live without money, not in this world. Not in anybody’s world. I had to do what I had to do to take care of my children. I was back in the streets, doing what I do best. This included whatever it took to make a way for me and my
children, I did it.
Always smart though, I knew I had to have a legal gig going on. I
had a hidden talent that hadn’t been exposed to the world yet. I was a poet, and street poetry was my calling. I was always known for rapping. I knew people in the music industry, and those contacts came from me dating Drama.
I had been in the studio with a lot of Atlanta rappers before they
made it big. My love for rhymes allowed me to cross paths with many of today’s famous artist including Young Dro, Shawty Lo, Fabo, Big Kuntry Kane, TI, Gucci Mane, DJ Jelly and a host of others.
The first time I really made any noise was when I remixed Shawty Lo’s single, “Dope boys got these girls gone wild,” I switched it to, “Dope girls got these boys going wild,” I went to his studio, got with his producer, Born Immaculate, and remixed his song, on his set.
Now that was how one makes a huge statement! It was funny watch-
ing all his boys coming to the back of the studio, standing around the booth, and staring at me through the glass. They needed to witness my act with their own eyes. They couldn’t believe what they were hearing. I was the truth.
Believe that!
I stayed in the studio, destined to make a hit. Something had to give. The book I wrote in prison was on hold because I didn’t know what to do with it. Phaedra was acting brand new, I guess she had cut us all off, and gone on with her life. I wasn’t tripping too hard though. I was really just glad that all of it was over. I never truly understood why she refused to help me rebuild my life. I mean, she was all for it when we were doing illegal stuff. I had one major thing on my side. I had a book now, a book that every young girl in the
world needed to read.
Why wouldn’t she be all for it when it was something legal and positive? If our relationship had been restricted to boss and worker then I would have had a better understanding. But Phaedra was my friend. She was a godmother to my son Jayvien. She didn’t even give me the honor of sitting down with me to describe my mother’s last day on earth. What had I done to
push her so far away? I just couldn’t understand it.
Recording a hit was now at the top of my to-do list. This was prior to Nicki Minaj hitting the music scene. There weren’t any new female rappers out, so the market was wide open. There had to be a way out for my children and me. I was good at anything I put my mind to, so I knew it was the perfect time to come out with a hit. I was sitting at my son’s father’s house. When I
heard Decatur Slim singing a hook.
“Get a life, get some swag... Stop popping at the mouth, and pop
tags…”
The hook kept going off in my head. Like every five minutes, I
would hear it again. After a while, the light bulb went on inside my head. That was it. This was going to be the hook for my hit song!
I sat down with my son’s father and my cousin, Scott, not just by
chance, but because they were experienced. Scott had already recorded and released an album, and Decatur Slim was one of the best rappers I had ever come across. We wrote the song in less than an hour and we knew it was a hit. We went straight to Patchwerk Recording Studios and recorded it. ‘BOY STOP’ by Lady Lenox.
The song was hot! Knowing a hit when he heard it, the producer at Patchwerk jumped right on it. He took me straight to Hitt Afta Hitt Entertainment to meet with Johnnie Cabbell. Johnnie heard the song and was digging it. At first, he tried me. It was to be expected. He asked me if I wanted to sell
my song to Mac Breeze, a local female rapper he managed. She had made
her claim to fame when she was featured on Gucci Mane’s single, ‘Go Head’.
Yes, I did say try me! That song was made for me. No flexing, no
lying, just the honest truth, and you had to have lived that life in order to rap that song. I explained it to Johnnie just like that! Straight up! He told me that he had to go out of town, and wanted to meet with me in two weeks when he
returned.
During those two weeks the song started playing everywhere in At-
lanta, on the radio, in the nightclubs, and in all the strip clubs. People were feeling that song everywhere. Straight up! My brother Lee, my cousins and friends were calling saying they were somewhere, and heard it being played. That was one of the best feelings in the world. Johnnie Cabbell had managed just about every hot rapper in the south from Shawty Lo to Gucci Mane. If you wanted to get in the game and you lived in the city, Johnnie was the man
you needed on your team.
