, his signature black felt atop his head. Was this their first date, too?
“Nice to meet you,” she said, a pretty smile on her carefully made-up face. She’d taken some time on her outfit, too, form-fitting jeans and a tailored top. “Mikey talks about your class all the time.” She turned her smile to him, and I easily read her stance of interest. I hoped Kloster was remembering what we talked about in class.
“See you in a few weeks,” Kloster said, draping his arm around her shoulders to lead her to their seats. He had been studying.
“Enjoy the rest of your break.”
“They’re cute together,” Hope said.
“Young love,” I said, aching to put my arm around Hope the way Kloster had his date. When the lights faded, I got bold enough to sneak my hand to hers, paying more attention to the fact that she turned her palm and wove our fingers together than to the movie. Throughout the show I played with her hand, tracing her palm, thinking about where I’d love her fingers to travel.
As we exited the theater a few hours later, my student strolled off hand in hand with his woman, and I walked beside Hope back to where I’d parked, chatting about the movie but thinking about this being a date. Dates usually ended with a kiss, but not between two people standing on the curb in the cold. All the other moviegoers had slipped into their cars and vacated long before, leaving us alone on the street. I wanted to invite her back to my place for something warm to drink but feared pushing Hope faster than she was comfortable with. Since the street was empty, I wrapped my arms around her to say goodbye.
She stepped into my embrace, and I didn’t want to let go, the warmth of her body an instant comfort. She held onto me tightly and for long enough that I wonde
red if she, too, was thinking about kissing a girl, specifically me. I burrowed my face past her coat collar and placed a chaste kiss on her neck, whispering that I’d had a really good time with her.
She squeezed me and then released me. “Me too. The best I’ve had since…” There she went thinking again. Now I knew that she wasn’t editing, she was holding up this evening to every other first date she’d been on, and I knew what she said next would be the truth. “Since we danced last week.” Her eyes sparkled, and she pressed our cheeks together, her hand cupped against my other cheek in an intimate embrace before she stepped away.
“Goodnight Hope,” I said, trying not to stare at her lips.
“Drive safely.” She laughed and then added, “Course you’ve got the advantage in this beast!”
I climbed into the cab and turned over the ignition, snapping off the radio. Hope crossed the street and got into her car, and we headed in opposite directions, me out to Quincy Junction, and her just a short swing around the block and up to her neighborhood.
I drove in silence thinking about her going home. Would her father and Halley recognize the flush on her cheeks was from more than the chilly night air? I wished I knew what she was thinking. I was relieved to know she was talking about us to at least one person in town. Maybe that meant I wasn’t a crazy fool for thinking that she could accept what she was feeling, leave her faith and be with me. Did she feel guilty knowing she’d been out with me when she was back with her family? She didn’t even live by herself. My heart sank. That spoke volumes.
Inside, I kicked off my shoes and hung my coat by the door. Too wound up for bed, I poured myself some wine and put on my favorite Alison Krauss album. I dropped on to the couch and closed my eyes, losing myself in her voice. The knock at my door was so tentative I almost missed it. I opened my eyes and leaned over to peek through the curtains. Hope stood on my porch, hands in her pockets. My heart pulled me up from the couch and propelled me to the door.
When I opened the door her eyes found mine, and she stepped forward, her cold hands sliding along my jawline and into my hair. Heat at my back, cool hitting my front, she leaned into me, settling her lips to mine. A shiver that had nothing to do with the cold rippled through me, and I ran my arms from her waist up to her shoulders, pulling her closer. She opened her mouth to me, inviting me to deepen the kiss. She didn’t have to ask twice. I captured her tongue with my own, groaning softly as she reciprocated, entranced by the silky softness of her mouth on mine.
We came up for air, and she pressed her forehead against mine, panting. “I forgot something,” she whispered.
“Glad you came lookin’. Do you want to come in?”
She pulled back enough to look into my eyes, her hands playing with my hair at the base of my neck. I loved her fingers on me and shut my eyes, willing her to say yes. I felt her move closer, accepted her beautiful lips again, losing myself in her slow, seductive kiss. The violin and banjo dueling in the music behind me urged me to amp things up, but I reined myself in to let Hope keep the lead. I missed her lips the moment they broke from mine. “I’d better not.”
I nodded, not about to argue with what she had given me. “Anything else you forgot, just let me know.”
She laughed and squeezed my hand as she turned to step off my porch. “You’ll be the first to know.”
I returned to the warmth of my house, my body humming from Hope’s surprise visit, chasing away the doubts that had plagued me earlier.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“You look nice tonight.”
Hope paused in the doorway, remembering that she’d said the same thing to Dani just days before. She’d wanted to slip out without her father or Halley seeing her, conscious that how much time and thought she’d put into her outfit was very likely to show. It wouldn’t be hard to guess that she’d chosen her straight black skirt and bright red sweater to make an impression. She didn’t want them to know whose eyes she wanted on her. “Thanks.”
“You’re going out?” Halley asked from the hallway.
Hope felt stuck between the two of them.
