by Vi Carter
I try to cross my arms over my chest, but Rian’s too close. I feel uncomfortable with his words.
“I’m okay.” I try to reassure us both.
“You will be once I finish the job I started.”
My heart crashes against my chest. “He’s in a coma. It’s enough.” If I was normal, I should be outraged or disgusted. But I’m not.
“He put his hands on you, Willow.” Rian’s free hand roams along my side, and I’m tempted to close my eyes at his touch.
“When we lose control, we do things that we can regret. But what you are talking about isn’t a moment of lost control. It’s premeditated.” I know too much about that. “That’s where you must draw the line.” I reach out and touch his face. He doesn’t answer me, and I don’t mind. I’ve said my piece.
“That’s the offer.” My cheeks flame as his cock grows against my stomach. I hadn’t had sex, and now I’m not sure about my words, but I don’t want to talk about Chad.
Rian isn’t responding with words, his body pushes closer to me. “I’m also a virgin, so…” I dare him to say anything.
He surprises me when he grins. “I know.”
I want to ask him how he knows, but I don’t.
“Here is the new deal. I get to touch you now, and I’ll take you up on your offer of sex another time.”
My stomach clenches with excitement at the thought of Rian’s hands on me. Am I actually thinking of crossing the line with him?
His lips touch mine gently, and I can sense how much he is holding back. I don’t want him to. I want to feel the savagery that I expect from Rian. But he isn’t giving it to me. His tongue plunges into my mouth, and I can’t stop the groan that falls from my lips. The car shakes as traffic moves past us. I know it’s daylight, but I don’t care. I want to leave the here and now, and Rian is that doorway for me.
His hand touches the waistband of my pants and with expert fingers he pops the button. I’m damp and he’s going to know how much he turns me on. His large hand slips inside. Too much roars in my system and I inhale deeply. Tasting Rian. My hands grip his shoulders dragging him closer to me. I want more of him. His kiss turns harsher and that’s exactly what I want. My kiss is as frantic as his. I’m grinding against him and I start to beg. It doesn’t make sense. I’m begging him for more.
“Please, Rian.” I don’t finish. My head falls onto his shoulder as he drags my pants down to my knees. I open my eyes and fall into the oasis of his before he dips his finger inside me. It’s invasive, and I freeze briefly. His free hand grips the back of my neck, and his breath fans across my face as he draws his fingers out before moving them back in. His movements quicken, and I’m moving with him. I’m riding his hand while looking into his eyes, and it’s terrifying to give him this control, but hope blossoms inside me as his fingers drive deeper inside me. I hope that I’m not as dead inside as I thought I was. My core tightens around his hand, and I’m pushing myself down on him, begging for more. I’m reaching a height that scares me. Rian’s hand tightens on my neck. The burn has me pumping faster along with his fingers. I’m ready to give in and shatter on his hand, but he pumps faster, his thumb runs along my clit, and I dig my nails into his shoulders.
My lip trembles as I fall deeper into his moss-green eyes. I’ve always danced on my own, but being in his arms and feeling this high, cracks the walls around me. I don’t think I could ever dance on my own again.
I call out as my body shakes and quivers. I cum on Rian’s fingers. I can’t catch my breath. The warm air I drag into my lungs tastes of heat, Rian, and my arousal. Rian’s movements slow, and I start to come down from my high. I’m waiting for the shame and self-disgust, but it doesn’t come.
Rian removes his hand, and I grip him tighter. I don’t want him to move. This cocoon I don’t want to leave. I drag him closer to me, and his body pushes against mine. His arousal seems even bigger now.
“Tell me lies.” My breathing is still unsteady as I grip on to Rian. My lips linger along his neck, and I press a kiss there. His skin is warm, and I kiss it again.
“This won’t happen again.” His voice is deeper than I have ever heard it.
“That’s not a lie,” I confirm as I kiss his neck again.
“I don’t want to fuck you right now.”
