I climbed up on the table, the stupid white paper on it crinkling so loudly I cringed. I watched the doctor, with his back to me, dip some little thing into the cup.
A few moments later, he turned toward me. “It seems that you are in fact pregnant.”
I sucked in a breath. “You’re sure?”
“Well, these tests are very accurate. I can also do a blood test if you’d like?”
“Yes,” I said without doubt.
He chuckled. “Okay, but I won’t have those results back for a couple hours.”
I bobbed my head.
He drew the blood himself, seeming to understand that I didn’t want that busybody nurse who was obsessed with my boyfriend anywhere near any of this. When he was done, he handed me a script for some prenatal vitamins and promised to call me later in the afternoon. He also gave me the name of a good baby doctor down in Caribou so I could make an appointment.
I don’t think I took a breath until he left the room and I was alone. Still sitting on the table, I glanced down at the prescription for vitamins.
Oh my God.
I was pregnant.
Liam
“There’s nothing to talk about, Dad.”
“I beg to differ.”
“I thought you went home to rest.”
“I went to your mother’s office, not home.”
I nodded and went around the desk to the chairs in front of it. I didn’t sit behind the desk when my dad was there. For me, this was still his office. I picked up some papers and sat down. “Well, since you’re here, I have a few questions about this—”
“Business can wait.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That was Tom on the phone?” He continued as though I hadn’t even spoken.
I was a grown-ass man, but my parents sure had a way of reminding me I was their kid. I blew out a loud, forceful breath and tossed the papers back on the surface. My dad took a seat behind the desk and looked at me.
He was thinner than before. His appetite was on the decline. According to Mom, the only time he ate enough to satisfy her was when Bells was cooking, which was often, but clearly not enough.
“Why don’t you and Mom take the rest of the day? Go have a late lunch.”
“Liam.”
I resigned myself to the conversation. “Yes, Dad. It was Tom.”
“From the sounds of it, he seems to think you can compete next year in the Olympics.”
“He doesn’t want to lose his biggest money maker.”
“Come on now, Liam. You know Tom Joiner isn’t about that. Besides, you’ve made him more than enough in the past nine years.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I got right to it. “I told him no.”
“Because of me.”
I shook my head. “Because I have a life here. One I’m not willing to abandon. Not like I did eight years ago.”
“You didn’t abandon anything. You went after a dream.”
“And I made it come true. Now it’s time for a new dream.”
My father regarded me quietly for long moments. I squirmed under his watchful eye. “Is this really your dream?”
“What?” I played dumb.
“Taking over my dream. Being contained in this office. Not competing in the Olympics.”
“Jesus, would everyone just quit it with the Olympics!” I burst out, jumping out of the chair to pace. “How many times do I have to say I’m done before everyone believes me?”
“When you actually mean it.”
I muttered beneath my breath, then turned toward him. “I’m a grown man, Dad. I’m capable of making my own decisions and owning them.”
“I know how quickly life passes,” he intoned thoughtfully, quietly. “I don’t want you to get toward the end of the road, look back, and have regret.”
My chest tightened. “I could never regret doing right by my family.”
“No. You couldn’t.” His chair rotated to the window. “But you could regret missed opportunity.”
“We can’t have it all, Dad.”
He spun back around. “Says who? I certainly do.”
“And how’s that working out for you?” I quipped, bitter.
Instantly, I felt like a dickwad. Like the biggest asshole to ever exist.
“Dad…” I started toward the desk, remorse heavy in my voice.
He held up his hand and smiled. “I understand your bitterness. I have some of my own.”
“I’m sorry.” I atoned. “I—” Beginning to make an excuse for my words, I shut it down. There was no excuse. Not a good enough one anyway.
“In truth, though, it’s worked out very well for me.”
I collapsed into a chair as he spoke.
“I’ve been a lucky man. To live my dream of creating this place, not just some resort, but a place that people come back to again and again. A place that continues to grow and prosper. A home. And I did it all with the love of my life at my side. If that wasn’t enough blessings, I was given you. I’m so proud of you, Liam. I hope you know that. You chased your dreams like I did mine. I might even allow that I am lucky in death.”
I shook my head, overwhelmed with emotion but also with grief. “I don’t know how you can say that.”
“I know my time is marked. It gives me a chance to say good-bye. To make sure you and your mother know just how much I love you.”
I glanced over at the bar cart and the giant bottle of Jack Daniels sitting atop it. My vision went a little blurry with the tears forcing their way into my eyes as I thought about that drink.
I blinked them back as vehemently as I could.
I didn’t know if I would be remarkable enough to ever think dying was a chance to tie up loose ends, so to speak. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to see past the anger and all the years I was going to miss because I was robbed of time.
I couldn’t say any of that. My voice barely worked. All I could manage was, “I love you, too, Dad.”
My chest ached so much it reached into my belly and ached there, too. The kind of ache that made you feel like you might die a little inside and there would be a hollow spot left behind, one that would whistle when any kind of strong feelings traveled through.
