“There’s a lot out there now, isn’t there? Is this what it’s like for you all the time?” I ask, feeling a little overwhelmed.
“No, not at all. We are headline news at the moment so it’s bound to be crazy for a bit.” Jonny confidently tells me.
I nervously glance at the madness outside. “I suppose.”
“You feeling okay, not too tired?” Jonny sweetly asks.
I smile, looking into his thoughtful spheres. “No I’m good; it’s nice to be out.”
“There will be lots more of this, Jessica.”
I sigh, lifting my shoulders. “It all seems so surreal still.”
“You’ll get used to it, darling. Like I said, it’s not always like this. However, If there is anything that you are not comfortable doing, please do tell me. What is normal for me, may not be for you. I would hate to make you unhappy.” Jonny’s expression remains serious.
“I think you’d be hard pressed to ever make me unhappy,” I tell him, with a content grin.
Jonny takes my hand, kissing each one of my fingertips; publicly and without hesitation. I love how it feels so completely natural and uninhibited. I love being us. “Thank you for coming tonight, Jessica. I know how hard it must have been to do this.” Jonny’s eyes captivate me, as they always do.
I lean across the table and kiss him. “I wouldn’t have missed it for anything, Jonny.”
After our evening out, the tabloids and the glossies finally have their much-wanted first pictures of Jonny and me together. Looking at myself on the front page of most of the national papers and being on the cover of all the magazines I used to read, is a strange feeling; one I doubt I will ever get used to.
All in all, I think I looked good. Okay . . . I looked more than good . . . I looked bloody fabulous!
The combination of me in my black wiggle dress and Jonny proudly beside me, really did make me newsworthy.
The mood of the press has begun to shift, too. The press tide is turning, so to speak. They are increasingly becoming more curious about us. Less interested in how we got together, but more interested in why we got together.
Jay is absolutely delighted that our first night out was a PR coup. He has been excitedly calling Jonny to say different magazines want to interview him and the chat shows that dropped him now want to pencil in another date. I am amazed by how quickly things can change within a few weeks. Jonny wasn’t kidding when he said show business can be predictably fickle. One minute you are a media leper, the next, they are tripping over themselves to have you talk to them. Jonny has seen it happen time and time again, but it all leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. None of it sits very well with me; I am suspicious and reluctant to let them know anything about us. I have seen first hand, how quickly they can turn. I always knew the media would look upon us in a less than favourable light, but to then see them do a complete turnaround makes me feel incredibly wary towards them, very wary indeed.
Fame is just so fake and orchestrated. It really is an eye opener to see what goes on behind fame’s closed and secret doors. Jonny talks little about him being Jonny Riley, the shit hot famous actor. When he does, I am told the celebrity game is full of people who are only interested in their status or how they look. If the desire isn’t fuelled by that, then it is often driven by money or an overinflated ego. The more famous you are . . . the crazier the life will be.
Jonny has refused to be emotionally pulled under by the fame riptide, even though his life is anything but normal.
I honestly had no idea how many calls he has to take or make. How many press calls and interviews he has to do and the amount of people who constantly pass through his life. His days, and sometimes nights, are dictated by Jay, directors, producers, charity benefactors and his adoring fans, to some degree.
He has women literally throwing themselves at him, at every opportunity. Hoping that they will become the next Mrs. Riley, yet all he can do is politely smile; being gracious without being offensive. Even when he is having a really bad day, he can’t just tell a fan to “piss off.” Being the golden boy of British TV, Jonny has to act at all times with tact and decorum. Luckily for his fans, he is genuinely a nice guy anyway. So having to be nice all of the time is something that comes very naturally to him. Everywhere he goes, he is noticed. There is no just popping out to do something, it will more than likely turn into a crazy circus if he does. Every single thing he does or everywhere he goes, has to be carefully thought through first. Yet he handles his fame so effortlessly and his public persona is a professional yet earthy one. I think that is why he is so adored, because although he’s an A-lister, he is warm-hearted, fun and easy-going. He has time for his public. He tries to give as much of himself as he can to them. He even has thousands of die-hard fans who call themselves The Rilette’s.
