by Kelly Utt
There was a knock on the door and a pale-skinned, balding doctor entered. His eyes were bright and he appeared intelligent, but he looked sad. In fact, Bea could feel the sadness emanating from this man without even having to look at him. She thought about how it must be difficult to practice medicine day in and day out, especially considering all the bad things that happen to people. It must be disheartening to realize you can’t save everyone.
“Beatrice Hughes?” the doctor asked, pushing his rimless glasses up the bridge of his nose with one finger.
“That’s me,” Bea said timidly. She felt weaker than she sounded.
“Pleased to meet you. I’m Dr. Ronald Benjamin. I’ll be taking care of you.” Dr. Benjamin got a handful of sanitizer from the same pump Susana had a few minutes earlier, then pulled a stool over and sat down beside Bea’s bed. He smelled like the distinctive scent of hospital soap. Perhaps he had just scrubbed up after surgery or a patient procedure. The aroma poked into Bea’s lungs like a knife. Another reminder of her dad’s health troubles and heartbreaking death.
“Nice to meet you, too,” Bea replied as she worked to collect herself. “What’s going on with me, doc? I think I passed out. Before that my chest was hurting.”
“I don’t know for sure yet, but I promise you we will find out,” the doctor assured. “It’s my job to get to the bottom of this.”
Lana was concerned, and it was evident in her face. “Do you think there could be something wrong with my daughter’s heart?” she asked eagerly. “I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but her father had congestive heart failure before he died. I can’t help but worry she might have a genetic predisposition to heart trouble.”
“Wow,” Bea said, fiddling with a wad of the hospital blanket and feeling helpless. “I hadn’t even thought about that. Do you think there could be something seriously wrong? Like there was with Dad?”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Dr. Benjamin said. His voice was calming, and Bea appreciated his bedside manner. A quick glance at Susana confirmed that she admired Doc Benjamin and felt the same way. Her trust helped put Bea at ease. “I want to run some tests,” the doctor continued. “We’ll start with an EKG and a stress test. If we find any irregularities, then we’ll adjust our plan and go from there.”
Bea cringed at the thought of being hooked up to an EKG machine. She couldn’t imagine needing such a test. Weren’t those for old people? She thought of herself as entirely too young and healthy to even be discussing the possibility, as if she had strayed from the lane in life where she belonged. Things were getting jumbled and happening out of order.
“Neither test is a big deal,” Dr. Benjamin added, sensing Bea’s reluctance. “Neither one is invasive or even uncomfortable, aside from any fatigue you may feel while walking on a treadmill. The technicians are trained to watch your reaction closely. They won’t push you too hard. I promise.”
“Two promises in less than five minutes,” Bea said with a chuckle, attempting to lighten the mood. “I hope you’re a man of your word, Dr. Benjamin.”
The doctor tapped an index finger on a clipboard he was holding and smiled. He was thinking.
“I can assure you he is a man of his word,” Susana said convincingly. “You’re in good hands, Mrs. Hughes.”
Bea smiled back at Dr. Benjamin, then at Susana, and finally at her mom. Bea was apprehensive, but felt like she was in good hands. However, she wasn’t convinced that feeling would last. There was so much to untangle in her life. The sedative was wearing off and Bea was becoming more and more lucid. As she did, she felt the strong urge to confess her crimes to a compassionate listener. The words were bubbling up and resting on the tip of her tongue, desperate to be spoken. Maybe she could tell the people right here in this room. What was the worst that could happen if she did? Bea’s face suddenly felt hot as she remembered the video. She wondered if Dr. Benjamin and Susana had seen it.
Dr. Benjamin reached out and placed his thumb and one finger on Bea’s wrist, feeling for her pulse. “Is something upsetting you now?” he asked. “Your face is flush and your heart rate has gone up in the time we’ve been talking.” He turned to Susana and asked her to get a monitor, then opened his clipboard and scribbled down some notes.
“I’m okay,” Bea said feebly.
