by A. K. Layton
Kiki laid against Wade’s chest, her hair dripping wet, body wrapped in a towel, drawing circles on his chest as they both enjoying the post-coitus cuddle. It’d been a rough couple of months, but he was loving the normalcy that was starting. There were bumps along the way, but nothing compared to what they’d already gone through. Kiki had been right, starting over would have been dumb. They’d both learned a lot from their past, and it was bringing them closer as a couple.
“I’ve changed my mind,” the sweet voice said, breaking up the comfortable silence. “I want to move in with you. I just have to give my notice, but we could move me in this weekend.”
The words were music to Wade’s ears. He loved the idea of waking up every morning next to the woman who was perfect for him, the woman who’d changed his life. But something seemed a little off. He knew who she was, and he didn’t want to push her into anything; she was the type of girl who made a man wait, and he was okay with that...mostly.
“Kiki, I’d love for you to move in here. But what made you change your mind?” he asked, sitting up, Kiki following suit, holding the towel against her body.
When her eyes didn’t meet his, he knew something was off, and it almost hurt his feelings. If she wanted to move in, to be with him in that way, he wanted to see the spark, the excitement, the love, but it wasn’t in her eyes. He wanted to ignore it, to agree and be happy she’d changed her mind, but his gut feeling overruled his heart on this one.
“Talk to me,” he begged gently.
Kiki pulled her bottom lip between her lips before looking up at him. She shrugged slightly. “I love you, and I’ve been thinking more about it. I just… I feel so safe with you.”
Safe? Why did that word make him cringe? Shouldn’t he be happy to make his girl feel safe? He couldn’t help but think there should be more.
“I’m glad I make you feel safe, and I will always keep you safe, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason for you to move in.”
“That’s not the only reason,” Kiki protested. “I love you. I really do. I want to be with you.”
“You are with me.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“I’m not sure what you mean. Or if you know what you mean,” Wade said with a shake of his head.
Hopping out of bed, he grabbed a pair of boxers from his drawer, slipping them on before handing Kiki a shirt. Wade sighed inwardly. This was going to be a full-blown conversation. It wasn’t going to be as easy as yes, sure, move in. Every fucking time they took two steps forward they took another one back.
When Kiki didn’t respond right away he was taken aback.
“If you truly wanted to be here, if you loved me so much, you’d be fighting for it right now.” Wade paced the room. “Baby, just talk to me. What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing. I just thought this was what you wanted. Why are you making such a big deal about it now?”
“Hey now. It was what I wanted, but it wasn’t what you wanted. Remember? And it still doesn’t feel like something you want.” Wade shot her a pointed look.
“I don’t even know what to say. I thought you’d be happy.”
“Yeah, me too.” Wade shrugged.
“I’m gonna go.”
“Really?” Wade was angry now. He didn’t know what was going on with her, but something had gotten to her. “I thought we were going to be honest with each other? You give me shit when I don’t open up to you. Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on? I’m here for you, baby.” Wade tried to calm down, wanting to reassure her.
“I don’t know what’s wrong!” Kiki shouted.
He’d never seen Kiki so loud or frazzled, and all he wanted to do was help her. And then a thought hit him—was this how he’d been when she pressed him about his feelings? It was in this moment that he realized there was nothing he could do for her except to be there when she wanted to talk.
“I love you, Kiki. Go figure your shit out. You’ll know where to find me.” Wade gave her a flat look before heading off to the bathroom for a nice, hot shower. Watching her leave his apartment wasn’t a sight he wanted to see.
Chapter 28
Kiki paced in Leena’s living room as Vi and Leena sat quietly on the sofa. She’d asked if she could come over—she needed her friends—but she didn’t know where to start.
“My sweet Kiki, you’re starting to scare me. Is this about Joshua?” Leena asked in a soft tone.
Kiki scoffed. Wasn’t her whole life now about that son of a bitch? He was the reason she was scared to be alone, the reason she took self-defense classes, kept mace at her bedside, and now the reason she’d hurt Wade. He had always come between her and Wade.
“I feel like everything is about him. I’m scared in that apartment, I’m terrified to be alone.”
“That’s to be expected, it’s completely normal. You’ve been through something so traumatic, I can’t imagine what you’re going through,” Vi said with a half-smile.
