Nobody answered the door, so Levi knocked again, a little louder this time. He didn’t want to wake the baby if she was asleep, but it wasn’t her naptime, so he thought he was safe. Still no answer. He opened the door, stuck his head inside the house, and listened. No baby crying. No movement in the kitchen. Was Esther away? Had she forgotten he was coming? More likely she had purposefully left home so she wouldn’t have to be here when he came. His disappointment surprised him. Was she really that mad at him?
Okay then. He’d just do the work while she was gone. Much easier that way. He wouldn’t have to talk her out of using the circular saw, he could knock out plywood without worrying about scaring the baby, and he wouldn’t have to feel guilty about being so arrogant.
The bright and colorful quilt on the frames in the front room caught his eye. The quilt was alive with all the colors of the rainbow in a pattern of small and big rectangles. It was really quite beautiful. How did Esther manage to make quilts and care for Winnie? She was a wonder.
Calling Esther’s name, he wandered into the kitchen. She wasn’t there. The breakfast dishes were drying on the rack next to the sink, along with three baby bottles and two pink plastic spoons. It looked as if Esther had been trying Winnie with some baby food. Was Winnie that old already?
Plop! Something thudded against the kitchen window. Levi drew his brows together and pulled the curtains open. Esther stood under her apricot tree at the edge of her yard. Winnie sat next to her on a quilt, bundled in her jacket and propped up with two pillows. Esther’s face was as dark as a thunderstorm. She reached out, pulled a tiny green apricot from the tree, then threw it as hard as she could at the house. It bounced off the brick four feet from the kitchen window.
Oh, sis yuscht! Where did she learn to throw like that, and how mad at him was she?
Levi opened the window just as she was about to heave another apricot. “Getting ready for softball season?”
She frowned in annoyance and lowered her fist to her side. “Just thinning the apricot tree. You get bigger apricots in the summer that way.”
The thought that she might still be angry with him kept him from laughing. “I’ve never seen that method of thinning apricots.”
She dropped the little apricot and brushed her hands together. “All the farmers are doing it this way now. And Winnie needed a little sunshine.”
“She’s sitting up by herself.”
Esther bent down and picked Winnie up, giving her a kiss on the cheek as she secured the baby in her arms. “She’s close, but she still needs the pillows so she doesn’t do a head dive into the quilt.”
She stood there staring through the screen at him with no indication that she wanted to continue the conversation. Levi decided he’d rather not have a serious discussion from behind a window screen. “I’ll come out.”
He went out the back door just down the hall from the torn-up bathroom. At least thirty little green apricots dotted the lawn next to the house. Esther had been throwing fruit for several minutes. She must have been livid. Esther had put Winnie down again and was sitting next to her on the quilt. She didn’t even look up when he approached. “It looks like you’ve done a gute job culling the tree,” he said.
She still wouldn’t look at him. Winnie was cute, but Esther had always been able to tear her gaze from the baby before. “What I’ve done is made more work for myself. I’ll be picking up green apricots at naptime when I could have been quilting.”
Levi had convinced himself it was better if Esther gave him the cold shoulder, but truth be told, he couldn’t stand the tension between them. He sat next to Winnie and her pillows. “I’m sorry, Esther.”
She looked up. “Sorry about what?”
“You know what, and I don’t blame you for being mad at me.”
Her laugh came out more like a snort. “At least you’re smart enough to know you should apologize.” She picked up an errant apricot and tossed it off the quilt. “But don’t be too concerned. An old maedel like me isn’t worth getting worked up about.”
He growled. “Esther, you know that’s not how I feel.”
She sighed. “You’re right. I’m being unfair, and it’s not even about you. The apricots are because of my schwester. I’m even madder at her than I am at you.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better. Your schwester’s done some vile things.” He tilted his head to look her in the eye. “I really am sorry. You’re not old, and it was arrogant of me to think you might be interested.”
She nodded. “Jah, it was, but it didn’t surprise me. Buwe your age are an arrogant group in general.”
