by Linda Ford
There was only one way to resolve her quandary and that was to get Gil to help her find the man she sought. She’d asked him directly, but now decided to come at it sideways.
“Do all the freighters go through Bent’s Fort?”
“Bent’s Fort is on the mountain route of the Santa Fe Trail. Lots of people choose the Cimarron Cut Off and miss Bent’s Fort altogether.”
“Oh.” She did know that, but hadn’t considered how it would impact her search. “But they all go to Santa Fe in the end?”
“Pretty much, unless they end up like the wagon train we saw back there.”
She knew he referred to the one that carried the diphtheria. Frank’s stepbrother might have passed through Bent’s Fort, gone the Cimarron Cut Off or perished. That left a lot of territory for her to explore. “But if a freighter has been on the trail for a few years maybe someone at the Fort will remember him.”
“Could be.” Gil’s voice hardened. “Or it could be this stepbrother has never been on the trail or is entirely made up.”
She pursed her lips. “Are you accusing me of fabricating a story?”
“Just saying it’s easy to blame someone with no name and no address for problems.”
“You’re calling Frank a liar.”
“Just pointing out possibilities.”
She slid as far from him as she could, pretending it was so she could retrieve one of Anna’s rocks.
They rode in tense silence.
Buck called for them to stop for the noon meal.
She barely waited for the wheels to stop turning before she alighted and rushed back to the food larder to bring out the cold meal.
Gil put Anna on the ground and Judith fed her while Gil tended the animals and she ate her own meal before he returned.
She handed him his food. “Would you mind looking after Anna while I take a walk?”
“Better take your club in case you encounter a snake.” He lifted her weapon of choice from the back and handed it to her. He grinned and she knew he teased her, wanting to end the tension between them, but she couldn’t relax, and the smile she gave him probably looked as wooden as it felt.
With muttered thanks she strode away.
Why would Gil suggest that Frank had made up his brother? She went over everything she could remember of what Frank had said. He’d been quite specific in saying his brother freighted on the Santa Fe Trail. “Good way to make a fortune,” he’d said with some force.
“I hear it’s a rough life,” she’d replied. “I can’t see you liking it.” Frank enjoyed his nice suits and hats. He would have snorted in disgust to see Gil’s battered hat.
“You’re right. I’d despise it. No. As soon as I get my shipment of goods, I’ll make my money living in town.” He brushed a fleck of dust from his suit.
Frank had talked about his shipment of goods for the six months she had known him. When she questioned him about how long it was taking, he laughed. “All in good time. I’m happy enough to be a man of leisure at the moment.” He’d smiled adoringly at her. His attention always made her feel special.
She looked at her dusty skirts. Frank would be shocked at her state. She had brought only one fine gown such as he’d think she should wear and she’d been married in it.
Married and vowed to be faithful. Not that she would ever be tempted to consort with another man. Yet another man drew her attention. Frank’s stepbrother. That wasn’t the same as being unfaithful. Not at all. Surely Gil understood that.
A picture of Gil came to her mind. Gil in his battered hat that protected him from the sun and rain. She recalled how she had taken it from his head last night.
And how she’d kissed him.
Frank’s life of leisure had ground to a halt. He explained how his father owed him money and that was how he meant to buy his goods, but his stepbrother had taken the money for his own pursuits. Frank had been evicted from the store he rented and from the nice house where he and Judith planned to live. Even his fine horses had been taken by creditors.
Frank had retreated to the little rundown cabin on the property where he’d once rented pasture for his horses. And that was where he died.
Judith sank to the ground and bent over as pain crashed through her.
She hadn’t heard Gil approach. Didn’t know he was there until he sat beside her and held her close. She wanted to lean into him and forget her past but she couldn’t.
“No one can understand how awful it felt for me to be left with nothing but shattered dreams.” It didn’t matter whether or not he understood what she meant.
Thankfully, he didn’t offer platitudes or try and convince her to forget her past. He simply held her.
The intensity of her pain passed, settling into the pit of her stomach. She knew from experience it would stay there, sometimes lulled into slumber, but springing to life at unexpected times.
Gil had brought Anna and lifted her to Judith’s knees.
“Mama,” Anna said.
Judith’s eyes clouded with tears as she kissed the chubby neck. They were family as Gil had said. But even that could not heal the pain within. Only one thing could.
She must continue to look for Mr. Jones.
Tears slipped from her eyes and dampened her cheeks.
Anna looked concerned. Gil shifted the baby to his arms and wiped Judith’s tears with his thumb. He got to his feet and offered Judith a hand. “The wagons are moving.”
She allowed him to help her upright and then slipped free of his hand. He’d made his opinion clear about her intention of finding Frank’s stepbrother. He thought it a foolish goose chase and perhaps even a fabrication.
If he wouldn’t help her, he left her no choice but to continue looking on her own.
She had yet to figure out how to do that while remaining true to her promises to Gil and Anna to be wife and mother.