“I don’t want this to be normal! It’s ruining everything, and I don’t know what to do.”
“What’s it ruining exactly? Something must have triggered this.”
“It’s stupid.” Kiki sighed. She felt dumb now for even calling her friends. She didn’t know what she needed, she didn’t know what to say, she didn’t know what she was feeling.
“It’s not stupid. Tell us what happened and let’s work backward,” Vi suggested.
“I think Wade is upset with me. He asked me to move in with him after he gave me the ring, and I sort of turned him down. Moving in with a man was something I always saw happening after I was married. I loved the traditional idea. But the other night at home, I was alone and jumping at every noise, every sound of footsteps down the hall. I slept with all the lights on.” Kiki recalled the hard night alone. “Thinking about it, I’ve always felt safe with Wade, and then moving in with him didn’t seem like such a bad idea. I thought he’d be excited that I wanted to move in, but he thought the only reason I wanted to do it was because I was scared to be alone.”
“Wasn’t it?” Leena asked bluntly.
“Leena!” Vi scolded.
Kiki’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t know.”
“My sweet Kiki, I’m going to be honest with you, and the truth hurts, but know that I love you. And maybe it’s too soon to be saying this, but if you play the victim, you will always be the victim.”
Kiki whipped her head around, staring daggers at Leena. She couldn’t believe what her friend was saying.
“Give me a minute.” Leena paused. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and Wade, but you shouldn’t count on anyone else to make you feel safe. You need to figure out a way to do that for yourself or you’re always going to be afraid. We’ve all seen that strong woman inside of you, the one who put Jessica in her place, the one who stood up for what she wanted, and the one who fought as hard as she could against a terrible attack. Not a lot of people can say that about themselves. We want her back, or as much of her as we can get.”
Vi stood up, taking Kiki into her arms for a hug. Kiki was still stunned at Leena’s statements.
“Kiki.” Vi pulled back. “I don’t think she’s wrong. Have you considered counseling? The self-defense classes are great, and having the mace on hand is good too, but I think you need more than that.”
Counseling? The thought hadn’t crossed her mind. She had hoped this would all go away, and when it didn’t she turned to her friends for advice and support. And this was their advice? This was what she got? Kiki let out a heavy sigh as she looked at the strongest women she’d ever met, their faces full of compassion, and love. She didn’t know what to do, and there they were giving her a solution; she’d be a fool not to try it. Maybe she’d been a fool, but she wasn’t going to be anymore.
“Okay.”
* * * *
“Thanks for coming over.” Kiki smiled at Wade as she waved for him to come inside, then shut the door behind him, locking it.
“Of course, baby,” Wade said, pulling her into a hug. “Are you okay?”
“Come have a seat.” Kiki nodded toward the sofa.
“No.” Wade pulled back. “If this is bad news, I want to know now.”
Kiki could see the concern on his face, and it made her heart sad. At each turn they seemed to hurt one another, but she was done with that.
“It’s not bad at all. I promise.”
Wade nodded and followed her to the couch. Kiki turned toward him, taking his hands in hers.
“I’ve made an appointment to see a counselor. The aftermath of what happened is too much for me to handle on my own. I see that now. And it was unfair of me to put so much of that on you.”
“Hey now. I want to be here for you,” Wade said, caressing her cheek.
He was truly the best man she’d ever met, and even his simple words and touch were enough to reinforce that she was making the right decision.
“Thank you. But I want you to be my friend, and my lover, and my boyfriend, not a security blanket. And I think I used you a little like that, and we both deserve better.” Kiki paused. “There is another big change that I’m making, and I wanted to talk it over with you.”
“Okay.”
“I’m moving out of this place. I have to—I hate it here. And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Kiki smiled up at Wade.
“I think that’s a good idea too. I support anything that you think will help.”
Kiki leaned in, giving Wade a chaste kiss. How she’d missed those lips in only a couple of days. It was the spark from something so simple, and the honesty in all his words that made her sure of something, for all the right reasons this time.
“I’d like you to help me find someplace to live. But what I’d really like is if you’d ask me to move in with you.”
“Kiki.” Wade said her name with a sigh, shaking his head a bit.