My body tightens, and I consider doing it. I want to know what going that high with Rian would feel like.
“Chad will wake up from the Coma.”
I stop kissing his neck. “Rian.”
“He put his hands on you.” Rian presses a kiss against my neck, and he forces me back into the seat. His mouth is warm and moist, and the kiss sends shivers down my body. He’s too much.
“I won’t let it stand.” Rian kisses my collar bone, and I arch my body against him. I’m losing myself, but that’s what I wanted.
“I'm telling you to leave it alone.”
His laughter is quick and sends shivers racing across my flesh.
He leans out, and his eyes have darkened. “Are you telling me?” He repeats, and I see the challenge in his voice.
“Yes. I’m telling you. You will let Chad live.”
Rian smirks, and I’m not feeling so brave now. “What happens when he opens his eyes and tells Detective Lacy what I did?”
“He won’t,” I whisper the half-truth.
“Are we still lying to each other?”
“I would never lie to you, Rian.”
His laughter has me wanting to squeeze my legs together, but he’s still laying between them.
He leans in slowly and captures my lips between his. “You’re mine now.” His words have my heart pounding, and I hate the crushing feeling that’s consuming me. Sadness chokes me, and now I realize allowing him to touch me was a huge mistake. A mistake that can never happen again.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
RIAN
She won’t look at me now. She’s turned her head away, her hair acting as a shield. My cock is still rock hard, and I can’t find the strength to move. I’ve never wanted anything so bad.
“This can’t happen again.” She bites her bottom lip.
Anger boils through my system at her words. With Willow, it is two steps forward and ten back. I’m not accepting it.
“You should have thought about that before you asked me to fuck you.” My sharp words have her gaze snapping up to mine. If I leaned in, I could kiss her traitorous mouth and stop the words from pouring out.
Her brown eyes grow wide, and I see her darkness. She’s ready to snap, and I can’t help myself, but I want to push her.
I move quickly and kiss her, she reacts by slamming a hand to my chest. I don’t break the kiss until her hand strikes my face. The sting across my cheek has me leaning away from her. I grin as her chest rises and falls rapidly. I want to keep pushing. I want to see what happens. But in the space of a second, she’s shutting down. Her vibrant brown eyes fade like dying embers.
“I shouldn’t have done that.” Her monotone has me getting off her. I climb back into my seat and turn away, giving her a minute to fix her clothes.
“Why?” I take in a slow breath. I’m not pissed that she hit me, I’m pissed that she’s shutting me out. I try to think of something other than her, but it’s impossible. Her smell has infiltrated my car, and she’s all I can smell. I glance at her as she fixes her cardigan.
“Violence solves nothing.” She finally looks up at me.
I love how her lips are red and swollen—my cock twitches painfully. “It solves most things for me.”
“Rian…” Her voice holds a pleading that I won’t ever give into.
“I’ll make a deal with you.” I turn more so I’m facing her fully.
She shakes her head, sending blonde waves across her shoulder. “No deals. That’s it. It’s over. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“Which part?”
She wrings her hands on her lap. “You know which part.” Her voice is low.
Yeah, I’m going to make her say it.
“You said a lot, Willow. So you’ll have to be more specific.”
Her brown eyes harden, and she gives a curt nod. “Fine. About wanting you to fuck me. I shouldn’t have said it.”
I shrug. “But you did.” I start the car, ending the conversation.
“It was a mistake,” Her words are low, but I hear them.
“A mistake is when you do something once, or, in your case, say something once. You didn’t just say it once, Willow. So, it wasn’t a mistake.” I tighten my hands on the steering wheel. “What exactly are you afraid of?” I want to pull over. I want to make her tell me. I want to kiss her. I want her.
“I’m not afraid, I don’t want you.” Her raised voice has me glancing at her. Her cheeks are glowing a soft red.
I laugh. “Do you know why I like you?” I slow down as I make the turn into the airstrip.
She doesn’t answer.
