‘I must be dreaming. No man can be so wonderful.’ She sighed.
‘The last few days have been fantastic. I’d say we have a good mix of respect, trust, friendship and passion, wouldn’t you?’ His fingers worked up the column of her neck, his thumbs working to knead out the stress.
‘Yes.’ There was no denying the truth of his statement.
‘The night we met, you told me you didn’t think you’d ever meet a guy who’d give you all those things, yet we share them.’
She tensed again, despite his massaging, knowing exactly what this was leading to.
‘Marry me, Sophie. Let’s enjoy those things not just as a short-term arrangement as I initially proposed, but for the rest of our lives.’
God, it was tempting. Every hour spent in his company made it more so. But it was the lack of love that was holding her back. She’d had respect, trust and friendship in her marriage to Jake as well and it hadn’t been enough. Yes, she and Logan had passion, but what if the passion dimmed? There’d be no love to hold them together. The thought of another collapsed marriage was the stumbling block because the relentless intrusion into her life from the media after her last divorce had nearly broken her. She’d felt so much like a failure and so incapable of finding personal happiness. Contemplating going through that again was just too much.
Pulling away from him, she turned around and looked up at him. ‘You’ve conveniently forgotten the most essential requirement I have for marriage, Logan.’
His lips twisted. ‘Love? What is love, Sophie, if it isn’t all those things?’
‘Are you telling me you’re in love with me?’
His hesitation said it all. ‘I’m telling you I’d be happy to marry you and can see us having a great life together.’ He must’ve been able to tell from her expression that what he was offering fell short of her expectations, for he went on to say, ‘I love being with you.’
Some consolation.
He loved being with her but he didn’t love her.
Friendship and passion, but no love? How could that be possible? If there were no love it wouldn’t work. She was convinced of it. Surely she wasn’t wrong about something so fundamental to her beliefs? A great ball of frustration made her chest tight. Tonight she’d started questioning her desire to run the company and now she was wavering on what was really important to her in a relationship, and thinking it might be worthwhile grabbing what Logan was offering. Just what exactly was causing this shake-up?
‘Are you telling me you love me?’ he demanded, his voice laced with frustration and a tinge of impatience.
With that burning question placing her squarely on the spot, the answer came like a King hit, spinning around in her head with such force that she caught her breath and felt giddy.
Yes. She’d fallen in love with Logan. Crushing pain followed the realisation. It was happening again — she was losing her heart to a man who simply didn’t want it. A man who, despite all his romantic gestures and consideration, told her he respected, trusted and desired her but didn’t love her.
‘No,’ she forced out, aware he was waiting for her answer. ‘I’m not saying that.’ It might have just struck her as the truth, but there was no way she’d admit it. She wasn’t about to make a fool of herself again.
‘I’m sure it doesn’t get any better than this, Sophie. Marry me. You won’t regret it.’
She stood up and paced around the other side of her desk, needing something solid between them. ‘You want me to make a decision for a lifetime based on an acquaintance of less than a week?’
‘This is more than just an acquaintance. Don’t devalue what we have.’
‘No.’ Her hand cut through the air and her stockinged toes curled into the carpet as every muscle in her body strained. ‘I won’t marry you based on what we’ve enjoyed together for a few days, and if you can’t accept that then maybe it’s better if we end this right here.’
A little pulse ticked away just above his jaw. He raised one hand and then dragged it through his hair in a gesture of frustration.
‘I need a wife, Sophie. I want that wife to be you.’
‘And there’s the crux of it, just as I’ve known from the outset. We’re going around in circles here, Logan. You need a wife rather than being able to say you want one. This is all about winning custody of Charlotte.’
‘I’ve been completely honest with you about that. I didn’t want a wife, but now I’ve met you I find I’d be quite happy to settle down with you.’
‘Are you trying to convince me of that or yourself?’
‘I’m telling you how I feel.’