10
Gil’s insides felt like they’d been torn by a dull knife as Judith pulled away from him. All his life, the one thing he’d longed for was someone who cared solely for him. His stepmother was the closest person to offer him that and he knew it was because he was all she had left. He admitted it wasn’t that he wanted just anyone to care for him. He wanted his wife to care in that special way.
In all fairness, he’d entered into this relationship knowing neither of them expected or offered what he dreamed of. But in the last few days he’d hoped things had changed. Seems he’d put more importance on the value of a kiss than he should.
Her agony over Frank’s death made him understand how wounded and broken she was. How she must have loved that man and yet he didn’t care enough about her to live.
Judith said she would ride in the back with Anna. He wasn’t surprised though he was disappointed when she didn’t slip forward and lean over the back of the seat to talk to him. Last night meant nothing to her. Their kisses meant nothing to her.
He tried not to compare her to Lillian though in his heart, it felt the same. Judith was here. She rode in the same wagon. But her heart belonged to another.
Could they continue to live together, be father and mother to Anna and yet have this vast chasm between them?
The afternoon hours hung heavy about his shoulders. There was so much he wished he could say to Judith, but he didn’t have the words and she didn’t want to hear them even if he did.
A couple of hours later, Anna wakened and called, “Papa.”
Gil would have rejoiced without reservation at being called that but it was impossible to be a hundred percent happy when he wondered what Judith would do. He knew she wanted him to help her find this man who might not even exist. If he agreed they might spend the next ten years searching up and down the trail and across the Southwest without finding him. That was not what he wanted in his life. Nor did he think it would be the best thing for Anna. Or Judith for that matter. He ached for a home to be shared with her and Anna. Not the restless sort of life he’d lived these last few years.
T
hey expected to go on to Santa Fe but he doubted the mountain pass would be open this late in the year. They might be forced to spend the winter at Bent’s Fort. He had a few weeks before they reached the Fort. He could only hope and pray they would come to an agreement of sorts before that time…one that gave him the desire of his heart. All she had to do was give up this mad chase. Was that asking too much?
Anna patted him on the shoulder and babbled a demand. He might not understand her words, but he understood her message. She wanted to be up front with him. He was about to ask if he should stop when Judith lifted Anna over the back of the seat to the floor.
He couldn’t continue this way. “Whoa.” Old Brighty flicked his ears, as if wondering why they stopped while the other wagons continued on.
Gil turned in the seat. Judith sat at the back, her expression wary.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to suggest Frank was a liar nor to suggest his stepbrother doesn’t exist. Can you forgive me so we can continue to be friends?”
Her eyes were dark and expressionless. She hid her thoughts from him.
“I have to find Frank’s stepbrother.”
“I don’t understand why it’s so important. What difference it will make.”
“I know you don’t understand and I don’t expect you to. But he is partly to blame for Frank’s death and I want him to know that.”
“How will that change anything?”
She rocked her head back and forth as if frustrated at his lack of understanding.
“I’m trying to understand. Please help me.”
She sucked in air. Her expression hardened. “It will make it not all my fault.”
He jumped over the seat and knelt before her. “Judith, you know you aren’t to blame for Frank’s choices.”
“I carry the guilt and will continue to do so until I can make his stepbrother admit his share.”
He didn’t understand and likely never would. “Aren’t I and Anna enough reason for you to put the past behind you and look to the future? We are a family now and I would like us to find a little bit of land and have a real home. I thought you wanted the same thing.”
“You’re hurt because you don’t think I see you as enough reason to forget my quest?”
“I admit I am.”
“Then you know to a tiny degree how I feel to know I wasn’t enough reason for Frank to face his future.” Her voice dripped with sorrow and likely the guilt Frank’s death had burdened her with.
He pulled her to his chest.
At first she resisted then softened in his arms. “I’d do anything I could to change what happened to you but it’s impossible to go back and alter the past.”
“I know you think I should forget it and move on but I can’t.” She pushed away and drew her knees up to her chest. “I can’t until I find that man.” Her voice grew strong, stubborn, and perhaps even desperate.
It seemed they would forever be divided on this matter. If not for Anna and her need for a real home, Gil might have decided to help Judith even though he knew how futile her search was. He’d been on the trail four years. He’d encountered dozens of other traders both on the trail and in the various forts and trading posts. Apart from the old trapper, he had not heard of a man with the name Jones—first or last name.
“Mama, Papa.” Anna grinned at them over the back of the seat.
They were on their feet instantly, rushing forward to grab Anna lest she tumble off.
They both laughed as Gil scooped her into his arms.
“She’s a little monkey,” he said. “We’re going to have to watch her more closely to make sure she doesn’t get herself into trouble.”
“I’ll sit up front where I can keep an eye on her.” Judith climbed out the back.
“Good move,” Gil whispered to Anna. The baby had accomplished what Gil couldn’t—Judith returning to her good nature and ready to sit beside him.
Gil handed Judith the little girl before he jumped over the back of the seat and took the reins. Determined to bring the mood to a better place, he told her stories of people and events he’d experienced on the trail.