“There is a darkness in you that calls to me. You aren’t this good girl you pretend to be.” I slow down and glance at Willow. She’s staring out the window. She might look like she’s not listening, but she’s twisted her hands so tightly that her knuckles have turned white.
“I’m not pretending.”
I pull into the carpark and pull up close to the side door. Willow reaches for her seatbelt, and I grip her hand, making her look at me.
Fear shines in her eyes, and it’s all-consuming I tighten my hold on her hand, and her eyes widen. “Tell me what you're hiding.”
Her gaze flickers down to my hand. “Or what? You’ll hurt me?”
Her words are worse than the slap she gave me. I release her and sit back. She doesn’t waste a second before bolting from the car.
My phone rings as I climb out too. “You want to tell me what you did last night?”
I close the door of the car and start to walk to the building. Willow follows behind, her arms wrapped around her middle like she has a belly ache.
“I was with you.”
“Rian.” The warning in my father’s voice has me opening the door and letting Willow step in first. She won’t meet my eye.
“Yeah, it was me.”
“You let him live?”
“I didn’t mean to. I thought he was dead.” The noise of the room has me raising my voice.
“How are you going to fix this? I don’t like leaving behind a trail that can be followed.”
“I’ll sort it,” I answer. Willow still has her arms wrapped around her waist as she walks with her head down.
“Okay.”
I’m ready to hang up when my father speaks again. “What did he do?”
“He hurt Willow.” At her name, Willow’s shoulders tense, and she half glances back at me. It’s like she wants to look but decides against it.
“Okay, I’ll speak with you later.”
This time I hang up and slip the phone into my pocket. I match Willow’s steps. She’s so small beside me. Her size makes you think she would be easy to break. I grin at that thought. I’ve never met anyone so resilient. I’ve never wanted to push someone’s buttons so much. The thought of never getting to touch her again has me looking away. After that small taste, I know I’m hooked. I could never let her go.
“I know you’d never hurt me.” Her words are spoken while she looks at all the vendors. When I don’t respond, she glances up at me. I stop walking, and so does she.
“I shouldn’t have said that.” She tightens her cardigan around her waist.
“That’s a lot of things you shouldn’t have said today.” I take a step closer, towering over her small frame. “Let’s pretend today, you can say anything you want, and it will be erased. What would you say?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know, Rian.” I don’t move, and she shrugs again.
“I’ve been waiting for you.” Fox’s voice springs up from my left.
“You’ll have to wait a bit longer. I’m taking Willow to Margie.” I start to walk again, and Willow looks over her shoulder.
“He’s fine.” I reassure Willow.
Something must have happened. That is why Fox is waiting for me. I walk Willow over to Margie and I don’t get as much as a goodbye. She starts fixing pots that don’t need to be fixed.
“If you need me just ring,” I say.
“Okay,” Willow speaks to the pots, and I hesitantly leave her.
Fox is halfway down the market. I walk through a cloud of cigar smoke and nod at each salute I get.
“Which do you want first? The good news or the bad news?” Fox asks, falling into step beside me. Blitz is walking down the aisle towards us.
“I’ll take the good.”
I don’t think the good will really be good.
“We found Roger Smith.”
I pause and glance at Fox. “I thought I told you not to seek him out.”
“I didn’t. I was tipped off and I moved in.”
I stuff my hands in my pockets. My bandaged one still aches. I hadn’t noticed it the whole time I was with Willow, but she has a way of making me block out everything around me—except her.
Fox tilts his head as Blitz arrives.
Blitz grins at Fox. “Did he tell you what he did?”
“I’m in the process of telling him. If you could just give me a second.” Fox faces me. “He tried to run, so I shot him.”
“Is that the bad news?”
“Yes.” Relief swims in Fox’s eyes.
“What did you find out?”
Blitz sneers. “He was too trigger happy. The guy took two steps and Fox plugged him.” Blitz laughs.
“I overstepped; it won’t happen again.” Fox glares at Blitz.
