by Kelly Utt
Cate opened her mouth to speak, but only a soft moan came out. The attraction she felt to Neil was irresistible. Giving in to passion, Cate leaped into Neil’s lap, her legs straddling his waist and her arms wrapping tightly around his neck. He didn’t push her away. Instead, he wrapped his large, muscular arms around her body and pulled her to him. The pair stopped short just as their lips were about to meet and looked intently into each other’s eyes for a moment more, as if to solidify their decision. When Cate felt Neil’s lips against her own, her body relaxed for the first time in a very long time. She became putty in his hands, every touch taking her to depths she hadn’t even imagined. They took their clothes off piece by piece and made tender, passionate love on Cate’s living room sofa until they fell asleep, exhausted and happy.
14
“My God, Cate,” James said. He had let himself in with his key.
Neil and Cate had been sleeping, naked, on the sofa. They were still out cold when James walked in, despite morning sun shining brightly through the windows.
“James!” Cate said as her weary eyes focused on her brother.
“Look at you,” he said to his sister. “Wearing nothing but your wedding ring.”
Cate was waking up quickly now, whether she liked it or not. She grabbed a sofa cushion and used it to cover herself as she reached for her clothes.
“Easy, James,” Neil said. “This doesn’t concern you.”
“Doesn’t concern me?” James said, the volume of his voice escalating. “I’d say it concerns me when you’re taking advantage of my little sister. She’s a grieving widow, for God’s sake.”
“James,” Cate said. “I’m a grown woman and can make my own decisions. I appreciate you looking out for me, but I can handle myself.”
James turned around to give his sister privacy while she dressed. “I don’t think you can handle yourself,” he said. “Not if you’re sleeping with Neil Fredericks. I don’t think you have any idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.”
“And just what is that supposed to mean?” Neil replied.
“You know what it means,” James said, walking towards the detective as Neil worked to get dressed. James didn’t seem to care that Neil was still half-naked. He was feeling protective of his little sister and was getting angry.
“Did he tell you?” James asked Cate.
“James, stop it,” Neil said.
“I will not stop it. She’s my sister and she deserves to know.”
Cate stood up, fully dressed now. She was getting angry as well. “What are you talking about, James?” she asked.
“I still can’t believe my eyes, Cate,” James said, shaking his head from side to side. “What were you thinking? What if the kids had been with me?”
“I know how this looks,” she replied. “But really, I think you’re overreacting.”
“Oh, really?” James asked, his tone becoming condescending. “What you don’t know is that Neil and his buddy Luke are planning to arrest you for Mick’s murder. When I talked to Neil yesterday morning at your office, they were one step away from bringing you in.”
Cate’s face felt hot and she tried to process this information.
“Is that true?” she asked Neil, turning towards him. He suddenly felt like a stranger again. Cate began to wonder if she had made a big mistake.
Neil looked at James and sighed heavily. “It’s complicated.” he said. “You know that, James. I’m not going to hurt your sister. My intentions here are good.”
“The way I see it, you’re in another man’s house and you just slept with another man’s wife. While she was wearing her wedding ring, no less. I’m not sure how you can feel good about your intentions unless there’s something seriously wrong with you.”
Cate was growing weary with her brother’s grandstanding. She wanted Neil to answer the question.
“Neil, answer me, please,” she pleaded. “Is what James is saying true? Are you and Luke planning to arrest me?”
Neil looked at Cate with a sad and conflicted expression. He didn’t want to hurt her. It was true that his intentions were good. But it was also true that he and Luke were one step away from bringing her in, under arrest.
Cate raised her hand and covered her mouth in horror. The look on Neil’s face gave her the answer she needed, whether she liked it or not. She paced around the house as she worked to absorb the shock, stepping over the mess as she went. James and Neil continued to argue in the background. Their voices seemed to drone on and were becoming a blur to Cate. She thought about how her current physical surroundings mirrored the state of her life. Both were in shambles.
Before she could collect herself enough to say anything else, there was a knock at the door. Cate, Neil, and James all looked at each other. Neil was still shirtless and knew this looked bad. James also knew it looked bad, yet seemed eager for the chance to rub it in and embarrass his colleague. James went straight to the front door and opened it.
It was Sean O’Brien, bringing Meesha back home. Cate quickly tousled her hair with her fingers and straightened her clothing to try and look as presentable as possible, then she walked to the front door to thank her neighbor. She stepped in front of her brother, taking over and trying to act normal. Neil’s car was still in the driveway.
“Sean!” Cate said. “Thank you so much for taking care of our girl and for bringing her home.”
“It’s no problem at all,” Sean said, unhooking Meesha’s collar from a makeshift lead he had fashioned out of rope. “I’m happy to help.” Cate knew Sean could tell that things seemed off as he leaned his neck to one side to get a glimpse of what was happening. “Are the kids home this morning?”
Cate didn’t know what time it was. She wasn’t sure if Mitchell would have left for school already or not. It felt early, but maybe that was just because she had been awake so late the night before.
“They’re at my house this morning with Rebecca,” James offered. “After what happened last night, we thought they’d be safer over there.”
