I sat down with my glass of water and thought about the tub of ice cream from France I knew was in the walk-in freezer, left over from a state dinner not too long ago. I could dig into it.
But there was a sound in the kitchen that caught my attention. I turned. There I saw a startled looking Vince standing in the kitchen like a deer caught in headlights. Though a kid with his hand in the cookie jar might be a more apt simile, considering where he was.
“Ma’am,” he said, his voice cracking just a bit. I tried not to laugh. “I apologize.”
“For what?” I chuckled. “It’s the kitchen. Free rein. It’s also the middle of the night. I should be apologizing to you.”
“For what?”
“For intruding on your rounds.”
His face went from pale to red and he shrugged with a smile. “It’s your home.”
“I was thinking about getting some ice cream,” I said. “I might feel less pathetic about it if you have some with me.”
He looked like he wanted to say no, and I didn’t blame him. Back in the old days when they still burned pagans he might have had his hand cut off for fraternizing with me, and that division still existed. But I moved into the freezer before he could open his mouth and say no. It was probably cruel and I was taking advantage of the situation but I knew that if I brought it out and set it in front of him, he couldn’t say no. He was too nice to refuse an invitation from me.
I did just that, went into the freezer and came out with the ice cream in hand. I got him a spoon and sat down, pushing out a chair for him and just expecting him to sit down.
It wouldn’t look good if anyone came in, a young woman with a young man, alone in the middle of the night. We weren’t doing anything wrong, but this was closer than we should be for our respective stations and roles.
Still, I didn’t care.
“I won’t tell anyone I promise,” I rolled my eyes, offering him the spoon. He stared at it like it was the fuse to a bomb. “Besides, you can’t tell me you don’t crave a sugary snack in the middle of these shifts. Even with all that fitness.”
Now it was my turn to go red. I wasn’t going to pretend I didn’t notice how fit he was – how fit all of them were. I knew he probably rarely ate ice cream or drank alcohol; he was like 2% body fat at most. It was all technical, analytical. I was noting a fact. I wasn’t staring.
Still, my face had gone red.
“I’m sorry about tonight,” I said.
“Sorry for what?” he asked. “Ma’am.”
“You don’t have to add that onto every sentence you say to me. And can you sit down? You’re making me feel anxious.”
He cleared his throat and sat down, adjusting his black tie in the process. He didn’t look any more comfortable but I at least felt less like he was watching me. He took the spoon from me, but he set it down and didn’t pick it up again.
“It’s vanilla,” I said. “I know that’s not the most exciting thing, but it’s from France.”
“I like vanilla,” he shrugged.
“So eat some.”
He was smiling now, a little bit less tense. I felt like we were getting somewhere. I dug into the ice cream and ate it shamelessly. Maybe there was something about the nighttime that also made me less self-conscious, in a way. Normally I’d be embarrassed be shoving my face full of ice cream in front of a boy but right now I didn’t care – and I didn’t think he did either, apart from feeling like he was going to be fired or reprimanded for it.
“Anyway,” I said. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“You need to stop apologizing,” he said.
“Oh now you’re giving orders?” he froze and looked petrified. “I’m kidding. You really need to lighten up.”
“They train all the ‘lighten up’ out of us,” he said.
“Well, pretend you’re at home, off the clock.”
He smiled. He reached for the spoon I held out to him and raised an eyebrow. I raised one back and passed him the tub of ice cream. He dipped his spoon in, taking out a massive mound. He brought it up to his mouth and shoved it in. I waited three seconds for the inevitable to happen. His face turned to pain as he squeezed his eyes shut.
“Amateur hour,” I laughed. “In America we call that a brain freeze.”
“Whatever you call it, it’s awful,” he said. “This is why I don’t eat ice cream.”
“Well clearly you don’t eat it often, since you’re awful at it.”
He gave me a fake glare and I laughed some more. I wondered if this was what it could have been like, if things hadn’t got so bad with Carlo.
I tried to put him from my mind. What I’d wanted accomplished during that dinner hadn’t happened at all. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get the chance to talk to him again. I doubted they’d let me go near him ever again. Aunt Sonia definitely wouldn’t. At least I didn’t think she would.
I considered throwing all caution to the wind. I could put my trust in Vince; I could tell him everything. But what would that do? We were in a good place. He was a nice friend to have. I didn’t want to ruin any of that with my problems.
“I was reckless tonight,” I said. “I do know it. I know everyone thinks I don’t, but I do. I just didn’t care.”
“It’s only natural.”
“Is it?” I said. “I’m supposed to be above all this.”
“No offense, but I don’t think you’re some perfect human being created by God just to sit on the throne of a tiny country,” he said. “I’d be fired in a second if anyone heard that so I’m kind of banking on the possibility that I didn’t offend you into telling on me just now – but I don’t think putting yourself up on a pedestal is going to solve anything.”
It was the first time since I’d come here that anyone talked to me in a way that made me feel like a normal person. Antonio was good to me, but he talked like an adult to a young person, and my aunt was kind, but Vince was talking to me like a friend, like someone he’d known for a long time. He teased me. He had his moments, but he didn’t seem afraid of me, or at least not afraid to be himself.
