by K. T Fisher
This is going to sound so stupid of me, because I told him to leave me alone, but I miss it. I miss Leo. But I can't miss him, I don't want to!
Fuck I am so screwed!
I'm so stupid! I've started to feel for him again, I really didn't want that to happen! He's only going to hurt me again, and this time I won't have Kendal's heartbreak to cover my own problems! I'll fall apart, and it will be worse than before. To try and forget about Leo I look at my next two messages, they're from Maisy.
MAISY: Hey sugar, still on 4 tonight? U better B! I am bringing ALOT of wine because I have had a shit couple of days! B there for 8 xxx
About two hours after that text was sent I had a missed call from Maisy, followed by another text.
MAISY: Change of plan, I'll be there at half 6, C U soon bitch xxx
I manage to shower and get into my snugly onesie just as Maisy knocks on the door. I'm so glad to see her big bag of alcohol goodies. I'm desperate for a drink after all the thinking I did in the shower. I don't like where my thoughts were taking me.
A couple of hours later we're well and truly tipsy and waiting for our takeaway pizza. We've spoken about everything other than the obvious, but now the drink has loosened our tongues, Maisy finally broaches the subject of Leo. "Sooo....You and Leo?"
I chuckle, so subtle Maisy. "What about us?"
She gives me a blank stare. "Seriously? Since the details you shared at Sophie’s wedding I haven't gotten anything else!" She takes a gulp from her wine glass. "Come on Tan, what happened? Was it just because of the groupies, or were you jealous?"
I feel my eyes widen. "I was not jealous!"
"So tell me then."
I take a deep breath. Oh what the hell, time to reveal all about how Tanya fell for a playboy drummer who crushed her heart. I can't tell her everything though. "We slept together-"
Maisy stops me, one hand against my chest. "Wait! What was it like?"
I bite my lip, trying to hold in my smile. "Amazing."
"Yeah, he looks like he'd give a woman a good time."
I stare at her silently for a couple of seconds, then burst into laughter. "Yeah, well, he definitely does. After the first time-"
"First time? As in more than once?"
"Mase, are you going to let me talk?!" She giggles, gesturing with her hand for me to carry on. "After the first time, I woke up in the morning going crazy. I mean, what was I going to say? What were we going to do? We'd crossed a line but I didn't want things to change. I didn't want to destroy our friendship, or everyone else. You know what Leo's like, Maisy. When did you ever see him with the same woman? I don't even think he ever had a girlfriend!"
"So you kept quiet because you thought you two having sex would ruin everyone's friendship?"
She raises her eyebrow in a silent challenge. "Fine! I knew he'd wake up and find an excuse to get rid of me. I knew he'd reject me, Leo didn't want a girlfriend. He was going to wake up and give me the 'it's only sex' speech, so I beat him to it. I told him we should keep it quiet, no need for anyone to know." I gather myself, looking my friend right in the eye. "I fell in love with him Mase." I see her eyes widen and try to carry on. "I fell for him long before we slept together. I didn't know how deeply back then, but I know now. I didn't want to hear him shut me down; I couldn't cope having him say that to me. It would have killed me." I feel tears dripping down my cheeks. "I told myself not to go back to him, but I couldn't stay away. I was stupid and weak, and every time I left his bed, I broke a little more inside. Every time we had sex I stupidly thought that time would change him, he wouldn't want the groupies anymore, just me. But no, nothing changed, and I knew it never would. I was just a good fuck, and instead of staying with me, I had to watch him leave with different groupies. Sometimes we'd have sex backstage and then he'd leave with one of them right in front of me, Maisy!" I'm in a full blown crying mess now. Maisy wraps her arms around me. "I can't ever feel like that again." I whimper. I will not let what happened to me then, happen again.
"When did you finally stop?"
"When Kendal left Jax."
I feel her stiffen, she pulls me back so she can look right at me. "What?"
I wipe away my pathetic tears. "We had sex the night before, when we woke up we heard Kendal. I heard what she said to him Maisy. I felt so sad for her. Straight after she left heartbroken, Leo looked at me and told me that at least he didn't have to hide behind his friends backs anymore. That he didn't need to keep stupid secrets anymore. Kendal and Jax had finished so we were too."
"He said that?"
"Not those exact words, but it's what he meant."
Her face hardens, and she holds me tighter. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I couldn't. What was I supposed to say? 'Hey everyone. I've been sleeping with Leo, even though Kendal warned me not to, and I stupidly fell head over heels for him, and to top it off he's just rejected me.' Yeah, because that wouldn't have been humiliating."
"You should have told us. You're obviously still upset about it all. You've kept this locked up for too long. We would have helped you."
"No I couldn't. Kendal was pregnant and heartbroken. She needed us all, and I wanted to be there for her. I needed to be strong for her, not a silly crying mess. You couldn't have both me and Kendal heartbroken and crying, so I stopped my tears and helped my friend." I didn't resent Kendal at all, I never will. In fact, focusing on helping her, it kept my hurt at bay and the truth hidden. I don't like sympathy. Having everyone think I was upset for Kendal, and not about my own problems, was a huge relief for me.