It is utter madness but Jonny handles it all with strength, charm and wit.
Being with him now, allows me to see just how he lives his celebrity life. As hectic as it is, he always finds the time for me, which only makes me love him even more. He risked everything for us. At some point, he must have considered what being with me would truly mean for him . . . yet he still chose me. He chose our love over his fame. Maybe the choice was easy, because of the loneliness that often plagued him. I never could get my head around it before, but now I totally get it. It must be incredibly hard for him to know who to trust, Helena said the very same thing. I guess experience and past mistakes have taught him well. He always has to have his wits about him. Fans will literally do anything to get close to him; befriend anyone within his circle in order to be in with a chance of meeting their idol. Their deception knows no bounds. I suppose that is why so many celebrities only go out with other celebrities; they understand what it’s all about. But what about the celebs like Jonny, who haven’t allowed their celebrity status to define who they are? Jonny tries hard to remain grounded and tightly holds on to as much normality as he possibly can, within his celebrity-ladened life.
He often tells me the reason he was single for so long was because he was in some kind of relationship limbo. Yes, the celebrity women are stunning and understanding of his life, but often so high maintenance and too caught up in the whole fame thing to ever engage in any meaningful kind of relationship. Then there are the non-celebrity women who only idolised his famous persona. They were only ever interested in his fame and money more than him as a person, making him distrustful of women from both ends of the spectrum.
He doesn’t talk about his past relationships and as much as I’d like to ask about Georgina, as her poignant words still do play on my mind at times, I don’t. Part of me still does want to know who she is, while another part of me thinks she is completely irrelevant. The past is the past. All Jonny will say, is this; I am the first woman who has made him feel like a man, not a famous man but a real man. He tells me I didn’t allow his fame to stop me from loving him.
Jonny and Jay are meeting in the main reception room while I help Mary prepare one of the rooms for Lydia and Jake’s first visit to Jonny’s place. I am elated to have Lydia come to Chelsea. I have missed her so much. She is all I have besides Jonny. The girls sadly, still haven’t contacted me. Lydia it would seem is the closest thing I have to family now. The emptiness of not seeing my girls gnaws away at me all of the time, so Lydia and Jake’s stay will be a welcome distraction.
I carry a vase of white peonies, lovingly placing it beside the bed. “How long will your friend be staying, Jessica?” Mary is carefully folding towels, placing them neatly on the corner of the marble bathroom suite.
“Just the weekend, Mary. We are going out on Saturday night, so I’m really looking forward to it.” I cheerfully reply.
“I’m looking forward to meeting your friend Lydia.” Mary smiles.
“She is charming, a tad naughty, but wonderful nevertheless,” I proudly gush.
“You know you don’t need to help me get the room ready, don’t you?” Mary asks.
“I just wan
t it to be perfect, not that I think you won’t make it look perfect, Mary. Lydia is a reminder of my life as it was. So much has changed now. I just want her to see that I am happy in my new life, incomplete without my girls, but otherwise happy.” I try to explain my need to prepare the room for Lydia. There are now so many aspects of my life I no longer have control over, but making my dearest friend feel welcome, I do.
Mary frowns. “Still nothing from your girls, then?”
“No . . . nothing,” I say sadly, plumping up a pillow. “I try not to think about it too much. I keep sending texts and letters, but still no reply. I just can’t dwell on it, it hurts too much. Lissy and Lottie obviously need more time. As their mother, I have to respect that.” I absently pinch the corners of the just-plumped pillow, trying to make its points perfect. Anything to stop me from thinking about my girls. Just saying their names is like a knife to my heart.
Mary is standing beside me, trying to offer some kind of comfort. “I am sure with Christmas just around the corner, they will certainly be thinking about you.”
“I hope so; I don’t think I could bear it if this is to be my first Christmas without Lissy and Lottie.” My body becomes tense at the thought. Waves of sadness ripple through me.
