And downright sad.
“Heather, you’re actually moving?”
They were back at the Cheesecake Factory, just the two of them.
Heather sliced into her strawberry cheesecake. “I know. I’m sad and elated at the same time. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. But it’s not like we’ll never talk.”
“I know I should be thrilled for you—and I am—but it’s happening so quickly.”
“I would’ve been moving right about now anyway, if the Peyton Vine thing had come through.”
Kelli looked at her. “I’m still bummed about that. I had such high hopes.”
“Well, you know it took me awhile to get over it. I could see myself on that stage with her. But it was like God had a cushion ready for my fall—Ian and Becky and their kids.”
“That’s for sure.” Kelli forked up some chocolate mousse cheesecake. “And a spot on the youth worship team.”
“You know what’s funny?” Heather asked. “After singing with a nationally known choir at Living Word and auditioning for Peyton Vine, I never would’ve thought I’d end up in youth worship at a much smaller church in Normal, Illinois. And yet, I’m excited.”
Kelli smiled at her. “We’ve been praying for a church home for you. Didn’t know God would give you family to boot.” She gave a dramatic sigh. “So when do you leave?”
“Stop that.”
Kelli laughed.
“I’m giving myself about two weeks.”
“Two weeks?” Kelli set her fork down and leaned back on the cushion. “Wow.” She came forward again suddenly. “What about the album release party? You’ll come back for that, won’t you? It’s a Saturday, October 28th. The album releases the following Tuesday.”
“I hope so. But I know one thing. I’m downloading my copy on iTunes when the clock strikes midnight.”
“You’ll already have your copy.”
“I’m buying it anyway, for support.”
The server refreshed Kelli’s decaf, and she added cream and sugar. She glanced up at Heather. “Have you told Logan?”
Heather’s eyes went to her cheesecake. “He knew it was a possibility, but I only told the church yes this afternoon.” She looked up. “It’s Thursday, though.”
“I think it’s so cute that you two still sing together after choir rehearsal.”
“Yeah.” Heather glanced downward. “I’ll definitely miss that.”
“What about Logan? Think you’ll miss him?”
She angled her head downward. “He’s my closest friend besides you. But we could’ve been separated either way. He’s still waiting to hear from that church in Florida.” She sighed. “We’ll have the phone, e-mail, and all that.”
“Won’t be the same, though.”
“No. Won’t be the same.” Heather pushed the remains aside. “I’m stuffed. So what about you and Brian? How are things?”
Kelli raised a brow. “There is no ‘me and Brian.’”
“From what I could see, you two had gotten kind of close by the time the album wrapped.”
Kelli shrugged. “Might’ve seemed that way because of the pressure of the deadline, but now that it’s passed, we’re each doing our own thing.”
Heather eyed her. “How do you feel about that?”
“You had to go digging, didn’t you?”
“I try to do my part.”
Kelli took another sip of coffee. “Not sure how I feel about it. I went from hating him to tolerating him . . .”
“To enjoying him again?”
Kelli gave a reluctant nod. “Crazy, huh?”
“No. You’d be crazy if you didn’t. Everybody loves that guy.”
“Kind of like everybody loves Logan?”
“Touché.” Heather gave a slight smile. “Funny how Brian and Logan have become good friends, isn’t it? Think they ever sit around talking about us?”
“Those two?” Kelli shook her head. “Music and sports.”
THE MOMENT HEATHER SAW HIM, HER HEART LET HER know—she would miss Logan more than she knew. She slow-walked the aisle, listening to him play, watching the movement of his fingers, hearing his heart. He poured so much of himself into his music, into this ministry. Had she ever told him how much she admired that?
She sat by him on the bench, and their smiles and shoulder bumps said hello. When he reached the end of the song, he started into their favorite chorus.
He sang the first line. “His grace and mercy have covered you, you’re not the same . . .”
She sang the next line with him, but she couldn’t continue. Emotion filled her lungs.
