by Linda Wright
Paige stood there a moment more, still in total disbelief. Gathering her strength she unstuck her feet and turn to go to her car. As she walked away she felt eyes on her back and for a moment she thought it was Leo realizing what he had done. However, when she turned her head to look, she instead saw the face of his wife staring after her through the window. As she looked into this beautiful woman’s face she saw in her eyes a look of recognition that told Paige that she knew exactly who she was. Paige felt a compulsion to turn around and explain that she had no idea and that she would never knowingly have a relationship with another woman’s husband. Yet something in the look passing between them told her that the wife understood all too well, and there was a look of almost pity there as if she knew what Paige was feeling. Before Paige could be sure, the woman had replaced the blinds and receded back into the house. Paige carried on to her car, got in, put it in drive, and drove away.
She was in la la land, completely unconscious of where she was going. Part of her wanted to call Deanna, but she was too ashamed. She had the same feelings towards her other friends and family. She did not want to have to tell them what a fool she had been. She kept replaying it over and over in her head. She had begun the week in love with a man she was sure she was going to marry, only to find out that would never happen because he was already married. She was too out of it to cry.
Before she knew it she was pulling in front of a building that initially she didn’t recognize. It took her a while to realize that it was Jeremy’s building. She had no sense of what time it was. All she knew was that Jeremy was the only person in the world that she wanted to see at the moment. So she picked up her phone and dialed his number. It seemed like the phone barely rung before he was saying hello. Caught off guard, she blurted out, “I’m sorry.” She barely got the words out before Jeremy was saying, “Don’t worry about it. What’s going on?”
Paige replied, in a voice she barely recognized, “I need to talk to you.” With his usual serenity, Jeremy answered, “Come on.” At that Paige got out of the car, barely conscious of whether she hung up the phone and walked to the door. She pushed the buzzer and he immediately pressed to open the door. She rode up in the lift, holding the wall for balance. As soon as the door open and she stepped out Jeremy was standing on the other side waiting. Without even thinking she stepped into his arms and completely let herself go limp. As if anticipating this, he caught her and pulled her over to the couch where he sat down with her in his arms. She wept there for what felt like eternity. He didn’t say a word.
The next thing Paige knew she was waking up. For a moment she could not remember where she was. Then she saw the painting of the blue girl on the wall. Along with her location, she immediately recalled everything that had happened the night before. She realized that she had cried herself to sleep in Jeremy’s arms. Her head and eyes hurt and she felt physically ill.
She could hear Jeremy moving around in the kitchen and smelled food cooking. She immediately felt incredibly unattractive and wanted to run for the bathroom and try to clean herself up. Before she could even kick her feet over onto the floor she heard Jeremy coming out of the kitchen. Her instinct was to cover her face. She did not want him to see her like this. Unfortunately, he had already seen her pretty much at her worst twice now. She could barely look up into his face.
As always, it seemed that Jeremy knew exactly what Paige was thinking. Before she could say anything Jeremy began, “I realize it’s been a traumatic night for you and you probably don’t want me to see you like this, but its fine. If you would like to get showered up, I have towels in the linen closet in my bathroom, along with some extra tooth brushes. My bathrobe is hanging on the back of the door and if you want something else to wear you can look in my laundry basket and get some things out. I’m making some breakfast so it’ll be waiting for you.”
Paige couldn’t believe how kind he was being. They had not known each other long at all, though they had developed somewhat of a friendship. She tried to think what could be driving him to be this helpful. She was trying not to be suspicious, but considering what she was going through with Leo she couldn’t help but fear that she was being setup for more hurt. She took a moment to look into his eyes and see if she could get answers. He was still impenetrable. Finally she just came out and said, “I appreciate the help, but I’m curious why you’re being so wonderful to me. I just showed up on your doorstep in the middle of the night and you’ve been great. Excuse me, but why are you being like this?”
Jeremy took a beat to think about it. Paige really hoped that she hadn’t offended him, but she could not deal with the mystery, not in her fragile state. Jeremy stepped around and took a seat next to her on the couch. After taking another minute he responded, “I know this is a vulnerable time for you right now and I understand your trepidation. It’s probably not a good time to be a man around you, but I’m not out to hurt you. The little bit that I’ve gotten to know about you leads me to believe you are a good person. I’ve genuinely enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. I think you have good energy, a good aura, and it’s no great risk to be kind to you. I feel like if I had shown up at your place you would have done the same things for me. So its fine, I don’t feel put out and I’m glad that I can be here for you. There are so many other unhealthy things you could be doing right now. Better you be here with me.”
Paige never felt prepared for the things Jeremy said. She still couldn’t decide who he was. He seemed like a truly good guy, but he was so mysterious. For every new thing she found out about him, she had many more questions that demanded answers. For now she decided that he had given her no reason to doubt that his intentions were good. So she took his word for it and was grateful that there still was a good guy in her life. With that she leaned in and gave him a big hug. As she laid her head on his shoulder she allowed herself to be swallowed up in his arms. Jeremy gave the absolute best hugs; so warm and full of meaning. She felt safe in his arms and was so glad that she had ended up in front of his building last night.