“Christmas is often a time for reflection and forgiveness. Let’s hope your girls have had enough time to let the hurt subside and be able to show you that they are now ready to forgive.” Mary smiles, her eyes so full of sympathy.
“They are still so young. I’m not sure they fully understand enough, in order to be able to cope with their thoughts and feelings,” I admit.
“You are doing the right thing, Jessica. You are keeping your distance to give them a chance to heal; if you had pushed too soon they wouldn’t have had enough time to think about things.”
“I can cope knowing that Shawn hates me, but to think of my girls hating me too,” I swallow hard, looking despairingly down at the floor. I have to stop a moment before carrying on. I breathe in sharply, looking at a patient Mary. “Well, words cannot express how that feels.” I am not going to bloody well cry!
Mary slowly places her arm around my shoulder. It’s times like this that I miss my own mother so, so, very much. What I’d give to be held in her maternal arms right now. To have her holding me, telling me that everything is going to be okay. That one day my girls will forgive me and be able to love me again. Mary puts her arm around me, pulling me against her fostering shoulder. “Things will work out I am sure, but for now you have your friend Lydia coming, so chin up,” she says with a caring smile.
Without hesitation, I throw my arms around Mary. Holding her in a tight, thankful embrace. She tenses at first but quickly reciprocates my much needed cuddle. I squeeze her, imagining that she is my mother. Her subtle scent of lavender soothes me alongside her warming hold. “Thank you, Mary.” I whisper into her shoulder.
She tightens her hold on me, before holding me at arms length. “You will have me crying in a minute. Now come on, Mr. Riley will wonder what on Earth has got into us both.” Her tear filled eyes crease upwards when she smiles in her sweet, kind way. I nod, laughing as I wipe my eyes with a shaky finger.
Following Mary down the stairs, I see Jonny coming out of the large reception room. “There’s my girl.” Jonny has a wide smile to greet me. I do love being his girl.
“You’re in a good mood,” I say.
“I’ve been offered another film role, an action thriller, and Jay thinks the press are starting to ease off, too. It would seem, Dimples, we are becoming old news.” Jonny takes my hand, kissing my knuckles.
“That’s fantastic news, Jonny . . . so tell me about this film offer then?”
Jonny smiles with a relaxed frown. “I don’t really know much yet, darling. It has only just landed on Jay’s desk.”
“It sounds exciting though, doesn’t it?”
Jonny excitedly rubs his hands together. “Too right, a role I can really get my teeth into.”
“So, with the press easing off, maybe I can start to think about returning to work,” I say, thinking this would be a good time to broach the subject.
“Maybe?” Jonny sighs, with a look of uncertainty crossing his face.
I step in front of him while trying to read his mind. “What? You don’t sound so sure.”
His hands hold both my elbows, but it’s his perplexed expression, which really grabs me. How does he manage to do that? Just by looking at his glorious face he has me captivated, even though I am trying to ask him something really important.
“Do you think you are really ready, Jessica?” Jonny asks, looking at me with doubt.
“As much as I love you, I can’t just stay here all the time. I need to do something for myself, Jonny.”
“That independent streak of yours is incredibly stubborn, isn’t it?” He smiles.
“Lydia and Jake will be here soon, I really want to speak to her about returning to work. So, if that makes me stubborn, then yes I am.” I hold my head high. Defiant with an alluring smirk.
“Are you thinking about returning four days a week?” he asks.
“I briefly spoke to Lydia about maybe doing just two days in the office, the rest I could probably do from here.”
His jaw tightens, tensing with his thoughts. “Will you be staying in Cheltenham for those two days?”
“I’ll have to,” I say.
Jonny walks over to the table in the hallway, resting his hands on it as his aggravated fingers tap the top.
His mood has quickly changed. The turning of his back on me and obvious lack of response, tells me he is really pissed. I need to touch him, reassure him in some small way. Standing behind him, my hand strokes his back through his cotton shirt. “What’s wrong?” I ask softly.