“I admit I feel much more at ease with… the future because I have you to pass down my legacy. But I can’t leave this life knowing that my legacy is stopping you from creating your own.”
“I’m already an Olympic medalist. I think my legacy is already carved in gold.”
Dad smiled. “What a day that was.” His eyes turned wistful. “I wish I could be here to see you do it again.”
The ache deepened, and though the pain was dull, it was incomparable to anything else. After making sure my voice wouldn’t give out, I responded, “You won’t miss it, Dad, because that chapter in my life is over.”
“I hope it’s not.”
I fell back against the chair, heavy with grief. “Why are you doing this? Why can’t you just let me be a good son?”
He pushed away from the desk, coming around to stand beside where I sat. His hand landed on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Because you are so much more.”
His words seemed to echo around the silent room even after he’d gone.
Bellamy
I went back home, getting a ride from one of the valets so I didn’t have to walk. He swore he’d keep the ride he gave me a secret, and I swore the next time Liam’s truck needed driven somewhere, he’d be the one to do it.
Charlie was excited to have someone home early and bounced around the cabin like a giant bouncy ball, knocking over several things and slobbering all over my clothes.
Since I had a few hours to impatiently wait around for the results of the blood test, I figured a good way to spend a few minutes of that was by taking him outside. He definitely needed to run around, especially before the snow started again.
The dog practically took a running leap off the deck when I stepped outside with him. I la
ughed and threw the ball. It hit the piles of snow and practically sank. I worried he might not be able to find it, but he surprised me and bounded back a few moments later with it in his mouth.
I threw it again, and off he went. Lifting my face toward the sky, I glanced up at the grey, heavy clouds and took a deep breath. The scent of snow was thick in the air, and it reminded me of Liam.
Putting my hand over my middle, I wondered what I was going to tell him.
What would he say?
What if he wasn’t happy? Was I happy?
A baby would change everything.
How in the world was I going to keep him safe?
Charlie barked. It echoed with the wind whipping through the ends of my hair. I glanced around, expecting to see him with the ball in his mouth, but he wasn’t there.
“Charlie!” I called out.
He barked again. This time he didn’t stop. He barked repeatedly, and something about the tone of it sent warning shivers down my spine. Gripping the wooden railing, I stepped off the deck onto the narrow pathway Liam had shoveled early this morning.
It sounded like Charlie was around the side of the house. He never went around that way. He always stayed in the back where the yard was open and there was room to run.
“Charlie!” I called again, my voice catching on the wind. “Here, boy!”
He continued to bark, the sound more and more hair raising with every step I took.
Maybe I shouldn’t have come home alone. Maybe I should have called Liam or even Alex. Hell, I could have gone back to work.
I’d only wanted a few hours of quiet solitude to work through some of my thoughts and to figure out what I was going to say to Liam. If there was anything to say at all.
The shock of realizing I was likely pregnant, with the added bonus of waiting for the blood test, forced all other thought from my head. Even thoughts of Spidey and the fact that I was vulnerable here. Alone.
I remembered the guns inside. I might be alone, but I wasn’t vulnerable. Not anymore.
The dog made a whimpering sound, and alarm spiked through me. I rushed forward, my feet sinking into the heavy, immense snow as I turned the corner of the cabin. “Charlie!”
He was toward the front of the home, staring out into the trees, tail low, ears back. I scanned the yard, studying the area where he seemed focused, especially around the trees. The entire time, adrenaline pooled into me, slamming my heart repeatedly against my chest and making my hands shake.
I didn’t see anyone.
But the dog clearly did.
“Charlie!” I yelled.
He glanced back, then came bounding toward me, putting his nose against my hand. I stood there huffing, my breath coming in great white puffs and swirling around me like ghosts.
Ghosts of my past coming to haunt my present.
“C’mon,” I said, tucking my fingers beneath his collar and heading toward the house. I managed to walk briskly to the bottom of the deck stairs, but once there, I raced up them like there was some demon hot on my heels.
Charlie burst inside first, and I slammed the door and locked it immediately. Next, I yanked the curtains over the window and fell against it wheezing. My God, fear had a way of stealing your breath and making your knees weak. It was as if I’d just run six miles, when really I’d done nothing at all. Charlie stood in the kitchen watching me, wagging his tail, waiting for a treat.
“What did you see out there, boy?” I asked him.
He tilted his head and puffed up his ears, listening, but of course he didn’t have a response.
Forcing aside the worst of the jitters, I grabbed a snack out of a tin on the counter and handed it to him. Then I washed my hands at the sink and peeled off my coat and boots.
I felt colder than when I’d trekked through the snow to the main building to get to the doctor. I put on some milk to heat for a cup of cocoa and went to turn on the fireplace.
Back in the kitchen, I pulled my phone from my bag and debated calling Liam. I was scared, and it made me feel incredibly stupid. I was at home, for crying out loud. What kind of person is scared in their own home? Besides, I needed time to think. To process.
