by Kelly Utt
John had never been violent before. He had been short-tempered, critical, and condescending. True. But it had never escalated to violence. The night he flipped the table at Honey Hog was the first time Bea had ever seen him get physical. As he destroyed their bedroom in a blind rage, the situation became crystal clear to her. No one had been hurt when he flipped the table. But she knew that someone would if she allowed this to continue. John was so wrapped up in his own anger that he hadn’t even realized the lamp hit Bea’s leg. As she sat watching his destruction, she realized that even though he hadn’t thrown the lamp at her on purpose, one day he would. It was a perfect parallel to the status of their lives. Whether or not John intended it, the damage to Bea was increasing.
In that moment, Bea realized their relationship would not get better. No second chance would change things. No painting or romantic dinner would make it right. Their marriage was over.
32
The man behind the robotic voice was growing ever more pleased with himself. He hadn’t thought things would go so smoothly. His plan was proceeding even better than he had imagined.
The pressure on John and Bea Hughes was mounting. Now that he had revealed the location where the murder took place, reporters could dig for details and come to their own conclusions. The media was on it like a dog with a bone. The damage to the Hughes' reputation was worsening. And John was cracking like a nut under the pressure. If they weren’t ruined already, it wouldn’t take much longer. Their time was running out.
33
“Hey, it’s me,” Bea said when he answered the phone.
“Babe! I’ve been so worried about you.”
“Can we meet?”
“Right now?” Travis asked with a laugh. “You don’t respond to me for days, and then you expect me to show up on demand when you do?” He was teasing already. What a relief.
“That’s right,” Bea said, joking as well. “Do you have a problem with that, Mr. Earl?”
“I definitely do not. For you, I’ll drop everything and be on my way. Our usual spot?”
“See you there.”
34
It wasn’t easy to get out of the house.
Max was content enough to skip school for the day and stay home with his grandmother. They all agreed that was best. Bea was no longer concerned with what John did. She didn’t believe he would physically hurt his son, so she didn’t think twice about leaving Max at home while John was there. At least not for a little while. Lana would keep Max in another part of the house to avoid John’s foul mood. But evading those jackal reporters took effort.
They swarmed around Bea as she made her way to her van, filming her every move and shouting questions at her while shoving microphones in her face. She’d had the forethought to wear a baggy sweater, and she used the ample room inside to use the garment as a shield for her face. When she got in her van and drove out the driveway, reporters and camera crew threw themselves in front of her path. It was almost as if they wanted her to hit them. It took a solid ten minutes for Bea to make her way onto the road and out of the crosshairs.
Not wanting to be recognized, she drove to Gabby’s. Her friend hadn’t left for work yet, so they could switch vehicles in the garage without anyone noticing. Finally, free and with her pulse pounding, Bea got in Gabby’s car and sped out of town towards the bay. It was a beautiful day, the kind with just the right amount of sunshine and a light, comfortable breeze.
As she drove, Bea laughed out loud at the absurdity of what was happening in her life. She still wasn’t sure how things had gone so wrong, but she was beginning to understand that maybe they had needed to go wrong so that somehow, someday they could go right. Maybe things had to fall apart for the pieces of her life to be reassembled and put back together.
She owed Travis an apology. And she owed him an explanation. He had proven himself, and he deserved to know the whole truth.
When she arrived at their old meeting place, Galley Books, Bea parked on a side street and walked the half a block to the front of the building. She and Travis had spent countless hours there, canoodling at corner tables while thumbing through books and sipping bubbly beverages from the store’s old-fashioned soda fountain. Even though Bea hadn’t been to Galley in a long time, the place looked and felt the same. Monty, the owner’s toy poodle, greeted her with a sniff as she walked in the door. He had been just a pup when she’d seen him last.
“Monty!” Bea gushed as she stooped down and stroked his curly gray fur. “Look at you, old pal.” It took the dog a minute, but he seemed to recognize her. It felt good to be in one of her old favorite places, independent of John and enjoying her day.
Bea was still scratching Monty’s chin when Travis’ familiar voice reached her ears. He had been sitting at their usual table, but got up when he saw her walk in. “Bea, babe,” he said as he helped her stand up. “It’s so good to see you again. I’ve been so worried. Are you okay? Your health, I mean?”
“Hey! Yes, nothing serious,” she said.
“Good. Then you won’t mind if I do this.” Travis advanced, wrapped one arm around Bea’s waist, pulling her tightly to him. He put his warm lips on hers and kissed her slowly and deeply. For a split second, Bea started to pull away, but thought better of it. She let herself melt into him, succumbing to the urge that she had suppressed for so long. Being with Travis like this, kissing him in public, made her feel alive.
“My, my, sir! What a welcome,” Bea teased when their lips finally parted.
“Was it too much?” Travis asked.
“Maybe,” she replied. “But no, not really. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve pictured that kind of welcome on more than one occasion.”
“Does that mean…?” Travis began. “Wait. If you’re calling me, meeting me at our old spot, and kissing me… And, oh my God, Bea! You took your wedding ring off.”