"You should have told us." She repeats.
"Well, I can't change it now, and I wouldn't change it." I fill Maisy in on all the details about Leo and I. I tell her almost every detail. She was right, it does feel better to get it out. I feel like she can finally understand me now, and stop pushing me into talking to Leo. There's one thing I can't tell her, or anyone else. It's the main reason I truly hate Leo, he made me go through the worst pain, and it was all his fault.
"Don't worry, I won't be telling you to talk to him anymore. Fucking idiot! How could he treat you like that? Kendal is gonna be pissed." I cringe, Maisy notices. "She has to know, Tanya. So do Sophie and Jess, you need your friends right now."
I nod my head, I finally agree with her. Now that it's all out in the open and understood I decide to ask Maisy something, as soon as she sits back down from collecting our pizza from the door. I need to turn this conversation away from me and Leo now anyway. "So what about you and Max?"
She bites into a slice of pizza, watching me wearily from the corner of her eye. "What about me and Max?"
I throw down my pizza crust, I never have and never will eat crusts. "Oh come on! You two are always together! He seems to like you."
She smiles at me. "We bumped into each other one night when I went out with the girls from work. We went back to mine and kissed, that was it."
"Kissed?" Max just kissing?
Maisy laughs. "Yes, that was it. We're not into each other like that. We're really good friends though. He's a good guy, but he's not my guy."
When I'm assured she only sees him as a brother, we continue to eat pizza and drink wine. After, we head to my bed to watch a late night film. Nine times out of ten we fall asleep before the film finishes. As I close my curtains I catch sight of a familiar looking car driving away. I frown in thought, I'm sure that looked like Leo's car. I almost laugh at my wishful thinking. Leo wouldn't be desperate enough to be outside my apartment. He doesn't even know where I live, and I'm grateful. I'm not ready for him to know where I live. I can't have him in my personal space. "Twilight OK?"
I turn around and smile at Maisy who's surrounded by DVDs on the floor. "Perfect."
There's nothing like sexy vampires and werewolves to take my mind off Leo. Although Edward Cullen sure would look a little better with some added muscles, nice big arms and a few tattoos.
I almost roll my eyes at myself.
Chapter E
ight
Tanya
I'm dressed in my tight black mini dress that shows of my ass and tits, and my sexy red platform heels, because I agreed to go out with Maisy tonight. I didn't originally want to go out. but Maisy's right, I need to let loose. I need some fun; I haven't been able to relax since Leo came back into town.
I've been thinking about him all damn week! Wondering what he's doing, and why he's suddenly decided to listen to my demands to leave me alone. I have to suck it up and leave my feelings out of this; I wanted him to leave me, so I told him over and over to, and now he finally has, I need to live up to what I asked for.
"Ready?" I turn around to look at Maisy, she looks beautiful in her black peplum top, red aztec mini skirt and black heels. When I said yes to Maisy begging me to go out, I came over to her house to get ready, bringing my overnight things. I nod my head as I put in my hooped earrings. "You need to cheer up, Tan! I don't wanna have you going out with a face like that. Here." She hands me a drinks and smiles. "We need to find you a man for tonight. That'll help. Bring back the old Tanya."
I take a sip and laugh. "Sure." Little does Maisy know, that's what I've been trying to do for the past four years. My friends called me a man eater, or a tart, but the truth is, I was trying to make my body forget Leo. It never worked. Not only did he leave me heartbroken, and dealing with a fuck up of a situation, he ruined me for other men. Bastard.
Leo
"Hey, handsome." The busty red head sits down in the booth next to me. Max and James decided they wanted a night out so they dragged me along. I'm getting sick of telling girls to fuck off nicely, so I don't even look at the girl as I tell her to fuck off. She quickly stands, "Fucking dick." I don't even look up from my drink as she goes away, I may have been harsh but I got what I wanted in the end.
"Maybe you should calm down with the drinks." James frowns over at me.
"Fuck that, I'm a grown ass man."
"Just leave him, he's drowning himself in beer because he can't have Tanya." Max snickers.
"Well, maybe he could if he'd just stop ignoring her."
I nearly choke on my beer. Did James really just say that? "What the fuck? She told me to leave her alone. She's been saying it every time I get close to her. I'm finally doing what she's asked. What the fuck has it got to do with you anyway?"
James' eyebrows shoot up. "Right, because you've both been so fucking happy. She's a close friend Leo, I'm not happy seeing her like this."
"Just stop with the fucking pity party." Max adds, before walking out onto the packed dance floor, James following. All I want right now is to be alone. I don't know what the fuck is happening in my head, but it's pissing me the fuck off. Maybe I should find myself a girl to lose myself in tonight?