“Are you concerned about the tests?” Dr. Benjamin asked. “Because if you need me to, I can give you something to calm your nerves.”
Bea was tempted by the offer of medication to calm her. Many times in the years since the incident at Eagle’s Point, she had considered turning to alcohol or drugs to numb her pain and ease her anxiety. But she never had. She knew that doing so would be a slippery slope and she couldn’t have done that to Max. The last thing he needed was a drug-addicted mother. No, she’d hold the anxiety in as best she could so as not to hurt anyone else. After all, she’d caused enough pain and suffering for an entire lifetime when she pushed that man over the edge of the hill. She shuddered to think what his family must have gone through. That is, if he’d had a family. She’d spent countless sleepless nights thinking about them, imagining their despair when he disappeared without a trace. As far as Bea knew, his remains had never been found.
“No, I don’t want to take anything I don’t have to,” Bea said. “My heart races from time to time. I’m used to it. Maybe I can just do some deep breathing. It will slow down again.” She took a few long, deep breaths to demonstrate.
Lana reached out and put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. It was a nice gesture and one that provided Bea comfort. Meanwhile, Dr. Benjamin scooted his stool closer against the side of the bed and looked intently into Bea’s eyes. “Mrs. Hughes?”
“Please, call me Bea.”
“Okay, Bea. Do you often find yourself feeling anxious?”
“Maybe,” Bea said. “I’m no medical professional. I’m not sure what to watch for.”
“Are you under a lot of stress in your life?”
Bea hesitated.
“I can answer that one,” Lana said. “She most certainly is. I’d say her stress levels are through the roof.”
Bea shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the blanket she continued to trace and twirl with her fingers. It was soft, woven out of threads dyed the color of wheat. It reminded her of one she’d had as a kid, back when life was simple and the worst thing she had to worry about was being picked on by her older sisters.
Dr. Benjamin lowered his voice and tried again. “Is there anyone you can talk to?”
Bea didn’t answer right away, so Lana did. “My daughter is a pretty private person,” she began. “I’ve lived with Bea and her family for the past few years. I’ve known she struggled, but I didn’t come to understand the full extent of it until the past couple of days.”
A fresh wave of nausea moved through Bea as she heard her mother’s words.
Had Mom been the one listening on the line yesterday when the call came in?
Bea didn’t know how her mother would react if she found out the truth. Lana was kind and loyal, and she had always been supportive of her daughters. But she was also an honest person with strong morals. Bea thought it possible that her mother would march her down to the police station and force her to turn herself in once she found out what she had done. And a part of Bea thought such a scenario might be a relief.
Dr. Benjamin glanced at Susana, then raised one hand and smoothed the tiny hairs on the back of his bald head. “Look, Bea, I’ll be frank,” he continued. “I know that your husband is the mayor of Rosemary Run. And I’m aware of both the disturbance at the restaurant last night and the accusations being directed at the two of you. That’s a lot for anyone to handle.”
Ashamed, Bea tucked her chin tight against her chest and pulled the blanket around her shoulders. A single tear fell from her eye. She wanted nothing more than to be invisible in that moment.
How did this become my life?
“It’s okay, dear,” Lana said, patting Bea’s s
houlder. “None of that is your fault.”
Oh, but it is.
Sensing Bea’s need for more support, Susana pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed and placed a hand on Bea’s knee. Dr. Benjamin turned his attention to Lana.
“You’re Bea’s mother?”
“Yes, I’m Lana Denton,” she replied. “Pleased to meet you.”
“Thank you for that insight, Ms. Denton.”
“You may call me Lana. And you’re welcome. I want the best for my daughter. I don’t want to interfere if it might cause trouble, but she seems to think she has to handle everything alone. We all need a hand sometimes.”
Bea sat frozen in place. She felt like she was in a trance. She couldn’t look at them anymore. If she spoke, she might blurt out her confession.
Doctors had a duty to report things like murder confessions, right?