He paused. “You okay?”
She touched his arm. “Please. Keep playing.”
The words took her through her moments with Logan, from the Indy hotel to the family arena to every other time she’d ever seen him—each one a demonstration of his special care of her.
He turned toward her when he finished. “You’re moving to Illinois, aren’t you?”
She nodded, staring at the piano. They sat in silence.
He looked at her again. “It’ll be awesome . . . getting to know your family, leading those kids in worship.”
“Yeah, except they’ll probably be leading me.”
“So.” He cleared his throat. “When do you leave?”
“About two weeks.”
Silence swallowed the seconds again.
“I’ll miss you, Heather.”
She met his gaze, fresh tears on her lids. “I’ll miss you too. Thank you, Logan, for everything you’ve done for me. You’ve been an amazing friend.” She added quickly, “Not that this is goodbye—I mean, it’s good-bye in some ways, but it doesn’t mean our friendship has to end. I really hope . . . I hope it continues.”
“Me too.”
“You don’t sound too confident.”
“I’m a realist. It’s not easy to maintain a friendship across the miles. But I do hope it can continue.”
Why did Heather feel like her heart was breaking? They were just friends, for goodness’ sake. But she couldn’t stop crying.
Logan put an arm around her shoulder, and she leaned into him, allowing her head to find his chest. “Normal’s not far,” she said, “and besides, we’ll have the next two weeks together.”
He nodded against her hair. “And we have right now.”
She reached for his hand and clung to it, remembering Cyd’s words a few weeks ago about accepting God’s will and God’s timing. She really did feel He was leading her to go to Normal, but she also couldn’t imagine life without Logan. Was it just a matter of timing? Or was this more of a good-bye than she was ready to admit?
thirty-three
THE ACTIVITY CENTER AT LIVING WORD HAD PLAYED host to every kind of youth event, special ministry event, big-name speaker event, and even a music concert, but none had been anything like this. That’s the story Brian kept hearing as he waited in a room down the hall. His album release party had packed the place as never before.
He looked up as the door opened and Jackson, a church volunteer, came in looking official—clipboard, cell phone, and walkie-talkie—ready to give his update. The room they were in had grown crowded too. Initially it was just a few people who would pray with Brian beforehand, including his friends who’d flown in from Atlanta. But as word leaked where he was, more and more people had filtered through the loose security system, all to wish him well.
The group grew quiet as Jackson lifted his hands to get their attention. “We’re supposed to start in ten minutes, but the line is still stretched across the parking lot. We moved most of the tables out to make room, so we should be able to accommodate everyone. Just a matter of getting them inside in an orderly fashion. I think we’ll be ready in twenty.”
As the noise and mingling ratcheted up again, two people from Brian’s label pulled Jackson aside to talk, and the three of them left. Logan walked over and took a seat beside Brian, who hadn’t strayed far from his current posture since he
’d arrived—elbows on the table, head resting in clasped hands, shooting up intermittent prayers. So much was riding on this night.
In a matter of minutes he would premiere an album he’d been excited about when first completed, but over the last two months had begun to wonder whether it was too hastily done and not up to par. Plus, he would premiere a video that revealed his darkest secret and receive instant feedback—the good, the bad, and the ugly. And that was only part of the weight he was carrying.
Logan eyed him. “How’s it going? You ready?”
Brian blew out a breath. “I don’t know if I could ever be ready. Tonight could go so many ways.” He glanced toward the door. “Kelli’s not even here yet. What am I supposed to make of that?”
Logan glanced that way himself. “You know she’ll be here. But you would’ve made things easier for yourself if you hadn’t pulled back from communicating with her.”
“I’ve talked to her.”
“About the video, stuff related to the album . . .”
“I know.” Brian had already been second-guessing himself. “I felt like I had to be sure I wasn’t running on emotion. I needed the space to pray and be sure”—he winced—“if that makes sense.” He sighed. “I’m about to make a fool of myself in front of everybody.”