“Who tipped you off?”
Fox stands straighter. “An informant that I gave his name to.”
Fox used street kids to gather information for him. He paid them pennies, but they were loyal to him. I nod.
“We will have to start over, won’t we?”
I start to walk and Blitz pushes up his glasses before falling into step beside me. “You want to hit this place again?”
“That wouldn’t be fruitful,” Fox answers for me as he tries to keep up. The faster we move, the worse his limp becomes. I grin at Blitz when he notices Fox’s struggle. I’m pissed that he went against me, but not pissed enough to do something about it.
We leave through the side door.
“The job we did last night went wrong.” I take a cigarette from Blitz and wait for the lighter, as he sparks his up.
He blows smoke into the air.
“He’s not dead; he’s in a coma.”
“Oh, Fuck!”
“A job?” Fox moves around us. Blitz offers him a cigarette, and he declines with a curl of his nose.
“It wasn’t work-related. It was personal,” I say to Fox, before stepping away from them both and looking out at the chain-link fence. I have that feeling of being watched. Parked just outside is a black car that I’ve seen around the house before. Someone is following me.
“That car is following me,” I say without looking away from it.
Blitz stands up beside me, and the car slowly pulls away. The blackout windows keep the driver hidden. I take another drag of the cigarette before crushing it under my boot. Glancing up at the sky, it’s cloudless, and nothing moves in my airspace.
“For how long?” Fox asks, stepping up beside us.
“A while,” I answer, turning to Blitz. “I need you to go to the hospital and make sure Chad doesn’t come out of the coma.”
“What do you want me to do? Pull the plug?”
I slap Blitz playfully on the face. “I don’t give a shit. Just make sure this time he’s dead.”
My mind hasn’t left Willow, and it should have. I had too much on my plate. The problem with the Rat Pack is it’s growing, and now our only lead is dead.
“The next time I tell you not to go after someone, you listen to me.” I don’t look at Fox as I speak to him.
“I won’t.” He doesn’t like being told what to
do. It’s not often I have to pull him up, but what he did was sloppy and out of character. I take another look at Fox.
“How long have we been friends?” I ask him.
He misses a beat in his footing before he finds his rhythm again. “Fifteen years. I punched you in the arm for taking my bike and you broke my nose.”
“It’s still crooked,” Blitz says, moving past us.
Blitz enters the building, and I’m ready to follow—only Fox stops me.
“Why do you ask?”
I look down at my friend. “I’m feeling sentimental today.”
Fox laughs as we enter the building. I haven’t been away from Willow long, but it already feels too long. The market is busier today. I see lots of new faces. Each one would have been cleared and noted at the gate. Anyone that came here, was kept permanently in a file.
He’s a genius.
“I didn’t see the drone out today.” I had checked the sky once I had seen the car.
“No, I had to have the camera replaced. It should be back up in the next hour.”
The gap in the front of his teeth, always makes him look younger than his actual forty-something years.
“When it’s back up, if you notice any cars loitering outside the fence line, especially when I’m here, will you make a note of it?”
“No problem.”
I leave Fredrick and continue down to Margie’s stall. The minute it comes into view, everything in me stills. Margie is there, but Willow isn’t.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
WILLOW
Bits of the green apple still cling to the side of the building. I’m staring at it like my secrets are falling on the ground for all to see. My legs are moving and I’m frantically picking the apple up off the ground. Emotions rise in me like a wave and I close my eyes, pushing my hands into the asphalt. The sharp, tiny stones dig into my palms, and I relish the pain.
Margie had offered me the apple and I stared at it, it was like she was the wicked queen offering me a poisoned piece of fruit.
The green apple sat on top of the red lunchbox. My mother was aware of it as she moved stiffly around the kitchen. She didn’t say anything, but she always watched for my reaction. It was his way of saying sorry without saying it. Once, green apples had been my favorite, but he had poisoned it. Ruined the once delicious fruit that I had enjoyed.