“That all being said,” he cleared his throat and pulled at his tight collar. “I think what you did was what you needed to do. Things worked out fine. No one got hurt. Could they have gotten hurt? Sure. But they didn’t. You got what you needed and we did too.”
I nodded and watched the ice cream melt off my spoon.
“Once we get some information I promise I’ll pass it along to you,” he said.
I looked up. “Will you really?”
He nodded. “You obviously have to keep it a secret.”
“Who am I going to tell?” I said bitterly.
He sighed and gave me a pitying look. “I know I’m not a replacement but...if you ever need to talk...well, I know I’m not supposed to, but you can talk to me.”
I smiled my first genuine smile in a long time. I didn’t know what was beginning, and there was a lot more to come. I still wasn’t done with Carlo. But for right now, I was willing to just be Cassandra with ice cream, a smile, and a nice boy.
Chapter 11
The story broke the next day, which was the longest my aunt could keep it under wraps. That’s what Vince said, anyway. She wanted to keep the entire situation as quiet and private as possible. She said she didn’t want to give the terrorists the limelight, but I knew she also didn’t want it known that I had been fraternizing with a member of the group. That I was so easily duped. Some might suspect I was conspiring, myself. I was an outsider after all – an American, I had never lived here, was not born here. It was more fuel to the fire that I had no right to rule in Heledia, that I didn’t belong.
But the story got out anyway because no secret is safe in the age of social media and 24-hour news.
“Horrible vultures,” Aunt Sonia muttered at the TV as we watched them broadcast the news.
“Princess Cassandra was, evidently, used as bait to catch this terrorist, identified as Carlo Vaspasian—“
/> “Oh for God’s sake,” Antonio said, scowling at the TV.
“I’ll have that restaurant shut down,” my aunt said. “By noon.”
I rolled my eyes, knowing that she wouldn’t.
The source had been one of the wait staff at the restaurant and I was fairly sure the person would have already been fired. There would have been nondisclosure agreements in place, so there could even be charges, later on.
But that morning I’d woken up with a lot less stress over the whole thing. It didn’t hurt me the way it had the night before. I was scared to admit that it might be because of my talk with Vince. Because of Vince himself. He had a calming air about him, a calming voice. He was full of good advice and wasn’t afraid to tell it to me.
I liked that.
And that scared me.
“You won’t be going to school,” my aunt said.
“Don’t you think that’s what they expect?”
“I don’t care what they expect. I’m not going to allow this to go any further. You’ll stay home until it blows over.”
To that end, she had a point. The other problem with this becoming general knowledge wasn’t just that it was embarrassing, but it drew attention. It was going to invite revenge. The people Carlo worked with were going to have something to say about one of their own getting caught, especially in such an embarrassing, public, and tricky fashion.
It made them look disorganized, young, a bunch of kids easily susceptible to stupid moves. I’d made them look bad. My decision to see Carlo was stupid, but I came out looking smart. I’d shown that they could be tricked, and it could be done by the teenager queen-to-be that they wanted no one to trust. It was a score for me, a score for the monarchy, and a blow for them. I liked the idea that I had somehow one-upped them. It made me feel powerful, and a little smug.
“It’s no sign of weakness to take a moment after this,” Antonio said. “Besides, who doesn’t like playing hooky?”
My aunt rolled her eyes but I could see she was trying not to smile.
“So, what should we do with all this free time you suddenly have today?” Antonio asked.
My aunt’s face turned, she knew what he was doing and looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Cassandra has the day off, that doesn’t mean we all do.”
“Oh, come on.”
“I mean it.”
I couldn’t imagine my aunt taking an hour off, let alone a whole day, and I kind of liked the idea. I had few memories of doing things with her that were unofficial, fun, things like when I was a kid. Those days were over, and I understood. But that didn’t mean I never missed it, those times when we would play together at the beach or . We couldn’t do that, but maybe sit around with my grandmother, back before she passed away. We could have lunch together, or dinner. Maybe Antonio could go too, and it could be an entire family affair.
“You never take a day off,” he said.
“That’s because I am the queen and there is no such thing,” she said. “You’ll teach Cassandra bad habits.”
“One day off won’t mean I suddenly slack on everything,” I said. “We’re never together anymore for family stuff.”
“The crown is family stuff.”
“You know what I mean.”
Her defenses were falling, her resolve was waning. Secretly she also wanted to take the day off. She wanted to spend time with us that didn’t have to do with bills and signatures and other official things. She was imagining it; I could see it in her eyes just then. It would only take a bit more prodding to get her to break.
“This doesn’t mean it’s going to become a regular occurrence,” she said, sternly.
“No, Ma’am. We’ll never ask to spend time with you ever again,” Antonio smiled.
“Does that mean yes? You’ll take the day off too?” I asked.
She let out a long sigh, as though she was still trying to talk some sense into herself. But no such luck, because when her sigh was done and her exhale over, she was nodding and smiling shyly. Some good could come out of all of this after all, I thought to myself.