“Yeah, that makes sense,” Sean said. “I told Mitchell not to expect Jilly or Aaron on the bus today. I knew you had a late night.” Sean leaned further in the door and gave a knowing look to Neil as if he understood exactly what was going on. Cate felt herself blush.
“Well, thanks again,” Cate said, beginning to close the front door.
“Wait!” Sean implored as he placed one hand up to stop the door from closing all the way.
“Yes?” Cate said, her brother standing by her side. They both waited to hear what Sean had to say.
“Last night,” Sean said. “The police were asking me a lot of strange questions that I thought you should know about.”
Cate became uncomfortable with how things were unfolding. Everything seemed to assault her senses. The sun was bright as it shone in from the open door and windows. The air was cold. It felt like last night’s storms had brought in cooler temperatures again. Cate wanted things to be gentle. She wanted things to move slowly. She wanted to have more time to absorb what was happening and to decide how she would cope.
“Oh?” she asked, not really wanting to hear what he had to say right now.
“Yeah,” Sean said. He seemed strangely excited by whatever it was he was about to tell them. It reminded Cate of the day of Mick’s funeral when Sean had seemed too upbeat for the occasion. It suddenly struck Cate that something was strange about Sean O’Brien. He had been the one who had found the house open. She wondered if he might have had something to do with the break-in.
“Sean, I appreciate you looking out for me, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to talk about this a little later,” Cate said. Meesha sat dutifully at her side as Cate stroked the top of the dog’s head. Cate thought about how Meesha was helping to center to her. She knew Meesha must have smelled the scent of all the different people who had been in their home. She must have also seen how many things were out of place and broken. Yet, the dog had chosen to stick with Cate rather
than walk around the house to check it out. Cate was grateful for Meesha’s friendly and loyal presence.
“I don’t think this should wait,” Sean said.
Cate looked at her brother, who shrugged his shoulders. She didn’t look at Neil. She didn’t want to draw attention to his presence, especially because he was still shirtless. But she was nervous that what Sean might say could get her into more trouble with the police. She didn’t know why exactly, but she felt like there might be a conflict. Cate had been close to telling Sean to go ahead with whatever he wanted to relay to her until something inside told her to stick to her guns and to make him wait. She gathered her energy and drew a firm line.
“Thanks again, Sean, but this needs to wait until later. I’ll be in touch by the end of the day. Promise.” Cate closed the door, despite Sean’s protests. He looked offended, but Cate didn’t care. He was the least of her problems.
Cate knew she needed to tell her brother everything that had happened. She’d been meaning to fill him in for days now, but things had been piling up. She knew she needed her brother’s guidance. She needed to know how he’d heard about her pending arrest and why he hadn’t told her sooner. She needed to figure out who she could trust.
After Sean left the porch and walked down the sidewalk towards his own home, Neil bowed out of the situation and let Cate and her brother be. He excused himself, promising to get in touch with Cate soon. He walked out to his car and drove away.
Cate felt conflicted as she watched him go. She had enjoyed their time together last night and had found herself considering what a relationship with him might be like. The rational part of her knew she needed to temper that enthusiasm. The rational part of her knew she needed to prepare for her own arrest.
15
“I need a good lawyer, and quick,” Cate said to her brother once Neil’s car had left the driveway and the two of them were alone.
“I hate to say it,” James affirmed. “But I think you might be right. This whole thing is a disaster.”
Cate nodded and gestured with one hand to their surroundings.
“I had nothing to do with his death, you know,” Cate said. She didn’t think she had to say it, but she figured she might as well to clear the air.
“I know that,” James confirmed. “I’m not the one you should proclaim your innocence to.”
“I get it,” Cate replied. She didn’t need James to spell it out for her, but he did anyway.
“That might be a good statement to make to your new friend, Detective Fredericks.”
“Can we just skip that whole topic right now?” Cate implored. “Please?”
“I don’t know, sis. I have some serious concerns about your judgment. I feel like I have a responsibility to look after you.”
“Yeah? Well, how about you look into what the police have on me? Because I can’t imagine what it is. And while you’re at it, look into the person who is following me and who broke into my home. If you really want to look after me, that’s what you can do.” Cate was getting irritated now. She didn’t like the way her brother was acting self-righteous when he didn’t even know the whole story.
“I can’t just go in and find out everything about the investigation surrounding you,” James said. “They’re keeping me at a distance from that because you’re my sister. At this point, they need to be keeping Neil Fredericks at a distance from it as well. I’m not sure how you think either of us can tell you what you want to know. The police department has strict procedures and guidelines. They don’t just go around sharing information willy-nilly.”
“Willy-nilly?” Cate asked. They both laughed. It was good to break the tension.
James put his hands on his hips. The way he was standing with the morning light shining on his face from the side, Cate thought he looked a lot like their dad. Her mind wandered, and she imagined how nice it would be for James to continue to look after her, even after their dad grew old and died. She appreciated her brother feeling protective of her the same way she appreciated her dad chasing down the guy in the barn last night. But she didn’t want either of them trying to run her life, either.
“What is your problem with Neil, anyway?” Cate asked, sitting down in an armchair. It felt wrong to sit on the sofa, given what had just taken place there.
