Nathan stroked the area where soft, short curls grew. My head fell back and my eyes slid closed as his fingers dipped into my very wet, deepest place. He didn’t delve right in like I thought he might. Instead, he swirled his fingers around in the moisture, coating the entire area with my personal lubricant.
“It’s like liquid satin,” he said to himself as if he were utterly fascinated.
The more he circled his fingers around, the shorter my breaths became. He pinched and teased my folds until they felt thick and full. I was so very wet that some of the moisture coated the insides of my thighs.
The sensations rolling through me were just the tip of the iceberg. Nathan had just begun.
Very carefully he draped my legs over his shoulders so my knees bent and my calves fell down his back. He pressed a trail of kisses up the inside of my thigh and then he pulled one of my folds into his mouth and began to suck.
I jerked up off the table, the sparks of heat so intense that I thought I might burst into flames. He took his time with each and every part of me. There was no place neglected. By the time he made it to my center, I was shaking with need. I couldn’t control it. It’s like my body didn’t know how to be still; there was just too much passion running rampant beneath my skin.
“Please, Nathan,” I said, wanting to reach out for him but needing my elbows for support.
His tongue delved into my opening and I cried out, completely not expecting that he would use his tongue that way. It was so intimate that it was partially overwhelming. In and out his tongue moved, creating the same kind of action his hips would make if he were between my legs. He didn’t delve too deeply inside me, but it was just enough.
His lips pulled at my clitoris and rolled around, massaging it.
I gasped and arched upward.
In one final act of freaking epic proportions, Nathan gripped my hips and towed me even farther forward. My backside was no longer touching the coffee table. He was completely supporting my weight and his face was totally immersed… well… you know where.
My entire world splintered apart. I shattered like a too-hot light bulb. Pieces of me flew everywhere, scattering around us. I couldn’t think; all I could do was let the feeling of the orgasm ripple through my depths as my stomach muscles clenched over and over again.
He didn’t stop licking, but his tongue gentled, bringing me back to Earth in the best way possible.
I collapsed against the hardwood surface of the table. Sweat actually beaded on my forehead and my legs still trembled.
Oh. My. God.
I should’ve probably been embarrassed. Yeah. No. I wasn’t going to be embarrassed about that. It was mind blowing.
“I’m never going to look at this coffee table the same way again,” I said as Nathan pulled back just slightly. He slid me a little farther onto the table but still supported my legs with his shoulders.
“You’ve got to be the hottest woman I have ever met.”
I pushed up onto one elbow and shoved at the hair falling into my eyes. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
He looked smug. His lips were slightly swollen and his cheeks were flushed. I glanced down at the tent he was sporting in his pants.
“Looks like you could use some attention,” I purred.
He grabbed my panties off the floor and slid them around my ankles. “It’s not about me right now.”
“Then what’s it about?”
“You,” he whispered, gliding the silk back up my legs. “Only you.”
I sat up, swaying a little with the movement. I felt drunk. I felt woozy. I was completely and totally relaxed.
He smirked. “Besides. You’ve had all you can handle of me right now.”
“You don’t think I can handle you?” I said, stubbornness crawling into my tone.
Nathan scooted forward on both his knees, wrapping an arm around my waist and using his free hand to tuck the hair behind my ear. “I know you can. I’m actually a little worried I won’t be able to handle you.”
Something inside me softened. I laid a hand on his cheek. “I’m not gonna hurt you, Nathan Reed.”
He smiled a little sadly. The longing in his eyes pulled at my heart.
“I know you wouldn’t. Not intentionally. But not all hurt can be prevented.”
What did he mean by that?
28
Nathan
Life is fragile. A man knows this from the time he’s just a boy, but for me, it didn’t really sink in until I watched men die around me.
Before I went to Afghanistan, I was young. There was a freedom I always felt, like life was limitless and so was time. I didn’t really think about how we could be here one moment and gone the next.
And then I went to war.
I watched men—good men—die. I watched the fear in their eyes as hostile people shot and attacked us. I heard the yelling, the screaming. Desperation and gunfire laced the air and sounds of the explosion still haunted my every waking hour.
When I returned home, I wasn’t the young man who left. I felt old. I felt hardened, and I glanced at men who I used to be like and felt angry they could be so innocent. I wanted to rage at them; I wanted to tell them they had no idea the time they wasted.
I wanted to tell them that everyone has an expiration date and they needed to start living like it.
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t give out advice I wasn’t living. Lead by example. It was something I tried to lay as the foundation of my career in the Marine Corps. To me, that meant being a Marine, a man that my peers could look up to. It meant showing others how to live with actions.
But my actions went against everything I learned in Afghanistan.
Instead of living life to the fullest and making the most of every minute, I sort of withdrew. I shied away from things I really enjoyed, from the people I really loved, because living life to the fullest felt too hard.
Living life to the fullest was dangerous.