‘So, if there was no Charlotte, no court case, you’d still be proposing to me, having known me less than a week?’
He looked away and his lips thin as he pressed them together. They parted as he uttered one fatal word of admission. ‘No.’
‘Exactly.’ She’d known that would be his answer. She wasn’t going to let that truth hurt her.
‘The fact that I need a wife has me proposing to you, Sophie, but I can honestly tell you that I’ve never felt so right about a relationship. I’ve spent more time with you than I usually spend with a woman I’m dating, and when we’re not together I find I’m constantly thinking about you. By this stage, I’ve usually already lost interest in whoever it is that I’m seeing.’
Striving to sound logical and matter-of-fact, she reasoned, ‘You’re an ultra wealthy and powerful man used to getting exactly what you want, when you want it, and I’m probably the only woman who’s ever said no to you. What does that do? It makes you more determined to pursue me and have me fall into your plans.’
The strong muscles of his neck worked up and down as he swallowed.
‘Don’t sell yourself short. I want you and that’s not based on any need to wear you down and bend you to my will. I want to marry you. Nobody else.’
Damn him!
‘I deserve more than that, Logan. You talk about wanting me but we can’t always have what we want, and what we want isn’t necessarily always good for us. I deserve to be loved. While you might be prepared to settle for less, I’m not going down that road again.’
Part of her waited for his response. A silly little romantic flame was still alight. It flickered and hoped he’d declare he really did love her. Optimism beyond all logic made her hope that maybe he just hadn’t realised that what he was feeling for her was love.
He said nothing. She watched him shift a little on his feet.
With a little defiant thrust of her chin, she drew herself up ramrod straight and steeled herself for the words she had to say. ‘This is where we say goodbye, Logan.’
‘No.’ The denial was instant, but then he seemed to search for something else to say — an argument that could convince her. ‘I promised you I’d come to the Hunter Valley this weekend.’
‘I think it’s better for both of us that you don’t.’
‘But your grandfather needs to believe in this, and we promised each other only last night that we’d announce our engagement.’
Her grandfather.
She turned away from Logan and walked toward the window.
Finally she understood why her grandfather was so adamant that she marry. What was the point of having strived for the top position in Carlisle Mining if she was alone? Why had she even aimed for that position? In a flash, she knew. She’d wanted to please her grandfather and to make him proud. Considering all he’d done for her, she’d wanted to repay him. Add in the knowledge that she would never have children, and she’d thrown herself into her career, nurtured the company as though it were her child. She’d wanted to be absorbed by her work to overcome the void inside her that said she’d never be a mother. But now it was almost certain to be hers, did she really want it?
A very large part of her wanted to grab the chance that Logan was offering her to become a wife and mother. The hollow, gnawing emptiness where her heart used to reside was suddenly filled as desperation rushed
in. There was a yearning to act on the opportunity he offered and she knew it wasn’t just for Rigby’s sake or in the best interests of Charlotte, but that part of her warmed to the idea that she grab at the chance to be married to this man she’d fallen for, even if her love wasn’t reciprocated. Oh, dear Lord, her thoughts and emotions were like the pendulum of a clock swinging backward and forward.
On a huge exhalation she said, ‘You’re right. We’ll stick to that decision and announce our engagement.’
‘Just our engagement?’
‘Having regretted my decisions to be married before, it’s still too soon for me to contemplate marriage again when we’ve only just met.’
‘Our engagement is a start.’
The colourful roses on the coffee table snared her attention as she turned back toward Logan. The blooms were beautiful, but they weren’t the red ones she craved.
Chapter 12
‘This is a beautiful property,’ Logan remarked as he turned his luxurious Aston Martin One-77 off the main road and in through the entrance of the Carlisle Estate in the Hunter Valley. ‘I didn’t have a chance to look around when I came up to meet your grandfather as I had too many other things scheduled into the day.’
‘I’ll be happy to show you around,’ Sophie told him.