Bea laughed and smiled as her cheeks turned pink with excitement. “Let’s just say we have a lot to talk about.”
They walked hand-in-hand back to their usual table. Travis had taken the liberty of ordering them both sodas from the fountain. He had ordered cherry for Bea.
“You remembered,” she remarked. “How sweet.”
“Of course, I did.”
They sat down and sipped their sodas, but couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Bea could tell Travis was holding back, not wanting to be presumptuous. But she had already made up her mind. She was ready.
Bea slid one hand under the table and placed it on the inside of Travis’ thigh. He sat up straight in response, puffing his chest out and smiling. Slowly, she let her fingers brush upward towards his most sensitive spot as she watched him squirm. No one else was sitting close to them, so she had some fun with it. She moved her whole body close to Travis and nuzzled into his neck, dragging her bottom lip to his earlobe. His masculine scent made her wild with desire.
“I want you, Travis Earl,” she whispered into his ear. “I want you to take me back to your loft, then peel off all of my clothes and make sweet, sweet love to me.”
“Bea,” Travis said, his voice cracking as he tried to maintain his composure. “Are you sure? You have a lot going on. I don’t want to complicate things. When I make love to you again, I want you to be sure.”
Using her free hand, Bea grabbed Travis’ shoulder, hoisting herself onto his lap and straddling him in his chair. She didn’t care that there were other people in the bookstore. The only thing on her mind was reuniting her body with Travis’. She placed her lips just inches from his as she looked deeply into his eyes. “I’m sure.”
Convinced, Travis stood up, holding onto Bea as her legs remained wrapped around his waist. Bea could feel him throbbing beneath her as her body came alive. Every touch, every smell, and every movement sent shivers up and down her spine. It was all they could do to restrain themselves as they walked the three blocks west to Travis’ loft. Bea had half a notion to step into an alley or behind a building and lift her skirt as she presse
d into Travis. If they had been caught, she didn’t think she would have cared. She wanted him desperately.
When they got to his place and climbed the stairs in the back, they kissed and grabbed at each other as they stumbled inside. The door had barely closed behind them before they were naked, items of clothing thrown around haphazardly in their hurry to get them off. They didn’t even make it to the bed. Travis hoisted Bea onto a kitchen counter, where they became blessedly intertwined. Within minutes, their sexual tension was released in the most pleasant way.
Bea felt alive. Like her old self again.
Now that’s what I’m talking about.
35
“Ooh-wee,” Travis exclaimed as he tilted his head back, an expression of pure joy on his face. “I’ve been waiting for this for, well, forever. At least, it feels that way.”
Bea smiled bigger than she had for as long as she could remember. She often smiled big with Max, of course. But this was different. “Travis Earl, I think you just rocked my world.”
“Good! So, you’re saying my performance was up to snuff?”
“Oh yes,” Bea said. “High marks, for sure.” She leaned her head down on Travis’ shoulder, running her fingers over one chiseled bicep.
“Bea, babe?”
“Yes?”
“I hope you know my feelings for you are about far more than just the physical. Don’t get me wrong. The physical is like the biggest firework show at the biggest Fourth of July celebration,” Travis said with a laugh. “But I care about you... Who you are deep down. It doesn’t matter what you’re going through or what you’ve done. I see you. And I choose you.”
“I know you do,” Bea said softly.
“Bea, I love you.”
Travis had never said that before. Even though Bea knew it, it meant something else for her to hear the words. “Travis, it might not have always seemed like it, but I love you, too. I always have.”
Travis leaned his forehead against Bea’s and gazed into her eyes. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I want a real future with you. A happily ever after. I want to put a ring on your finger that they won’t take off until your last day here on Earth. If it’s what you want.”
“I think I do,” Bea said. “I need a little time to sort myself out and get a solid foundation under me and Max, but I want you in my life... From now on.”
“I want you to be sure,” Travis said. “I won’t be a consolation prize. If you have any doubt, I’ll wait. Hell, I’ve waited this long. What’s a while longer? Wait. Don’t answer that.”
They both laughed together.
“I’m leaving John,” Bea said. “At least that’s settled.”
“Finally!” Travis said. “What made you decide?”
“I’m not completely sure. But the pressure we’ve been under lately seems to have put a microscope on our relationship. It has shaken me up and made me take an honest look at how things are. I’ve lived in fear for a long time, afraid to make a change. Now that change is coming whether I like it or not, I’ve gained a new-found freedom to make my life my own.”
“I can see that.”
“I think John’s a good guy, fundamentally,” Bea continued. “He loves his son, that’s for sure. And he has been good to me in several important ways. But I don’t think our marriage is what a marriage is supposed to be. I can’t put my finger on it, but something big is missing. It has been since the beginning. I think I mistook John’s caring for me as what a spouse is supposed to be, when his affection is more paternal, you know? I guess I’ve finally come around to believe that I deserve more. And really, John deserves more, too. I’m not sure what would make him happy. But it isn’t me. It’s time for both of us to move on.”
“I know it’s been hard on you,” Travis said. “I’m sorry about that. But since the day I met you, I knew that you and I belonged together. When you walked into my furniture store and I saw your face, something settled over me. And I knew.”