“I’m just having dinner with a friend.”
She felt Halley scrutinize her outfit. “Are you going dancing?” Halley asked.
“No,” Hope answered truthfully. Dani had said she wanted to cook.
“Your book friend?” their father asked.
“Yes.”
“Blazer!” Halley said, her face coming alive with hero worship.
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with her, haven’t you?” her father continued.
Hope glanced at her sister, not wanting to answer the question with her in the room. She didn’t know how, but her father had always seemed to be able to sense when Hope was feeling drawn to women. Having taken her cues from Kristine, she had only ever allowed herself to express or explore interest in out-of-towners which meant a weekend of stolen kisses here and there. She was never as bold as Kristine, but still her father had kept a keen eye on her. If he had any idea of the way she and Dani had found ways to slip into her office for a quick, heated kiss when she stopped for her coffee…
He continued, interrupting her thoughts. “Yet you haven’t found the time to see Brother Weston again.”
It was a statement that they both knew was true. Halley looked from one to the other. “So you’re going out with Blazer?”
Hope heard her sister’s question and saw it through her eyes—two single women talking about and looking for men. Her father’s eyes were intent on her. Hope was certain that he heard the question turned into whether this was a date with her girlfriend. A burst of butterflies rushed through her stomach as she recalled kissing Dani. She could not let either her father or Halley see how she felt. She pushed aside her giddiness and answered with some honesty. She and Dani were, after all, staying in. “No.”
Their father stroked his beard as he did when he tried to smoke out the Queen of Spades to take charge of a game of Hearts, which they’d often played as a family. It was a look she knew well from his attempts to control her life. When he had decided on his strategy, he released Hope from his gaze. “Be safe.”
Hope said her goodnights and slipped out into the cold night. She tucked her hands between her thighs as she waited for the engine to warm, wondering if her father knew what she needed to tell him. Her stomach bottomed out as she thought about coming out to him, just as it did when she attempted to shoot the moon during a game of Hearts. She remembered her parents explaining how every card in the suit of Hearts was a point and the Queen of Spades was thirteen, and the goal was to get through the game with the least points.
She recalled the family’s differing strategies when each player traded three cards at the beginning of the game. Her brothers always gave the Queen of Spades away, thinking they could avoid the heavy point toll. She always held onto it thinking that keeping it close gave her more control, something she had picked up watching her mother play. She recalled her mother capturing both the Queen of Spades and all thirteen hearts, rejoicing as she penciled in a zero for herself and twenty-six points for Hope, Hyram and their father. Their mother had taught them how to shoot the moon. Hope remembered her father’s cautioning tone, hearts are broken once a point card was played, reminding everyone that playing only to avoid points came at a cost if someone collected every point card and shot the moon.
In college, she dated much like she played, attempting to shoot the moon when she had a lover. Each relationship reminded her how difficult it is to capture every heart. Once when she had come home to welcome Hyrum back from his mission, he had shared with his family how he had helped bring a lesbian back to the church. He truly believed that her return to the church was her salvation. Hope knew he would work just as hard to bring her back to God if he knew about her lovers. If she did not have her brother’s love, his heart, it would only bring her pain to hold on to her lover, the Queen of Spades.
Even if she had been brave enough to test her brother’s lov
e, she always came to the same conclusion about the church. She could not be gay and be Mormon. All of her relationships had failed, and each time she bore the brunt of the attempt to shoot the moon. Hearts are broken, indeed. Hope had certainly broken hearts as she ended each relationship when the conflict between her faith, her family and her sexuality became impossible to resolve.
She drove to Dani’s, aware that instead of her nerves aflutter in anticipation of her date, her thoughts were still very much tangled in assessing where each of her family’s hearts lay, whether she had any hope at ever capturing all of them. She smiled as she pulled into Dani’s drive remembering how she was the only one who regularly tried the risky move during their family games. She recalled especially the times when she held absolute control of the game, when every card in her hand guaranteed that she would take each trick and win every heart. What would it feel like, she wondered, to hold Dani, her Queen of Spades, and know that she still had her family’s love?
This was the smile that she offered Dani at the door. “You look like the Cheshire cat,” Dani observed as they studied each other.
“I’d explain, but then I could never play Hearts with you.”
“I love that game,” Dani said, helping Hope out of her coat before wrapping her arms around her. “So I’ll let you keep your secrets.”
Hope’s body sparked when Dani’s lips met hers. With no one at the diner wondering about them in the back, she leaned into the kiss, letting her hands wander along Dani’s strong back before settling on her hips.
“Careful. If you keep that up, I’ll never get dinner in the oven.”
Hope sighed and let Dani escape her arms after one more quick kiss. Hope took off her shoes and soaked in the warmth she always felt on entering Dani’s house. Furniture was sparse and practical, but the items on display spoke to how much she loved her family and her profession. She entered the kitchen, and Dani’s hands were busy with dinner preparation, but her eyes took in Hope appreciatively. “You look amazing in red, by the way. You don’t wear it often enough.”
The Right Thing Easy Page 14