“I didn’t mean to offend or upset you.”
“I wasn’t offended or upset.”
“I was there, Esther. I saw the whole thing. For sure and certain you were offended and upset.”
She gave him the stink eye. “I wasn’t offended. I was mad. And embarrassed. Do you know how humiliating it is to have a man of your age call me old? How embarrassed I was that you thought I asked Rita to invite you to play pickleball with me? I’m mortified that you think I’m desperate, that you think I could hope for a boy like you to ever look at a woman like me. I was embarrassed, and my embarrassment gave way to anger.”
“I don’t think you’re desperate.”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course you don’t.”
“I just . . . look, Esther. We’ve spent a lot of time together. I like you. I thought maybe a woman like you would want more than friendship from a man like me. I jumped to some conclusions I shouldn’t have.”
She picked up Winnie and set her on her lap as if the baby was another layer of protection between them. “A woman like me.”
He gritted his teeth. “I’m sorry. I’m not saying it right. I was wrong, utterly and completely wrong, but I had good intentions, if that counts for anything. I was just trying to be honest with you. I find that honesty is much less painful in the long run than sparing someone’s feelings in the short run.”
She played with Winnie’s fingers. “I don’t mind honesty. I do mind arrogance and thickheaded assumptions.”
“I understand. And believe it or not, I agree. I won’t make any more assumptions, and you’ll always get my full honesty, no matter how hard it is to say.”
She curled one side of her mouth. “I don’t know that I want your full honesty. If you think I’m old or ugly or desperate, keep it to yourself.”
He smiled. “You’re none of those things, and I’m being perfectly honest about that.”
She acted as if she didn’t believe him, but she smiled anyway, making him feel a little better about himself. He couldn’t be completely satisfied, because he had been quite ungenerous and had probably hurt their relationship. He wished he had thought of that before he had let his mouth and his imagination run away from him.
“So,” he said, giving Winnie’s little leg a squeeze, “what did Ivy do this time?”
Esther fisted some of the quilt in her hand. “Ach. I got a letter this morning. Ivy wants me to take Winnie to the library this afternoon and get on the computer to do something called ‘Skype.’ It’s where you can talk face-to-face with someone anywhere in the world.”
“She wants to see Winnie.”
Esther frowned and put her hands over Winnie’s ears. Winnie struggled and fussed at having her head trapped like that. “I don’t know what she wants,” she whispered. “If she truly wanted to see Winnie, she never would have abandoned her.”
Levi couldn’t help but smile. “I don’t think Winnie can understand what you’re saying.”
“She will someday, and I don’t want her ever thinking she isn’t wanted.” She removed her hands from Winnie’s ears. “What Ivy wants is to soothe her conscience and to make sure I know who still has control. If she reminds me how selfish I am, she knows I’ll come running to do her bidding.”
“You’re not selfish, Esther.”
“I’m resentful and angry. In my heart, I want to punish Ivy for”—sh
e glanced at Winnie—“what she did. But that is an uncharitable feeling, and Ivy knows how to make me feel guilty.”
Winnie reached for Levi. He held out his arms, and Esther handed the baby to him. “Then don’t go. There’s nothing that says you have to keep that date at the library. If Ivy’s letter had arrived a day later, you would have missed it anyway. You can blame it on her for not giving you enough warning.”
“I could.”
Levi bounced Winnie on his knee. She giggled.
Esther smiled. “I’ve never heard her laugh before.”
“Anyone in your situation would be very angry at Ivy. It’s completely understandable. Try not to feel guilty. I can’t help but think it was Gotte’s will that brought Winnie here. Can you imagine what would happen to her if she was still with Ivy?”
Esther thought about that for a second. “Do you think Gotte put it into Ivy’s heart to leave her baby with me?”
“Jah.”
“But how could that be? I’m the last person Gotte would trust to take care of a baby.”
“Ach, vell, Ivy might be the last person. You’re only the second-to-last person.”
She cuffed him on the shoulder.