He told her of the naturalist who had been with them last year. “His name was Dusty Leaf.”
She laughed, the sound settling deep in her heart. “You sure you’re not making that up?”
“That’s what he told us and I had no reason to question his honesty.”
“Really? Somehow I doubt that you’d let a name like that go without comment.” The look she slanted his way said so many things—that she knew his bent toward challenging things and maybe even that she liked that characteristic.
“Okay, the truth? He said his name was Darwin Leaf but kids in school teased him and called him Dusty Leaf. He liked it so much he kept the name.”
He told her of the many things Dusty had taught them about the prairie, the plants and the animals. “I have always found the prairies to have a special appeal, but I saw them differently after that.”
Judith looked about. “One would think there is nothing to see but grass.”
“You have to have eyes to see and ears to hear what’s around you.”
“I know and I am beginning to see and hear.” The sweetness of her smile made him believe she’d forgotten Frank and his stepbrother for now.
“We’re almost at Cow Creek. That’s where we’ll spend the night.”
The long line of wagons turned aside from the trail and circled.
Gil chose a spot for their wagon close to some box elder and hackberry trees that would provide a little protection from the weather which was hot at the moment, but he knew it could change at any moment.
The teamsters led the oxen and mules away to water and grass. A few horses were left tied to wagons to be cared for later.
Gil was about to take his mules to the creek when shouts and thudding horse hooves made him draw back into the trees.
Judith crowded to his side, Anna in her arms. “What is it?”
“Could be trouble.” As if to confirm his words, gunfire filled the air. Raiders rode between the men and the wagons cutting off the men from returning to protect their possessions, the women and little Polly. The women screamed and men shouted.
Gil reached for his rifle. “They’re being attacked. Stay here. Take Anna and hide in the trees. Keep her quiet.” So far the men hadn’t noticed the lone wagon nor would they expect return fire to come from behind them.
He edged away from the wagon, not wanting to bring shots in that direction. The teamsters had their hands full trying to keep the animals under control. Then a pair of mules raced along the creek and the rest of the herd followed.
“Let them go,” Warren called. “Back to the wagons.”
The intruders shot at the men forcing them to find shelter near the stream. Two of the raiders raced toward the wagons.
Gil knelt down, sheltered by the trees and took aim at the lead rider. He fired. The rider’s horse reared back, the man had to fight to stay in his saddle.
At the same time, gunfire erupted from the wagons.
Gil got off another shot and another, smiling at how surprised the would-be robbers were to find themselves facing return fire from the women left at the wagons. Several men had stayed behind as well and they also fought off the intruders.
Three of the front-riding men turned away and yelled at the others to leave. Firing over their shoulders, their horses kicking up a cloud of dust, they rode away. The thunder of hooves faded. Gil waited to make sure they didn’t circle and return then trotted toward the creek intending to help round up the animals.
Buck rode toward him. “We’ll get them. You stay at your wagon. We won’t know if it’s safe for you to rejoin us until tomorrow.”
Gil drew up. He’d forgotten about the diphtheria. “Someone should have known there were men nearby and recognized the danger,” he called. He was sure he wouldn’t have overlooked the possibility but he wasn’t the scout right now.
&nbs
p; Buck touched his finger to the brim of his hat and turned his attention to the task of rounding up the scattered animals.
Gil returned to the wagon where Judith and Anna waited. “I should be helping,” he muttered. “What’s more, if I was scouting we wouldn’t have ridden into a trap.”
Judith touched his arm. “They were driven off.” She tented her hand over her eyes. “Was anyone hurt?”
Mary Mae stepped from the circle of wagons. “We’re all okay,” she called. “Are you?”
“We’re fine,” Judith raised her voice to be heard across the distance. They all looked the direction the animals had gone.
Feeling helpless, Gil took the mules to water, then brought them back and tethered them nearby to graze. He double checked the ropes. He had no intention of losing them and wasn’t prepared to believe the marauders wouldn’t return.
Judith built a fire and turned her attention to preparing the evening meal. The scent of baked beans and fried salt pork informed him the women at the wagon train were doing the same thing.
The men on foot returned, leaving the men on horseback to follow the animals and turn them back.
Gil hunkered down by the fire. Anna toddled to him. “Papa?” She held out her arms.
He picked her up. She pressed her head to his shoulder.
Judith watched them. “She senses that you are unhappy and wants to comfort you.”
Gil hugged Anna. “Thank you, sweet child.” He couldn’t continue to feel bad with Anna hugging him. Only one thing would make him feel even better and he held out a hand to Judith.
She barely hesitated before she took his hand and allowed him to pull her to his side.
“I’m glad everyone is okay,” she said.
“It could have been much worse.” He turned the direction the animals had gone. “It might take some time to get the oxen and mules back.” The sound of gunshots had sent them into a panic. He did not speak his worst fear that the raiders would drive the stock farther away and leave the wagon train stranded.