Going through the motions, I made a rich, steaming cup of hot cocoa and plopped some whipped cream on top. Shoving my phone into my back pocket and wrapping my hands around the warm mug, I went out to the living room to sit by the fire. Lifting the mug toward my lips, I inhaled the milk-chocolatey scent, expecting to be comforted and calmed.
Instead, I started to gag, the scent too rich and not comforting at all. I set it down on the brick surround, some of the contents sloshing out and making a mess. Ignoring it, I took off down the hall, burst into the bathroom, and dropped to my knees in front of the toilet.
I brought up what little was in my stomach and then heaved some more, which caused an aching back and burning throat. When I was finally done, I fell back onto my haunches and wiped my mouth with a tissue.
It was more than obvious I didn’t need the extra assurance of the blood test. I was pregnant, and I couldn’t keep telling myself it wasn’t for sure.
I wanted to be happy, but there was just so. Much. Fear.
At this point, I didn’t even think I would recognize life without it.
Oh my God, what am I bringing this baby into?
I wished for probably the millionth time that I could call my mother. I was beyond lucky to have Liam and Alex, even Liam’s parents, but really, there was no one quite like a girl’s mom. Especially mine.
Tears dripped down my cheeks, the wetness like a giant wake-up call.
Stop it. You will not sit on the bathroom floor, pity party of one, because life is hard. This is not the kind of woman you are, and it’s definitely not the kind of mother you’re going to be.
Pushing off the floor, I brushed my teeth, combed out my hair, and then smoothed some moisturizer over my face. Since I was still dressed in my work clothes, I went into the bedroom and replaced them with a pair of black leggings and one of Liam’s red plaid flannel shirts. It was too big, but I wore a tank top beneath it and buttoned it up so it stayed around me. After I was dressed, I cleaned up the cocoa I’d spilled by the fireplace and dumped the rest down the sink. Just looking at it made me queasy.
The second I turned off the faucet, I reached for a towel, but an odd sound stopped me in my tracks. A low growl, almost like a snarl, filled the space. The hair on the back of my neck rose at the same time I spun.
Charlie was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, facing out toward the living room and hall. The hair on his neck was standing straight up, and the sounds vibrating out of him were more aggressive than anything I’d ever heard from him before. He wouldn’t act this way over nothing. Something was wrong…
My heart leapt into my throat. The bottom fell out of my belly.
I didn’t bother to call out to the dog. He knew where I was, and he was protecting me.
I reached around for my phone, patted my back pocket, and then nearly had a heart attack right there on the floor. My phone was still back in the bedroom. Instantly, I glanced to the landline mounted to the wall on the other side of the fridge.
Still holding the towel and mug, I crept forward, trying to be quiet. Charlie didn’t let up on his menacing growl, and his hackles remained raised.
When I reached the dog and the wall with the phone, his growl became even more aggressive. Swallowing down my insane fear, I leaned around the wall and looked where Charlie was focused.
There was a man. Motionless and filling out the doorway of our bedroom. A black ski mask covered his face, black leather gloves on his hands.
Most of him was concealed, but not the look in his eyes.
In his eyes, I saw a promise to kill.
Liam
I took a shot of the Jack Daniels.
Actually, I tossed back two.
Once the warmth spread down to my belly and loosened the worse of the ache, I returned to the desk, back to the view, and
immersed myself in documents.
I tried not to think of the conversation between my father and me. But trying not think of that would be like trying to only see in black and white.
When the phone on my desk rang, I snatched it up, grateful for the distraction.
“Liam, I have the front desk on the line. He is insisting to speak with you.”
“Put ‘em through,” I said. In that moment, I probably would have taken a call from Ronald McDonald.
“Mr. Mattison?”
“Liam.” I corrected automatically.
“Liam. This is Kenny from the check-in desk?”
“What can I do for you, Kenny?”
“Um, sir, we have your dog.”
I sat up. “What?”
“The big St. Bernard. Answers to Charlie?”
“What’s he doing downstairs? Did Bellamy bring him over?”
“He’s alone, from what we can tell. He came in the front doors. He was wet from the snow.”
The unmistakable sound of Charlie barking came over the line.
“He seems agitated, sir. He won’t stop barking.”
My pulse spiked. Any relaxation I’d found from those shots was instantly gone. Charlie had been at home. Safe inside with the doors locked and the alarm on. He shouldn’t have been able to get outside.
I stood up.
“Put him in the employee lounge, okay? I’ll be down to get him in a minute.”
“Sure thing.”
I hung up the phone and hit another number. The second Alex picked up, I spoke. “You been at my house?”
“No.”
I hung up with no explanation, a sense of urgency exploding inside me.
I dialed another number.
“Chef D’alessio,” the chef answered after a few rings.
“It’s Liam Mattison. I need to speak to Bellamy.”
“Bellamy?” he questioned, and that urgency turned to full-blown alarm. “She went home a few hours ago. Said she wasn’t feeling well.”
I slammed the phone down and ran for the door. With a curse, I doubled back and picked up my cell, dialing hers.
Blizzard (BearPaw Resort #2) Page 25