After pulling away she got up and headed to the bathroom. She forced herself to look in the mirror and, though she didn’t look as bad as she’d thought, she did look like a booger in search of a nose. Her hair was everywhere, she had makeup in splotches all over her face, including mascara that was running down her cheeks and her face was dry from all of the tears. She took a nice long, hot shower. While in there she heard the door open and worried that he was going to try to come in with her, but a minute later it had closed again. She shrugged, finished her shower and brushed her teeth. She looked down and realized that her clothes were gone. Finding a comb in a drawer, she tried to put her hair in some semblance of order. She had found a hoody and some basketball shorts in his laundry basket and put them on.
Just as she was getting ready to head back to the kitchen, she realized how hungry she was. Following the wonderful smells permeating through the loft, she found her way into the kitchen and sat down. Jeremy took a plate out of the microwave and sat it down in front of her. He had made scrambled eggs, pancakes, bacon and sausage. It looked absolutely delicious. As she settled in and began to eat she realized that Jeremy now knew things about her that no one else knew; things that she wouldn’t have wanted anyone to know. She thought it was time for her to get some more information on him.
After swallowing a bite of food she started, “Okay, so at this point you know way too much about me and I still don’t feel like I know much about you.” Jeremy hoisted himself on the counter and said, “What do you want to know?” Paige had to take a moment to think about it. There was so much that she wanted to know, she didn’t know where to start. She thought it best to start at the beginning. She asked, “Where are you from? Where did you grow up?”
“I was born just outside of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. My mother was an archeologist. We moved all around the world on her digs and putting together her research. Unfortunately, while I was still young my mother died. From there I moved with
my grandfather who was also an archeologist so we moved around quite a bit as well. When it was time to go to college I chose one in the states. The rest as they say is history.”
“I’m sorry to hear about your mother. What about your dad?”
“He was never involved in my life. I barely knew him. I only saw him a few times in my life, by accident. I’m related to RJ on his side, which is why I wasn’t really around them for the most part. I moved here just a few years ago.”
“You said knew him and was.”
“He died some years ago. Killed by one of his women.”
“Wow that’s awful. What about your grandfather?”
“He was killed in Portugal. He had a bad habit of sleeping around and living recklessly. It finally caught up with him. He’s it from that side of my family. I don’t have anybody left. They either died or I never knew them. I’m a loner.”
“I see. What made you move here?”
“Bad memories every other place I want to live. I got pretty close with my paternal grandmother, so I moved to be closer to her.”
“Oh, is she the grandmother RJ lost last year?”
“Yeah”
“That’s a lot of loss.”
“Yep”
“I guess that explains why you’re a loner. You’re not seeing anybody?”
“No. I haven’t been in a relationship in quite some time.”
“Any reason in particular. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want.”
“The women I meet are usually, for lack of a better word, ridiculous. It’s like they have been indoctrinated by Rom-Coms and romance novels and all they want is generic, cliché relationships.”
“You haven’t met one woman that you liked?”
“I’ve been on dates, but they usually find me unsuitable.”
“You??”
“I’m not the prince charming they were looking for.”
“So who are you?”
“I’m a lot of things. Not what people typically expect.”
“I think you’re a great guy.”
“Well, like you said, you don’t really know me.”
“What am I missing?”
“I can be a bit sterile. I’m not a warm, fuzzy type of guy usually. I can take or leave people. That’s usually a turnoff.”
“I can understand that. You’ve lost a lot of people. It makes sense that you wouldn’t like to get close to people.”
A faint smile crossed Jeremy’s face. He was obviously impressed by Paige’s reading of him. Paige felt much more comfortable with him now. It felt less lopsided now that she knew things about him too. She decided to keep going. She asked, “You don’t get lonely?”
“I prefer to be alone. People have never understood me. They’re not comfortable with my silence. They think it means I’m sneaky. There are a lot of assumptions made when it comes to me. Based on how I look and that I keep to myself. That I’m stuck up, arrogant, vain, cold, calculating.”
“You can’t stay alone forever.”
“I have friends. Not a lot, but some. I have a relationship with some of my family. I’m not really alone.”
“But what about being in love? Don’t you want to get married and have kids?”
“Not really”
Paige was taken aback by this answer. She had never met anyone who didn’t want to be married with children. She thought it was want everybody wanted. It was the most natural thing in the world. She could see how women would be turned away by him. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to be married? There was no future in it. So now it all made sense why such a beautiful man would be single. She took a moment to think and said, “Wow. You’re right that is different.”
“You think of me differently now.”
“I don’t really know what to think. I’ve always wanted to have a husband and a family. Having neither is like a nightmare. So what do you want?”
“I don’t really think in those terms. I just take things as they come.”
“You don’t have any plans for the future?”
Jeremy shrugged and said, “I don’t know what tomorrow brings. One day you have a mother, the next you don’t. Not to use you as an example, but I’m sure before last night you thought you knew what your future would bring. Now look. You have to completely retool your thinking.”