“Esther, you think you’re a bad mother, but you’re wrong. You don’t know anything about babies, but you care for Winnie as if she was your own. You test the water temperature every time you fix her a bottle. You put diaper rash ointment on her bottom every time you change her. You buy that organic formula for sensitive stomachs. You learned how to crochet so you could make her a blanket to have something soft to cuddle. Esther, you are more of a mother than Ivy ever was.”
“That’s a pretty low bar.”
He shrugged. “A mater doesn’t have to know everything. She just has to be willing to try and have the love in her heart to always want what is best for her child. That’s what you do with Winnie every day.”
“That’s a very nice thing for you to say.”
“You probably don’t believe I know how to say nice things.”
“Nae. I’ve heard you say nice things before. They’re just outweighed by the dumm things you say.”
He laughed. “I’ll try not to say any more dumm things.”
“I won’t hold my breath.”
Levi ran his finger along the silky-soft skin of Winnie’s cheek. “So what are you going to do about the library?”
Esther pulled a little green apricot from her apron pocket and tossed it toward the house. “I’ll go. No matter how neglectful Ivy is, she’s still Winnie’s mother. She doesn’t deserve to see Winnie, but maybe it will prick her conscience. She did send a letter. It proves she cares, if even just a little.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
Esther thought about it for a minute. “Jah. But you’re not going to get the bathroom done sitting at the library. I shouldn’t even ask.”
“You didn’t ask. I did. I want to help. Besides, I’ve heard so much about Ivy, I’d like to get a good look at her.”
Esther seemed doubtful. “Not much to see. She’s a younger version of me. Much younger.”
“Not that much younger, and I’ve already told you, Esther—you’re not old.”
She threw back her head. “Ha! I don’t believe you.”
He grinned. “I always try to tell the honest truth. You’re not old.” He cleared his throat. “Just too old for me.” He probably shouldn’t have said that, but if he didn’t explain himself, she was going to think he was a liar every time he opened his mouth.
She seemed to be deciding if she should be offended. “Fair enough. Then I suppose I can tell you that you’re handsome. Just not handsome enough for me.”
He winced. “That hurt,” he said, pressing his hand to his heart and coaxing a smile from her lips.
“You deserved it.”
“I suppose I did.” He slumped his shoulders in mock dejection and made her laugh, but she’d hit a little harder than he wanted to admit. She didn’t think he was handsome enough? Why not? Would any girls in Ohio be interested in a slightly handsome Amish boy? He tried to brush off her words. She was only teasing. He was plenty handsome for anyone, even Esther Zook. Levi stood with Winnie in his arms. “What time is Ivy calling?”
She got up, folded the quilt, and picked up the pillows. “At three. We can go after Winnie’s nap. That will give us some time to work on the bathroom.”
He shook his head. “Maybe not. It’s going to be loud. Winnie won’t be able to sleep through it.”
“We can get a little done before she goes to bed. You can feed her the bottle and show me what to do.”
“Nae. It’s tear-out-the-floor day, and you are not going near my cordless circular saw.”
* * *
Esther drove the buggy around behind the library and glanced at Levi. Was it a lie to tell him he wasn’t handsome enough for her? Probably not. Levi was wonderful handsome, but Esther didn’t want to marry anyone, so no one was handsome enough for her. Absolutely true.
Why was she even thinking about whether Levi was handsome or not when she had bigger things to worry about? She was going to talk to Ivy, and she had no idea what to say to her.
Esther set the brake and glanced at Levi. He gave her an encouraging smile. “You okay?”
“Nae. I’m unsure, and I hate being unsure. Part of me wants to scold her. Part of me wants to tell her how worried I am about her. I still love her very much.”
“I’m sure you do.”
“My parents would be disappointed in me. They asked me to watch out for my schwester.”
