Levi scooted his chair from the table and stood up. “I’ll be right back.”
He went into Esther’s room, knelt down on the floor beside her dresser, and ran his hand underneath the bottom of the drawer. This was Esther’s new place for keeping money, her cell phone, and the adoption papers. Three plastic bags were taped to the bottom of the dresser. The two small ones held Esther’s cell phone and some cash. Levi pulled the biggest one from the bottom of the dresser. There they were. The adoption papers. The lawyer said all he had to do was call her and she’d meet them at the courthouse as soon as Ivy was ready to sign. He took the adoption papers into the kitchen, moved his chair closer to Ivy, and sat down next to her.
She was quiet but didn’t seem at all upset about letting Esther adopt her baby. “I’m a good mother, and I do love Winnie. You know that, right?”
“Of course you love her. And you want to do what’s best for her.” He laid the adoption papers on the table in front of her.
A smile slowly crept onto her face. “It would be better for us too.”
“Um, well, yes,” Levi said, not sure who “us” referred to.
Ivy nodded enthusiastically. “This is the perfect solution. I have to admit I was a little worried. Men are so prickly about raising another man’s child. Giving Winnie to Esther sets me free. It sets you free too. We could start our life together and have our own children without Winnie to mess it up for us.”
Levi froze as if he’d been struck by lightning. “Wait, Ivy. I don’t want you to think . . . I’m not . . .”
“I don’t want to go crazy and have like ten children or something. Two is a nice even number.”
“I didn’t say anything about getting married.”
She looked at him as if he’d said something stupid. “Well, getting rid of Winnie is the first step, isn’t it? That frees both of us up.”
She reached out for his hand, but he pulled back before she could touch him. “No, Ivy. No. You don’t understand. I don’t want to marry you.” It came out harsher and louder than he intended, but shock had rendered him completely undiplomatic and wildly angry—mostly at himself. How had he not seen this coming? Ivy wanted to marry him. From the looks of the special brunch on the table, Ivy had been expecting a proposal. He’d told her not three weeks ago that he did not want to marry her, but she obviously hadn’t believed him, especially since he’d been extra nice since then. He had wanted to soften her up, but he’d only created expectations. Expectations he wasn’t about to meet.
Ivy stared at him in disbelief. “What did you say?”
He lowered his voice. “I’m not asking you to marry me,” he said gently. “Marriage has nothing to do with it. I just want you to let Esther adopt Winnie. It would make Esther happy, and Winnie would have a good, stable home. That’s all.”
Ivy caught his words as if he was throwing rocks at her. “You’ve been flirting with me for weeks. And don’t try to deny it.”
Levi leaned his elbow on the table and rubbed his forehead. “I’m sorry if you thought I was flirting. I was just trying to be nice.”
Her eyes flashed with resentment. “What a lie. You were being nice because you wanted to talk me into giving Winnie away. My own daughter! How could you even ask?”
“I just think Winnie—”
She stood up and moved as far away from him as she could get and still be in the kitchen. “I thought you loved me, and now to find out you were using me.” She glared at Levi with all the anger of utter embarrassment. “You and Esther worked this out together, didn’t you?” She pinched her face into a sneer. “‘Let’s be nice to Ivy and trick her into giving us her baby.’ You must think I’m so stupid. Well, I’m not going to fall for it.”
“Ivy, please don’t be upset. This is not Esther’s fault. We all just want what’s best for Winnie.”
“I thought Esther was glad I came back. I thought we were friends. I thought maybe she loved me. She sewed three new dresses for me. She taught me how to make breakfast casserole.”
Nae, Ivy, please don’t bring Esther into this. Lash out at me, but don’t do anything to hurt Esther. He couldn’t even say it out loud, because that is exactly what Ivy would do—punish Esther for his mistake. “Esther loves you with all her heart.”
Ivy was beyond consolable now. She paced around the kitchen like a caged animal, moaning and panting. “Esther pretended to love me, when all she wants is my baby. My baby. Esther is a selfish, self-righteous, lying prig, and she’s not getting her hands on Winter. Ever.”