It was easier to avoid commitment, avoid attachments, and be solitary because part of me thought it would hurt less. Some of those men were like brothers to me. Their lives ended in the blink of an eye.
I went and stood at their funerals and watched their loved ones cry. I watched Prior’s wife cry over his gravesite while she cradled the baby daughter he never got to meet.
How was that fair?
How was it fair that he died and I got to live?
What made my life more valuable than his?
And so I retreated. I spent my days working out and filling my time.
I didn’t want to live that way anymore.
Honor was the light that flooded my darkness. She was the glasses to my partially blind eyes. Her kisses were like balm to my wounded soul. Her determination to survive even when odds were against her was my wakeup call.
I told her I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle her. I didn’t mean sexually. I had that shit handled. That woman turned to putty in my hands. I meant emotionally. Honor was the kind of woman that would make me fall. It would be hard and fast, and once I was in love with her, I knew I would love her forever.
What if she died too?
What if I gave her everything I had and then she was taken from me?
I wouldn’t survive it.
But I didn’t want to live without her either.
I steered the Jeep in between two white lines and shifted it into park. I glanced out the windshield and did a double take. I hadn’t planned on coming here. I left her standing at the front door, wearing those tight jeans and furry boots, and I went on autopilot.
I glanced at the sign in the window of the shop and laughed.
It was the kind of laugh that expelled some of my worry and replaced it with a lighter feeling—a feeling of rightness.
It was time I made more out of my life. I would forever mourn the men that died, but I couldn’t act like I died too. I didn’t. I was still here. I still had the opportunity to be one lucky bastard. Yeah, the tho
ught of losing Honor scared the shit out of me.
But she was young. She was healthy. We weren’t in a war zone. The odds were in our favor.
Except, of course, for one thing.
Lex.
He was a threat to me. To Honor.
I was trained to eliminate threats. Eliminating him would be a freaking pleasure.
I yanked the keys out of the engine and stepped out onto the pavement. I felt better now that I had some sort of plan.
But first, there was something I had to do.
29
Honor
I heard his Jeep crunching over the gravel in the driveway and my pulse immediately picked up. It’d been only hours since I saw Nathan last, but I missed him. He was never far from my mind the entire day.
My mother seemed to know it too. She kept giving me these knowing looks and asking coy questions about Nathan whenever she could work them into the conversation.
My father, of course, seemed oblivious to it all so I spent most of my time with him. I stayed through dinner and then drove home. I wanted to get here before dark… It gave me a chance to check all the closets and showers for anyone who might be lurking.
And yeah, I was totally anxious to see Nathan again.
Before he left, he said he’d be back tonight and he would take me to his place. Good Lord, his place. My body was still humming from what he did to me on that coffee table. But I was also hungry… hungry for more.
Part of me hoped we did very little sleeping in the king-sized bed he claimed to have.
I raced down the steps like an excited teenager barely able to contain my excitement when he knocked on the front door. Brisk air rushed inside and swirled around me when I pulled open the door, but I barely noticed the cold.
Nathan was standing there in a pair of loose-fitting jeans, boots, and a rust-colored T-shirt. Over top, he wore a grey fleece jacket that was zipped a little bit more than halfway. He’d shaved since I’d seen him last and his jaw was completely smooth.
“Hey,” he said, grinning.
“Hi.” I stepped back so he could come in and shut the door behind us.
“So, I did something,” he said a little sheepishly.
After I locked the door, I gave him a funny glance. “What?” I couldn’t help but notice the way he was standing with one arm sort of wrapped over his middle.
“I got you a present.”
“You already gave me a gun.”
He gave me a lopsided smile. “This is something you’ll actually like.”
I laughed. Something inside his jacket moved. “Ummm, please tell me there isn’t an alien baby inside your stomach, trying to claw its way out.”
He laughed. “Only a writer would think up something like that.”
“Hey. It could happen.” I said, still watching the lumpy movement beneath his coat.
Very gently, he reached into the inside of his jacket and withdrew my gift.
I gasped and stared at the little wiggly bundle in his palm. It was a puppy.
“You got me a puppy?” I said, staring at the fluffy little guy. The puppy couldn’t have been more than two pounds.
“Life’s short. No time like the present to get what you want,” he said. I could hear a tiny bit of wariness in his tone. Giving someone a puppy was like the gift that kept on giving. Giving poop and pee on your rug.
“Can I hold him?” I cooed, reaching out for the tiny little body.
“It’s a girl,” he said, handing her over.
“She’s precious,” I whispered, cradling her against my chest. She was white with a few light tan spots on her back end and on her nose. One of the puppy’s ears was tan and they both stood up and were bigger than her head, making her look like Dumbo, and they were fuzzy with long strands of ultra soft hair sticking out wildly around them.
I laughed and stroked her softness. “Hi,” I told the puppy. It made a little puppy sound and my heart completely melted.
I wandered up the stairs, still holding her against me, and then sat down on the living room floor in the center of the carpet.