I spoke with Johnnie several times while he was out of town. I
shared my struggle with him. After hearing my story, he told me that the path of crime my life had taken, my struggle, and the force that was driving me reminded him of Shawty Lo. I talked to him about the book I’d written in prison, ‘Life beyond these walls’, and my plans.
The plan I had was to release ‘Boy Stop’ as a single just to get the at-
tention of the youth, and make a name for myself. Once I accomplished that, I wanted to push the book, right along with launching a national campaign for my nonprofit organization ‘Don’t Ask, Just Tell and Stop the Silence’. I formed this not for profit agency to help worldwide victims of sexual abuse. That was my dream. I thought it was a good idea and so did he. I honestly
believed he saw my vision for helping others.
Spring of 2008, Memorial Day was around the corner, and every-
body I was affiliated with was going to Miami. So I went also. My whole purpose for going was to promote the song. But I hadn’t been anywhere since returning from prison. My children were with my younger cousin, Monique. She agreed to stay over at my house and keep them.
I kept thinking that a little vacation wouldn’t hurt. I called up my
homeboy, Jay at Patchwerk and had five thousand CD’s printed. Me, my partner, Renita, and another one of our home girls rented a vehicle and headed for Miami. We didn’t even have a hotel room. We just made up our mind to
go and left.
Everybody and they mama was in Miami. South Beach was rocking
off the chain. Parties were everywhere. Thousands of people, all the rappers, and all of the entertainers were living it up. Jeezy was there, riding around in his blue Lamborghini. I wanted to give him a copy of my CD. I spoke to him, he hollered back. I started to approach him just to give him a copy of my CD. He had a look in his eyes which told me he didn’t want to be bothered, so I turned, and walked away. I wasn’t about to sweat him. I knew him too well
when he was Jay. I wasn’t stuck on the Young Jeezy hype.
Renita got the DJ to play ‘Boy Stop’ while thousands of people were
on the beach. She was a genius. The crowd loved it! Shawty Lo was hot at this time. He was on the beach and he heard it too. It felt so good to look at thousands of people listening to my words. They were all jamming to the sound of my voice. About an hour later, in the lobby of the Sagamore Hotel, I saw Shawty Lo and he commended me on the song. He told me that he definitely wanted to do a remix when we got back to Atlanta. I was ecstatic! He told me to call Johnnie Tuesday and make an appointment for the studio.
That was all I needed to hear. It felt like Christmas. I called my
cousins back home, and told them to start celebrating. Everybody was so excited about the news that they just wanted to know when I was coming
back to Atlanta.
“Sunday…!” I screamed with excitement. From that point on, I
started to enjoy the rest of my vacation.
I had something to look forward to when I got back home. I emailed Phaedra an mp3 copy of my song. Everybody knew it was a hit. Since she had connections with all the record companies, I thought she would at least put it out there
for me. But I never heard back from her. I wasn’t about to let that stop me. I was disgruntled a lot by this. I mean it wasn’t like I was asking her for handouts. I was creating opportunities for her to make money as well. I was now really tripping off Phaedra’s ability to distance herself from me. She always pointed out that we were family.
When I made it back to Atlanta, I felt one hundred pounds lighter,
and I was relieved that something had finally worked out in my favor. This was the closest I had ever come to living my dream. As per my conversation with Shawty Lo, I called Johnnie on Tuesday. He was still out of town, and promised to call me when he returned. I was on pins and needles, anxious and ambitious. I was even counting the money I hadn’t made yet, and about to burst with excitement. Afraid that I would miss his call, I checked my phone every fifteen minutes.