An hour later I'm still sitting by myself in the booth, not that other girls haven't tried to join me. I just don't want their company. The girl I do want to spend time with can't even stand to look at me, and I don't know why. If I wasn't in this fucking mess with a major head fuck, then I'd be having a great time, just like my friends, but instead I'm sat here watching them.
I spot James smile into the crowd, like he's seen someone he knows, and leave the busty brunette he was dancing with. He heads off in the direction where he was smiling. A couple of minutes go by, Max sits down opposite me with an extra beer in his hand. "I figured you might need it."
"Is that so?" I see Max's eyes flicker to the bar, and I follow his line of sight. I spot James walking to the bar, two girls walking behind him. My dick jumps at the sight of one of the girls, in a sexy as shit, short black dress and long blonde hair so similar to hers. Ever since I had a taste of Tanya, my dick never forgot her and neither did I. The blonde flicks her hair, and in that second I see her face. Fuck! It's Tanya, the small chick following must be Maisy. My dick's now rock hard under the table, she looks fucking great. More than great, amazing! My eyes are glued to her as I watch her at the bar. My eyes scan the area, yeah, men have taken notice. Tanya is stunning, she always attracts attention, all the girls do, but Tanya is mine. I don't give a fuck what she thinks; I don't care if she doesn't want to talk to me. If a man even gets close to her, he's getting the shit knocked out of him.
James begins to lead the two girls towards the booth. I know when Tanya notices me, because she freezes on the spot. I'm surprised when Maisy shoots me a dirty look. What did I do now? I thought she was on my side.
Without a word being said, Tanya turns and leaves, Maisy quickly following. I grab the beer Max offered and take a drink. Well, didn't this night turn worse; I didn't even think that was possible!
Tanya
Oh shit!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Oh shit!
What the fuck is he doing here!
This was supposed to be a night to forget about the stress of Leo. How can I do that when he 's here?
I turn, glaring at Maisy as she joins me on the other side of the dance floor. "Did you know he was here?"
She looks shocked. "No of course I didn't!" I quickly down my drink. "If I'd known I wouldn't have brought you here."
I nod my head to show her I believe her. I'm just in shock. I can't believe he's here, I have to go. James joins us looking really worried. "Are you alright?
I run a shaky hand through my hair. "Yeah. I'm fine. I just need to go home."
Before I take a step Maisy grabs my arm. "Where do you think you're going?"
"I can't be here." I beg her with my eyes. God, I feel so pathetic.
"Now you listen to me!" She pulls me closer, placing her hands either side of my face. "You're not going anywhere, you're staying here and we're going to have a great night. You’re going to find yourself a hot man, and you're going to dance with him. You're going to flirt like a slut, because I need my Tanya back. This isn't you! You wouldn't have given a shit if a guy was here, you'd rub his face in it! Do you hear me?" I nod my head slowly, gathering myself. She's right, this isn't me. I can't let a man affect me like this, least of all Leo after the shit he left me to deal with on my own, without a second thought.
James tries to fuss over me, but I tell him I'm going to be fine and I will be. Now, it's time for some fun. I need to find myself a man. The fact Leo is here to watch makes it much sweeter. I almost smile at him as I pass on my walk to the middle of the dance floor.
Let’s see how he feels when he has to watch me leave with someone else.
Chapter Nine
Tanya
I've been dancing with Maisy for over an hour now, it might be longer. I don't know, because I'm having way too much fun to check. I'm finally relaxed from all the drinks Maisy has practically thrown down my neck. I'm drunk, dancing in a club, hot guys surrounding us, and it's fucking great. I can feel Leo's eyes burning into me, but I'm enjoying myself too much to care about him. If he wants to sit there and stare, then he can watch me shake my ass like a stripper, and drool.
Hands lightly grip my waist. I know they don't belong to Leo because I can see him sulking, from the corner of my eye, stood at the bar. Maisy is dancing in front of me and gives a flirty wink, a little sign of hers to let me know the guy behind me is hot. I turn my head slightly to see for myself, oh yes, he's very good looking. Really hot actually. He has light, chocolate colored skin, that makes me want to lick him, dark features and what looks like a seriously hot body. "Hey beautiful."
I giggle, yes I do giggle. I must be drunk. "You wanna dance?"
I nod my head. "Sure."
He turns me around so I'm facing him and we start to move together. He smiles down at me. "What's your name?"
"Tanya, what's yours?"
He flashes his cute dimples at me. "Marcus."
Marcus is a really good dancer, the way he touches my body has me flushing. I soon forget all about Leo and his brooding as I dance. After we've danced to a few songs things start to get a little heated, Marcus turns me around so my back is to his front. I see that Maisy is now dancing with someone as well, but I'm shocked. The man
she's dancing with looks exactly like Marcus! I hear Marcus laugh behind me. "That's my twin, Malcolm." Well that sure explains why they look identical! Who would have thought? Ridiculously hot twins. "You wanna drink?"
I turn and smile at him. "Yes thanks."
He takes hold of my hand, leading me to the bar; I only hope that Leo isn't still standing there. Boy would that be awkward!