“Staying away from here for two days isn’t a good idea, Jessica.” Jonny tells me flatly.
“Well, I was hoping to see the girls at the same time.” I say, feeling disappointed by his reaction.
He looks over his shoulder at me. “Can you not have Simon drive you to work on those two days?”
“Like I said, until the girls are ready to come here . . . I will have to go to them. If I don’t try and meet them halfway . . . they will never want to see me, Jonny.” I am trying to explain my reasons but Jonny doesn’t seem convinced.
“So where will you stay?” Jonny asks.
“In a hotel.” My answer is met with another uncomfortable sigh. Jonny continues to tap, all the while deep in thought. He still won’t face me. I hate knowing that I am upsetting him by wanting to return to work and stay in Cheltenham to see the girls. I feel guilty because only a few minutes ago he was happy. Impeccable timing, as always Jessica!
Jonny was the happiest he has been in a long time and your friend is coming to stay, yet you choose to tell the man you love, that you are intending on going back to work and will stay in Cheltenham for two days. Yeah, that’s just bloody great!
“I’m not sure, Jessica,” he finally says. I push myself in front of him, the table tilts slightly as I do; knocking off his keys. The jangling thud distracts us both as the keys hit the oak floor.
I lift my eyes from where they lay, to look back at Jonny; who is already penetrating me with his perplexed suede stare.
“What are you worried about?” I ask.
“That you are not protected . . . that you are not here. Do I need to fucking go on?” he asks, scratching his chin with a pensive finger.
“Listen, let me talk to Lydia, throw a few ideas around and then a decision can be made. Okay? I know you are worried, but I need to do something for me, Jonny. Staying here, day in and day out is something I just can’t do.”
“I know that, but you haven’t even sorted out anything with Lissy and Lottie yet. There’s no need to stay up there just yet, is there? You say it’s only two days away from here, but what about when you have to do trade shows and other events? That will be another day away from me. I don’t think you’ve thought this through p
roperly, Jessica. You’re not even fully healed yet,” he says.
I rest my head on his chest. “I know there’s a lot to discuss, but let me at least try to sort something out. Okay?”
“I suppose I have no choice?” he gruffly replies.
“Jonny Riley . . . I do believe you are sulking.” I am smirking at him now. I lean in to kiss his unignorable pouting lips.
“I love having you here with me. My life is hectic enough, I am worried we won’t see much of each other,” he says.
“If I promise to not let that happen, will it make you feel any better?” I ask.
“We will both speak to Lydia and see if something can be worked out. Then . . . I might feel better,” Jonny says with a ghost of a smile on his lips. The hint of wickedness in his eyes tell me that I am indeed forgiven.
Later that day Lydia and Jake arrive.
“Darling, you are looking fabulous. Oh, it’s so good to see you.” Lydia holds me in a tight embrace. Jake is nervously smiling behind her, so Jonny is the first to welcome him.
“Nice to meet you, Jake. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Jonny says while they zealously shake hands.
“You too, nice place you’ve got here.” Jake’s wide eyes are soaking in the apartment. I let go of Lydia and greet Jake with a kiss on his cheek.
“Thanks for coming, Jake. It’s really great to see you,” I say. He still has a relaxed vibe about him. His long hair is neatly tied back and his tan cargo trousers with the black military style shirt he is wearing, only add to his chilled out demeanour.
“How are you feeling now, Jessica? You look really well. Life in the Big Smoke is obviously agreeing with you,” Jake replies with a glint in his eye.
“Much better now, Jake. So, how hard has it been keeping Lydia in check in my absence?”
“I’m not going to lie to you, Jessica. It has been a losing battle.” He sweetly looks across at a bemused Lydia before laughing.
“Don’t encourage him, darling, I can’t cope with two against one. Besides, he loves me just the way that I am.” Lydia affectionately strokes Jake’s back as she looks around the ground floor of Jonny’s home.
A Famous Affair Page 27