Levi secured one of Winnie’s booties, which had been slipping off her foot. “Your parents couldn’t help Ivy. They certainly wouldn’t ask any more of you than they could do themselves. We both know you’d do everything you could to help her if she asked. It’s not your fault she won’t let you help. You’re taking gute care of her daughter, and that’s really the biggest help she needs, even if she would never see it as help. I don’t wonder but your parents are grateful you’re taking care of their granddaughter.”
“I suppose so, even if I have been a bit resentful about it.”
“Who wouldn’t be?”
“I’m back to the problem of what to say to Ivy. I’m tempted to give her a sermon about the evils of abandoning a baby, but I don’t want Winnie to hear it. What would you say?”
“I don’t know,” he said, sliding the door open and stepping down from the buggy with Winnie in his arms. “I’ve never met your schwester.”
Esther grabbed the diaper bag and sighed out her frustration. “Do you think Winnie will be upset to see her mother?”
“Nae. It’s sad for Ivy, but Winnie doesn’t know who her mother is.”
Esther’s lips curled upward. “She probably thinks you’re her mother.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised.”
They strolled across the tiny parking lot. “I’m not sure if I should ask Ivy to come back and take responsibility for her baby or tell her to never return again.”
“I can’t believe it was just by chance that Ivy brought Winnie to you,” Levi said. “Gotte had a hand in it. Until Ivy settles down and quits running, Winnie is much better off with you.”
Esther stopped walking. Levi halted too. She covered Winnie’s ears with the palms of her hands. “I’m not the best mother in the world, but I’m a far sight better than Ivy, who is never in one place for very long. What kind of life is that for Winnie, living out of a suitcase, dragged from place to place by a mother who changes boyfriends as often as she changes her stockings?”
Levi frowned and nodded. “You told me Ivy had a black eye when she came to your house.”
“What if Ivy showed up at my house with a boyfriend?” Esther lowered her voice even further. Winnie didn’t need to hear any of this. “What if that boyfriend hurt Winnie the way he hurt Ivy?”
Levi’s expression turned deadly serious. “I wouldn’t stand for it.”
“I wouldn’t either
,” Esther said, shuddering at the thought of someone harming a child. Winnie squirmed until Esther pulled her hands from Winnie’s ears.
Levi squared his shoulders. “Okay then. Tell her, ‘Ivy, don’t come back. We’re doing just fine without you.’”
Esther’s heart sank like a rock in the lake. “That won’t work. Ivy likes to upset me. If she thinks I don’t want her to come back, she’ll come back just to spite me.”
He hooked his fingers around the back of his neck. “Ach, du lieva.”
“I’ve got to make her think I want her to come back without actually talking her into it.”
“Sounds like a real trick.”
“The trickiest.” Esther opened the library door. “I don’t want Ivy to see you. I don’t know how she’ll react.”
Levi acted as if he didn’t know whether to be offended or amused. “I’m not that homely. Do you think she’ll start throwing things at the screen?”
Esther rolled her eyes and nudged him toward the nearest computer. “Just the opposite. When she was a teenager, Ivy was always giddy over one handsome Amish boy or another.” She shouldn’t have said that. Levi’s head didn’t need to swell any bigger than it already was.
He exploded into a smile and sat down. “Do you think she’ll see how handsome I am and rush to Colorado to meet me?”
“I don’t know what Ivy will do. It’s better to be safe. Ivy was boy crazy as a teenager, and she got wonderful excited about handsome Englisch boys and handsome Amish boys.” Especially if Esther was interested in one of them or one of them was interested in Esther. Esther had learned the hard way never to show interest in any boy, or Ivy would try to steal him. Esther sat next to Levi and took Winnie from his arms. “Don’t look so pleased with yourself. Ivy’s just as likely to throw things at the screen if she thinks you’re homely or handsome.”
Levi scooted his chair away from the computer so Ivy wouldn’t be able to see him when she called. Or was Esther the one who was supposed to call? She looked at the computer. They had a different kind at the library in Pennsylvania, and Esther didn’t even know how to turn this one on. Levi turned it on for her, but then he had to ask the nice lady at the reference desk how to do the Skype thing.
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