A wide, gaping wound opened up in the middle of Levi’s chest. What had he done? And how could he make it right? He stood and tried to steer Ivy back to her chair. She shoved him away from her and nearly lost her balance. Not wanting Ivy to hurt herself, he quickly backed away and raised his hands. “I’m so sorry. Please, sit down. Let’s just talk about it. We can work this out.”
Ivy’s eyes were mere slits on her face. “You want to work things out?”
“More than anything.”
She picked up the adoption papers and, in one swift motion, ripped them in half. “That’s how I work things out,” she said, spitting the words out of her mouth like poison. “I don’t let anybody tell me what to do, and I don’t let anybody walk all over me. I won’t be tricked into doing something I don’t want.”
Levi looked at the shreds of paper in Ivy’s hands. That was what Ivy’s spite was going to do to Esther’s heart. “Ivy, please.”
Ivy let the papers fall to the floor with a mocking smile on her face. “That’s what I think of your adoption papers.”
“Can’t we talk about this?”
She pulled back her hand, and before Levi knew what was happening, she slapped him hard across the face. Ach, du lieva. The pain in his chest was sharp and raw. He barely felt the sting of her hand. “I’m done talking. Get out of my house.”
Chapter Thirteen
After pickleball, Esther couldn’t face going home, couldn’t face the possibility of Ivy being engaged to Levi, so like a coward, she had Cathy drive her to the dollar store in Monte Vista, where she walked up and down the aisles and wondered how they made a profit on balloons and plates and bags of chips. Cathy bought nasal strips for sleeping, then bought lunch at Dairy Queen for all of them. After that, she drove them out to the wildlife refuge, where they looked for wildlife. It was a serene and completely unhappy day.
What would Esther do if Levi married Ivy? How could she bear it? She’d have to move to another state and start her life over again. But that would only be possible if Ivy let her keep Winnie. What would she do if Ivy wanted Winnie for herself?
After the wildlife refuge, Esther couldn’t avoid it anymore. She had to go home, because Winnie would soon be hungry for dinner and then it would be time to put her down for the night. Cathy had stuck with her the whole day, bless her kind heart, and drove her home just before five o’clock. Cathy pulled in front of the house and put the car in park. “Have a good night, and tell Ivy she needs to get her act together and move out of your house. Tell her I said she shouldn’t be freeloading on her sister. If she needs money, she can come to my house and pull weeds.”
Esther pulled Winnie from her car seat and nodded. She wasn’t going to tell Ivy any such thing, but it was nice that Cathy wanted to help. Unfortunately, nobody could help Esther but Gotte, and if He had plans, He wasn’t telling her about them. There was no sign of Levi, no wagon or buggy out front. Not that Esther had expected that—she’d been gone all day—but there was a pile of something brown and orange and yellowish on her front step, like a thick, lumpy welcome mat.
Esther left the car seat on the grass and carried Winnie and the diaper bag to the house. She’d go back for the car seat later. As Cathy drove away, Esther paused on the step and studied whatever it was on her porch. It took her a second to realize that it was breakfast casserole, poured from its pan, with flies buzzing around it, dripping and oozing trickles of moisture.
Ivy’s bru
nch had not gone well.
Was that gute news or bad news? If Levi had proposed marriage, Esther couldn’t imagine Ivy dumping breakfast casserole on the porch. Esther pulled Winnie tighter as her heart did somersaults. Maybe Levi hadn’t proposed after all. One thing was for certain: Ivy was ferociously angry about something. Her temper was worse than Esther’s. What would Esther find behind that door? She’d be wise to prepare for anything. Something heavy and dark pressed into her chest as she opened the door. “Ivy?” she called.
“In here.”
Esther marched slowly into the kitchen, wondering, hoping that maybe she’d been wrong about Levi. With all her heart she wanted Nanna to be right. The pile of breakfast casserole on the step was a disgusting mess, but it also gave her hope. And in the last few weeks, hope had become an unfamiliar feeling.