Logan smiled at him. “But if it works out . . . what a moment.”
“That doesn’t exactly make me feel better.”
Phyllis and Hayes’s son Cole brought over a paper plate with two slices of sausage and mushroom pizza. Surprised, Brian looked and saw Hayes had come in with a carryout box.
“Thank you, buddy, I appreciate that,” Brian told Cole. Then he called over to Hayes with a smile. “I thought it was settled. I told you I was fine with pepperoni and mushroom.”
Pizza delivery had botched the order.
“It was the least I could do,” Hayes said. “You should have your favorite on your big night. You deserve it.”
Brian looked at him, at a loss for words. “Thank you,” he said.
He took a bite, turning back to Logan. “Have you talked to Heather? How’s that going?”
“Talked to her last night. She really wishes she could be here. But she’s committed to that youth group, and they’ve got a retreat this weekend.”
Brian kept eyeing him. “That’s not what I was asking about. Unload, brother.”
Logan clasped his hands behind his head. “It’s weird. She’s been gone, what, a month and a half? I feel more drawn to her now than when she was here. Can’t wait to talk to her to find out how she’s doing or to tell her about a song I wrote.” He paused, a smile lighting his face. “Sometimes on Thursdays, she likes me to play a song for her over the phone.”
“Pretty special stuff, man.”
“Pretty scary stuff.”
“Why scary? You thought a woman would never capture your heart?”
Logan narrowed his gaze, tilting his head a little. “I don’t think I’ve wanted to step back and analyze it, but maybe that’s it. She’s captured my heart.”
Brian paused before another bite. “Did it really take ‘analysis’ for you to see that?”
“You got a point. I almost wish that Florida position had come through. Then I would’ve been gone anyway. Being here without her is hard.”
“Dude. She’s two hours away. Not like you can’t make a road trip.”
Logan seemed to ponder that. “Maybe I should. I’d love to meet her family.”
The door opened again and Brian looked, hoping it was Kelli. But Stephanie and Lindell breezed in, a look of bewilderment in Stephanie’s eyes.
“What in the world?” she asked, looking back at the door after it closed. She and Lindell headed for Brian. “Two girls saw us headed down the hall,” she told him, “and one of them whispered, ‘I bet they know where Alien is.’ They started following us!”
Lindell laughed. “I told them you’d be in the activity center shortly, but they said it was so crowded that this was the only chance they’d get to see you up close. For what it’s worth, they said they’re camping outside the door till you come out.”
“I forget you’re so popular,” Stephanie said. “They’re wearing shirts that say I’m an alien too . . . not of this world. What’s up with that? You’ve got shirts?”
Brian shrugged. He found much of this hard to believe himself. “The label put those out with the first album.” He stood. “I’ll probably never get used to people wanting to meet me. I’ll go say hello.” He popped the last bit of pizza into his mouth.
Brian opened the door and stepped out to the sound of gasps. He thought it funny that on Sundays he never got this kind of reaction. But news of the release party had been promoted through his website and other online sites, plus an e-blast for those who had signed up to get news through the label. Fans had gotten the word and come out, some of them driving hours, from what he’d heard.
He smiled, shaking their hands. “Good to see y’all. Thanks so much for showing up to support the new project.”
“I can’t believe you actually came out,” one of the girls said, beaming. She looked at her friend. “He’s even cuter in person.”
The friend nodded hard, eyes wide. “We can’t wait to hear the new music. Oh, and can you sign our shirts?” She handed him a marker and turned her shoulder toward him.
“Sure can.” He signed Alien and Phil. 3:20 on both and handed back the marker. “After you hear the songs, you have to let me know what you think.”
“Really? We’d love to.”
Brian’s eyes lifted beyond them. Kelli and her mother were headed his way.