It was like a Christmas gift, the best one I could have asked for. It was the only thing I’d really wanted since I got here, to actually be with my family, to actually be with my aunt like we used to when Ben and I were kids. I could pretend, just for a second, that things were the way I remembered them in my childhood, as they should be. The only thing missing would be my mother, father, and brother. But Antonio and Aunt Sonia weren’t bad stand-ins.
“I’ll have the chef set up a nice brunch for us. How does that sound?”
“It sounds like a good start.”
I was all smiles leaving the room to get ready for the day. I wasn’t going to school, so I wasn’t going to get the chance to hold my head high and show my peers that I could face my problems. But this was better. I wasn’t going to look any stronger to the public, but I was going to feel that way myself. That’s what family was for, after all.
As I was picking out something to wear, thoughts of Carlo vanished. He had, only hours ago, consumed all my thoughts and now he was far away, no longer haunting me. It wasn’t a permanent fix, but for the next 24 hours or so, it was going to be perfect.
The brunch they set up for us might have been for an entire party of people. It was eggs and salad, hummus and flatbreads, meats and cheeses, fruit, pastries and wine – and so many other things I didn’t even recognize. It was enough food for the entire day but I didn’t want to eat so much that I couldn’t eat later. I imagined being able to have dinner with Aunt Sonia, even dessert. I wanted the whole day together, as much time as I could get.
“I understand brunch is a bit of a social pastime for you back in the States,” she said.
I shrugged. “It’s a big thing for, like, twenty-somethings and college students. Big social media thing. We only ever do it during holidays and stuff.”
“I was never a fan of breakfast food,” Antonio said. “So I’m all in favor of a morning meal that gives me the option to eat something else without the shame.”
“You can eat whatever you want, whenever you want,” my aunt chastised.
“Not without judgement.”
My aunt rolled her eyes and took a bite of her omelet. I sat there and thought about how jealous my brother would be if he knew. Family meals here were always his favorite part of our visit. He loved the Heledian food and he liked when our parents let us drink wine, because it was socially expected in meal situations. That being said, I didn’t think he was doing too badly in California, if the pictures I saw of him at parties were anything to go by.
I should call my family today, and let them know everything was okay. The news wasn’t world altering, but it was the kind of thing people liked to see to distract themselves from the real, awful news in the world – it was interesting. People in America seemed fascinated by anything that had to do with royalty, and this was the type of thing they’d gossip about over drinks or party trays. It would be all over the news. My folks would find out, and they would have plenty of questions. My mother would probably all but demand I come home, call it quits, let the throne pass to some distant cousin in the cadet branch of the family.
I wouldn’t, though. I wasn’t going to back down now, especially after everything I’d gone through this far. I was going to see this through. It was easy to say now, over a calm brunch with family, but it reminded me how much I wanted this, what I was defending. By birth order or by fate, I’d been chosen to do this job. I wasn’t going to disappoint the powers that be by giving all that up because I got scared, or because my mother did.
“What’s on your mind, kiddo?” Antonio asked.
“Just thinking about how I’m going to be the best queen Heledia has ever seen,” I said. “No offense.” My aunt shrugged and winked.
“I think you just might be,” she said. “At least that’s the idea. Do better than everyone who came before you. So I’m rooting for you on that front. Be the best you possibly can.”
/> “Who knew brunch was all it was going to take to get you to smile?” Antonio teased.
I rolled my eyes. In the process, they found Vince standing across the garden, looking out, his straight back turned to me. His hands were on his hips and he was looking out over the horizon. I wondered if he could feel me watching him, if I was making his skin prickle.
Staring at someone was like stealing, in a way. I felt a little bit like a thief, watching him while he didn’t know it, having a power advantage over him like this. It was a little bit exhilarating. And then the watcher became the watched as I did, in fact, feel the prickle at my neck. I turned to see that Antonio was looking at me with a raised eyebrow, his gaze darting between me and Vince. My aunt hadn’t noticed; she was looking at some birds who had perched to sing in the pear tree a few feet away. But he crooked an eyebrow at me and I felt myself go red.
I understood how it must seem, me staring at another man, hours after what had happened with a boy I had, admittedly, had a crush on. It must look to Antonio like I was ripe and ready to rebound and use the security boy to avoid my feelings about Carlo. I hid my face in my glass of lemonade.
Vince had been kind to me; he’d been a good ear and hadn’t judged me as I plunged a giant spoon into an ice cream jug.
But did I have any genuine feeling towards him? Did my heart speed up when I saw him? Or did I just want somewhere safe to hide for a while? That wouldn’t be fair to him, and he was too good of a friend to use that way.
I realized this under Antonio’s pointed look, and I could only imagine how my discomfort was going to get worse when he asked me about this in private, because I knew he would. His look wasn’t playful; it was a warning. He knew what I was up to, and he didn’t approve. I bowed my head into my plate to avoid his gaze while my aunt talked about the change of season and the new birds that would be coming in the fall.
ROYAL ROMANCE: A Royal Renewal (The Royals of Heledia Book 3) Page 12