The private road forked. To the left it led to Carlisle Cellars, Sophie’s grandfather’s winery which was open to the public, and to the right the road wound up a hill toward the private compound housing Rigby Carlisle’s residence and villas for his weekend guests.
‘This is my childhood home,’ Sophie told him with a sigh. ‘Although Grandfather also has a home on Sydney Harbour at Kirribilli, I’ve always felt more relaxed here. I feel my tension ebbing away as soon as I hit the freeway and leave Sydney behind.’
‘Those are the Barrington Tops’ mountains, right?’
‘Yes. They make a beautiful backdrop for the vineyards.’
Logan pulled the car up at an intercom system outside the imposing iron gates and pressed a button to lower the car window electronically. The security camera zoomed in on the car.
‘Hello, Mr Jackson. Welcome home, Sophie.’ Sophie recognised Daphne’s voice through the intercom. The housekeeper made no effort to disguise her excitement at their arrival.
‘See you soon, Daphne,’ Logan replied as the gates swung open.
Poplar trees lined the driveway which led up to the grand mansion situated at the top of the hill. The Carlisle home afforded three-hundred-and-sixty degrees of beautiful panoramic views of the Pokolbin district, and Sophie loved it.
‘You met Daphne when you visited,’ she said to Logan.
He inclined his head. ‘She’s a lovely lady. She struck me as having a very warm personality.’
‘She’s been a mother figure to me. My grandfather and Daphne are a lot closer than they let on.’
Logan nodded. ‘I got that impression too.’ He turned off the car engine. With his left arm extended, he said, ‘Give me your hand.’
She felt bewilderment cross her features as she raised her right hand and placed it in his.
He shook his head. ‘Your other hand.’
Arching an eyebrow with curiosity, she did as he bade.
Taking her left hand in his, he shifted a little in his seat and retrieved something from his right trouser pocket. ‘This, my gorgeous fiancée, is for you.’
Sophie gasped in awe as he slid an exquisite ring onto the ring finger of her left hand. ‘Oh!’ She stared at the magnificent emerald-cut diamond engagement ring. It was a beautiful design, and what she guessed was a seven-carat diamond was surrounded by a halo of invisibly set emeralds. The platinum band was set with diamonds and the ring sparkled on her finger as though it was made for her hand. As quickly as her heart had soared, it plummeted. Their engagement was a farce; she had no right to wear this ring. ‘It’s magnificent but I can’t possibly wear this!’
‘Of course you can.’
‘No. I —’
‘We’re announcing our engagement. You’ll be expected to have a ring.’
A wistful sadness, and a longing for something that could never be welled within her. ‘This is way too much.’
‘You don’t like the ring?’
‘It’s absolutely beautiful, but it must be worth a fortune!’
Logan laughed.
‘What’s so funny?’
He shook his head. ‘You amaze me. You’re an heiress, I’m a billionaire, and you make a statement like that.’
‘Just because I’ve had a privileged background doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the cost of things.’ She knew her tone was defensive, but better that than he realise she was sad. This incredibly beautiful ring should represent a precious relationship. Being given an engagement ring should be one of the happiest moments in her life but it was just the opposite, because it reminded her of all she wanted and couldn’t have. It reminded her that she’d been down this road before. Whilst Peter had never given her a ring and thankfully their so-called engagement had never been announced to the world, she had worn a ring to declare to the world she was Jake’s fiancée. That relationship based on practicality rather than romantic love had ended disastrously.
Being given this ring reminded her that although she and Logan weren’t going to go through the public interest of a divorce, the break-up of their engagement would still be reported and would attract media attention.
‘I’m not criticising you, Sophie. That you appreciate the value of something when you’re so wealthy is just one of the things about you that I respect.’
Respect.
There was that word again.
Every time she heard that word now, she almost flinched. Far from being a compliment, it was starting to grate on her nerves. She wanted to be married for love, not out of respect, and certainly not because her partner needed to win a custody case!