“I’m not going to be hurt if you say no. But my reasons for wanting to move in with you have changed since I asked you last time. I want to live with you because I love you, and each minute I’m away from you all I can think about is seeing you again.” Kiki smiled at him. “And I trust you to eventually make an honest woman out of me. Isn’t that what this ring means?” She held up her hand.
Wade’s eyes softened, and a sly smile pulled on his face. “That’s exactly what that ring means.”
A warm sensation ran through Kiki’s body when Wade weaved his hands through her hair; his touch was magic, and it invited so much love. His soft lips took hers, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.
Wade pulled back, breaking the kiss, keeping her warm in his arms.
“I’d love nothing more than to have you move in with me. I love you very much.” He paused, looking around the tiny apartment. “Now, let’s get the fuck out of this place.”
“Language, Wade!” Kiki scolded.
“I’ll send someone to come pack up your stuff and bring it to our place, so if you want something now, you better grab it, ’cause we’re never coming back here.”
As much as she hated it Kiki knew that the past served a purpose, but she was happy to leave this place behind. And as bleak as her past seemed, it had led her to a shining future—it led her to Wade.
“Our place.” Kiki bit back the stupid smile on her face. “I like the sound of that.”
About A.K. Layton
A.K. Layton has always been one to play by her own set of rules. In her youth she enjoyed writing poetry as it gave her a creative outlet which had no restrictions. Now, after years of reading all types of romantic novels she decided that she wanted to write stories her way. She pushed ahead as only a natural born Taurus can, with sheer stubbornness and determination.
She resides in Oregon with her husband and two children. When she isn’t over committing herself for school functions, playdates, and volunteer activities she enjoys watching MMA fights, taking advantage of the beautiful Oregon Coast, and reading until the wee hours of the night.
A.K. Layton’s Website:
www.aklaytonromance.com
Reader eMail:
[email protected]
More Beachwalk Press Titles by A.K. Layton
Don’t Tap Out
Dirty Boxing
In It to Win It
Don’t Tap Out
Does love have a fighting chance when it’s standing in the way of a dream?
Vivette Kerney has been working in her family’s mixed martial arts gym her entire life, but with the passing of her parents she now owns the prestigious T&A MMA gym. Running the day-to-day operations while also trying to open her own non-profit gym is exhausting, but it’s a labor of love. A personal life is the last thing on her mind, but the new fighter is proving difficult to ignore. He’s very sexy, very charming, and a very unwelcomed distraction. One thing she vowed never to do is fall for a fighter, now if she can just remember that.
Colin Davenport is a former wrestler who traded the Olympic tryouts for a career in mixed martial arts. After having an impressive amateur career he’s recruited to join the elite T&A MMA gym and train professionally. It was a choice he had been unsure of…until he saw Vi, the beautiful, spirited, brunette owner of the gym. Now Colin is having a hard time remembering he’s at the gym to chase a dream, not a girl.
Going against all of the rules, including a strict gym rule that prohibits fraternization between the fighters and staff, they give into their growing chemistry. Can they both keep from tapping out when love and dreams collide?
Content Warning: contains graphic language, some violence, and explicit sex
Dirty Boxing
She was resistant, but he was insistent. A heart isn’t safe when you fight dirty.
Leena Clark is independent, fierce, and most importantly, always in control. As an event planner those are excellent qualities to have. Carrying those into a personal life doesn’t translate well, but that isn’t something that concerns her. She’s content living blissfully in her spinsterhood. However, when temptation and foolish curiosity clash, she allows the one man she shouldn’t to get close to her. After insisting it was a mistake, she finds herself relying on the fighter for help out of a difficult situation. But his help comes with a price.
Gavril Alenin has been waiting for the opportunity to get close to the beautiful, self-assured, and guarded Leena, and her moment of weakness is his chance to fight for the future he wants. Now in his fifteenth year as a professional MMA fighter, he’s ready to get out of the game, but not without a very specific plan: fight for the title one last time, then settle down with the reluctant Leena. But when he finally gets close to the girl of his dreams, everything else in his world falls apart.
When life turns their world on its head they have to decide if what they have is worth the fight, or will they lose it all because of fears and broken dreams?
Content Warning: contains graphic language, some violence, sex, and adult content