Once the words were spoken, Bea knew she’d soon be taken away. She wouldn’t see Max again outside of prison walls for many years. She couldn’t do that to him. She had to hold it together. Not to mention, if there was something wrong with her, she needed treatment. Even worse than leaving Max while she went to prison would be leaving him permanently if her own life came to an untimely end.
“You know what,” Dr. Benjamin said. “I have a few things I’d like to check on before we continue this discussion.” He gave Susana a look as he said it and they both stood to leave the room. “Ms. Herrera and I will be back later. Lana, talk with your daughter, please. Let’s see if we can do something to alleviate some of her stress.”
“When can I go home?” Bea blurted, surprising herself with the strength in her voice. It sounded like it had come from outside of her. “Or at least, back to the hotel I’m staying at?”
“I’m not sure yet,” the doctor said, sighing. His compassion was sincere. “But I want to keep you overnight. Settle in for at least that long. I’ll see you again soon. I’m on duty all evening.”
With quick movements, Dr. Benjamin and Susana shuffled out of the room, leaving Bea and her mother alone.
22
“Beatrice Elisabeth Hughes,” Lana said when the door closed. Bea remained in her position, chin tucked, frozen in place. She didn’t dare look at her mother. She knew what was coming next. “I know what you’ve done.”
Was Mom the caller? No. She couldn’t have been. Could she? She must have been the one listening in.
Time seemed to stand still as the nausea gained a stronghold in Bea’s body. She could feel hot vomit rising in her throat like molten lava, insisting she expel it. Just in the nick of time, she grabbed a plastic bowl from the tray beside her bed and retched into it. She hated being so weak. She cursed her body for failing her, yet again. At this rate, she’d have to carry barf bags around with her on a regular basis.
Neither mother nor daughter spoke a word for what felt like an eternity. Lana was waiting, and her silence made it clear she had the patience to do so for as long as it took. Bea stood and made her way to the bathroom to get herself cleaned up and empty the plastic bowl. She stalled as long as she possibly could until finally, she gathered the strength to face her mother and take part in what she knew would be one of the most important discussions of her entire life. Bea returned to her bed, tucked the sheet and blanket back in neatly at her sides, then lifted her head as high as she could in a show of confidence. She might as well try and act confident. There was no escape.
“So, you heard?”
“Yes, I did.”
Bea winced. Her mother wouldn’t make this easy. At least not yet. “I heard a click and thought someone in the house was listening in. I’m just glad it wasn’t Max.”
“No, it wasn’t him,” Lana confirmed. “He was in the living room with me. I was looking right at him when the call came in. The same goes for your sisters. They were there, but I was the only one who picked up the phone.” Lana maintained a neutral expression. It reminded Bea of when she had been in trouble as a young girl. Lana and Freddy had been fair parents. Bea hoped that her mother would be fair now.
“That’s quite a relief,” Bea said. “This whole thing is worrisome enough without thinking my fourteen-year-old son overheard.”
Lana nodded without saying anything else.
“Did you hear about the video that’s circulating, too?” Bea asked. “Apparently, the same person has posted it online using the same robotic voice to disguise their identity.”
“I did,” Lana said. “Myra actually called to tell me about it. I felt like a switchboard operator this afternoon with all the calls coming in and going out.”
Bea chuckled. It might have been an inappropriate time, but it felt good to break the tension. It would feel even better to confess. “Well, what do you want me to say?”
“I think the real question might be about what you want to tell me.” Lana posed to her daughter. “I’m ready whenever you are.”
Bea leaned her head back against the pillow and weaved her hands together on her chest over her heart. “Fine,” she said. “But you may never look at me the same. Are you prepared for that possibility?”
Lana scooted to the edge of her chair, then reached a hand out to stroke the top of Bea’s head, her familiar perfume wafting through the air. “You’re my child,” Lana said emphatically. “Nothing you say and nothing you have done will change that. I can see how this is tearing you up inside. It’s okay to let it out. It’s just us. Your mama is here.”
Bea wanted to cry; she was so moved by her mother’s words. But her body seemed like it was short circuiting and doing all the wrong things at the wrong times. No tears would come. The words of her confession were still on the tip of her tongue, but they felt heavier now that they were ready to be said.