“I don’t know,” James replied. “I’m not saying he’s a bad guy. I think mostly, I didn’t expect you to jump into bed with somebody a week after your husband died. You were married for what, fifteen years? It’s hard to remember you being with anybody but Mick.”
Cate had hoped James would talk about Neil without bringing Mick into it. She didn’t need or want moral judgment about her behavior. She decided to steer the conversation back to the investigation.
“Anyway,” Cate said, rolling her eyes at her brother. “I’m serious that I want you to look into the investigation. Find out what they think I did. Even if they try to keep you at a distance, you find a way. I’m family.”
“I know you’re family,” James said. “Surely you understand that I want to help. I just don’t know if I can.” His tone was kinder now, but they were still at odds with each other.
“Well, you can look into the guy who is following me. Right?” Cate said.
“What are you even talking about?” James asked. “What makes you think someone is following you?”
“I hadn’t told you. But a lot has happened. Someone is definitely following me because he was at Mom and Dad’s last night in the rainstorm. We all saw him.”
James sat down in the armchair across from his sister and rested his elbows on his knees. He looked intense and concerned, but skeptical. “I’m listening,” he said.
Cate repeated the story, the same way she had told Neil the night before. She also told her brother about feeling like she was being watched. She told him about the figure along the tree line at the cemetery, the knocked-over trash cans at the house the night of the funeral, and the dark-colored sedan behind her on her way home from work yesterday which then parked in the parking lot of Niko’s preschool. She even told him about Pal, the homeless man, and how he seemed to know something about the way Mick died. When she was finished, James took a moment before he said anything.
“Okay,” he said finally. “I’ll look into it. But, Cate, I think the grief may be getting to you. As in, perhaps the stress is making you paranoid. We all know you’ve been under an inordinate amount of stress lately. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, but I think you may be exaggerating these things in your mind.”
“Are you serious right now?” Cate asked, getting angry again. “Don’t talk down to me, James. I thought the same thing as you, at first, which is why I hadn’t said anything until now. But so many things are stacking up. They can’t all be a coincidence.”
James considered her words, but still wasn’t so sure.
Look,” he said. “Let’s start with a few surveillance cameras. If anyone comes around, then maybe we can catch them on camera.”
“Neil mentioned that he has a friend who works at an alarm company,” Cate said. “But I was hesitant to sign up for monitoring. I don’t want to live in fear.”
“I can understand that,” James said. “But you and the kids need to be safe. What if, instead of a full alarm system which would be visible to intruders, we begin with hidden cameras? That way, if someone is after you, we have a better chance of finding out who they are.”
“I like that idea,” Cate said. “Fine then. I’ll order a few security cameras online. I’ll do it right now. Will you help me install them when they arrive?”
“Of course,” James said. “Sign up for the fastest shipping you can. Let’s get them turned on as soon as possible.”
“Done,” Cate said. In a matter of a few minutes, she had placed the order, then closed her laptop, feeling accomplished. “Now for an attorney. Do you know anyone?”
James shook his head. “No, thankfully, I haven’t had occasion to hire an attorney. I think Rebecc
a may know one from school though. I’ll ask her to send you a name.”
“Excellent,” Cate said. She felt strong having taken actions that could help resolve her issues. Nothing was worse than feeling completely helpless. “Now excuse me. I’m going to take a shower and head into work. I think it will do me good.”
16
Cate phoned Rebecca on her way into work. She confirmed that her sister-in-law could, in fact, keep the kids for the day. Cate spoke briefly to Aaron, and he said they were all having a good time with board games and superhero movies. The kids were grateful to have the day out of school and agreed they needed some downtime to recharge. Cate dropped off a bag with clothes and toiletries so the kids could get cleaned up. She didn’t ask Rebecca about an attorney. The kids were in close proximity and she didn’t want to scare them. Cate knew that James had promised to ask, so she decided to give him some time to do it. Besides, she assumed that if she were to be arrested, she would post bail and could get in touch with a lawyer then.
Cate couldn’t imagine what the police thought they had on her, anyway. She knew that maybe it was denial, but no matter how many times she told herself she should prepare to be arrested, she couldn’t quite believe it. It sounded far-fetched and ridiculous.
Satisfied that Aaron, Jilly, and Niko were safe and happy, Cate turned her attention to other matters. She wanted to focus on things she felt like she could control. She wanted to focus on things she could make some progress on.
The day was bright and the stormy weather had subsided completely. Rays of light seemed to be shining almost sideways as the sun hung lower in the sky this time of year. Cate thought it was a perfect October day. It was cool, but not too cold. It was just the right temperature for Cate to wear a cozy sweater over top of her blouse and a pair of stylish tan boots up to her knees. There was a slight breeze, which was just enough to make the leaves rustle and crackle gently as they fell to the ground and swam around light posts and park benches. The nice weather made Cate feel hopeful. The changing seasons brought an energy which made her feel the pull of forward motion. There was an inevitability to it. Deep down, Cate knew that she couldn’t resist moving forward any more than the leaves on the trees could resist their turn in the annual cycle of death and rebirth.