“Really?” Bea asked. “You’ve never told me that before.”
“I didn’t want to lean on you too hard,” Travis explained. “You know the whole thing... About how if you love something, you should set it free. I wanted you to come back to me. To choose me. When we commit to each other, I want it to be for good.”
Bea thought this was the most serious conversation she’d ever had about her life. She and John had never talked like this. In all their years of marriage, John had never said he thought they belonged together. His marriage proposal had always felt more like a business transaction. An acquisition, even.
“I want that too,” Bea said. “I’ve never had it.” She continued to lean on Travis as she ran her fingers gently over his muscular arms. A clock above his refrigerator ticked softly. It reminded her of the one in her art studio. “Hey,” she added. “Jenny Maguire gave me the name of a psychologist she recommends I see, and I think it’s a good idea. I have a lot to unpack so I can understand why I’ve made the decisions I did. I want to do better.”
“Babe, that’s great,” Travis said. “I support you completely.”
“Will you go with me?”
“Like drive you there and sit in the waiting room? Or come inside?”
Bea chuckled. “I guess that’s a fair question since I left you in the car when I went into the conference at Max’s school the other day. But yes, I mean for you to come in with me. Be in counseling with me. So we can start the next phase of our relationship off right.”
Travis smiled. “Yes, absolutely,” he said, beaming. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty agreeable. And beyond that, I’d do anything for you, Bea. You could ask me to scale the face of Mount Everest and I’d gear right up and go do it. You are my everything. I’m just happy for the chance to show you how much you mean to me.”
“I might have an anxiety disorder,” Bea said.
“Yeah, I got that idea at the school the other day. But you don’t see me backing off. I’m here to stay.”
“I might also have a minor heart condition.”
“Whoa, what?” Travis asked. “I wasn’t expecting that. Is it okay? Are you okay?”
“Emphasis on minor,” Bea clarified. “But I have to go see a cardiologist. Something about a fast heartbeat.”
“Alright, that sounds manageable. What else have you got?”
Bea shook her head as she thought about the enormity of it. “You know, the teensy problem of what I’ve done and the person who knows about it. The person releasing videos with information designed to expose me. Oh, plus, John having covered it up.”
“Ah, that little thing.” Travis said as he settled in while Bea told him the rest of the story.
36
By the time Bea and Travis left his loft together to get some lunch, she had made another big decision. What Gabby had said about being tossed around like a leaf in the wind had made an impression on her. Bea didn’t want to live that way. She didn’t want to live in fear, cowering every time someone knocked on the door or the telephone rang. It was time she reframe her situation, just like Gabby had pointed out. It was time she took control of everything in her power. At least, this way, she could sleep at night knowing she had done everything she could. At least, this way, Max would know his mother was fallible, but also honest and good.
“I’m going to confess,” Bea proclaimed after placing her sandwich order at Lorraine’s Diner. A perky young waitress named Kai brought the happy couple two glasses of cold tea.
“Babe,” Travis said once Kai was out of earshot. “That’s heavy.”
“The only way out of this is through it,” Bea said.
“Are you going to the police?”
“I’m going to hold a press conference. This evening. I’ll tell the world what I’ve done and why, and I’ll take whatever consequences come my way.”
“That’s admirable. But what about Max? And what about us?”
“I know,” Bea said. “It’s scary. But I have to do it. I won’t be able to live
with myself if I don’t. And besides, the person behind the video seems to know the truth, anyway. There’s no hiding from him or her. I won’t lie or deny the truth.”
“Okay,” Travis said reluctantly. “The thought of losing you the same day I got you back is downright heartbreaking. But like I said, I love and support you, no matter what. If you say this is what we’re doing, then this is what we’re doing.”
“Thank you, babe,” Bea said to Travis, calling him babe again for the first time. He smiled back in return.
“So, how can I help?”
“For starters, you can stand by my side when I speak this evening. Will you do that?”
“Yes. Done.”
“You can also help notify the press. I want as many TV news and print outlets there as possible. I want to get out in front of this thing. Besides, I figure the more media representatives there are in attendance, the more likely they are to report the story fairly.”
“Good point,” Travis agreed. “How about Max? Do you want him to be there?”
“I do,” Bea replied. “In fact, I’d like to go back to the house and talk with Max as soon as we’re done eating. I’d like to tell him everything, including that you and I are together now.”
“Wow,” Travis said. “Are you sure?”
“I certainly am. I’m as sure as I was when you asked me in Galley Books this morning if I was sure about… You know,” Bea added, making them both blush.
Suddenly, Bea noticed a familiar man walking towards them. He was dressed in old jeans and a t-shirt, with a flannel left unbuttoned over top. It took her a minute to realize who he was.
“Kyle?” she said, remembering now. “Kyle… Hodges, right?”
He acted surprised to see Bea, but the reaction didn’t seem genuine. For a second, she wondered if Kyle had followed her here. She quickly dismissed the idea, thinking that wasn’t possible since she was driving Gabby’s car. But something unusual was going on. Bea could feel it.