“It’s a Chihuahua,” Nathan said, coming into the room. “She’s only eight weeks old. She was the runt of the litter and probably won’t even grow to be five pounds.”
“You’re just a tiny little thing,” I told her. She licked my chin.
I fell in love with her.
“She’s really mine?” I said, looking over at him.
“I sure as hell hope you want her. Can you imagine me walking that tiny-ass dog on a leash?”
I laughed. “You mean you’d keep her if I said no?”
“Well, I sorta already spent the whole afternoon with her. She likes me.”
The very fact that he was completely in love with this dog made her all the more appealing. “I’m gonna call her Lucy.”
“Lucy, huh?”
“Got a better idea?”
“I’ve been calling her Killer.”
I rolled my eyes. “This is not the face of a killer,” I crooned to Lucy, holding her up so I could look into her tiny face. She licked me again.
“Lucy it is,” Nathan said. “You’re going to be one of those women that dresses that dog up in pink sweaters, aren’t you?”
“She’s going to need a coat,” I said. “And a collar, a leash, food, toys…”
“There’s food in the Jeep. I’ll go get it.”
While he was gone, I put Lucy down in between my spread legs, and she began to sniff me and the carpet. I couldn’t stop petting her. She was so precious.
A few minutes later, Nathan came back and set a small bag of puppy food near the stairs. There was a pink, fuzzy baby blanket draped over his arm, and I lifted an eyebrow.
“She likes it,” he said, shrugging.
Oh my God, he bought her a baby blanket.
I knew then that I was going to fall in love with Nathan Reed and nothing was going to stop it.
He stepped a little closer and Lucy’s tail wagged as she made her way over to his feet. His feet looked like boats next to her miniature white body. He got down on the floor with her and she licked his nose.
“Are you sure you’re going to let me have her?” I asked, watching him with the dog.
He nodded. “I plan to be around a lot, too.”
“I could get used to that.”
He leaned over and kissed me. Nothing else touched but our lips. We sat there in the center of the floor with Lucy between us, both leaning toward the other while our lips melted seamlessly together.
I would never get enough of kissing him. If he were the last person my lips ever touched, I would be amazingly happy.
Between us, little Lucy barked.
I laughed and pulled away to scoop her up. “Do you feel left out?” I asked, nuzzling her oversized ears.
“She probably needs to go out.”
“I’ll take her out in the backyard.”
The lower level of my house was comprised of a laundry room and a family room that I used as my office. Inside the room, all my book covers hung on the wall in poster size; a bookshelf lined the far wall and was filled with my books and the books that I loved to read. Also there was a desk and cabinet where I kept all my swag (promotional items) and a small couch where sometimes I liked to curl up and read.
“Is this where you write?” Nathan asked, looking around with curiosity on his face.
“It’s my office. I tend to sit at the kitchen table upstairs when I write. It’s closer to the coffee.” I slid open the sliding glass door and stepped out onto the very large piece of slate that was lying on the grass. I sat Lucy down and she sat there and looked up at me.
“Go pee,” I told her. She just sat there. “Lucy!” I said excitedly. “Go do your business!”
She waddled out into the grass, sniffing everything she could. I watched her as she explored.
Nathan stepped outside and wrapped his arms around me from behind. “How’s your ribs?”
“They hurt.”
They hurt almost constantly. It was actually really annoying. “I’m going to take another pain pill before bed.”
“You should go inside. It’s cold out here. I don’t want you to catch pneumonia.”
“You can keep me warm.” I sighed and leaned into him a little bit more. Nathan pressed a kiss to the side of my head. “Thank you for Lucy. She’s perfect.”
“I wasn’t sure what kind of dog you wanted, but when I saw her, I thought of you.”
“I still can’t believe you bought me a dog.”
“Like I said, life’s too short to deny yourself the stuff you truly want.”
I turned in his embrace and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Does that go for all things I truly want?”
“And what do you want, Honor?”
“I want you.”
He studied me closely for long moments. “Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been so sure.”
“After what he did to you…” Nathan said, his voice taking on a hard edge. “I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t even want me to touch you.”
“I think I proved earlier that I like when you touch me.”
He chuckled. “That was totally hot.”
“I want more,” I whispered, ducking my face into his neck. “I want you.”
The muscles in his body contracted and he groaned. “You make it really hard for a guy to resist.”
I pulled back and looked up at him. “You want to resist me?”
“Oh, hell no, I don’t. But I want you to feel safe with me.”
“I do feel safe with you. I’ve never felt safer.”
He lowered his head to kiss me, but behind us Lucy started barking. I spun around and looked at her. She stood in the center of the small yard, looking at the privacy fence that separated my yard from the trail.
“Lucy,” I called, thinking her little puppy barks were awfully cute and not intimidating at all.
She glanced at me but then turned back the fence. The wind ruffled the single tree in the yard and golden yellow leaves shook free and spiraled toward the ground. Lucy took off after one, romping on it when it hit the ground.
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