Paige took a moment to think about this. He was right. She had thought that Leo was her future and now she was back to the drawing board. She would have to start all over with a new man. Just the thought of it filled her with dread. Having to get to know someone and then become comfortable with them would be so much work. It made her sad to think about it.
Apparently her feelings showed on her face because Jeremy continued, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”
“No you’re right. I guess maybe I would feel better if I hadn’t have thought that I was going to marry Leo.”
Paige took a minute to think and asked, “Why are you telling me all of this? You said you’re not warm and fuzzy, but you’ve been incredibly sweet and thoughtful with me. It doesn’t make sense.” Jeremy just stared at her for a while. His expression was blank, but his eyes were intense. Paige got that naked feeling again, like there was nothing she could hide from him. After taking a few more beats, Jeremy began, “I told you. I enjoy your company. I like your spirit. I think you’re a good person. There’s just something about you. You remind me of my mother. Not in a weird maternal way, just that she was a phenomenal woman; smart, generous, beautiful, with a huge heart. Her name was Ramona. She had a vitality about her that was like nothing else I have experienced in my life. I see that in you. She was my absolute favorite person.”
Paige was incredibly touched by his words. At no point had she thought that he had thought much of her at all. Yet here he was telling her that he thought she was special. It was very flattering. She didn’t want to jump to any conclusions here. He had just told her that he preferred to be alone and wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, yet here he was comparing her to his favorite person. She was becoming confused.
After giving it another moment to sink in she said, “Thank you. That’s a great compliment. What does that mean?”
“In terms of us, you mean?”
“Yeah.”
“Honestly, I don’t really know. I just like having you around. I think at the moment with you fresh out of a relationship, you should probably take some time for yourself. I’d like to continue to be your friend if that’s okay.”
She thought about it. Of course, she was attracted to him. She had been since she first laid eyes on him, but he was absolutely right. She had been in a committed relationship for years and she did need to take some time. She liked her friendship with Jeremy. She liked being able to come and talk to him. It was probably best for them to just be friends. She replied, “I’d like that too.” With that thought she finished her breakfast and got up to wash the dishes. Jeremy remained seated on the counter watching as she washed. Once she had finished rinsing the final dish she heard a beeping sound.
Jeremy jumped down off of the counter and said, “It’s the dryer. Your clothes are done.” He went to the laundry room and came back with her clothes. Handing them to her he said, “So what are your plans for the day?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t have to work today and I didn’t have any plans. I think I was supposed to do something with Leo, but…”
“I get it. So do you want to go home and be alone now?”
“If I go home I’ll feel like I’ll have to call people and start telling them what happened. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I also don’t want to go bury myself in my bed and weep. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”
“Well, I finished my last project early, so I don’t have anything going on. You’re free to hang around here. We could go somewhere if you’d like.”
“Like where?”
“I think I know a good place. If
you don’t mind the outdoors.”
“The outdoors are fine with me.”
“Cool, well if you want to get dressed now, we can head out.”
“Great, I’ll get ready.”
Paige went off to the bathroom and got ready. She heard Jeremy walk into his bedroom. Once she had her clothes on and put her hair into a neat ponytail she walked out to find her shoes. She glanced into Jeremy’s bedroom just as he was taking off one shirt and putting on another. He was even more ripped than she initially thought. From the glimpse she got she could see he had a few more tattoos than she had initially seen. He had a few on his arms and one rather large one on his right side. She tore her eyes away and went on the hunt for her shoes. She found them on the other side of the couch. Just as she was getting them on, Jeremy walked out apparently ready to go. She got up and followed him to the lift. They went down and out to his car.
She sat down in his passenger seat and was immediately impressed by his ability to make all things that were his so cozy and cool. The car was a navy blue on the outside with a turquoise interior. It smelled absolutely amazing and as soon as he put the key in the ignition, Sade began to play from the speakers. Even his driving was smooth. He whipped the car effortlessly out of his parking spot and down the road. She tried to remind herself that he was just her friend.
Once she was settled in and they had driven a little ways she asked, “So where are we going?” After singing a bit of Cherish the Day, with a very nice singing voice, he said, “There’s this great spot I want you to see off the Pacific. Then we can go to the fair.”
“The fair?”
“Yeah, I like going to the fair. You don’t?”
“I’ve never really been to one. I’ve only ever really seen them on TV.”
“Well it should be a nice change.”
With that she sat back in her seat and enjoyed the ride. The playlist was all Sade so she enjoyed the smooth music, with the occasional vocals from Jeremy. It was difficult for her not to appreciate his presence and how serene she felt in it. She thought about how it had been with Leo. Leo was so self-involved they mostly did what he wanted to do. He was bossy and they would often get into arguments about things that shouldn’t have mattered. In this light she really began to wonder why she had stayed with him at all. A list of things that looked good on paper. In reality, who he really was, just didn’t hold up. It was better that their relationship was over. It was for her best.