Esther gasped as she walked into the kitchen. Something very bad had happened. Either there had been a fight or Ivy’s temper had gotten the better of her or both. Ivy sat at the table with her fingers laced together, her lips pressed into a hard line and a glint of fierce resentment in her eyes. Two puddles of orange juice pooled under the table, along with several strips of ripped white paper, crumbled bacon—such a waste—and shards of glass from one of the fancy plates Ivy had set on the table this morning. The table was strewn with overturned glasses, smashed orange rolls, and flower petals from the roses Esther had cut just this morning from her lone rosebush. Definitely a temper tantrum. Esther’s heart galloped out of control and probably set some sort of speed record. Surely Levi hadn’t proposed!
Esther scooted a piece of glass out of the way with her shoe and ventured farther into the kitchen. “What happened?” she said, trying hard to keep her voice steady and unemotional. Ivy wouldn’t take kindly to any joyful exclamations on Esther’s part.
Ivy’s gaze flicked in Esther’s direction. “You think I’m so stupid, Esther, and I’m not going to put up with it anymore.”
Oy, anyhow, Ivy was mad. “I don’t think you’re stupid.”
“Yes, you do. But just so you know, I’m not stupid and your tricks don’t work on me.”
“What tricks?”
“Shut up, Esther. Just shut up. I’m not some naive Amish girl you can fool easy. I’ve been in the real world. I’ve seen things, more bad things than you could ever imagine. You can’t pull one over on me, no matter how hard you try.”
“Pull one over on you? What does that mean?”
She turned and glared at Esther. “You see. You don’t even know. Now who’s the stupid one?”
“I don’t think you’re stupid.” Ivy knew how to get what she wanted. Esther had never underestimated her. Esther picked up a petal from the table and rubbed it between her fingers. “It looks like your breakfast didn’t go well.”
“Too bad for you,” Ivy said.
Too bad for you? What did she mean by that? Esther tried to muster some sympathy for Ivy. She’d pinned her hopes on Levi. He’d maybe even broken her heart. Esther should have felt sorry for her dear sister, but she felt nothing but relief. Levi wasn’t in love with Ivy. That was the best news of her life. “Tell me what happened.”
Ivy seemed to explode. She stood up and pointed at Esther. “What happened? Don’t act so innocent. You know what happened. You put him up to it.”
“Put him up to what?”
Ivy ripped the kapp off her head. “All these weeks! All these weeks I’ve worn this stupid kapp and this ugly dress because I thought he liked it. I’ll bet you two had a good laugh over me in these ridiculous clothes. I thought he wanted to marry me. I made breakfast casserole because he tricked me into thinking he was going to propose. But it was all an act. He pretended to like me just so he could get me to sign your precious adoption papers.”
Esther’s heart stopped beating. She tightened her arms around Winnie. “What . . . what adoption papers?”
Ivy bent over, snatched a strip of paper from the floor, and waved it in Esther’s face. It took Esther a split second to realize what it was. How had she found those? “Stop it, Esther. That innocent act doesn’t fool me. It was your plan all along to make me think Levi loved me. You wanted to trick me into giving away my baby.” She crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it across the room. “I won’t do it. I’m never giving Winnie away, especially not to my two-faced sister.”
Nothing but the fear of dropping Winnie kept Esther upright. Her knees locked, and her lungs refused to take in air. “Ivy, we didn’t try to trick you. We just wanted you to see—”
“You’re a liar. You’re all liars, and I trusted you.”
Unable to support herself any longer, Esther sat down at the table with Winnie firmly in her arms. She didn’t understand. Why hadn’t Levi said something to her? She would have told him not to do anything foolish. It seemed he’d done the most reckless thing in the entire world. Esther didn’t know what to say. Was there anything she could say? It was always a nerve-racking, perilous game with Ivy. “It’s not like that. I just thought you’d be happier without a baby to worry about.”
“You couldn’t care less about my feelings. You want my baby, and you’ll say anything to get her.” Ivy winced as she snatched Winnie roughly out of Esther’s arms. Winnie screamed and reached out for Esther.
“Please, Ivy,” Esther said. “Can’t you see she’s upset? Just let me feed her and get her to bed, then you can say anything you want to say to me.”