Two days later, Johnnie called to tell me that he had just landed at Hartsfield Airport. He offered to pay me for a ride. Johnnie told me that his cars were parked at his home. I understood. I would not want to leave my fancy, high priced car at anyone’s airport either. My stomach was cramping due to my menstruation, it had been cramping all night, but I was only about five minutes away from the airport. I needed the money, and I wanted to discuss the remix anyway. Doing the remix with Shawty Lo had been the only
thing on my mind. I could barely sleep.
Johnnie was already waiting outside when I arrived at Hartsfield
airport. I spoke to him on the phone as I pulled in. By the time he had his seatbelt on, he was already deep in conversation with someone else, and all of his conversation was strictly business. I listened closely while playing it off, as if I wasn’t interested. But I heard the deals he had sealed for Shawty Lo, and I was impressed with his ability to make things happen. He lived about twenty minutes from the airport, right off Moreland Avenue behind Club Blaze.
As I rode with this man who I had no reason not to trust, I never per-
ceived him to be any threat to my well-being. He invited me inside his home. His mother greeted me at the door, and that only made me feel more secure. I felt that I had sealed the deal with Johnnie. Why else would he take a stranger to his home? He escorted me upstairs to his living quarters where he had his master bedroom, and a brown plush leather sofa in the far right of the room. I took my seat on his sofa and watched him stretch out across his beautifully
adorned California King bed. Johnnie was dressed in Gucci from head to toe.
I sat there about another thirty minutes and listened as he continued
to book shows back to back. His mother yelled upstairs that she was stepping out for a moment. A few minutes later, he hung up his phone, and asked me to give him a massage. I should have known then that something wasn’t right. But like a dummy, I fell into the trap. I began massaging his shoulders. Mind
you, he was fully dressed, and so was I.
The next thing I knew I was thrown down on the bed like yester-
day’s laundry. Johnnie used the upper part of his body to pin me down on the bed, restraining me and preventing any movement. Johnnie was six feet tall and weighed nearly three hundred pounds. I couldn’t believe what was hap-
pening. I was being raped. I cried out to Johnnie, begging him to stop.
“Johnnie what are you doing? I’m on my period! Give me a couple
of days, and I’ll come back!” I pleaded with him, but nothing worked. It was as if he had been possessed by something. His outer appearance changed. I felt absolutely helpless.
Johnnie ripped off my jeans like they were a piece of paper. Then
he stuck his finger inside of me, and yanked out my tampon. I thought for sure after seeing the bloody tampon he would’ve stopped. But he didn’t. He never thought to use a condom. He rammed himself inside of my bloody vagina while ignoring my pleas for him to stop. Biting me and pinning me down seemed to excite him only more. The more I hollered and screamed, the
harder he pushed himself inside me.
I was afraid. I had no clue if my life was going to end that day. I
didn’t know what was going to happen next when he got through handling his business. I couldn’t understand why he was doing this to me. This was Johnnie. He had money, and he could have had any girl in the city. What the
f**k…?
Being molested when you were a young helpless child, and being
raped when you became a grown woman were two totally different things. There were two totally different effects on my mind and body. I was all grown up, I had paid my dues, and I didn’t have to answer to anyone. I worked or hustled for everything I had. I hadn’t asked anyone for spit. What gave John-
nie the right to take something from me?
When Johnnie got through, to my surprise, he rolled over and fell
right asleep. I sat there for a moment. Astonished! I snapped back rather quickly, and grabbed my jeans. I left him lying there in the bed. I got in my car, and drove to the nearest gas station and called Phaedra. She answered on the first ring. This was only because I had changed my phone number since the last time we talked. She probably thought I was one of her clients. I was crying hysterically when I told her what happened. Phaedra knew Johnnie, and it sounded as if she was trying her best to comprehend what I had just told
her. I asked, “Phaedra, what do I do?”
“If he obviously raped you, well call the police!” She said. My mind
started to spin. “Call me after you speak with the authorities,” she said.