Vaguely he saw the girls depart. He was excited Mrs. London had come to town, but mostly he couldn’t take his eyes off Kelli. She wore dark-colored pants, a top and jacket with a slight silver shimmer, high-heeled boots, and her hair was full and curly. He was glad she considered this a special night for herself as well because it was. Her first work on an album. It meant the world to him to share this with her.
He walked the few steps to meet them and hugged Kelli’s mom. “Mrs. London, I haven’t seen you in so long. I’m so glad you could make it. And you look great.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it. I’m so overjoyed for Kelli—and you, young man”—Francine held his shoulders—“I’m so proud of you. I’m not surprised at all that you’ve got a music ministry. You were always special.”
“Thank you, Mrs. London.” He wondered if Kelli had told her about the video. She’d probably retract her view of him once she saw it. “And I don’t know if I’ve ever really thanked you for giving me a second home growing up. It made a huge difference in my life.”
“You made a huge difference in our lives too, Brian. You introduced us to the Lord—you and Grandma Howard, that is. I was so sorry to hear about her passing.”
Brian held her words. “I appreciated the flowers you sent.” He turned to Kelli. “Hey. You look beautiful.”
She smiled, but it seemed distant. “Thanks.”
Yep, I’m about to make a fool of myself.
“They say we should be ready to start soon. There are a few refreshments—”
He heard heels clacking down the hall and looked up. Monica? What was she doing here?
With an entourage of three she came toward them, looking glamorous in a long sparkly tunic, leggings, and extra-high heels. She spread her arms as she neared Brian.
“I’m so happy for you!” she exclaimed, hugging him.
He backed up a step. “I thought you couldn’t come.”
“I wasn’t sure at first, then I wanted to surprise you. Did it work?”
“Yeah, I’d say it did.” He saw Kelli and Mrs. London moving toward the door and stepped toward them. “You remember Kelli, don’t you? And this is her mom.”
Monica flashed a smile and greeted them. “Great work on the album,” she told Kelli. “I was impressed, especially given this was your first collaboration.”
Kelli exchanged a glan
ce with Brian. “So you’ve already heard it?”
“Of course,” Monica said.
Brian clarified. “She’s heard most of the songs.”
Monica looked perturbed. “I thought you sent all the songs. Anyway, Demetrius and Yolanda are on their way. We thought it’d be fun to spend some time together afterward, maybe go to dinner, like we’ve done for our other release parties. What do you think?”
“I’m not sure, Monica,” Brian said. “I appreciate all of you coming, but I doubt it’ll work tonight.”
Monica’s eyes flickered Kelli’s way. “Okay. Just let us know.”
They all entered the room together, and a small uproar ensued when people saw Monica. The last thing he wanted was for the evening to take on a “Brian and Monica” feel, but that’s exactly what was happening, as he heard people assuming she’d sung on his album.
When everyone had moved to the activity center, he looked around for Kelli. She’d melded into the crowd, standing with her family, watching as if she too were waiting to hear the music for the first time. When Brian got the signal it was time to start, he gladly took the stage to get things going.
The extended roars and applause overwhelmed him. Brian raised his hands, keeping Kelli in his line of vision. When the crowd quieted, he shook his head at them. “Y’all really came out, didn’t you?”
They cheered again.
“You don’t know how much I appreciate your support,” he said, “but I have to admit I’m a little nervous.” He paused, taking them in. “This project means so much to me. It’s intensely personal, and I’m so close to it that I have no idea how anyone else will feel about it.” He smiled. “But I hope you like it.”
“We’ll love it,” someone yelled, joined by other shout-outs.
“You might’ve noticed the big screens mounted on either side of the room.” Brian pointed to them. “We’re also premiering a video tonight. We held this celebration here at Living Word because while the video features the first song that’ll be released on Tuesday”—he waited while they cheered again—“it’s also part of a ministry for young men that kicks off this week at our church. It’s called ‘Choices,’ and . . . well, I think you’ll see why I say this album is intensely personal.”
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