“Go ahead,” Lana prompted, still stroking her daughter’s hair.
“Something happened,” Bea began. “I did something. A bad thing.”
“When did you do this thing?”
“Almost ten years ago now. Max was just four-years-old. He was with me.” Bea stared at the television mounted to the wall in front of her while she spoke, as if doing so would somehow give her story a happy ending. She needed something to anchor her.
“In Rosemary Run?” Lana asked.
“Nearby,” Bea answered. “It was at Eagle’s Point, just over the ridge. At the Overlook there. I was… well, Max and I weren’t there alone.”
“Okay,” Lana said softly. Bea thought maybe her mom had already guessed what was coming next. Lana knew that her daughter’s marriage was in shambles.
Bea took a deep breath before she continued. “I was seeing someone… Romantically. I had been unfaithful to John. I was planning to leave him, actually. I had arrangements in place to rent an apartment for me and Max. I was all set to go through with it, too.”
Lana didn’t hesitate. “Bea, honey, that’s understandable. I’ve seen firsthand what John can be like. I think he’s a good man at heart, but something is wrong between the two of you. Don’t be so hard on yourself for wanting better,” she said sympathetically.
“I appreciate that, Mom,” Bea said. “But if I hadn’t been there sneaking around with Travis, none of it would have ever happened. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being punished. Instant karma. And the punishment keeps coming.” She shook her head at the thought.
“Travis? Is that the friend of yours who builds furniture?”
“That’s the one,” Bea confirmed. “He’s a great guy. He’s a much better match for me than John, in all honesty. And he treats me wonderfully. He always has.”
“Aw, my dear girl.”
“I know,” Bea said. “I saw him this morning for the first time in many years. He was as nice as ever. And he’s still single.”
Lana smiled and then raised her eyebrows. She was excited at the thought of a man who would treat her daughter right.
“I know,” Bea repeated. “It’s really nice. But that’s beside the point. The night it happened, Travis and I just wanted to se
e each other, so we met up and talked while Max played on the playground at the Overlook. Max was little enough that he didn’t notice anything unusual about our relationship. We kept things strictly platonic when he was around. But the evening went bad and took a life-altering turn.”
“Tell me, dear,” Lana prompted again. Bea needed a lot of coaxing, but Lana didn’t mind.
Bea wiped her eyes as if she had been crying, although still, no tears would fall. “It’s hard to say it out loud,” she admitted. “No one else knows. At least, that’s what I thought until I got the phone call yesterday morning.” Bea broke away from staring at the TV and turned to make eye contact with her mother as she mustered the nerve to speak her truth. “I hit a man in the head with a baseball bat. I watched him fall to the ground as his body convulsed and blood poured from the back of his wound. He landed a mere few feet away from a steep drop off. It pains me to say this, but in a panic, I pushed his body over the edge.”
Lana gasped as the confession took the air out of her lungs. “Oh, my,” she said. “Did Max… ?”
“He didn’t see,” Bea said, already feeling lighter after sharing her burden. “At least, I don’t think so. I had him in his car seat with one of the buckles snapped. I’d had to buckle him in hastily, but I don’t think he could turn all the way around. The man and I… We were behind the minivan.”
“And Travis?”
“That’s the thing. He wasn’t nearby when it happened. He had walked to the other side of the parking lot to get something out of his truck. By the time he returned, it was all over.”
“Did you ever tell him?”
“No,” Bea said. “But after that night, I broke things off with Travis and halted my plans to leave John. I was scared to death and shaken up by what I’d done. I believed I needed John’s protection. He’d always felt sort of like a father figure to me, you know? I hate to say it, but it’s true.”
“I can see that,” Lana affirmed. “But Travis… Didn’t he find it strange that you suddenly ended things? He was probably heartbroken. And are you absolutely sure he didn’t witness what happened? Could he be the anonymous caller? Maybe it’s a ploy to get you back.”