“You’re not her mother,” Ivy screamed, wrapping both arms tightly around Winnie as if she feared Esther would try to wrestle Winnie away from her. “She’ll never love you as much as she loves me.”
Ivy couldn’t have hurt her worse if she had slapped Esther in the face. Esther’s eyes stung from the force of it.
Winnie’s face turned red as she wailed at the top of her lungs. Ivy bounced her up and down as if she knew what she was doing. “Look what you’ve done, Esther. You’ve turned my own baby against me.”
Ivy was completely irrational. Esther couldn’t hope to reason with her. All she cared about right now was Winnie’s safety and well-being. “Okay, okay, Ivy. It’s going to be okay.”
“Don’t say that, like a few words will make everything better. You wanted to hurt me.” She lifted her chin. “I’m going to do what’s best for me and my baby, and that doesn’t include letting a selfish, hypocritical prude be her mother. I carried Winnie for nine months. I got varicose veins and stretch marks. I went through hours and hours of labor. Don’t think you can tell me anything about being a mother. You don’t know anything. Anything.” She made a shushing noise with her mouth in an attempt to quiet Winnie, but it did no good. Winnie screamed as if her heart were broken.
“Ivy, let me put her to bed, and we can talk.”
Ivy glared at Esther. “Well, you’ve got one thing right. From now on, you ask my permission anytime you want to do anything with Winnie, and keep her away from lying jerks or I’ll take her away so fast, it will make your head spin.”
“Please don’t do that. Please don’t take Winnie away.” It was foolish and humiliating to beg. Esther’s desperation only gave Ivy more power, but the thought of losing Winnie buried her.
“I found your cash and your cell phone, and they’re safely hidden for when I’m ready to take Winnie and get away. Don’t think I won’t do it.” Ivy turned on her heels, avoided a thick piece of glass at her feet, and headed toward her room. “I’m going to spend some quality time with my baby.” She slammed the door behind her, but it did nothing to muffle Winnie’s cries for Esther, the woman she’d come to depend on. The woman who knew how to take care of her. But still, the woman who wasn’t her mother.
Esther blinked back some useless tears, knelt down, and started picking up glass from the floor.
* * *
Levi was beside himself with worry and guilt and every other intense emotion he could put a name to. He had wanted to fix everything for Esther, to be her hero, to make her so happy that she might consider loving him, bu
t instead he’d ruined everything. Ivy was furious. Would she take Winnie and run away? Esther’s heart would break, and for sure and certain, she’d blame him—for interfering where he shouldn’t have, for losing Winnie. How could he ever make it right?
He sat just down the road from Esther’s house in his open-air buggy watching the sky turn orange and purple and finally a deep, sapphire blue. Winnie would be asleep, and if he sneaked around to Esther’s window, he might be able to coax Esther out of the house without Ivy knowing.
This morning after the disastrous brunch, Levi had gone straight to the pickleball courts to talk to Esther. Mammi was there with Mary Jane, but she said Esther had gone into town with Cathy. Even if he’d known where they had gone, it would have been futile to chase a car around town in his buggy, so he gave up the fight and decided to go back in the evening when Winnie was asleep, Ivy had hopefully calmed down, and Esther would be available to talk.
He had to talk to Esther, had to apologize. He’d let her cry on his shoulder if she wanted to, but like as not, she’d want to beat one of her bushes to death with a tennis racket, or worse, she’d refuse to talk to him, or would even tell him she never wanted to see him again. He wouldn’t blame her. If she lost Winnie, it would be no one’s fault but his own.
He jumped from his buggy and walked quietly around the house to Esther’s bedroom window. The blinds were shut, and the room was dark. Levi knocked softly on the window, but if Esther wasn’t in her room, she’d never hear him. He held his breath and waited, but Esther didn’t come to the window. He walked around to the back, got on his tiptoes, and peeked into the kitchen. It was also dark and empty. Where were they? If he wanted to talk to Esther, he’d have to go about it in a more direct way.
He walked back around to the front of the house and knocked on the front door. The sounds of movement inside the house told him someone was deliberately taking her time to answer the door, making him wait, letting him think on his sins, giving him reason to be worried.
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