She twisted the ring on her finger. ‘Wearing this ring makes me uncomfortable.’
‘Is it too tight?’ He studied her hand.
‘No.’ How did she make him understand her feelings without revealing her heart?
‘I think it’s perfectly-sized, sweetheart. Anything larger would’ve seemed ostentatious and that wouldn’t suit your personality. Anything smaller simply wouldn’t reflect the value I place on you.’
Did he value her? Of course he did. He just didn’t love her.
‘It’s not the size of the stone; it’s the concept of wearing it that upsets me. I feel like a fraud.’
‘Sophie, you’ve agreed to this engagement. You know I’m determined to make you see the merit of marrying me as well. I still want you as my wife, not just as my fiancée.’
For the purpose of securing custody of his goddaughter.
At the first sting of tears, she averted her gaze and bit down on her lip.
‘These diamonds come from one of my mines in Canada. I had the ring made up especially for you. The emeralds remind me of your eyes.’
Her head snapped up. ‘Hang on…Just when did you arrange this?’
‘The morning after we became lovers.’
‘Wednesday? The same day you visited Grandfather? Less than two nights after we met?’ The world was spinning way too fast as she sought to put his presumptuous actions on a timeline.
‘I told you, I’m a make-things-happen kind of guy.’
He’d picked up the conductor’s baton and begun orchestrating things in her life at supersonic speed. She wasn’t sure she liked that. It didn’t matter that they were in perfect harmony in so many areas. It felt like he was manipulating her and that she was being a pushover.
Leaning toward her, Logan framed her face in his hands and kissed her so passionately her body felt boneless.
‘Smile, honey,’ he told her between kisses. ‘Let me make you happy.’
He mightn’t be in love with her, but he was so tender and caring, maybe it was enough. Sophie wondered if it really would change anything between them if he could l
abel his feelings for her as being in love. Was she just hoping for too much?
Logan glanced through the window of the car and said, ‘Daphne’s coming.’
Daphne spotted the huge, sparkling diamond and emerald ring the minute Sophie got out of the car. ‘Oh, Sophie! Sophie! How wonderful! This is fabulous news, your grandfather will be thrilled!’
There was no time to dwell on Logan’s feelings for her. A little confused and more than a little heavy in her heart, Sophie pinned a false smile to her face and gave the housekeeper a hug. ‘Hi Daphne!’
‘Never mind about Rigby, Daphne, I’m the one who’s ecstatic Sophie’s finally accepted my proposal,’ Logan said as he took their overnight bags out of the car. He made it sound as though they’d been in a relationship for years instead of days. It also made her remember just how easily he’d gotten her to this point and how sure he must’ve been of her, given that he’d ordered the ring so soon after meeting her.
It was a reminder that this was all about convincing her grandfather and the court that what they had was real.
‘Congratulations, Mr Jackson.’
‘I think you’d better call me Logan now I’m going to be part of the family.’
‘Part of the family?’ Rigby came out of the country mansion as they walked toward it. Grinning from ear to ear, he held his arms out to Sophie and she walked a few paces into his embrace.
‘Hi Grandfather.’ She was shocked at the weight he’d lost. It had only been a week since she’d seen him. Surely such rapid weight loss wasn’t a good sign?
Rigby pulled away slightly from her and lifted her left hand from his shoulder so he could examine the ring. ‘About bloody time somebody fell in love with you! I was thinking the young men of today were either all gay or walking around with blindfolds on!’
Sophie cringed inwardly, knowing Rigby was way off the mark.
‘Congratulations, Logan. I’m glad you managed to persuade her.’ Rigby clasped Logan’s hand and shook it heartily, not showing any sign that he was ill.
Logan placed a possessive arm around Sophie’s waist and drew her to him. ‘I never thought I’d have to work so hard to convince a woman to marry me.’
Roses For Sophie Page 15