I hung up from Phaedra then I called the DeKalb County Police. The
police responded within minutes. I was immediately taken to a hospital for a rape kit. Johnnie was woken up by the crime scene investigation unit (CSI). He hadn’t even bathed and was still lying in bed with the bloody tampon.
Now that was just nasty.
Of course, he told the police that the sex was consensual. The detec-
tive already told me that he was going to do that. My biggest worry now was what type of disease he had given me. He didn’t even know me like that. He
had only seen me twice before the rape occurred.
What type of man had forced-sex with any female, especially one
they don’t know, and while she was on her period? That thought alone had me going insane. To me, he had nothing to lose by his actions. Johnnie was
charged with strong-arm rape. The next couple of days were absolutely crazy.
The first telephone call I received was from Shawty Lo. I know Johnnie had him call me, but what Johnnie didn’t know was that I already knew Lo. I use to date a friend of his that went by the name, Po Slim. Even though Slim and I were no longer together, he still wanted to see me succeed.
It was funny how I had first met Slim. I was walking through the
mall in the West End. It was about a year after my release. Summer of 2006, he noticed me walking in the mall. He had an appetite for tall women. Slim
was very persistent. He kicked it and I had no problem speaking to him.
We walked together and we talked about my struggle. And to say
the very least, he was amazed by my hunger. Tied to the streets himself, he did not appreciate crimes committed against women and children. Shawty Lo knew what the deal was, but he was stuck in the middle, trying to patch things
up. True enough, Johnnie was dead-ass wrong.
However, there was a conflict of interest. Johnnie had Lo’s career in
the palm of his hands. If Johnnie went to jail that meant everybody associated with him would lose. I felt some sort of compassion toward this. I had a similar story with Phaedra and I knew where he was coming from. Lo begged for Johnnie’s life and was willing to agree to whatever demands I had if I would drop all charges. Shawty Lo made the first offer.
Okay now things were getting difficult. The next call came from Fabo, I already knew him too before D4L, back when he was down with Raheem the Dream. They were talking numbers, big numbers for my silenc
e. The first song I ever made was with Fabo. He was my partner. He said, “You got your man!” Basically letting me know that whatever I wanted Johnnie would adhere to. He also didn’t hesitate to inform me of my risk of becoming a target. On another note my rap career was in the palm of my hands. It was strictly up to me. I thought about Fabo’s words. True enough, but Fabo didn’t know about my past. I knew that I would be receiving another call, so I went
to Wal-Mart, and purchased a mini-tape recorder.
Moments after I opened the recorder, and figured out how to work
it, the phone rang. The Caller ID read, Johnnie ‘Hitt AftA Hitt.’ I pressed record and let the phone ring a couple more times before answering the call. I was trying to get my thoughts together. Then the call dropped before I had
a chance to answer it. I pressed record again before dialing the number back.
Johnnie signed his life away during this taped telephone conversa-
tion. He apologized for raping me. He admitted to removing my tampon, but didn’t look at it because he didn’t want to see the blood. He told me he couldn’t help himself because I was red with tattoos and he has a thing for girls like that. Johnnie agreed to give me money, put me on his payroll, and push my career. Keep in mind this was all recorded. I still have the tape in my possession. I listen to it every time I want to be reminded of the enemy, and
how he comes to kill, steal, and destroy.
After the conversation with Johnnie, I played the tape back to make
sure I had it recorded, and I did. This was evidence I would need to prove that I wasn’t lying. The evidence I needed to prove that I wasn’t just another groupie trying to get money out of a celebrity. I called Phaedra to let her know that I had the tape, and that they were offering me money. I needed her guidance because I didn’t know what to do or how to handle this situation.
Phaedra never returned any of my calls.
I told the detective about the tape, and he asked me to bring it in. I also told him about the offers that were presented to me. He told me that that was the way these things go because these guys have money. They don’t understand the word ‘NO’ and they pay their way out of everything. This was not what I had planned. I was supposed to meet Johnnie, get a date for the
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